Really exhausted but decided to put down a few thoughts on today’s episode.
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I really loved Naeem Bi’s narration of what happened. You could tell that along with HS she must have gone through trauma of her own, having lost a beloved daughter and then having to watch her son sink into darkness. HS had never written any letters to Imarti, nor he to her, yet Imarti's last words to her father in written form became the basis of a lot of confusion and heartache for the old man. I loved what Naeem Bi said about Sardar Singh trying HS since he could not accept God's orders.
Today Minnie convinced her mother to trust her, even if she could not understand what was going on around her. Just like she had held her mother’s hand and walked out of the house with Babita many months ago, so that they could find their happiness, today she took her mother’s hand again to walk back into HS’ house, their home, so that they could find their happiness once again.
As HS walked down the stairs, mother-daughter entered the house again, where they rightfully belonged. It was an interesting perspective that he was up there and they downstairs, whereas it is usually the other way round. Here it signified role reversal, they were here to keep him grounded, to give him roots. Minnie wanted to pull her mother in but Babita still had her reservations. That did not stop her from signaling Minnie to go to her Hanuman Uncle and comfort him. She knew that father-daughter had their own equation independent of what happened between HS and her.
HS sat at the bottom of the steps, as if to silently block them from re-entering the house, and his life.
Just as he had coming running back from Chandigarh and had said “Main aa gaya”, Minnie promptly announced “Babes aa gayi, waapis”.
HS had already failed to convince Minnie to leave him, and seeing Babita back in the house, he made one last-ditched attempt to be rude, to hurt them both. It was a lost battle as his heart was already beginning to have a little hope and feel a little relief at seeing them back, his voice failing to convey enough anger and intensity to be convincingly rough with them. Of course, he had been overjoyed to have Minnie by his side, but it had felt incomplete without Babita.
As he tried to paint himself as a bad man, his voice lacked conviction, his protest perfunctory. He wanted to push them away but also make it known that he knew he was bad for having hurt their feelings.
Dekh main bohot bura aadmi hoon chhori. Main...
He did not even get to finish his sentence before Minnie chimed in,
Jaanti hoon aap burey ho.
She was not going to let him go down that path again. Enough was enough. As if to focus his attention on her and on the present, she put her hand on his cheek.
Bohot burey ho, phir bhi hum aapka saath nahin chhodenge.
Imarti ji chali gayin, lekin hum nahin jaayenge Hanuman Uncle. Never! I promise.
What a beautiful statement to make him feel that he was as much theirs as they his! He need not feel alone anymore, he need not fear losing them. They were not going anywhere. They belonged with him in his house, in his life, and most importantly, in his heart. The story of love that Imarti had spun would continue with Minnie and Babita, as they weaved new threads and colors that intertwined to give them this second chance in their lives.
As Minnie’s hand rested on his cheek, it felt to him as though she were drawing away some of the bitterness and angst he hand been through, replacing it with her cool, soothing touch. At the same time, he could see that the tears welling in his heart were the tears she was shedding, trying to absorb some of his pain. In that moment she again become somewhat the parent and he the child.
A quick check into Babita’s eyes confirmed to him that though she was standing far away she had come of her own will. Whatever the issues between them, would be dealt with later. In this moment, the three of them were united, and would be ready to face whatever would come.
Unable to resist the temptation any longer, he gave in to his emotions, to the tides of relief washing over him as he understood the import of her words. They were his family and they were going to be by his side come what may. He had not the strength nor the heart to push them away this time. So he did what he had been wanting to, in the deep recesses of his heart.
He had been hurting too long, alone too long, and he could not continue like this. He knew he had been a veer of sorts, just as he had often seen his Veer Balika be, but right now, he just wanted to be human, to relax that iron self-control. It echoed the scene where Minnie was upset about Ashok's arrest and HS was coercing her to release her tears, offering his unconditional love and support. She did not have to be brave all the time.
Today his daughter was reaching out to him, offering her unconditional love and support without questions, without judgement, in a way that only a child can. You could tell that he had never experienced such a thing before, and he was awestruck, almost finding it too good to be true, that he could have such a beautiful, precious gift in his life. Aniruddh did a fantastic job, conveying that emotion in that millisecond.
