smanchik thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#1
Hey guys!!!! Its my very first TS on this forum. So plzzz be nice to me and don't throw chappal and tamatar at me.😊
Cacophonic Euphony

I opened the door of my bedroom, just to be horrified at the sight that unfolded in front of my eyes, my room full of papers and clothes scattered, it looked like Hurricane Katrina payed a visit to my room! I leaned against my doorframe and sighed. I cleaned my room and crashed on my bed just to realize the light is still on in my room. I dragged myself to the switch panel, turned off the lights. I rushed to my bed and snuggled to my plush throw. I looked at the shadow of my window that is casted on the wall in front of me, ensuring myself of safety, to get rid of my childhood night paranoia of some canine teethed, hollow eyed buffoon creeping through the window, thanks to "The Exorcist". A movie that literally F**ked up my sleep life. I momentarily closed my eyes and opened them again to see a shadow of a bird on my windowsill, my heartbeat quickened, fear ran through my spine making me shudder with terror. I bravely rose myself up to the window, profusely praying and mentally dialing the god help line, to take a closer look at the bird. I stumbled back on the bed, seeing a huge raven. Da hell!! Why on earth this perky bird thing sitting on my windowsill and gawking at me. I know I am hot and all, but damn!!! birds are just out of my league! Sheesh! I shooed it, but it didn't move! Oh boy! I had no other choice but to pull out my trumph card... begging.

"Please move out of my window sill. I beg of you birdie. Just move. I wanna sleep. Go to my neighbors if you want, they are bunch of lifeless bimbos anyways" I begged in sitting in a fetal position, eyes closed and hands in salutation position.

I slowly opened my eyes and to my surprise it was gone. Phew! I can finally get back to my business. I flopped down on to the bed but there was eerie feeling at the pit of my stomach. I reluctantly stood on my knees on bed and rested my face on the window sill looking out side to check for a sign of any bird but to my relief there was one, I was withdrawing myself form window but stopped abruptly as something caught my peripheral vision. I came near and squinted my eyes at it and widened them in horror as the image became crystal clear. There stood a man about 6 feet tall leaned lazily against the tree in front of my window with visage angled up towards my window. The moon ray shone on his forehead encapsulating his crystal blue eyes, which were looking right at me, piercing my soul with their penetrating gaze. I shrunk down quickly unable to digest the fear that was creeping inside me slowly and painfully. I got down my bed turned around to exit my room but froze in my steps as I saw him standing right before me with his eye full of mirth and a menacing smile sketched on his drop dead gorgeous face. I dropped to my knees unable to support myself due to blood chilling shock. I tried shrieking...Well that's what everyone does in kind of situations!! But I couldn't find my voice! Great just f**king great, I am dying!! Wait... I AM DYING" Tears ran down my cheek at the realization. I looked at him through my tears and felt the image blurring further and darkness took over.

-- To be Continued

- Plzz comment and Like.😳

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TeekhiMishti thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#2
OMG did i just read that? HORROR story? seriously? if anything beats sadism it is horror. !!

Very very interesting and intriguing start. Loved the way how you described everything with such finesse.

Meher begging the birdie was hilarious 🤣 yet so natural 😆

And the blue eyed guy it is abeer right? WHAT is he?

And the title raises even more questions- sar ke upar se gaya 🤣

Continue soon. and maybe a bit longer ok?

Loved it. Neend aa rahi thi. now i have this chain se sona hai to jaag jao wali feeling 🤣
Edited by -TeekhiMishti- - 10 years ago
war_is_peace thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 10 years ago
#3
@ari 😡
i hate u

unresd
this is great shri 👏
i thought its a suspense story while i was reading it but, in the end i felt that its mehe'r's dream or rather she is in coma and she is getting these visions. 🤔
actually wen that 6 feet figure reached her doorstep in a split second i thought ki vampire story hai..phir end tak akkal aa gayi 🤣

waiting for more 😆
jaldi update kar warna joote padenge mere taraf se🤣
Edited by war_is_peace - 10 years ago
TeekhiMishti thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Stunner Thumbnail + 5
Posted: 10 years ago
#4

Originally posted by: war_is_peace

@ari 😡

i hate u

unresd
this is great shri 👏
i thought its a suspense story while i was reading it but, in the end i felt that its mehe'r's dream or rather she is in coma and she is getting these visions. 🤔
actually wen that 6 feet figure reached her doorstep in a split second i thought ki vampire story hai..phir end tak akkal aa gayi 🤣

waiting for more 😆
jaldi update kar warna joote padenge mere taraf se🤣


i thought the same 🤣 vampire hoga pakka 🤣
smanchik thumbnail
15th Anniversary Thumbnail Navigator Thumbnail Networker 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 10 years ago
#5

Originally posted by: war_is_peace

@ari 😡

i hate u

unresd
this is great shri 👏
i thought its a suspense story while i was reading it but, in the end i felt that its mehe'r's dream or rather she is in coma and she is getting these visions. 🤔
actually wen that 6 feet figure reached her doorstep in a split second i thought ki vampire story hai..phir end tak akkal aa gayi 🤣

waiting for more 😆
jaldi update kar warna joote padenge mere taraf se🤣

branded jhoote dena. Actually I have the whole thing written up already . I just wanted to post a part of it to see your replies

TeekhiMishti thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Stunner Thumbnail + 5
Posted: 10 years ago
#6

Originally posted by: smanchik

branded jhoote dena. Actually I have the whole thing written up already . I just wanted to post a part of it to see your replies


i see someone took inspiration from us 🤣
war_is_peace thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 10 years ago
#7

Originally posted by: -TeekhiMishti-


i see someone took inspiration from us 🤣


chor chor chor..yeh branded joote waali line meri hai 🤣
war_is_peace thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 10 years ago
#8

Originally posted by: -TeekhiMishti-


i thought the same 🤣 vampire hoga pakka 🤣


par vampire nahi hai ari...maine aisa kab kaha 🤣
asmaanixx thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#9
I am a HUGE fan of the supernatural, so I am really looking forward to this. Meher's jhalli personality is a first and greatly appreciated. Now, I suspect the blue-eyed man is Abeer, but even if he's not, he seems to be a supernatural creature. Regardless, looking forward to reading about him.

A few pointers to help out in your future pieces. Edit your work. There are a few sentences that kept going on. Cut those down and deliver your points more effectively. It's better than reading run-on sentences.

Also don't use swear words. It is against the I-F Code of Conduct.

Other than that, you're off to a good start. Have a lot of expectations considering it's my favorite genre.

Good luck.

Edited by asmaanixx - 10 years ago
smanchik thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#10

Originally posted by: asmaanixx

I am a HUGE fan of the supernatural, so I am really looking forward to this. Meher's jhalli personality is a first and greatly appreciated. Now, I suspect the blue-eyed man is Abeer, but even if he's not, he seems to be a supernatural creature. Regardless, looking forward to reading about him.


A few pointers to help out in your future pieces. Edit your work. There are a few sentences that kept going on. Cut those down and deliver your points more effectively. It's better than reading run-on sentences.

Also don't use swear words. It is against the I-F Code of Conduct.

Other than that, you're off to a good start. Have a lot of expectations considering it's my favorite genre.

Good luck.

points noted!! Thank you!!! I am happy that you liked it! I hope I live up to your expectations
Edited by smanchik - 10 years ago

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