Kuch Kuch Hota Hai- A Fictional OS

"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.

"Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand.

"I just wanted to be sure of you."

-A. A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

"Why do we have to go to these people's house again?" a thirteen-year-old Humeira

whined for the umpteenth time that morning. It was the second day of Eid, and the

Siddiquis, consisting of Mr Ghaffur and his lovely wife Fareeda, and their three

children, 18 year-old Sameera, sixteen years old Zaroon; and the not so little princess,

Humeira, are on their way somewhere.

Mr Siddiqui has recently managed to track an old family friend, of whom he has lost

contact with after his marriage to Fareeda and has been reacquainted with said friend

via a telephone conversation. Today, he's decided to bring his family over to his

friend's house for a proper reunion.

"One more time. One more time I hear you asking this, there won't be any holiday.

Do you hear me? Not for you. Not for anyone else, we're going straight home.

Understand?"

"But-"

"But Bhaijaan, it's almost noon and we're not even at this person's home yet, and once we get there, you know how Abbu is! He gets carried away. What if everybody else starts having fun at the beach and all and we miss all of that? Argh! It's so unfair!"

...

"Assalamualaikum, Khan Sahab"

"Waalaikummussalam. Aiye aiye Siddiqui Sahab, aiye. Tashreef rakhiye. Aap hi ka raah dekh raha hoon mein kabse. Waise main aapse naraaz hoon. Bahot dher kardi aane mein. Yeh kya? Bhabhi-ji, you tell me, is this right? How can a friend be so cruel. He got reacquainted with me for over three months as it is, and only now, only now he sees it fit to come see me. I'm holding grudge."

...

"But Abbu we only went there last Eid, again we have to meet them? Is this going to be an every year thing?"

"Nothing like that Sameera-jaan, you know how busy Abbu is. And your Uncle Rashid too. This is the only time we ever get to see each other and catch up. And besides, your Ammi seems to be quite taken by Aunty Dilshad."

"She's a very charming lady I must admit. Like us, they too have three children- two girls and one boy, also middle child, like Zaroon. Too bad the boy and the younger girl were not around. Didn't get a chance to meet them. Anyway, I like the other daughter. She's a doctor, but so humble. Ver humble. What's her name, Sameera? The older one.

"I don't know, Ammi."

Nobody seemed to know.

"Nikhat. Her name is Nikhat,"

"How do you know, Humi? No one else knows."

"Bhaji, I just happened to remember, okay. Besides, I like her too! Ammi, she's so nice! I want to be a doctor too. Just like her."

"Chashmish, whatever happened to, I want to be an Astronaut'? Now, doctor? What do you really want to be?"

"Bhaijaan! That was supposed to be our secret!"

"Ask her Zaroon. Please, do your Abbu a favour and ask her. Every other day she's changing her answer. Such a fickle-minded person she is."

"Really Humi? An astronaut? That was your big secret? Huh! Give me a break. You can't even look at the stars without your glasses. What sort of an astronaut will you be?"

"A terrible one, that is!"

"Ji! Sameera! Stop it! Stop giving her a hard time. Barely fourteen and already you guys are discouraging her. Motivation dene toh door ki baat hai, making fun of her? What is this? And you, Zaroon?"

"Me, Ammi? What did I do?"

"Nothing. Just be quiet everybody. We going to Rashid miya's house and I want

everybody to behave. Especially you, Ji! My children are Masha Allah, well-

mannered. But you? Koi khair nahin. Please, we have to meet the rest too, try not to

get too carried away and forget everything else. These kids made plans with their

cousins, and I too don't want to be late. As it is, we'd be the last to be there. So

please. No dilly dally. Okay? I said okay, everybody?"

"Yes Ammi"

"Yes Boss!"

...

"Finally we got to see the son. My God. He looks just like his father, if not better

looking!"

"Yeah, I observed he was busy, didn't take as much as a glance at us! I mean, only at

the end when Uncle Rashid introduced us that he came forward."