Putting his hand on hers as it still sat on his cheek, almost as if to check that it was really there, that this was really happening, he dropped the last of his defenses and took the support on offer. As he gently kissed his daughter’s hand and held it between his, HS closed his eyes, letting the emotions flow through his heart and find their way down his cheeks. Minnie put a reassuring hand on his head, much as adults to do with children - her father need not worry about having to be a father at this moment. He could just be himself with her and let go of the pent up grief.
Father and daughter remained that way, wordlessly experiencing the same pain, taking solace in each other’s company, crying the same tears. It was as if time itself had stood still, unable to look away as it witnessed the cementing of a bond for life.
Minnie was indeed very brave, putting his needs above hers even if she could not bear to see him like this. Just as she had been strong for Babita in the past, she knew she had to be strong for her father in his time of need.
Beti sach mein badi ho gayi.
Ashnoor was just fabulous in this scene, every word and expression measured and just perfect!
As mother and daughter watched him release some of his burden, it occurred to me that though they could both see and feel him suffer, Minnie’s was closer to him in heart and soul that Babita, who was, aloof at that moment. She needed time.
Negligent Mother?
I know there have been many debates as to what HS had intended to convey with his insulting words to Babita the other night. I agree that it was below the belt but for different reasons. I could be wrong, but both then and today I felt he had not accused her of being characterless, rather he had questioned her judgement, her prioritization, the fact that she had been neglecting Minnie at the expense of chasing her own happiness and obsessing over him. Her thoughts while ironing reflected exactly this.
If there was one thing she had always been proud and confident of, it was that she had been a good mother to Minnie. She was his daughter’s mother and if he didn’t think her responsible or capable enough in that role, that what did she have left?
Her questions to Minnie revealed how much of her dilemma and hurt came out of social conditioning. Why should divorced women with children have to feel guilty about looking for happiness or companionship in their lives once again? As HS had told her during Holi, is a woman’s job only to be a mother whose life revolved around her kids? Did she not have her own dreams and desires?
Minnie, as always, figuratively and literally applied balm to her wounds. Babita had every right to follow her dreams and be happy, to live life to the fullest, without compromises. Here she voiced her doubts and her hurt at being called an incompetent mother who had not done enough for her daughter. I have to give it to HS, he knows her so well that what he had said about looking after Minnie really hit her hard, hurt her pride. I actually felt very bad for her, that she had become so doubtful of her abilities as a mother. Minnie understood this, and made her realize that it was because HS had said this that she had been so hurt. Because she had expected HS to understand her, and it seemed to Babita he hadn’t.
On the contrary, Minnie said. Aur jab woh tujhe hurt karte hain woh khud hi hurt hotey hain.
Babita would not believe it as she could not reconcile what he had done with what Minnie was offering as explanation. She will learn over time to understand him too. As someone on this forum said, it was about perspective. Up close, Babita could only see his “anger” and hear his harsh words, while Minnie, with a bit of a bird’s eye view could see that he suffered too as he hurt Babita.
It was not his fault, Babita said. It was hers for expecting too much from life, for daring to hope that she could get a chance. He had seemed too good to be true, their potential as a couple had seemed too good to be true, and perhaps it was. Could life be that merciful towards her? Would destiny side with her this time?
Afraid of rejection and further disappointment, Babita decided to retreat and remain behind the demarcated boundary lines as penance. I doubt she can remain this way for long if her heart already calls out to HS.
Fate Rules People
The Lala-HS scene was marvelous. In those few moments we heard what was ailing HS, but we also heard Lala’s objective take on the situation, as someone who had known his sir sahab for so many years but also understood Babita very well. I will re-iterate… Lala has a way of putting very complex thoughts forward in a very simple manner and it can often be an eye-opener. I felt as if he was speaking on behalf of us today. The actor playing Lala is so fantastic that I often forget he is acting.
