Can Abeer be a good husband ? Share your views

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@.SSSS.

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#11

Couldn't agree more with @mallika

I just want to mention one more thing.

@cool_kriti
Guys grow with age... As time flies by he will take up his responsibilities..

^^ You mentioned this, okay...How old is he? I guess he is in his late twenties.or might be in his early thirties I don't know exactly... but he isn't any teenager to behave all immature( His behavior isn't little immature, like you said.. it wouldn't have bothered me much if it is just a little. ).. and in fact I've to say.. these days I'm seeing seventeen and eighteen year guys are behaving far better than how Abeer is behaving...

I don't think he would be justified much from the fact because of his rich back ground and ATM father so he was spoiled..

I personally know that some of my classmates are from very rich background and have ATM fathers who doesn't have time to spend with them. but they're already planning about their future.. and they know that they've to think about marriage only after becoming independent.. But Abeer who even before becoming independent married a girl and brought her to his house where he was still depending on his Dad ... What's the hurry to marry? I'm not supporting either Meher at that situation...

Today, after 8 years .. has he really grow up? No! .. I can say without any doubt..

How much more time/ age he needs to grow up.. Another 8 years? any way by that time Ishaan also will grow up.. 🤪

Edited by .SSSS. - 9 years ago

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malikakas

@malikakas

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

#12

@cool Kriti..

I wholeheartedly agree Meher marrying Akshat is wrong. But that's not because there is anything wrong with Akshat. Akshat could be absolutely perfect and it would still be wrong. Its because Meher is doing it for insincere reasons other than a genuine desire to make a life with Akshat. And more than anything she is doing wrong to Akshat. So I can't respect her there.

But Abeer still does not have the right to control Meher. That way any stalker can say I know she really loves me deep down. Have you watched sleeping with the enemy? The wife loved her husband too-- but he didn't have a right to control her.

Abeer doesn't actually know what is going on in Meher's mind. Even if she loves Abeer -- she has right to autonomy. She has a right to choice.

And irrespective of what Meher feels for Abeer, he does not know what Meher really feels for Akshat. People do have great loves that for whatever reason don't work out and move on to have happy lives with people they are more compatible with. Meher is far more compatible with Akshat. You can love more than one person in your life.

Abeer trying to make Akshat the bad guy is incredibly frustrating. Akshat is not perfect but he has a lot of good qualities that Abeer is discounting. Its not easy to be a father to someone else's kid. Its not easy to stand by patiently waiting for the woman you love for 8 years without putting pressure on her. Supporting her in her career. Picking up her kid from school. I don't think Abeer could've done that so I don't think its fair for Abeer to waltz in and say he is the better man and is owed a second chance.

Using Alia was appendix's plan-- but doesn't Abeer have a brain and a sense of morality? At least he should've told Alia the truth and asked her if she was okay being used like this. If he is still so influenceable then honestly he is not ready to be a parent.

You say Abeer was genuinely trying to be friends with Akshat? How does Akshat actually know that after Abeer used his car as a washroom?Akshat is not a mind reader. Akshat is grey. What i like about the character is that he is showing Abeer what its like to be on the receiving end of the kinds of things he does to other people.

This is the biggest problem with Abeer's attitude. He does crappy stuff but he expects the whole world to excuse it since deep down he has a good heart. He throws people in water but when he wants to be friends he expects them to be friends. But never stops doing crappy stuff.

Real life doesn't work like that. You do crappy stuff, people are going to think you are a crappy person. Why does Bua hate Abeer-- because he does stupid things like kidnap her -- why should she give him the benefit of the doubt automatically? Why can't he change first?

The difference with Abeer and Akshat is reliability and patience. And that's something Abeer needs to learn. Even today Akshat fought with Meher. But he didn't fly off he handle. He stated his problem, heard her side of things and together they tried to find a solution. Actually it was quite healthy. There was no name calling and storming out the door.