"Well it is Eid, and there were a lot of other people there. He's just doing his part as the host. And then that shoe thing? That was nice of him."

know Abbu and his habits of removing his shoes outside. One nice thing he does and

he's an angel? Please."

"You don't like him so much, do you? Um, I did overhear Ammi and Abbu talking..."

"About what?"

"Um nothing. That's okay. Forget it."

"Spill!"

"Really, it's nothing."

"Humi. Spill."

"Well... Ammi really likes him. And after the whole shoe thing Abbu was quite

impressed too."

"So?"

"Well...they are hoping that he might take an interest in you, and maybe Uncle Rashid

and Aunty Dilshad would too, and then, you know, ask your hand in marriage."

"What? Oh my God! What is wrong with them? First of all, no, he's not good-looking.

And two, definitely not my taste. And three. Look at him. He's dark. And I most

definitely do not like dark men. And besides, I'm only 21, why are they rushing into

this?"

"He and I have the same skin colour."

"Yeah, well, you can have him then."

"What? No, that's not what I meant. I mean you would actually pick a man based on his skin tone?" How shallow, Humeira thought.

"Yeah, of course I will. I want somebody fair. Like me. I mean, please, don't be offended Humi. That's just my choice for a man. I mean, it's my life, so it has to be my choice."

...

"Are you sure, Ammi? I mean she could just be a friend," Humeira whispered to her

Ammi, surprised.

"No, she's not. Of that I'm sure. Just look at them. So close. And she's been here for quite some time now, and he's with her the whole time. Yeah, she's his girlfriend."

"Wow, Ammi, a gori as a girlfriend? Huh, Sameera Bhaji, take that!"

believe she's like this. Look at him. He's obviously a catch. Even goris want him."

"Well, I guess, it's good then that Bhaji has no idea what she's missing."

"Huh. That's where you're wrong. She knows exactly!"

"Then why all the nakhres?"

"He didn't as much as look at her the first time we all met two years ago. I mean

Sameera Siddiqui in the house and he was more interested in-"

"SHOES!"

"Exactly! So all this nakhres, as you put it, is just her big fat ego!"

"Wow, Ammi, you're a genius! Now that I think about it, she did say something along

those line. You know, the whole, he didn't bother acknowledging us' bla bla. Hmmm."

this means? Our dream from all these years! Allah ne hamare dua qubool karli. Ya

Malik, tera lakh lakh shukar hai. Fareeda, I'm so happy I can't even begin to tell

you."

"How do I bring myself to even talk to her Humeira? She came to me asking about

Sameera. I didn't even hint it at them that we were interested or anything. They came to us. And she even asked me if Sameera is seeing anyone, and I told her,

'Not that I know of.' Now they are expecting an answer. Humi, kya karoon?"

"Ammi. Main jake baat karoon?"

"Oh, my darling sweetheart! Ammi ke liye tum baat karenge? That's why I love you

so much. But nahin beta. This is something your father and I will have to do. Anyway

your father said he would talk to Rashid miyan, and just say that Sameera is seeing

someone and we'll just leave it at that. After all, Dilshad only said she wanted to

introduce her son to Sameera, that's not even an exact proposal."

"Ammi, that was two years ago. We had to miss Eid at their home last year due to that flood. And there wasn't any meeting in between, just Abbu's occasional phone calls with Uncle Rashid. I'm quite sure Abbu won't do this Ammi, you might have to do it, you know how Abbu gets. I mean we're going there tomorrow, I highly doubt Abbu is prepared to talk about Bhaji having a boyfriend."

"I tell you, I don't trust this Aslam fella, Must have done something to your sister for her to act this way."

Humeira,couldn't take it anymore, saw her plate of sweets, dumped everything in her mouth, took a gulp of water, and swallowed. She took a deep breath, smiled at no one in particular, picked her now empty plate, and got up from the dining table. And quietly made her way to the kitchen. And then quickly washed her plate, all the time thinking, poor Aunty Dilshad, she actually made sure her son was home. Dayum!