Imarti and Maan - the essence of their love story was total submission to one another. Yet, they were powerless to erase what destiny had written into their lives. I finally heard in HS’ words what I had long since suspected was the reason for his resilience, the reason he had survived such a tragedy: his faith in the Creator. He was a God-fearing man who knew right from wrong but, most importantly, he understood boundaries.
He was well aware that it did not matter how much he loved his dear Imarti, the fact that they were soulmates did not give him ultimate rights over her life.
Imarti mhaari jaan thi, lekin manne itna haq na hai ke main apni jaan ki jaan le loon.
Main kaun hota hoon bhai, ke haq hai manne. Yo haq to upar waale ka hai na?
Kitte aur din jiyegi woh, main kaise decide karoon? Kitne din badh gaye uske?
I know this might seem trivial to some, but it was an extremely important and serious message from the writers. I was very very pleased that they put it in. Those who lose their loved ones, especially in such circumstances, spend endless days contemplating what they could have done differently or how they could have handled the situation better in order to achieve a different outcome. The fact is though, that when the clock strikes, no effort, prayer, or emotional pull can hold back those who are meant to depart. It is this part of grieving that helps people accept the loss of their loved ones so that they can eventually begin to heal.
Hanuman Singh has not been able to accept this fully, even though on some level, the rational part of him knows there is nothing he could have done in those circumstances to save her if the Lord did not want it to be. Until now, he had been saying that he had killed her out of guilt, that she had died because of him, but he knew that it had been out of his hands. He had never had the power to influence the course of her life. There was a higher power that dictated how, when, and for how long someone would live.
What was eating him alive was the notion that he had been selfish in his want to keep her alive for as long as possible, for it meant his heart would continue to beat that much longer. In the process, his beloved Imarti had suffered.
Lale pata hai main kyun chahta tha ki Imarti zyaade se zyaade jiye?
Kyon ki jab tak woh jeeti na, main jeeta. Uski saans chalti rehti to yahan main zinda rehta.
Lekin dekh tere sir saab kitne zyaada selfish aadmi hai. Imarti to chali gayi, main jee gaya.
And this was the real source of his heartache. Why had she suffered so, and why had he been the one to survive, to be left behind? They had promised each other to live and die together, yet here he was, continuing without her. Life did indeed go on, no matter how impossible it had seemed before.
Lala pleaded with him to stop picking on old wounds, otherwise they would never heal.
The wound in his heart was already bleeding, drop by drop and this made HS extremely afraid. Afraid that the whirlpool inside him would be so fierce that it would sweep mother-daughter away and drown them.
And then came the most important point that was bothering HS at present: somewhere in his heart it seemed too good to be true, that this family could be his, that he could be so deserving.
Aaj ladne laga hoon Lale apne aap se.
Kirayedaarni ji bohot bholi hain, lekin woh kabhi Imarti na ho saki.
Ek Imarti thi jo mhaare andar ki aag ko apne aanchal mein samet Salti thi.
Wahi thi jo mhaare saare [aavesh] ko apni bheegi palkon se bujha sakti thi.
Aur koi na kar sakta yo sab. Kirayedaarni ji se na hoga yeh.
He was not comparing the two women. His concern was that Babita was too naive and gentle to be able to handle the fire within him. Would that even be fair of him to expect from her? What he failed to see was that she had the quality of the earth, which blended and could be blended into everything, which could absorb all manners of shocks, which could bury secrets and stories of all kinds, but which could also give life. Exactly what HS needed at this stage: stability, a calm after the storm.
On top of that, HS had seen her suffer and did not want to burden her further. He wanted to shield her from any pain where possible.
Pat came the reply from Lala, his voice of reason. Was that why HS had pushed her away, without even asking her what she wanted? Was that not unjust?
Anyay kiya na Lale. Tere sir sahab ne anyay kiya hai, lekin yo bhi to anyay hai. Bol, hai ke na?
Je kirayedaarni ji ke saath ho ke bhi poore tareeqe se unn ke saath na rahoon mein.
Again, I was enthralled as I heard him voice his concerns about Babita, about his insecurities regarding his inability to be a good enough life partner for her. Would he be able to do right by her?