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malikakas

@malikakas

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

#13

@ sharoon3210

The fact is Meher told Abeer she didn't have time for love because her responsibilities were a priority for her. Abeer told her it didn't matter to him and that he will help her in fullfilling her responsibilities. He sat on his knees promising to look after Meher while she was looking after her responsibilities. Meher would never have married him if she knew that she would have to sacrifice her goals for to Abeer romance was a priority. Her priority were not his priorities -- so no he did not put her first. They were barely a month into their marriage couldn't Abeer allow Meher to settle her career first? He knew how much financial pressure her family was under because of the wedding.

And Meher didn't give tayji's side all the time. She left her MIL's at the temple to make Abeer happy. She tried to balance it. As for the honeymoon thing -- don't you think Abeer was very selfish? He knows tayji was upset about missing the wedding. How could he be so selfish to go on a honeymoon when he knows its disrespectful to tayji's beliefs especially after eloping? If you can't even respect the sentiments of the woman that raised you-- what kind of person are you?

Also, Tayji blamed Meher for Abeer leaving work early, Abeer knew full well that his actions reflect badly on Meher, yet he chose to continue to live an irresponsible lifestyle. Romance can wait-- first settle your careers. Where did they show me Abeer spent one day working on his career.

I don't see why Devki gets hate. She sacrificed her personal comforts to give Meher a good life despite Meher not being her own child. If she testified against tayaji its because she is good person who believes in justice. What if that fruit vendor was your loved one? Would you not want her to testify? If tayji took revenge for something that her husband did wrong then that's tayji's fault. Not hers. Devki had nothing to do with Meher's divorce. KM sent the papers, Meher chose to sign them. Devki did not tell her to sign them. So what if she sent an alimony notice any good lawyer would advise the same. If Devki hates Abeer its because she can't understand how someone can be so irresponsible to his wife and unborn child. Abeer thought Meher was pregnant and he ran. Abeer mistakenly thought Bua had a hand in their divorce for years so he treated her badly. Of course Bua is going to hate Abeer. Why does Abeer have the right to kidnap bua?

If Nissar, Tayji, KM and now Akshat and Appendix all have the power to manipulate Abeer its because Abeer does not take ownership over his actions. It doesn't matter who manipulates you -- you are responsible for how you choose to behave. Nissar gave him the alcohol but Abeer chose to drink knowing he had somewhere to go. Akshat gave him alcohol but Abeer chose to drink knowing he had somewhere to go. Neither of them spiked his drinks.

Yeah Abeer didn't know Tunnu was going to do that-- but that's my point. None of us know how the future is going to play. But it is our duty to be cautious. To look at the pros and cons of each action. Think in the long term not just for short term fun. If Suman and Meher say no to Tunnu-- there is a reason. Why doesn't he ask the reason before he goes against them? Why does Abeer think he is exempt from normal rules? You are asking Meher to look into Tunnu's whereabouts-- but Meher doesn't know Abeer has given him money?

Abeer has a good heart but he has never been forced to face the consequences for his behaviour. Which has made him arrogant that he can do no wrong and everyone should automatically give him the benefit of the doubt. In fact that is one place I think Meher went wrong in the marriage is not being harsher with him when he was acting inappropriately. She forgave him every time he walked out too easily. The first time he left her -- she should've told him from the start I am not going to tolerate that again.

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IntrovertedDame

@IntrovertedDame

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 9 years ago

#14

Okay, it seems to me that I am late to the party, but I still want to contribute:)

My apologies in advance, because my opinions might not be in consonance with that of many. I can count on some to back me up, like Malika and SSS, though;)

In my humble opinion, Abeer is not perfect husband material at all.

1. He made a promise to Meher about helping her fulfill her responsibilities. But clearly, he couldn't live up to it. His promises were empty words. When the time came to man up and take charge, all he wanted to do was have fun and neglect his duties, as an individual and a husband.

2. He is clearly too impulsive and doesn't think before he acts. Certainly, this is a character flaw, and no one is perfect. But what irks me is that his approach towards Meher, relationships, and life in general continues to be impulsive, even 8 years later. It does not seem to me that he has learnt anything from his past mistakes.🥱 He continues to do things on the spur of the moment, like informing the viewers about getting together with Meher on TV, without her consent, mind you.

