That Restaurant Scene: The Director's Cut
As we all know, old movies are often re-released with what is known as a "Director's Cut". This is the director's preferred version since the versions that we usually see are those edited by the film company that pays for and releases the movie. So, here is the director's cut of that restaurant scene, as opposed to the Sun TV version that those in India saw last Wednesday and Thursday. This is an exclusive release to IF. Dasa's originals are in black. See insertions in blue for the uncut versions. Indhu with Priya in a restaurant. Priya in a saree better than what she wears normally! Indhu asks for menu and now enters ACD in dark goggles and a light pink shirt looking handsome. Indhu sees him and welcomes him. Priya keeps a gruff face.
ACD comes and asks Indhu you made such a big problem for everyone that day.
(ACD is so thankful that he had managed to check himself before committing a slip of the tongue. He had been on the verge of saying, "Indhu Kutty Satan, you have created such a big problem for me today by being present in this restaurant while Priya is dining here.") Now Indhu keeps telling ACD to sit but Priya keeps mum. Indhu tells Priya to ask ACD to be with them but Priya says what for I should call, you have already called him.
Even as her mouth utters this same old tune of irritation, Priya's heart beats to an entirely different tune. It is thumping wildly. Oh my God! He looks so coooooolll. I thought only women and gays wore pink but this guy looks so macho in pink. He is the quintessential alpha male! He has also changed to a more fetching pair of sunglasses, thanks to a suggestion made by some woman called "Bonheur". Wonder who she is; she'd better be old, fat, dark and ugly 'cos he's mine, mine, mine and mine alone!
Suddenly, Priya starts to get uncomfortable. "Damn! If only I had known he was going to be here, I would have put on some deodorant this morning," Priya curses herself. Now ACD takes a chair and sits there.
And now it's ACD's turn to notice Priya. Wow! She's got a new hair-do, thanks to a hairstylist from Malaysia known as Caryn the Barbaric. And, she looks so pretty in blue. But I wish those kissable lips would smile rather than pout ...
Indhu says she wants to ask him some questions. Priya says we have come here to eat and not asks questions. But Indhu insists and asks him if anyone does any crime, do you know what punishment he might get? ACD says I will try to answer the question.
Indhu says if a person steals some thing, what will happen--ACD says either prison term or fine or both.
At this juncture, ACD is wondering what punishment he would get if he steals a kiss from Priya. I suppose I'd get a tight slap from Priya if I do it in private, he thinks to himself. Ouch! Ouch! But if I do it in public, then I may face a law suit by a bunch of Indian Talibans, like Richard Gere did recently. Now the next question is what Indhu is asking for last 2 days--if a person does murder, what is the punishment for that? Priya is shocked and ACD is surprised.
Indhu repeats the question. What is the punishment that you give for a person who does murder. Priya says ellam indha Abhirami aala vandha vinai.
ACD now wonders, if I murder this Indhu Kutty Satan, can I plead mitigating circumstances to the judge, saying Indhu was depriving me of the right to be alone with my beloved Priya. Can I plead temporary insanity? Can I get away with manslaughter? I don't mind a long-term imprisonment for manslaughter. That would be better than the punishment Priya has inflicted on me; this cold turkey treatment from her is a punishment worse than hell. In prison, I can get home-cooked food instead of having to eat bad food at restaurants and getting food poisoning all the time. (Amma, this is all because of you. If only you and Appa hadn't abandoned me ...) Plus I don't have to suffer the torture of having to play badminton with that portly, slow-footed JC anymore. And IF readers won't be able to comment anymore on how well or badly I dress as there'd only be one outfit I could possibly wear in prison.
ACD tells Indhu that even we don't know the right answers for such questions and he says don't ask such difficult questions and don't expect answers for that. (Looks like ACD goofed off during criminal law classes.) He says what you hear and what you see may turn out to be false and you should rather use your intelligence to get the facts correct.
Indhu asks, "AC Uncle, what short of "intelligence" are you referring to? The type that George Bush armtwisted the CIA to produce to back his claim that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction? Or the type that George Bush doesn't possess at all? "Oh, what an intelligent girl you are! You are fit to be the president of the USA." ACD praises her amidst laughter. He changes her mind by asking to order some item from the menu.
Indhu, I know you want an ice cream sandwich. What do you want, Priya? "I want Durai," replies Priya, who had been singing a duet with ACD while cruising along the River Nile. In her daydream, of course.
"You want what??" ACD curses himself for not having cleaned his ears properly in the morning. "Did I hear her say 'Durai'? She couldn't have. She hates me. My ears must be clogged with wax."
Priya's face reddens as she realizes her gaffe and she quickly corrects herself. "I said I want dosai."
"Hmmm," ACD thinks to himself. "How could I have confused dosai and durai?"
As they sit and wait for their order, Durai begins to feel Priya's presence close to him. He had never sat in such close proximity to her before. Certainly not since their engagement was scrapped.
Suddenly, Priya's face turns white and she starts to get incoherent. Looking towards ACD, she stutters, "Cockr ... cockr .... rrrr ....rrrr cockr... rrr ... cock ...!"
"What is it Priya? Priya signals ACD to look to her left, where a tiny black cockroach has just landed and is comfortably sharing the seat with her. She is perspiring profusely and looking pathetically at ACD.
Our hero rises to her rescue. Capitalising on the golden opportunity to get up close and personal, he pulls her away from her seat, slips his arm around her waist and draws her towards himself. Priya is only too glad to cling on to him tightly. Still holding Priya in one hand, ACD now flicks his hair with the other hand and then with panache pulls out his revolver from his jeans pocket. He aims the revolver carefully at the cockroach and stares at it for exactly 60 seconds.
That famous "Jaipadhu Nijam" tune now begins to play in the background. ACD pulls the trigger decisively and with a single bullet dispatches the tiny little creature from the face of this earth once and for all.
Finally, ACD has done a deed he has rarely done as a police officer. He has successfully executed a mission. A mission that JC would be so proud of.
"It's over, Priya. You are saved," says ACD. Whereupon, Priya sobs uncontrollably and says, "Oh my saviour, my darling. I love you. Will you forgive me?"
Edited by Bonheur - 18 years ago
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
Arjun
