PhatPhatiya Post - Aurath Ki Chot

So that was that.

The friday mayhem for adoption ended with a deep cut on Moonchiya's stubbly cheek, a full body rubbing and little else. The adoption issue was dropped faster than the Lokpal bill in the assembly. Paro is no Kejriwal in winter monkey cap, rather she is the Joan of Arc of good intentions gone terribly bad. But first, Paro figures this is a good time to give the man a LAPE dance and a good massage - no other explanation for the big bowl of turmeric bhajiya batter for a micromillimeter wound.

Moonchiya does a full body scrub down on Paro. Their eyes meet and thunder claps for additional effect. The chorus goes AAA with a nice Dhol music and we know another step towards consumashuns is done. I pause, rewind and watch again. I rewind and watch again to see exactly how many body parts touched, and how many ways hands were held and how many seconds eyes met. I have completed a full book on this rub down soon to be published on Amazon - its called "Juju & Jallad - Part by Part Party". Or you can read the 1001 analysis posts, screenshots on India Forums today on the logistics and dynamics of the blink and you miss Rubba-dub-dub.

Moonchiya warns Paro to stay out of Sas-Bahu nonsense and focus on their love-hate story full of future consumashuns. He tells her that the next time she has the irresistible itch to Lape dance, she should warn him so he can be better prepared.

Paro thanks him for taking the slap to his face to protect her porcelain skin. She adds that she really could have managed with out his help, especially if she had the Lancome Skin-Even cream that would have worked wonders on scars. Moonchiya quickly loses interest in that train of conversation and asks her to focus back on eye to eye locks, and grabs her wrist one more time for effect. She leaves reminding him that should it hurt, he can do khud khushi but he should not scream or moan, instead he should yell "madhumakhi" to not raise any suspicions.

Goldie downs her than ke laddoos and goes to bed without brushing. Paro of course has no makeup remover or nightie, so she sleeps in full costume. Moonchiya's kurtha buttons are missing.(courtesy of over-eager Laila) so he takes off his shirt but we don't get to see that because we've been bad kitties as we've not been ReTweeting @Rangrasiya's million questions and answer tweets with #ColorsOfLove. We only want to see one Color of love - and its not the one between KCM and Mythili. Sumer is willing to go shirtless but no one is interested.

Dilsher's glee knows no bounds - his retirement Roti is guaranteed. He wants to go for the "Hansee tho Phansee" movie and shake it like Shammi. However, KakiCumMasi(KCM) decides she must resort to good old villainy by engaging in a war of words with the Ranawat men. The Mazdoors watch bewildered, wondering whether to eat the laddoos or run for nearest shelter because the last time they let loose, KCM had laced the laddoos with HawaBaan Harday Hajmay Ka Chooran (laxative). KCM knows the facial wound is nothing, a real Aurath Ki Chot goes straight to where it hurts the most - below the Pajama Nada.

everything goes waste:

- so much haldi for that cut... was she planning a haldi facial?? would have loved that though

- KCMs slap... everyone forgot the drama... but we got eye-lock and body-lock-sax... and what a stunt paro... she just flew like a feather

- No there is no hope for consumashun between DIL and Samrat... everyone is ignoring eachother... KCM is sure kabab me haddi...

- no one eats thier meals properly... there is always drama in that house...

- even those laddos goldie is having... so many for dessert really???

- Dilly boy wastes laddo now and Sumer wastes another one by putting his saliva in one

- tomorrow chai going waste again... and ofcourse cups... i guess they have too many cups to destroy

There is so much eves dropping in this show... and to help that people don't close doors when they have conversations... Dilly boy thinking I can't even he happy for a few seconds about my fake bahu lecturing my son about how wrong he is... KCM dammit!! atleast I am the only one who eats at meal time...

he is thinking more like 4 din, hum out & in, out & in, out & in.

Bahuth na insaafi hai

Yes, adoption bill obvio had a no confidence vote. Then Ruddy and Paro decided to take it upon themselves and use that good 'ol haldi aphrodisiac- the one that comes before the first, official consumashun post marriage. I have been wondering- WHAT is that pale yellow condensed-milk like thing? Has anyone ground real haldi and tried to wash it off for DAYS on end?

And about NB's "char din, Paro in" scheme: THIS was their haldi ceremony. Remember all the deceptive clouds of shaadi rasams in our ex-lover show? It's happening again.

Don't you think the hand-held shots were the ULTIMATE attempt at OTT drama? Did it work for you? Did it capture the essence, and passion, and emoshun?

Ab aise din aa gayye that the Jallad has to go- Heylo! Jallad, here. You're supposed to hate me SexyKamariya!

But I like this Paro. Confident before husband killer, but afraid of said killer in dreams.

Was that door to Consummashun-centre open for the benefit of Dilly boy? Creepy.

And to add to your Juju & Jallad Party book: can Paro not hear? ALWAYS looking for an excuse to touch her. Even to stop her from leaving when there is NO need to pull her back.

@ColorsTV, I currently see colourful mausam between Dilly and KCM. Will you throw some light on why that scene was there?

A serious question: Ruddy managed to save Paro from the physical thappad. But what about all the symbolic violence on the show? Every time he tells her to shut up, go the eff-ing out, intimidates her- is that acceptable? The verbal diarrhoea that KCM subjects everyone to? The fact that he said that she deserved the slap? Double standards? Or is it me thinking too much. Probably due to the feminism lectures I take. It's messing up with my ability to tolerate this.

But I will watch it. Desh ke liye. Mitti ke liye. KCM ke stinging-but-😆 dialogues ke liye.

Bye!

Trying out a new trick. Will tell tomorrow if it works.

Madhumakkhi, madhumakkhi, madhumakkhi, madhumakkhi, madhumakkhi, madhu...

bwhahahaha, Rahul Gandhi ne lagayi subki waat

And the Pilot thought he would get asylum because he hijacked a plane!!

And Obamacare was really what Michelle wanted but she got Nobama

And Mallika Sherawat gets invited to Oxford union where she will debate on the merits of Cleavage, and French Kiss as ways for Women's liberation.

What a world we live in.