3. Now this might again be an unpopular opinion- but love, in my opinion, does not justify everything. Clearly his feelings for Meher are deep-rooted and profound, not debating that at all.😊 But in my opinion, too many things get a free pass in the name of "love". Specifically, you don't have the right to hurt people in the name of love and make apologies for it later.

But if she is yet not comfortable with getting back together, that's that. A woman's consent matters. Her opinion matters. Her "No" matters. And if she, an adult woman, deems it unfit to pursue any relations with you at that time, the least he could do was be patient and wait.

4. About the whole Akshat thing, I am getting that he's not as straightforward as Abeer. But objectively speaking, he was there for her for 8 years. I would blame Meher more for pulling him along and giving him false hopes. I don't like Akshat, but I would imagine no one, a man or a woman, would like to be friend-zoned and asked to wait for perpetuity when a person you like gives you mixed signals about their feelings.

5. People here have expressed their opinion that Abeer's rich background has contributed to his sense of entitlement and lack of awareness about some issues. Well, that made sense eight years ago. But what now? Clearly the guy's in his 30's. He's had time.

6. Again, this is just me, but if my husband kicked me to the curb after finding out I was pregnant and refused to take responsibility for our child, deeming it as a onerous burden, I would show him the middle finger and walk out. And I can't imagine how any woman can put up with a traumatic incident like that, and trust her husband with being a good father to her child, ever again.

My post on the onset might seem like a very biased one. It might even portray me as an Abeer hater.

But trust me. I am not.😊

I have made the post as objectively as possible, keeping in mind the fictional situations portrayed and some realities I have seen women dealing with in life. And this has compounded my opinion that men like Abeer can't be good husbands at all.😳

There are guys like him who are charmers, very passionate, who'll sweep you off your feet. Your relationship will be full of frissons of energy, as you fluctuate between extremes. loving intensely one moment, and fighting bitterly the next. But you eventually realize that when it comes to making real-life choices, hard decisions-such guys aren't a help at all.🥱

And then they're those guys- sedate, a little silent, perhaps even a little boring. But if you two hit it off, and find a good wavelength- and you feel that he's a kind and compassionate man, who's aware of your feelings, who respects your choices and your identity- I have no qualms in saying that I'd choose the stable, sedate one over the exciting, passionate lover :)

But then again, this is a fictional show, and Abeer is the hero. So this post need not be made at all. Abeer is Meher's and vice-versa. There's no two ways about it! It's good to have men like Abeer in fiction though, coz in real life, I am more likely to choose someone like Akshat.😃

Edited by -Amri- - 9 years ago

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zainab khan

@zainab_sweety

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#15

good post dear 😃

yeah abeer can be a good husband... 8 yrs ago he was just 22 yr old he was immature he was enjoying his life which has no tensions. if we see in real life also girls become mature fast but boys they take time to grow up, nd boys like abeer who has a luxurious life they think , they need to just enjoy the life becoz they have everything so they just start living their lfe like a child.

but now after 8 yrs he has become little responsible.. he act childish but when there is any problem he prove that he is a good husband.

what is the duty of a good husband ?? a good husband shld love u, love ur family,accept the way u r, support u in everything, keep u happy, abeer has all this quality he love meher, always help her family, he support her.

no one in this world is prefect even meher has some flaws but most important thing u shld be good from heart nd that abeer is no doubt. ppl say men don't cry nd if they cry for u or for something means they really love that thing or person nd if they cry in front of the whole world like abeer did when he was singing neend udhi thi means he really love meher nd can do anything for her.

PS: yeah after 2-3 episode i feel now abeer shld use his brain he is just doing things without thinking nd i find he acts more fool now in BD season 1 he was more mature nd even intelligent 😛

Edited by zainab_sweety - 9 years ago

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zainab khan

@zainab_sweety

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#16

i think this topic never going to end how is abeer 😆 ppl lets discuss about meher also why only poor abeer 😛

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cool_kriti

@cool_kriti

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

#17

Originally posted by: shruthiravi
@cool_kriti using Alia was a bad move to check if Akshat is good or bad. A man with conscience would never have agreed to it. Let whatever be the reason. What if Akshat is bad. What if he drugs Alia and take her to a hotel room. What if he has gundas who can tie up Abeer and Appendix. Who will answer if Alia is taken advantage by Akshat and co.
Akshat is bad, but I will point the finger at Abeer only for the fiasco. Because for me more than the criminal, the person who gave chance for such a crime to take place is more of a culprit.

