Chasing Dreams- Thd7 CHP42, PG 130, Link to THD8 & CHP43, PG143 - Page 32

Chapter 37

Khushi walked into the guest bedroom after her heated discussion with Arnav and unzipped her holdall bag. She removed a towel and took her toiletries bag from it. She walked into the en-suite shower room and discarded her clothes after which she stood under the shower. The cool water fell on her body bringing her some respite from the infamous Delhi heat. Although it did very little to wash away the utter feeling of helplessness she was experiencing at that moment in her life.

She replayed the conversation with Arnav as the cold water continued to pour. Abort the foetus Khushi.' The words continued ringing in her mind. She loved Arnav with all her heart, mind, body and soul, but for the first time she felt that her love and complete implicit faith on him wasn't reciprocated by Arnav. For the first time Khushi felt that this was no longer a relationship of equals.

She knew that he would not react well to the news, hell she was even prepared for him to pinpoint her carelessness. But what she wasn't prepared for were the harsh, callous words that pierced right through her heart. How could he say it?' She kept asking herself. She felt utterly disappointed and dejected of the man who meant everything to her.

After the shower she came outside wrapped in her bath towel. She started wearing her nightclothes. She had been feeling very warm recently so she opted to wear a spaghetti strapped vest with an inbuilt bra and a pyjama. As she dried her hair she was wondering what to do. She reminded herself what she told Arnav. Let him sleep over it. He will definitely be calmer and in a better state of mind tomorrow. This must have been a big shock to him.' Unknowingly she once again placed her faith on him.

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Sleep wasn't forthcoming. Khushi kept twisting and turning unable to find a comfortable spot. She wasn't sure if it was because of a relatively new mattress or because of the complete chaos her life had become.

Her thoughts were dominated by many unanswered questions.

What would Arnav say tomorrow?'

Would he still ask her to get rid off the baby?

Would he ask her to do as she pleased and also leave him altogether?'

Or would he begrudgingly accept to a wedding and to keep the baby?'

And most importantly what would she do in each of those circumstances?'

Khushi had always looked up to women who could fight the world for themselves. But truth to be told Khushi didn't feel very brave after the evening's discussion. Her courage was slowly slipping away, while she considered the prospect of a life without any of the support system she had grown up with. She had always been pampered and cared for all her life. She didn't know what it meant to live all on your own in the true sense of the word.

Would she be able to fight Arnav, fight her family, fight the society to keep the baby?

Would she be able to fight stigma surrounding an unwed single mother? Would her child be able to face the implications of the choices she makes?

And Suddenly the future seemed very bleak.

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Arnav's situation was no different. He poured himself a glass of Scotch whiskey, his favourite companion at times of distress and stood in his balcony. The news of the pregnancy was a big shock to him. He felt that he was reliving his worst nightmare once again. And what made it worse was that the situation could have, should have been avoided.But that was done now and it was time he moved past it and looked at the bigger picture.

He felt like kicking himself for using harsh words in his conversation with Khushi. It was completely uncharacteristic of him to do so. But subjects like marriages and children always brought out the worst in him. Yet, that wasn't an excuse for what he said, the sheer lack of sensitivity he showed towards Khushi's condition was pathetic. When the news could rattle even a man as old as him he could only imagine how difficult it must have been for Khushi. And to make her situation worse he said all those unpardonable things. He had to apologise to Khushi, but he had a strong inkling that this time his apology would not be accepted.

Then his thoughts went to Khushi's pregnancy and his opinion on that. Although he was remorseful for the words he had used, he was still sure about one thing- that he didn't want to tie himself to a marriage or children, even with Khushi. The very thought of those things made him restless and angry. He wasn't cut out to be either a husband or a father and he was not going to embrace it out of pressure of a mistake. Yes thats what he thought, the pregnancy was a mistake.

But at the same time, he didn't want to fathom what he would do if Khushi walked out on him and wanted to keep the baby.

Would he be heartless to let her suffer on her own?

Would he be happy with a child being labelled as bas***d due to his decisions?

He didn't have answers to those questions, yet.

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At around two in the morning Khushi woke up feeling hungry. The baby must be hungry.' She thought to herself with a small smile, for the first time since the morning at the farmhouse. She walked to the kitchen to make herself another sandwich when she saw Arnav heating up some food in the kitchen. Once she entered the kitchen, she rummaged through the fridge for some jam.

