Whats up?
I know we haven't spoken for a while
But I was thinkin bout you
And it kinda made me smile
"Is it too late...??"
She still wondered. She wanted to talk to him and get it out. If things were the same, she would have picked up the phone and apologised just now. But time changed and so they and their relationship. She had no right to call him in the middle of the night. Well he never gave up that right of his, meher smiled thinking of the times he used to bother her in the middle of the night. Drowning himself in alcohol and then troubling everyone around especially her. She giggled thinking how he even kidnapped bua just to make her take her resignation back. Alcohol made him do funny things. And all of his craziness, well blame his heart. His badtameez dil.
"I still love you..."
Destiny played a cruel game with them. His family - his father and his tayi ji. They ruined them and then there was their ego. In their respective egos, they lost each other. Their love lost the battle but it never died. It was now like a wilted flower which lost its fragrance and beauty. But since it was still alive, they can mend it, protect it. Can't they...??
So many things to say
And I'll put em in a letter
Thought it might be easier
The words might come out better
How's your mother, how's your little brother?
Does he still look just like you?
So many things I wanna know the answers to
Wish I could press rewind
And rewrite every line
To the story of me and you
How will she say it to him...?? How...?? Insulting him... Taunting him... Calling him names... Pushing him away... It was so easy and came out instantly without any effort. And now apologising to him... Confessing her love... Wanting him to give them a second chance... Reuniting with him... Why was it so difficult...?? Why was she unable to form coherent sentences...?? How will she open her heart to him...?? Again...?? She was scared... Not because he would break her heart, trust or his promises... She knew he wouldn't. But what if this time he never accepted her back. What if he longer wanted her or her love... The thought of this scared the hell out of her. What if he pushed her a way this time, like she has been doing it to him. What if he rejects her this time...??? His rejection would kill her. It certainly would. She decided to play it the simpler way. Writing a letter. Call her coward, but she was not ready to see her heart broke, that too in front of him. He wasn't to be blamed and it should be his choice. Though his single reply could break them or make them.
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you
Was she really confessing her undying love for him, to him through a lifeless piece of paper...?? Through a letter... When had they drifted so apart, she wondered. When did they walked that away from each other. She had to tell him she was sorry. She was sorry for everything that happened to them. How she wished they worked towards saving their relation...?? Why didn't they try it...??? Not even for once...?? Why...?? One try and who knew they could have worked out. He ran away from her but why wasn't she strong enough to pull him back. Why did she lose hope and failed in knocking some sense into him...??? She should have yelled at him, made him feel guilty or made him realise his mistake. She should have done something. He was like that only... From always. Running away was the easiest solution he had for every damn problem. But their marriage wasn't a problem, their tender age and immaturity was.
Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on
But there's a lot of feelings that remain since you've been gone
I guess you thought that I would put it all behind me
But it seems there's always somethin right there to remind me
Like a silly joke, or somethin on the t.v.
Boy it aint easy
When I hear our song
I get that same old feeling
Wish I could press rewind
Turn back the hands of time
And I shouldn't be telling you
If life offered a rewind button, she would have gone back to that time and rewritten their love story. She would have rectified every single mistake they did. Now, thinking about the time when she thought she was over him, made her feel silly. How she was lying to herself, to her family and to him all this time. She was over him and he didn't affect her. Hell no... He still affected her in a way no one could. Watching him everyday in front of her, in that office and realising that he wasn't hers anymore. The pain she felt whenever she realised they wouldn't be what they were year back. Everytime he looked at her and then looked away when she looked at him. It every time made her self conscious. She would check her out in front of the mirror wondering if she still interests him like she once did. Wearing his favourite colour and hoping he would notice that. Doing everything for getting his attention and still telling her heart that it was nothing. How foolish of her. Looking at his charming face and that smile, it made her heart fluttered. But then 'that smile' didn't let her sleep at night. It hurted her that that smile wasn't because of her or for her. He used to smile to her like that, only her. Girls admiring him, fantasising him, drooling over him. It made her burnt in jealousy. Every single time. He was only hers. Only if she could tell that to the whole world. Only if things didn't go wrong.
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you
Try try till you succeed. She has been bloody trying it from last 9 years but still failing every time. Every time he called her baby and she felt her heart melting within. Every time he came to close to her, his proximity made her heart race. Every tear of his eye rolled down her eye, when she was in the confines of her bedroom. Every time he was hurt, she used to crumble in pieces. Every time she saw him drunk it made her feel guilty and she cursed herself. Their love did that to him. He never used to drown himself in alcohol. Her absence in his life forced him to go there. Because of her, he drank until he passed out. That night when he came to her house, all drunk and out of his senses. All night he kept murmuring her name, and she realised it. He needed alcohol in his system to threw her out of his heart and mind.