Alia was used, poor girl suffered and Abeer was responsible for that molestation on Alia. And that doest make him look better in my eyes. You don't do such cheap tricks to prove yourself right and using Akshat's car as washroom that was disgraceful.

@shrutiravi... Abeer did not plant Alia and move away from sight to make Alia face her fate... He was over there trying to keep a close eye on every move of Alia and Akshat... What big can happen in a coffee shop... It was not a bar or something...Alia herself does not feel bad after she comes to know the truth... And Abeer did not expect Akshat would molest Alia...He just thought he could catch Akshat with some clue...

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kavita

@kavitha_r

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#18

Originally posted by: malikakas
I don't know.

I think he has the ability to be a good husband. But right now the way he is acting I don't think he would be any better than last time. And last time he was a terrible husband. I personally would never go back to him if I were Meher. Yeah he has a good heart but he is incredibly selfish.

You wrote: I would be the most happiest if I can get someone like that who keeps my interests and myself as the topmost priority...

But he doesn't do that. And that's been my whole issue with him. Meher's interests were in fulfilling her responsibilities. He knew that before he married her and promised to help her. He made so many promises that he never kept.

Did he ever do anything to help her responsibilities? Did he wake up in the morning and make her breakfast, did he give her coffee at night when she was working on her presentation? Did he start working to provide money for her? Far from making her life easier, he made it so much harder.

The problem is that Abeer says whatever needs to be said to get what he wants but he doesn't even bother living up to it. And he hasn't changed.

He told Meher he would do anything she wants but he once again is back to acting like a jerk trying to hurt her because he's been hurt. Meher was hurt when he insulted her at her birthday party but she didn't try take revenge. She tried to fix the root of his frustration by quitting her job. That's the kind of behaviour I want to see from Abeer. Not just making Meher's life difficult because he isn't getting what HE wants.

Its easy to say you love someone but its only when you are able to compromise your desires to respect what they want is when you prove that love. At this point Abeer just looks like he wants Meher as some sort of trophy. He has no concern for her emotional state.

If Abeer truly was sorry about how he treated her in the past he would accept her saying no to him as a consequence of his actions and not be angry about it. And not keep trying to push her or beg her. He would've respected her wishes.

And certainly wouldn't have used Akshat's car as a washroom. What had Akshat done to him at that point in time? Stood by and supported the woman he claims to love for 8 years without getting love in return. Abeer couldn't support Meher for a month and he thinks he is better than Akshat?

The problem with the way he is acting is that Akshat is coming off as the better person. He probably isn't but Abeer is not showing himself as a good person. At some point I want to see Abeer respect Bua and Akshat for looking after his family for so long when in the same position he ran away.

Abeer needs to think about what is in Meher's and Ishaan's best interests and put aside his own needs to do what is right for them.

At this point I think Abeer needs to go through a phase where he realizes the value of a person like Akshat. Meher can trust him to pick up Ishaan from school. Remember when she trusted Abeer to pick up her mom and he got drunk. Nissar manipulated him but Abeer should know his responsibilities and limits. And he hasn't changed. Look how easily Akshat got him drunk in the middle of the day when he knew he had a press conference. What if one day he was with a fan who wanted to get him drunk and he had to pick up Ishaan? Would Abeer stop on his own? Would he drink and drive with Ishaan in the car?

Abeer needs to take a good look at himself.

Abeer has done a lot of blunders. He is immature & impulsive but that can be corrected. Abeer can be a good husband. He stood by Meher before his dad & aunt but Meher gave more priority to them than Abeer.