Arnav asked her softly, Do you want to eat some of the left-over that I'm heating up?' Arnav asked her.

Khushi examined his plate and saw egg burji.

No I'm fine. I have gone off eggs due to the pregnancy.' Khushi replied without offering him any eye-contact.

Is that why you threw up at the farmhouse?' Arnav tried to keep the dying conversation alive.

Yes.' Khushi said as she continued to make her sandwich.

After making the sandwich, Khushi started walking out of the kitchen. Arnav held her free hand and said, I'm sorry Khushi, I shouldn't have said those things earlier. I don't know what overcame me. I should have definitely reacted in a better way. Sorry.'

As much as Khushi wanted to believe that he was sincere in his apology, she had quite enough of his erratic behaviour recently. And there are certain things that can never be forgiven, what Arnav said was one of them.

She removed his hands and said, Arnav you have said what you wanted to say. I'm not interested in your apology. I'm only interested in what you have to say tomorrow about this pregnancy. So in your own words lets not deviate from the actual discussion.'

When Khushi had taken a few steps, she heard him say. See it is already happening.'

Khushi stopped and looked at him with a confused expression.

I have always told you that things like marriage and children would mess up our relationship, it would complicate what we have. And it is already happening.'

Khushi tightened her closed fist to stop herself from slapping some sense into him. Well you do have a choice to uncomplicated everything if you show a bit more flexibility. Good night Arnav, lets speak tomorrow morning.'

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Early next morning Khushi heard someone ringing the door bell constantly. She hadn't slept very well and hoped to sleep in a little late given that she had a day off work. She tried to put a pillow over her head to drown out the noises. But the ringing continued. She got up from her bed, deciding to give a piece of her mind to whoever was at the door. This was no way to harass people early in the morning. She was wondering why Arnav wasn't getting the door. She then assumed it was him at the door. He must have gone for an early morning run and would have forgotten his keys.' She cursed him, called him names and walked out of the bedroom still in her nightclothes. As she approached the lounge she was surprised to see Arnav getting to the door. Who is it Arnav?' she asked with a confused expression. Then when she realised she wast still in her nightwear she turned around to get back into her room to change while Arnav got the door.

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Arnav opened the door to find Khushi's parents Sashi and Garima at the door.

Is Khushi here?' Garima bit out as she tried to look past Arnav into his flat.

I'm sorry Garimaji, this is a bad time.' Arnav blabbered. He was normally very cool headed even in the most testing circumstances, but now he found himself completely clueless. Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, he was proved wrong.

Khushi heard her mother's voice and before she could even digest the sudden turn of events, she decided to make a run for her room, to change into something more suitable.

KHUSHI!' Garima screamed.

Let us in.' She screamed again at Arnav and tried to push him away, while Sashi tried to restrain his wife.

Arnav moved his hand to let Garima in.

Garima lets go inside and talk. And for Godsake stop screaming. Do you want more people to know about this?' Sashi asked his wife

I'm not the one creating tamasha Sashi, you should know that.'

Khushi,' Garima called her daughter again. Her voice making it amply clear how furious she was.

Amma just give me a minute. We can talk soon.' Khushi went into her room and changed quickly, While she wore a Tshirt through her head as she started crying again. Its seemed like the Gods had decided to put her life through the worst. Her life was crumbling all around her and she could do nothing. She had no one else to blame but herself.

She walked back slowly into the living room, not knowing what she should tell her parents, how she could explain all the lies and the deceit.

Would you like some tea?' Arnav asked as he really didn't know what to say.

You have some nerve Arnav. Standing here like this and asking us for tea. Dont you have any shame?' Garima snapped at Arnav.

Garima,' Sashi admonished his wife before things got out of hand.

Why do you expect me to be ashamed Garimaji?' Your daughter and I are both adults who love each other very dearly.'

When Khushi walked meekly into the living room, Garima got up from the couch and reached her. Garima held Khushi's shoulder and shook her. Is this how you repay your parents faith? How many have I asked about Arnav? You lied to me every single time. Dont you feel ashamed of staying with a man like this?' Garima's words made it obvious that she knew the extent of her relationship with Arnav. Khushi closed her eyes as tears spilled from her eyes.

I'm sorry Amma.'