Mhaare dil mein, mhaare saans mein, mhaari aatma mein to Imarti basti hai. Yo anyay na hoga?
If Babita were to accept him, she would have to accept him with his love for Imarti, which he did not think was possible.
And this is where he was wrong, Lala pointed out. I just LOVE how well Lala understands everyone, even Babita. He presents facts in such a simple way that everyone can understand. I will say again, HS is very lucky to have a wise friend/brother like him.
I totally fell in love with these lines:
Yeh kaise soch liya sir saab aap ne? Kya aap ne Babita pehenji ko poora ka poora nahin apnaya, unke past ke saath, unke pati ke yaadon ke saath, unke woh beetey huey kal ke saath?
Aur to aur unke aur unke pati ke rishtey ki nishaani, Minnie. Aap ne sagey baap se bhi zyaada pyar diya ji usko. To kay woh Imarti bhabi ji ke pyaar ko nahin samajh payengi aap ke liye?
(Here I would like to point out the micro expression on Aniruddh’s face as he though fondly of his Veer Balika).
Why would he think Babita incapable of doing what he had done for them? In fact, he did not even have a tangible memory of Imarti’s existence the way Babita carried along in the form of Minnie, Ashok’s flesh and blood. Yet every time HS looked at Minnie all the felt was love, love, and more love.
Maybe she would understand, maybe she would not, replied HS.
Rishta jo hota hai na, Lale, especially mard aur aurat ka, bohot ek alag cheez hoti hai woh.
Tu na samjhega, teri shaadi na hui na abhi.
Perhaps, but some things were about common sense. Lala continued. HS had not hidden his feelings for Imarti from Babita. She understood, and respected Imarti’s place in his life and in his past. There was nothing new about it.
HS pointed out that everything had become new again. The pain, the wound. Babita had written a letter for Imarti, shaking him from the inside. The chest had been opened, unlocking memories of the past, the dust on the photo had been wiped away. The case had been reopened.
The more he tried to forget old memories, the more they came to the fore.
Pehle jo sharaab ke nashe mein jhalakta tha, mhaari Imarti ka woh chehra
Eeb aansoo banke mhaari aankhon mein tair raha hai.
Bohot badi bhool ho gayi mhaare se.
Main jo sochta tha na, ke main apni Imarti ko phook aaya? Na Lale.
Woh dekh, aag mein se phir uth khadi hui. Mhaare saamne mhaari Imarti. Ab yeh jo bhool hui hai, iska prayashchit to karna padega.
I had written about this a while ago, that there would come a time when HS would question his own loyalty and devotion to Imarti, to their eternal love, his guilt over her death, etc. before he could fully surrender himself to Babita. Just because he had not been seen crying day and night about Imarti did not mean he had not been hurting. He had just chosen to bury the pain deep, which had worked well enough for the past few years as he had tried to live a semblance of life as a widower, until the flames were stoked recently.
He had thought he could eventually move on with Babita without reconciling his past. He had thought he had had the situation under control. What he had failed to realize was that with all these elements of his past coming up now, rather than being a warning sign, was actually the best thing to have happened to him. Those memories needed to resurface so that he could look them in the face and learn to view them with a different lens, so that they could continue to live in his heart with all the love and beauty they deserved.
That could only happen once he was rid of his guilt, which is what the patch up with his father-in-law would achieve. Maan had never gotten closure and as he transformed to the Hanuman Singh we know today, the grief laced with guilt in his heart had frozen to become a shard of glass that continued to wound him over the years. It needed to be removed but he could not do it by himself. It would hurt terribly while he tried to dislodge it, but once it was out he would be free to heal, to love his Imarti without bleeding, and to give himself a second chance to experience pure love again with his new family. Babita and Minnie were there for him, but much as he trusted them, he could not trust that his grief would not overwhelm them and bring unnecessary sadness into their lives just when they had been trying to rebuild themselves after setting themselves free of their painful past.
Once the clouds moved away he would also then see that Babita could sense what was in his heart, which is why she had been able to aptly describe his sentiments in the letter to Imarti. She was better prepared to handle him and understand him than he realized.
