I have no clue what I have written. I'll be honest, my intention was something else and then I went through a range of mood swings and ended up with this. I wasn't going to put this up on the forum but then I thought, might as well.
So if this annoys you, please don't kill me. Just a heads up, this might end up giving you mixed feelings. 🙈
Here goes nothing.....
"Bhai, I hope tu jaanta hai tu kya kar raha hai," Dev said as he sat beside Shiva on the stairs.
Shiva looked up confused, "Kya keh raha hai, Dev?"
Dev sighed, "Yeh jo tu Disha ke saath Somnath ki sair kar raha hai, tujhe pata bhi hai iska anjaam kya hoga? Maa ko lagta hai ki tujhe Disha pasand aane lagi hain. Bhai, agar aisa chalta raha toh teri dusri shaadi ho jaana tayy hai!"
"Main koi Somnath ki sair nahi kar raha hu. Maa ke zid karne pe use mandir leke gaya tha." Shiva said rolling his eyes. "Waise bhi mera talaaq ho raha hai. Toh kya galat hai agar main move on karu toh?"
Dev looked shocked at his words, "Bhai, lekin Raavi - ???"
"Raavi khud mujhse chutkara paana chahti hai. Woh Chipkali toh khush hogi ki iss bala se jaan chooti."
"Pagal hai kya, Shiva?? Tujhe uss bechari ki takleef nazar nahi aa rahi?" Gautam's voice came from behind them, startling them both. "Bechari ko kitna bura laga hoga jab tujhe kisi aur ke saath dekha hai. Dekh Shiva, agar tu yeh Raavi ko jealous karne ke liye kar raha hai toh - " His words were cut off when Shiva laughed.
"Jealous? Woh bhi mere liye? Jealousy tab hoti hai jab jealous hone ki wajah ho. Raavi ko main chahye hi nahi, Gaumbi. Toh kis baat ki jealousy," Shiva said chuckling darkly.
"Pann Shiva - " Dev started to speak when Shiva got up abruptly.
"Mujhe dukaan jaana hai. Bohot kaam hai."
"Yeh Shiva ko kya ho gaya hai achanak?" Dev asked Gautam when he sat down beside him.
"Pata nahi iss ladke ke dimaag mein kya chal raha hai," Gautam sighed, watching Shiva's retreating back.
*****
Raavi chopped the carrots, wishing the inanimate objects were Disha's head. She wasn't blind. She could see the way that Bhootnath flushed everytime that daayan would say something particularly sweet to him. The very first time they met, Raavi saw her peck her husband's cheek. The fury she felt at the moment wasn't something she could ever describe to anyone. Nor could she explain the shattered pieces of the bedside table lamp - the one she threw against the wall that night.
Her heart thudded in fear as she imagined the shenanigans her husband and that devil's mistress could be getting up to every time Suman Kaki would send them out on some errand or the other. Her stomach roiled in anxiety when suddenly she realised Shiva wasn't home yet. Did Kaki send them off again? Or did that daayan corner her Bhootnath in the store and they are, right this moment, canoodling in some corner of the backroom.
The knife missed the vegetable and Raavi hissed in pain as she nicked her finger. Sucking the cut, she felt a growing dread in her gut. What if, somehow, that daayan manage to steal Shiva's heart? Where would that leave Raavi? Dropping everything, Raavi rushed out of the kitchen. Before she could get two steps out, she collided with Rishita.
"Ooofff! Raavi! Kya kar rahi ho! Dekh ke nahi chal sakti??" Rishita yelled, rubbing at her now bruised ribcage.
"Sorry, sorry Rishita! I'm sorry. Abhi bohot jaldi mein hoon. Mujhe store jaana hai," Raavi moved towards the door again.
"Lekin abhi kyun store jaana hai?? Kal hi toh saare ration aaya hai. Itni jaldi kya khatam ho gaya??"
"Khatam hua hai na. Meri qismat khatam ho gayi hai," Raavi mumbled under her breath.
"Haan? Kya?"