How could you Khushi? How could you live with a man like this before marriage? Tell me.' Garima repeated her question, still finding it difficult to believe that her daughter of all people was with a man in every way possible without being married to him. The sheer disgust she felt when Manorama told her all about Arnav and Khushi's relationship. how they were living together, sleeping with each other and how Arnav would never get married to their daughter, returned with full force. After her chanced meeting with Manorama Garima came home, shared details of her conversation with Sashi and her mother in law. Sashi wasn't completely convinced. He never thought highly of women who indulged in such gossip, so he wanted to give his daughter a chance to explain herself. So tickets on the early morning flight were booked and a sudden trip planned to find out the truth

Arnav came in between Garima and Khushi. Enough Garimaji. Stop shaking Khushi like she is some rag doll.'

You! She pointed a finger at Arnav. You have some nerve. First you entice my daughter, live with her and you still have the nerve to even speak to me like this.'

As I said Garimaji Khushi and I are adults. This isn't a frivolous relationship. We are serious about each other. So please dont speak lowly of your own daughter like this. If it matters, let me tell you Khushi has been extremely upset and embarrassed that we have been hiding the truth from you. We were both planning on traveling to Lucknow soon to tell you everything. I'm sorry we kept you in the dark.'

Too little too late. Anyhow I'm not interested in speaking to man of a less character like you. Allow me to speak to my daughter. Who are you anyway? Garima snapped at him.

Sir, How did you find out?' Arnav addressed Sashi who seemed like a reasonable man.

Thats none of your business young man.' Sashi spoke finally. What matters is that the information we received is 100% true which has been proved by Khushi's presence in your flat early in the morning wearing her night clothes.' Sashi flinched at the implication of his last few words.

He then looked at Khushi and added, Do you know Khushi even when I heard about this, I wasn't willing to believe that my little girl would do something like this. I still wanted to give you the benefit of doubt. So we took a cab first to you flat and when we didn't find you there, we decided to look for you at this place. During the cab ride to this place I was fervently praying and hoping that I wouldn't find you here.'

He then turned to Arnav and spoke, Now don't ask me how I got your address, it wasn't that difficult to find it.'

Khushi held her father's hands, like she was holding to her last ray of hope lest her life was filled with darkness. Bauji, please let me explain. It isn't what you think it is.'

Then what is it Khushi? I see you walking out of this house early in the morning in your nightwear.

Khushi felt guilt and sheer embarrassment flooding through her veins.

Sir, please allow me a chance to explain.' Arnav spoke out of turn.

The time for explanations are long gone young man. While Khushi obviously still has some growing up to do. I'm wondering what a man who is as old as you, a man who is as world wise as you, was thinking while pursuing such a relationship with a young woman? Should you not know better? Or did you think she was an easy target as she comes from a place like Lucknow?'

Sir it is nothing like that. I respect Khushi a lot. Khushi and I have been in love for a while now. She has been my pillar of support since I met with an accident last year.'

Then what stopped Khushi from telling the truth? Just explain that to me.' Arnav didn't have any answers.

Sashi then looked at Khushi and said, Khushi have I ever made you feel that I was inapproachable? Then why the lies? Why this relationship? Dont you know that in our culture there is no place for such relationships?' And Sashi's eyes teared up for the first time.

He then removed his glasses and wiped his eyes with a handkerchief. My little girl is living with a man she isn't married to. What could be possibly worse than this?' His voice reflected his pain and helplessness.

Khushi approached her father again. I'm sorry Bauji, I should have come to you earlier. I wasn't thinking right'

No Khushi, the truth is that you have been very selfish and unmindful of your family's feelings when you decided to pursue such a relationship. Yesterday someone told us about you both. Tomorrow there will be ten more people who will get to know. In a few months our entire neighbourhood will be gossiping about this. And do you know what they will say?'

They will hold us responsible for not teaching you the right values. They will question our parenting skills. They will make you an example of everything that is wrong with our culture these days.'

Bauji please dont say that I will do anything to make up for my mistakes.'

You both can do one thing.' Sashi spoke.

If you are keen to seek our forgiveness I want you both to be married at the earliest. For all I care even today. This marriage can no longer wait.' Sashi declared.

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Khushi looked up to Arnav silently pleading with him to agree to the wedding, begging him that for once he should prioritise her issues over his. Although heart in heart she knew that he would not do it.