Abeer had made a lot of preparations to celebrate Meher's birthday in a grand way but Meher goofed it up only because of Taiji & Kuber.

She could have discussed these things even after the party. She could have told the same thing to Abeer which won't be difficult for him to accept.

Though Abeer went to Singapore, he came back & wanted to rectify his mistake but Meher was not ready.

Even after divorce, Abeer rescued Meher on many occasions like swimming pool, then Pinki bhai's men, saving her house & taking care of her in the hospital.

Where was Akshat at that time? Akshat started to flirt with Alia at the hotel but Abeer did not flirt with girls.

Immaturity & impulsiveness change as & when the days pass. It can be corrected with love but characterless can never be corrected.

If the divorce between mehbeer took place, I would say both of them are at fault.

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malikakas

@malikakas

Rocker

Posted: 9 years ago

#19

Originally posted by: sharoon3210

Abeer does anything out of his impulsiveness.

My friend.. But this is what I am trying to say. How does one live with that? Does Meher have to live on eggshells her whole life out of fear of what he will do next?

Akshat is not the reason Meher is saying no. Akshat is just the wall she is using to avoid succumbing to Abeer because she is afraid of Abeer's nature. Even if Akshat turns out bad it makes no difference.

Meher is not looking for a perfect husband. All she wants is stability and reliability for Ishaan. Abeer's impulsive nature doesn't provide that. And he is hurtful when he doesn't get what he wants.

Neither Meher or Abeer are perfect. But you don't need to be perfect to make a marriage last. You need patience, and being willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Meher demonstrated that to me in their marriage. But Abeer did not.

Abeer made a blunder in not picking up Suman from the station. But Meher didn't assume he had a negative intention for it that he doesn't respect her family. She didn't fly off the handle and storm out of the house. She gave him a hangover drink and calmly explained why she was upset and they resolved it.

Meher may have approached the money topic hastily but Abeer just assumed the worst thinking she wants him to be a lap dog etc. He didn't give her the benefit of the doubt. She could've felt hurt that he thought the worst of her but she put aside her emotions and focussed on his. He throws her out of Nissar's house and says horrible things at her birthday party. But she took accountability for how her actions upset him and tried to fix things by quitting her job. KM's tried to instigate her against Abeer by saying its his male ego but she didn't let him. She put herself in Abeer's shoes and tried to understand what he was saying. Even after he left she tried to call him, but everyone has a limit.

But their entire marriage Abeer didn't try to understand where she was coming from. The night when Abeer tried to reconcile - she clearly said to him you have no sorry or guilt or concern but he didn't address that. He just tried to manipulate her by getting drunk. Trying to manipulate someone by saying you are going to harm yourself because they aren't giving you what you want is emotional abuse. Have you heard of borderline personality disorder? This is how people with that behave.

If Abeer had truly felt guilt for leaving he never would've hated Meher for 8 years even if she took alimony because he would've understood that this actions also hurt her. And certainly he wouldn't have tried to make it seem like he was an innocent victim in her schemes when she came back.

And that's my problem now-- he wants a second chance but he can't be bothered to think about Meher's point of view. He was ready to fight with her again when Appendix held him back because she wasn't immediately giving in to his demands. Fighting with her screwed up their marriage the first time. Why does he need Appendix to explain to him. Hasn't he thought about his end of what went wrong in their marriage? It wasn't just the Singapore thing.

Abeer doesn't stop and think that other people have reasons for their actions that he may not understand. If Meher is saying no to giving Tunnu money-- he didn't respect it and look what happened. That money he gave Tunnu helped him become a gambler. They wouldn't have lost the house if he hadn't interfered. Suman told Abeer don't use your personal money but he didn't respect that and look what happened. Meher ended up in an accident because she was so distracted by what KM said to her.

Abeer never has bad intentions but he has a long way to go.

Edited by malikakas - 9 years ago

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shruthiravi

@shruthiravi

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#20

@Amri you didn't read my post. Where I have put clearly why I don't think him to be a husband material. 😆😆😆. How could you miss me. . I have even given examples of other fictional characters and what I liked about them. 😆😆

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