Okay guys, one more crazy idea that came from my crazy brain keeping in mind the crazy phase the serial is going through right now. Presenting the much awaited divorce scene of Pavitra Rishta. (There are some medical terms- I've tried my best to keep it simple. Explanations are given in *---*. Thanks to kools for her two great inventions- Miss Shakkar and Insaaniyat Baba- I hope you don't mind my using them)
Judge: All rise
(Everyone rises, then sits again)
Judge: At the last session, it was decided that Mrs. Archana Manav Deshmukh, also called Miss Shakkar, would go to her husband's house- Mr. Manav Deshmukh, also called Insaaniyat Baba. Miss Shakkar, please come in front.
(Archana comes to the witness box. Flowers fall from heaven on this Devi.)
Judge: Miss Shakkar, Did your husband and in laws trouble you in these three months?
Archana: (weeping as usual) How dare you place such an ugly insult on my lovely inlaws and my worth- worshipping husband? They never troubled me at all. In fact I was the one who troubled them for so many days- because of me their monthly expenditure increased, although I did try my best to eat as less as possible. I tried to satisfy myself with my MIL's abuses instead- I simply could not eat anything after her abuses- they were too much to digest.
Judge: Is that the reason you look so malnourished in the show nowadays?
Archana: Absolutely. Last time I came to this house, everyone said I'd got fat. This time I've become slim. Plus this time I got to dress better.
Judge: Meaning?
Archana: Last time I was here, I was only doing the work and romancing with my husband. Got to wear everyday clothes. But this time, there were so many events and parties- my husband's engagement, Aai- Baba'anniversary party, Gudi Padva function, dinner with Vandu's family, Vandu's reception- I got to dress well, and Manav stared at me like a teenager who has the hots for me. I had never felt better. He even got me a sari! (continues weeping) Thankyou Manav.
Manav: (rises from his seat) For insaaniyat sake, I can give her a sari. At that time, I was not a bhikari. But now thanks to my future Sasur, I'll be one very soon. I'll need insaaniyat from others then.
Archana : (wiping tears) No problem Manav, you return the sari to the shop, we need money for Shravani's medicines. (Pavitra Rishta song plays in background as Manav and Archana stare at each other and cry)
Judge: What is this going on?
Archana: Nothing. This is our daily routine. We love staring at each other and crying. Next question?
Judge: Umm.. so you say you were not abused Miss Shakkar, I had complaints from the chawl ladies that Savita threw you out and Insaaniyat Baba didn't say anything.
Archana: (gives a strict look to the judge) One more word against my in laws and I'll have you pulled up in front of the Mahila Samiti- saying you are trying to drive differences between my in laws and me. Arey my MIL didn't throw me out, I myself wanted to sleep outside coz I was troubled by my husband's snoring. I expressed this in front of them and they said, 'As you wish'.
Judge: Is that true, Insaaniyat Baba?
Manav: Of course, it is the right of every person to have a proper night sleep. For the sake of insaaniyat I will definitely let my wife sleep outside the house.
Judge: I had even heard that your inlaws defied court orders to let you stay in that house. Your husband even committed bigamy.
Archana: Nonsense! They didn't want me to stay in the house cos they were concerned about my Aai you see.. she loves me so much that she didn't want me to go back to the Deshmukh house. Manav even went to the extent of committing bigamy since he wanted me to go home to my Aai- he knows I and Aai love each other very much. He almost succeeded. I went home on the engagement day but had to come back since stupid Varshu was creating problems. (weeping) My husband thinks so much about me and my family. He is worth worshipping
Manav: There is nothing special in that Archu.. I did it for insaaniyat sake for your Aai.
Judge: So if your husband has been so good to you why do you want to divorce him Miss Shakkar?
Archana: The work of a good wife is to be shakkar and sweeten her husband's and in laws life. Unfortunately there are a lot of oldies in my husbands house now- Aai, Baba and Kaka. The young ones like Vandu and Sachina are gone. Dr. Nikita has forbidden sweet to the oldies at this age. So I should not live in that house anymore. Shravani isn't a Miss Shakkar sort of person. She is bitter, like a bitter gourd. Good for BP and diabetes. So Dr. Nikita said Shravani is better off with them.
Judge: (Amazed) And what about Manav?
Archana: Don't you know, he is not a human being- he's a saint. 'Insaaniyat Baba' everyone calls him. He is far away from all these materialistic things. He doesn't need sugar to sweeten his life.
Manav: Obviously, I can sacrifice shakkar for my family, since Dr. Nikita has said no to shakkar for them. I can definitely do it insaaniyat ke naate.
Judge: (head spinning) Please go. Manav come to the witness box.
Manav: (comes to witness box with a halo on his head) I'll try my best to be truthful Insaaniyat ke Naate
Judge: Last time you wanted divorce. Do you still want it now?
Manav: (weeping) I will have to divorce Archana insaaniyat ke naatey. I'm so bloody helpless.
Judge: (suspicious) Is anyone forcing you for divorce? Tell me.. tell me!
Manav: Shravani's baby needs me. Boohoo!!!! (crying a lot) Can someone please give me some more glycerine insaaniyat ke naatey. My stock is nearly over.
Archana: (at once) I'll get it for you Manav.
Manav: Ah such a lovely wife I have.