What do you think Arnav?' Sashi asked Arnav, as he was made aware of Arnav's deep-rooted issues with marriage.

Sorry Sir. I'm truly apologetic for the pain this whole thing has caused to you and Garimaji. But...'

Arnav didn't know how to say the remaining words, but it was better to say the truth instead of lying once more, a lie he could not keep up to. But, Khushi and I both know that there wont be a marriage.'

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I cant believe you gave up yourself for a man who promised you nothing Khushi. Do you know what people call women like that? Garima was inconsolable after listening to Arnav's words. That her daughter chose a man like him with her eyes open made it far worse. Arent you ashamed of yourself anymore Khushi?'

Sashi looked on without saying anything. He had heard enough. Arnav was very clear, he wouldn't get married to Khushi. But how could he blame Arnav when his own daughter had consented to this relationship.

Amma I'm sorry.' Khushi could offer no more explanations, the tears in her eyes had dried up. She had accepted that she couldn't undo the mistakes or make her parents believe in anything she had to say after Arnav had announced his decision.

No you aren't sorry. You have literally taken off our clothes and have left us in the nude in the middle of a street so that people could laugh and mock at us.' Khushi flinched at her mother's crude words.

Garima took a few steps away from Khushi to put some distance from her daughter.

You did exactly as you wished. You let the man seduce you and entice you into a no-strings relationship.'

Garimaji please stop.' Arnav could no longer be a part of this conversation as it was slipping away quickly.

Im not talking to you. You stay away from this.'

It took eleven years Khushi, eleven years for you to be born. You know how much we love you, how much we adore you. How could you do this to us?' Garima looked down dejectedly.

Sashi lets go, there is nothing more left of the daughter we loved so dearly. This city and this man have made the Khushi we know disappear. Instead of our daughter what we find now is a uncultured, selfish version of her who wouldn't think twice before hurting her parents.'

Amma...' Khushi begged again.

Enough! You listen to me now. You will never receive our forgiveness for what you have done. To us a daughter who goes around living with a man, sleeping with him without a marriage, a daughter who brings public humiliation of this kind to her parents, is as good as having no daughter at all. Dont even contact us again.' With that Garima and Sashi started walking towards the main door.

Khushi went chasing her parents. Please dont say that Amma. Bauji at least you tell Amma to change her mind.'

Sashi decided to remain silent. That her father; the man who always supported her, decided to not speak up for her, broke whatever remained of Khushi's spirit.

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Sashi struggled to walk away from his daughter who seemed heartbroken. But he had to do this if he wanted her to do the right thing. He didn't intend to disown her forever, but this was exactly the push she needed to either break all her ties with Arnav or force him into marrying her. He was doing this for her own betterment. He would never ever give up on his child.

"""""""""-

Once her parents left the flat Khushi turned around to walk into her room while furiously rubbing away the tears that threatened to fall again.

Khushi..' Arnav called her name tentatively.

When she hadn't responded he followed her and touched her hand.

Dont touch me.' She hissed. She then proceeded to dump all of her things into her holdall bag. She decided to not pack the gift Arnav had given her the day before.

Khushi lets talk about this, please.' He sought her hands again.

I said don't touch me. You and I have nothing more to speak. In the past two days you have demonstrated very clearly that the only person in this relationship is you. There is no place for me, my feeling, my dreams, my principles or my family in your life or in this sham of a relationship.'

Khushi lets talk about this with a cool head.'

How on earth do you expect me to have a cool head, when within a span of two days I have found that I'm pregnant and then my parents have disowned me. I want to be alone Arnav. Please.' The last word reflecting the fragile state of her mind.

Arnav took a few steps back to put some distance as he watched Khushi walking away. He found the jewellery box on the bed, which made it amply clear that things had reached a dead-end.

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Much later in the day Arnav was trying to find solace in alcohol. . He received a text from Khushi on his phone. It read,

Just like you wished, I will get rid off the baby or in your words, the foetus. Find a doctor- a good one, make an appointment and come and see the doctor with me. Lets finish the last thread that hold us together Arnav. And then we can go our separate ways.'

Arnav put his phone back on his pocket and then threw the glass he had been holding against a wall, shattering it into many many pieces.

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9w411W81CdY[/YOUTUBE]