It feels so good to hear about him and what all he did for me. Still I can't believe he went the extent of asking his subjects to pray for me. He was the one who said will not like to see my face even at deathbed and he was the one soaking his cheeks with unstoppable tears, god how could you make him cry, why no one consoled him and not even Ammijan? He sat with me alone by abandoning every single soul from the proximity when even the Hakim Sahiba lifted her hands in dismay. He helped me to get me the confidence and love towards LIVING and took care of me till I open my eyes. What did he do that made me decide otherwise, if my subconscious had decided to let me free from my body? Why don't I remember anything?
I vaguely feel that some guardian angel was talking some sweet words in my ears, though I could not distinguish them, the angel was mentioning of me being loved, cared and adored by it, but why can't I recall its identity? The angel even said that if I go baring him, then I will not be allowed inside the heaven as my duty would not have been completed. About which duty he was talking when I had fulfilled all my duties. As a princess by marrying for my state, as daughter to uphold my father's choice, as a daughter in law by loving my MIL, as a queen by taking care of the subjects and as a wife also I had completed my duty by drinking that poison and saved my husband. Why am I feeling restless to learn more about Shehenshah and what all he did for me? What is this new thing happening to me, why am I feeling hot just by remembering him, why can't I ask Moti more openly to talk about him. Why did Salima Begum felt so happy that Jalal was concerned for me? Is it really true that I have started considering Jalal as a person very close to my heart? If so what is that closeness called as? Is Moti telling me the truth that I have started loving Shehenshah? Even Salima Begum says, I did all those things and all my worries for Jalal were my Love? DO I really love him? But how is that possible also. How can I love that person who has only hatred for me? Who doesn't even want to see me even when I die? Can any husband say those words to his wife? Then why did Shehenshah said all those words to me? Don't I mean anything to him?
Despite hating me, why did Shehenshah prayed for me? Why he asked the Praja to pray for me and why did he wept for me? Should I consider that even he started feeling for me and want me to live with him? NO Jodha, don't start building the castle in the air, he muct have done all that as a repayment for saving his life. All your dreams will collapse like the sand castle when the waves hit the coast. Just wait, he will taunt you in your next meeting saying, Jodha begum, you just drank a bowl of poison to save me and I fought with God to save you and also stayed with you for the entire period.
No, he is not that hard, I know he has an heart which beats for his loved ones and if there were tears in his eyes, then I am also one among his beloved ones. Why am I worrying so much, I will ask him when he comes to meet me to check about my health? But will he come? What if he doesn't come, now that I am out of danger? Will he be able to stay back, without checking on me? May be, otherwise, would he have accepted to marry that Benazir? What did he find in her which he didn't find in any of his Harrem ladies? She did not even look respectable and how could he ask her to go close to him. If I had my way, I would have dragged her out of the court and pushed her out, but being a Rajvanshi and Mughal Begum, I could not forget my status also.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