Did you know I kept all of your pictures
Don't have the strength to part with them yet
Oh no...
Tried to erase the way your kisses taste
But some things a girl can never forget
How was she supposed to forget those memories they created. Laying on the grass beside him counting stars, watching the sun set with his arms wrapped around her, his hot breath fanning on her neck whenever he back hugged her, the time when he used to sing for her - his solo audience, when he used to cook for her because she was tiring herself out with studies and assignments. Every single day of being married to him and the feeling of belonging to him. Telling the world she was his, for life and beyond. How was he able to forget all that...?? How...?? She had no answer. She still didn't had the strength to part away with those black beads - her mangalsutr. It was still kept safely in her locker with her engagement ring. Never did she had the power to threw them away.
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you
She was waiting for him. She gave him the letter today and left the office. Now in the evening waiting under a bridge, hoping he would turn up. If he didn't, she would jump off the bridge. A life without him, well it is the last thing she wanted now. She consoled herself when she saw no trace of him. So what she didn't get him here in this world... She would get him in that world... Where there will be only love... No hatred, no conspiracies, no lies, no misunderstandings, no war. The place where they will live the life, they didn't get the chance to live her. On this earth. Her vision blurred because of the pool of tears in her eyes but then also she recognised him. Her heart was capable enough to recognise him with close eyes also, even in the amidst of millions of people.
"Abeer..." she whispered.
"Vishwaas nahi hota..." he said crossing his arms with a straight face.
Meher couldn't understand him and wondered if he came there just to insult her. Insult for an insult... Is it...???
"Kya..??" meher asked in an almost inaudible voice.
"Ke koi itna fattu kaise ho sakta hai..."
"Huh..." Meher muttered in confusion.
"Jhansi ki rani ek dum bheegi billi kaise bann gayi...??" he said and raised his eye brow at her.
It didn't take her a minute after his remark, to realise that he was making fun of her. At that moment also. He will be the death of her one day.
"Excuse me... I just confessed my love for you and you are making fun of me..." Meher pointed her finger at him.
"Through a letter... How original...!!! Wish I also had the talent of being that original and a bit of a writer thing in me... I can only compose songs you know... Writer thing is not my cup of tea..." He replied with a smirk on his face.
"And I here I thought you would understand the feelings..." said meher disappointedly.
"I wish you said it to me personally... Standing in front of me and gazing into my eyes. Telling me you still love me..."
"I was scared you might not want me..." meher replied emotionally.
"I might not want the only woman I ever loved... The only one I ever wanted in life... Are you that dumb Meher Purohit...?? Sab uss kabutarchhap... Uss chomu ki boring company ka nateeja hai... Kaha tha na dur raho uss sanskari kabutar se... Par nahi... Tum he toh sunna sikha hi nahi hai... Tumhe rockstar nahi... Chomu pasand aate hai... Corporate chomu..."
"Corporate chomu...?? Is it even a word..??"
"Meher kal discuss karte hai yeh... Coffee pe..." Abeer said irritatedly.
"But -"
"But what...?? You don't want to say it to me...?? But you want to discuss about the origin of the word chomu..." Abeer told meher.
"I said it in the letter..." Meher reasoned.
"OK... Wait for my letter tomorrow..."
"Abeer... I love you... I love you so much..." Meher confessed holding the arm, when he turned around to leave.
Abeer smiled at meher and bent down. He went on his knee and fiddled with something in his pocket, meher looked at him in confusion all the time.
"Meher Purohit... Ahh woman you have no idea how much the name "Meher Malhotra" suits you... Anyways im sorry for everything that ever happened to us... And I'm gonna make sure nothing of that sort happens again... I have always loved you and I will continue to love you until death do us apart. I still love you baby... Will you marry me meher...?? (Holding a ring in his hand) Again...??"
Tears rolled down her cheeks and she nodded her head in a yes.
Abeer slipped the ring in her finger and kissed her knuckles. Meher smiled with tears in her eyes, realising nothing is as precious as the moments when you cry and smile at the same time. He and she will be 'US' again.
"I love you..." Meher whispered stepping close to him.
"I love you too... But woh kabutar...??" Abeer asked wrapping his arm around her waist.
"Udd gya kabutar... But did you just propose me on a road under the bridge...??"
"Isn't it romantic...??" Abeer asked rocking meher in his arms.
"Very... Romantic proposal ever..."
"Chal jhoothi..."
"But seriously meher Purohit does suits my personality unlike what you said..."
Abeer shook his head and pulled her close, sealing her lips with his. It was time to celebrate their reunion and what's better than a kiss... A kiss to erase those dreadful years of pain and miseries and to promise the years of togetherness and happiness. They were destined to be together. It was supposed to happen. And it happened.
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
Advocate Anjali Awasthi