"Kuch nahi Rishita. Mujhe koi saaman nahi chahye. Mujhe Shiva se milna hai," Raavi said.
"Oh! Toh aisa bolo na! Accha thik hai tum jao. Main dinner ka dekhti hoon." Rishita hurried her away.
Raavi thanked her before running out as fast as her legs could carry. Only when she saw Shiva working alone in the shop, did she halt. She paused for a moment, admiring the sight in front of her. Did he even know how much he makes her heart flutter? How his overgrown hair flopped in his eyes and how his nose would scrunch at the interference. His irritated face constant all day, except when he smiled that heartbreaking smile of his. The one that lights up the whole world. Maybe that's why he doesn't smile more often, she thought. Because the universe knows the world cannot handle that smile without crumpling to its knees.
As if sensing her presence, Shiva turned towards her, his dark eyes widening as he realised she was standing right there. He frowned before moving forward, "Tu? Tu yaha kya kar rahi hai?"
His words broke her out of her trance and she felt a flash of irritation, "Kyun?? Tujhe kisi aur ka intezaar tha??" She questioned, her voice uncharacteristically sharp.
He rolled his eyes, turning away from her, "Yahi bakwas karne aayi hai toh wapas chali jaa. Abhi bohot kaam hai mujhe."
"Haan haan! Ab toh teri life mein aur bhi important log aa gaye hai. Toh meri baatein toh tujhe bakwas hi lagegi," Raavi huffed irately.
Shiva couldn't keep looking at her face without his resolve breaking. He turned away. "Matlab ki baat kar, Raavi," he said tiredly.
Raavi stopped in her tracks as a flash of pain shot through her at his easy dismissal. All of a sudden a memory hit her mind. Mirchi sprinkled aam....Shiva looking at her nervously as he talked in circles....her saying these exact words to him when he talked about their relationship. Her heart faltered. Was this how he felt when she was the one speaking these words? Did it hurt him too - just like how hearing those words from him hurt her? She shook those thoughts out of her head.
"Sirf matlab ki baat kar mujhse. Baki poora duniya bhar ki khee khee uss Disha ke saath kar liya hoga, hain naa?"
Shiva looked at her irritatedly, "Tujhe usse kya? Mujhse zyada Disha mein toh tujhe interest hai. Main kisi se bhi kuch bhi baat karu, tujhe kya? Aaj achanak mujhe sawaal karne aa gayi hai."
Raavi didn't say a word; her heart breaking a little when he didn't deny. She had hoped fervently that he'd dismiss her claims with a "Aye Mami ki behen ki beti! Pagal ho gayi hai kya?" And she would have happily swallowed his scoldings. But his response was worse - far worse. Does that mean he wanted to marry Disha?
"Toh matlab tu shaadi kar lega uss da- uss Disha se??" Raavi screamed, jostling him by his collar.
He wrenched her fingers away, "Main phir se keh raha hoon, Raavi. Tujhe isse kya matlab??"
"Matlab hai! Humara divorce abhi tak hua nahi hai. Kaki aise hi kisi ko bhi utha ke le aayegi?? Woh ladki jo sirf daant dikha ke khee khee karti hai? Woh sambhalegi Pandya parivaar ko?" Raavi fumed in anger.
"Toh? Tu jaanti kitna hai use? Maa ko pasand hai woh toh ladki buri toh nahi hogi." Shiva sighed tiredly.
"Buri toh main bhi nahi thi na, Shiva? Padhi likhi hu. Smart hu. Ghar sambhal leti hu. Fir bhi aaj Kaki ko tere liye woh pasand hai, main nahi. Kyun?"
Shiva turned away from her, unable to answer her question. How was he supposed to say that she was the best person for him? That she was the one his heart wants. But even if she was the best for him, he knew he wasn't the best for her. And he couldn't stand in the way of that - he couldn't deprive her of her happiness.