Shravani: (Burnt to charcoal) Wait Miss Shakkar. I'll get glycerine for Manav. If you touch it with your over- sweet hands, it will get contaminated with sugar causing bacteria to grow in this solution. I can imagine what will happen if this glycerine-sugar- solution goes in Manav's eyes. (*sugar is a good culture medium for bacteria- that is why people with diabetes suffer from more infections in case of open wounds*) Don't think that I will give you this chance of giving Manav death, mukti and easy escape from me. I know this evil Dr. Nikita's intentions very well. (looks around court) I have to kill her before I kill you.
Manav: I heard that, I heard that!!! Such a horrible woman, she wants to kill my wife! Finally I have a reason to not get married to you.
Judge: Were you looking for reasons to not get married to her?
Manav: Yes, of course. And now, I have a big, very big reason to not get married to her.
Judge: Of course, she wants to kill your love, so you need to be with her to protect her.
Manav: Not just my love, but also my lawyer Dr. Nikita. And if she is saying this openly about Niki, then she might be planning against Piya, Devu, Tanya Di and all those who hate her. Meeti even opened Shravani's hate club. I go through it everyday- it is so addictive- I felt like voicing my frustration too at Shravani's 'Manav Manav Manav'. Uff!! She's more of a parrot than I ever was. The bottomline is- Shravani plans to kill all these lovely girls, so for insaaniyat sake I have to protect all these lovely girls, and for that I should first of all say no to Shravani- I can't do injustice to all of them by getting married to a criminal. So Shravani, hear this loud and clear- 'I'm not divorcing Archana'
(The audience in the court starts clapping. Flowers fall on Manav from above. Everyone shouts- Insaaniyat Baba ki jai ho)
Archana: (weeping) I don't know what 'punya' I did in my last janam to get a husband like him. But Manav, you don't need to do this for my sake. Let Shravani kill me. You need to be there for the 'Pavitra Baccha'. As for the rest of the girls, I plead to all of them- Shravani is a very nice girl- please give her a chance- please give her your love and support just like you have supported me always. Please!!!
(Flowers fall on Archana Devi from heaven)
Shravani now please don't kill any of them. Kill me and get married to Manav.
Manav: Grrr? Archana keep quiet. Don't be so mahaan. We need to think about insaaniyat. We can't prolong this drama anymore. The audience will die of depression and boredom. Have some insaaniyat for them.
Archana: What nonsense! Think about the 'Pavitra Baccha'. I hope it is a girl. One more Miss Shakkar to sweeten your lives.
Audience: We don't want any more Shakkar.
Judge (totally confused) okay so tell me now- who wants divorce?
Archana: I do
Manav: I don't
Shravani: I do
Manav: (angrily) Stop it Shravani, we are not married yet. Don't keep asking for every single thing that I give Archana. Let me get divorced from Archana, married to you. Then ask me for divorce, I will grant it happily.
Shravani: I was speaking of your and Archana's divorce
Savita: (from the audience) don't speak! In my house, Manav listens to me only. Manav beta- You know I dance so well- Archana didn't want Rasika to pick up my dance steps so she stopped me from dancing at the reception. So sweet she is- don't divorce her!
Manav: Okay Momma.
Sulochana: Archu beta, these duffers need you very badly beta. This house is the perfect one for you- coz you are a duffer just like them. It is a match and family made in heaven. Say no to the divorce beta- yeh rishta Bappa ne khud joda hai, ise koi nahi tod sakta.
Archu: (weeping) what about Shravani and 'Pavitra Bachcha'?
Manav: Oh yes, I have to show some insaaniyat to Pavitra Bachcha. What to do?
Varsha: Give me the Pavitra Bachcha. You are all a pack of brainless twits- the poor child will grow up to become like you. I am the only unadulterated, best character in the show till now. I am the only one who can take good care of it.
Judge: (amazed) What a girl! Your husband won't say anything?
Varsha: Who cares! (looking at Satish and Bhavna and saying in a sugary voice) will you object PAtidev, Sasuma?
Satish: Of course not Darling. Anything to win you.
Bhavna: I don't have any options I guess. I hope Rasika will give me refuge in her house.
Judge: So is the matter settled now?
Archana- Manav: Yes, we don't want divorce! Hurray! (hug each other) oh god! What did we do, in front of so many people.. Manav control. Not a good influence on 'Pavitra Bachcha.'
Shravani: hey, what about me?
Manav: Oh God! Now we need to show some insaaniyat to her also.
Judge: You jolly well need to- you showed her all these big dreams.
Manav: I'll fix a better match for you!
(Shravani throws a sandal)
Manav: Ouch! That hurt! Okay, then I'll get you a clone of Sachin. Dr. Nikita can take care of that I suppose. Gosh! I depend on her so much nowadays!!!
(One more Sandal)
Manav: Thankgod she doesn't have any more sandals.
Shravani: I'll kill Archana if you don't marry me!
Dr. Nikita: I have a better idea Shravani
I'll clone Manav for you Shravani. As it is, Manav is too elder to you, too rugged, not educated, and he thinks too much about Archana.
The clone will be much younger, and you can train him to be intelligent, well educated, polished. He won't even remember Archana cos he won't have any memories. But since the DNA is the same, his basic characteristics will be the same.
Manav: Wow what a solution! That satisfies everyone!
Shravani: Yeah I guess this is the best solution! I'll have to wait for twenty years for the clone to get to marriageable age though. But it is infinitely better than watching the love story of these dimwits.
Judge: I do so love happy endings!!! Case dismissed. Need a psychiatrist however. This case has me bonkers! Can anyone recommend one????😉
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