She turned back only to bump into someone.

"It's okay, you can leave your plate-"

"Too late, all done." Humeira smiled, palms up, showing her empty hands.

"Oh, you beat me to it!"

Humeira couldn't help the chuckle.

"C'mon, let's go out."

"Yeah.."

Just then-

"Okay, Rashid Sahab, we shall take your leave now."

"Arre Bhabhiji, what's the hurry? Kuch aur chai toh pee lo. Dilshad?" Rashid looked

at his wife.

"Ji, look at Humeira..-"

Huh, what did I do, thought Humeira.

"...kabse time hi dekh rahi thi. Her cousins are waiting for her. Poor girl have to sit

with us old people."

"Lekin Dilshad-"

"Dilshad Bi, is right, it is quite late, and so many calls have come, kyun Humi beti?"

"Er..yeah. Yeah. But please, not on my account. I'm fine here." Three set of eyes on

her. "Er, I mean, hehe, uh, with classes and all, such luxury is not always, you know,

um available." What? Oh God, please just get me out of here. Humeira, couldn't take it

any longer.

"Classes?"

"Yeah, Nikhat Bhaji! Classes." Humeira let out yet another fake giggle.

"You know Asad, this one is studying to be a lawyer."

"Hm. So I've heard. So... enjoying yourself, Miss lawyer?"

"Miss lawyer? HUH. Okay... I mean, it's okay. I mean, I have my moments."

A shrilling phone ring disturbed their almost conversation.

"Uh, it's Nuzzhat...my cousin.." Humeira said to no one particular, "I'm really sorry I

have to take this. Been dodging her calls for the past couple of hours."

there were rows and rows of the invitation basket? The ones they wrapped

oh-so-beautifully, with all those other items. Like a saugaat tray. We should totally do

something like that for Sameera Bhaji's wedding. Just imagine the look on

everybody's face! Especially Khala Haseena! That would be such a treat!"

"Why would I want to spend good money on all that. What has she done that would make me want to give her the best. But you're right. The baskets are very nice. Hmm. Maybe to just immediate family members. That way you can see your Khala Haseena's face. I have no idea how I am even related to her. So much jealousy and greed."

"I know, I know, and now her wedding, so many things to be done. I see if she lifts a finger to do anything. By the way, would Akram look good in that kind of kurta Ranbir Kapoor had on? What song was that. The girlfriend wali something."

"Dilli wali girlfriend?"

"Haan, wohi."

"Okay, I guess. Just don't expect him to look as good as Ranbir. Or his friend. Did you realise, the friend is that guy from the Tum Hi Ho song movie. Wait, Dilli wali Girlfriend, is that also your favourite song from the movie?"

"Uh, Bhaijaan-"

"It is. She said so herself."

"What, marrying the guy? Well, if that happens, then you get to choose to be from the

ladke walon or ladki wali. And maybe, being the darling baby you are, they might

even ask you to be their flower girl."

Let's not go there. Let's not.

...

"Ammi, 37 minutes, with slight traffic, 23 minutes with no traffic, and up to an hour

and a half with heavy traffic."

"Make sure you have a full tank of petrol. Can last you for the week. By the way,

have you spoken to your head of department? Don't you get parking benefits as well.

I mean, they should definitely provide free parking."

"Yeah, well, I am happy taking the bus, but you guys insist that I should drive to work,

so these are simply the things I have to put up with. By the way, who's card is this?

Such fancy cover! To Mr and Mrs Siddiqui and Family. Let me just open it up...We

respectfully request the honour of your benign presence and blessings on the Nikah

Ceremony-"

"Yeah, that came this morning. It's Rashid Sahab's son. And, no, it's not Tannu."

"-of Asad Ahmed Khan and Zoya Farooqi."

"Nice name, haina? Zoya. Well, I bet she's a gem of a person. Asad is."

"I guess he finally found himself his shareek-e-hayat..."

The end.