Heartfelt Prayers
As HS prepared to go to the lawyer’s office, Minnie brought him the offering after prayer, wishing him before he left. She looked especially cute and innocent, a living reminder of the sweeter part of his current life. He was not sure where she was going with this, but he eventually understood that she was trying to fix things between Babita and him. Her mother had come back for silent support but had not resolved her issues with him, hence she was nowhere to be seen.
As Minnie tried to cover up for Babita, HS saw right through her lies. Much as he appreciated her efforts, he did not want his Veer Balika to ever feel she had to lie or hide things from him. Their relationship was far beyond it and he wanted her to continue to be honest. In the midst of Babita and his fight, he did not want his daughter to have to resort to deceit of any kind. There was enough confusion in their lives as it was, and she did not need to become embroiled in another emotional mess.
I loved the way he fondly put his hand on her cheek as she had on his the previous day. Total father there! One day I want HS to articulate why he loves Minnie so much.
Mhaare liye thaare prayers hi kaafi hain, he assured her, touched by her sincerity.
They say that children’s prayers for their parents do not go unanswered, and this is what was going to help HS in the next few hours.
Nanaji
Aap thik hain na, Nanaji?
That one question, one word, Nanaji encapsulated everything that was going on in their lies.
Sardar Singh, was still grieving over the loss of his daughter, looking for something to hold on to that would keep her alive. By calling Sardar Singh nanaji, Minnie did two things. One, she cemented her relationship with her father even further (since that's what his daughter would call his FIL). Two, she made permanent her own relationship with Imarti, first through HS and then through his FIL.
It was clear that Minnie had given Imarti a special place in her own heart. What he loved, she did too. What was his, was hers too. She had never met the great love of her father’s life in person, but through his words and his emotions, she connected with Imarti and made her a part of her own life too. I felt this in yesterday’s episode and her interaction with Sardar Singh, and her sympathy for him as a daughter/granddaughter was evident. She really has matured so well, thanks to HS’ guidance and from watching him lead by example. I was very impressed by how she handled her parents and grandparents today.
Her innocent statement that she had a Dadaji already but no Nanaji baffled the old man. Little did he know… Naeem Bi had the presence of mind to send Minnie home to bring some sweets. Alas, she struggled to convince Babita to come with her to speak to Imarti’s father!
Once bitten, twice shy indeed. She did not want to interfere in HS’ personal matters lest she offend him further. Minnie did not agree - since it was HS’ personal matter, it was her personal matter too. Again, Minnie’s clear thinking was admirable as she proposed a simple solution. The old man needed to know that he was wrong, that HS was a good man and that he had helped him a lot, how much he loved the person he was accuse of killing, who still lived in his heart.
HS is a very sensitive person who analyzes everything. But sometimes over-analyzing feelings can be detrimental, as it complicates the situation unnecessarily. Babita is doing the same right now. As I mentioned elsewhere, I also think he needs to stop being over-protective about Babita, because in a way he is smothering her wishes just as he felt he had smothered Imarti with his love.
Babita is that earth for HS that has (or will have) immense capacity to absorb everything, including his pain. Contrary to what he thinks she's not naive (well she is, but only to an extent). She has what it takes to handle the fire in him but it will take time and they have to let each other.
They both need to let things calm down, get on with their individual lives as kirayedaar and makan malik, and then figure out what they mean to each other beyond being Minnie’s coparents, where they fit into each other's daily routines. They are not ready for a relationship or even long-term commitment yet. Once the dust settles, they will be able to figure out next steps.
Pre-cap:
I am sure it would be heartbreaking to hear Minnie read the Imarti’s last letter to her father . I am really looking forward to seeing what Minnie tells Sardar Singh about HS. She probably doesn’t know that he is listening to the conversation. Babita might narrate her understanding of Imarti’s feelings in her last days, her sense of desperation seeing her Maan withering away. Her insight into not just his feelings but also Imarti’s might make HS reconsider his impression of Babita not being able to accept him with his love for Imarti or understand it.
I am also hoping in tomorrow's episode we get the scene of HS taking his FIL to his house and reconciling with him.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