"Iss sab se ab kya fark parta hai?" Shiva said, still looking resolutely away. "Tu bohot acchi hai, Raavi. Sach kahu toh mujhse kahi zyada acchi hai. Isliye tu kabhi khush nahi rahi mere saath. Tu mere jaise chote insaan compromise kare, yeh mujhe mazoor nahi. Tera aur mera koi mel hi nahi."
"Aur Disha? Tera aur uska mel hai?"
"Yeh toh mujhe nahi pata. Pann haan itna zaroor pata hai ke uske saath mujhe kabhi chota mehsoos nahi hoga. Apne kaam, apne pehnave ko leke sharminda nahi hona parega. Kabhi khudko badalke nahi jeena parega."
Raavi visibly deflated at his words, as fear engulfed her heart. The juxtaposition of all the times she insulted him, called him names flashed before her - the implication of her words crashing down on her like waves. She didn't know her words could have such an impact on him. If only she could turn back time, if only she had stopped herself from saying all those words. If only she had understood him better. If only he had understood her better. If only they hadn't met the way they did. If only they hadn't married the way they did. If only they had another shot. If only she had told him what he meant to her. If only.....Her heart pounding in her ears, she quietly breathed out her question. So quiet that Shiva had to strain his ears to hear.
"Toh kya tu usse pyaar karta hai?"
He whipped around at that, his heart breaking when he saw her looking completely lost. He took a tentative step forward, unsure of what to say. No, he didn't love Disha. He couldn't, even if he wanted to. His thoughts, his dreams, his entire being was consumed by one person and one person alone. His mami ki behen ki beti. The bane of his existence. His wife. But he cannot tell her that. She doesn't deserve to compromise with him. She deserves the whole world. And for that Shiva had to let her go. He took a deep breath, stopping himself a few steps away from her.
"Raavi...." Shiva spoke haltingly. "Rishta do badabadi ke insaan ke beech hota hai. Humare rishte mein main hamesha tere liye chota hi rehta raavi. Tu Somnath ki sabse acchi ladki, kaha mujhe jaise gawar ke saath fas gayi. Iss bojh taley humara rishta dab gaya tha. Main dab gaya tha..." He chuckled mirthlessly.
"Raavi tu bohot acchi hai. Tere jitna saaf dil shayad hi kisi ka ho. Tu maa ke yeh taane deserve nahi karti. Jo beizzati teri hoti hai woh tu deserve nahi karti raavi. Fir bhi tu ne humare parivaar ke liye jitna kuch kiya hai woh koi choti baat nahi hai." He smiled sadly at her. "Isliye main kehta hoon tu poori duniya deserve karti hai. Woh kya kehte hai....? Haan! Prince Charming deserve karti hai...Main woh kabhi nahi ban sakta. Khudko badal nahi sakta."
Raavi choked at that. Tears streaming down her face as she let out a pained sob. She rubbed her arms trying to ease the dread coursing through her blood.
"Pann main toh tujhe badalna nahi chahti Shiva! Tujhe badalne ka koi irada nahi tha mera. Tu jaisa hai waise hi mujhe......" Her sobs took over her words. Her breathing ragged, she stumbled when Shiva caught her in his arms. She could no longer stop the tears from streaming down as she broke down in his arms.
"Kya maine bohot der kar di, Shiva?"
Shiva froze at those words. Her tears broke him everytime. No matter how hard he tried to stay impassive, her pain got to him, burning a trail of flames straight down to his heart. He rubbed her cold arms absentmindedly. As she gazed at him with those wide honey eyes, he was spellbound. He was helpless against the power she held over his heart. He couldn't deny her anything. He shook his head in a negative. No, it would never be late for her, for he'd be only hers - for this lifetime and beyond.
When Raavi saw him shaking his head, she felt the air returning to her lungs and she gasped in relief. In his eyes, under layers of carefully constructed defences, she saw the cracks appearing and she knew, this was where she belonged. As she felt his arms encircle her, the heat radiating from him seeped into her skin, warming her to the bones. She knew she was home.
~Fin 💖
Apologies for the errors and for bumming you out. Thank you for reading.
