Why should Shiva leave ?

Bas aisi hi decided to make a separate post as I have been reading "Shiva must leave the pandyas ", Shiva must leave this toxic family bec they don't value him etc etc

I find it very disturbing . The moment things go downhill we have just one solution in mind.."quit" . Is it that easy ? There is nobody in the world who values and cares for a person as much as their family . Disagreements and fights r a part of every relationship so do they quit at the drop of the hat ? The family was angry with Shiva and rightfully so ! This doesn't mean he should leave all them.

I didn't like "raavi must leave" either..only when situation is unavoidable, yes , do take a stand for your self respect . But with raavi ita differenT. She can still go bk to her mami, complete her studies and become financially independent .. She has her own people to fall bk on, if things go south. Shiva has none.

Shiva knows he is wrong and the family too, yet , they can't dump him somewhere .

Thinking practically , who will value Shiva in the outside world , as much as his mom and brothers? What will he do without any education or work experience ? Work as a laborer? Will he be able to afford a house , chalo, rented house ? Starting from.scratch is no joke..let's not use these terms casually ..I am all for becoming financially independent , working and staying away from the family for their own good.. but not "ghar chodna " and breaking all ties with them for petty issues. Two.things r diff.

IMO, Shiva can survive and take care of himself much better than others. Why shouldn't he leave?

You mean to say that Shiva has to be dependent on his brothers for life. You completely demeaned and devalued him.

I know a person who was a mechanic in his native town in TN and left the house for better prospects, worked during the day, continued his education at night and went through diploma in Engineering and is one of our friends here in the United States. His family is toxic as well but he still supports them, loves his parents, sisters and brother but said will never join them again for what they put him through.
He came with nothing when left the house in his early 20s and has done great in the past 20 years.
So there is nothing wrong in asking for Shiva to leave the house and look for better prospects.

I can't believe this thinking, smh😕

I understand you viewpoint, and I am glad you brought this up 🤗

I personally have always believed in the importance of understanding self-worth and individuality. As daunting as it may be, living outside teaches you many important things in life. You learn how to interact with people outside of family, you learn independence, and at times you are forced to step out of your comfort zone.

There's nothing wrong with living at home. Shiva is cared for by the other members at home, he receives shelter and food, and if he is stuck in a situation, he can always rely on someone to help him. Unfortunately, I feel as though he is maybe too dependent on his family. He was coddled for most of his life, and as such, he doesn't know how to act in front of Raavi. Raavi had her fair share of mistakes, too, don't get me wrong. However, Shiva's mistakes are all mistakes that could have been fixed had he stepped outside of his comfort zone and interacted with others outside of Pandya Store.

As one of the owners of Pandya Store, he has a certain power he can show to his customers. If a customer angers him, he can kick them out. However, in his marital life, he cannot wield such a power. He has no right to pressure Raavi into signing divorce papers. He has no right to act in the manner he has without explaining to Raavi why he did all those things. Had he gone to college, or even stayed outside of his house, he would've learned that such actions cannot fly by with others... Outsiders are much less forgiving than family...

So this is one of the reasons why I want him to step out of his house. I want him to experience the outside world... the highs and the lows, because that's how you learn.

Furthermore, after watching this show for this long, I do feel as though the other members in the family (exception of Suman) take him for granted. They don't offer the same respect to Shiva, and by extension to Raavi. Rishita was never criticized for all the mean things she said. Instead, the family said she needed "time" and gave her a mango lassi. Meanwhile, Raavi was asked to "adjust" and "accept" the marriage essentially on Day 2. No mention of her almost suicide. No mention of the fact that she will have to live and breathe in the same house as the man who abandoned her in the mandap.

As such, for this reason too, I want Shiva and Raavi to leave the house. They don't need to cut off all ties, they need to leave and prove to the family that education + certificates are not the basis to determine one's "worth" in the family. They need to leave, so the family doesn't trap them in their current roles...

You're right, starting from scratch is difficult... but Shiva and Raavi have displayed an incredible amount of courage, stubbornness, and passion. Unlike Dev who gives up an opportunity, and Rishita who runs away when things are not in her favor, Shiva and Raavi both face problems head on... and I think those characteristics will allow them to survive in the world all by themselves. Each of them also bring a set of talents. Shiva has years of experience in the store. He knows the pulse of the customers, he is quick on his toes, he can negotiate deals... he doesn't need to be a laborer, he can try managing if he wants to. Raavi herself is also talented. She is educated, and if she really wanted to, she can use her cooking skills to set up a business. Shiva and Raavi could start afresh with a food truck business or a small restaurant or a home cooked meals delivery business.

Sometimes, you need to take the risk in order to get the gains... and I think in Shiva and Raavi's situation, leaving that house will allow them to lead a more fruitful and successful life than staying.

Originally posted by: mpks1

IMO, Shiva can survive and take care of himself much better than others. Why shouldn't he leave?

You mean to say that Shiva has to be dependent on his brothers for life. You completely demeaned and devalued him.

I know a person who was a mechanic in his native town in TN and left the house for better prospects, worked during the day, continued his education at night and went through diploma in Engineering and is one of our friends here in the United States. His family is toxic as well but he still supports them, loves his parents, sisters and brother but said will never join them again for what they put him through.
He came with nothing when left the house in his early 20s and has done great in the past 20 years.
So there is nothing wrong in asking for Shiva to leave the house and look for better prospects.

I can't believe this thinking, smh😕

Yes. That's my thinking and it's just my viewpoint.

I was insisting on the value of a "family" and taking such a huge decision in impulse . I already said settling down away from the family and starting a new life for establishing one's identity is "different" from ghar chodke jaana bec of family issues . To gain respect one has to give respect too , shiva is equally at fault in this kaand but at the same time he values his family as they value him so he will never quit.

In a family everyone has their own place , no matter how they contribute. It's not about dependency...... humans r dependent on each other for all their needs..physical , emotional and mental ....that's why we live in societies... .

The only purpose of my post is that there seems to be only one solution to every problem here .."quit". Saas ne kuch kaha.quit. husband ne kuch kaha. Quit. Ghar mein problem hai. Quit. Quitting is easy but living in the family as a unit is difficult . I still.hold onto my thought that there is nobody in this world who is a better well wisher than ones.parents and family.. yes there are exceptions and ppl can be selfish and nasty...not all families are good not all sons are good... But this is ps I was talking about ... pandyas may have their flaws but all of them love each other genuinely .

Originally posted by: milkcakejamun

I understand you viewpoint, and I am glad you brought this up 🤗

I personally have always believed in the importance of understanding self-worth and individuality. As daunting as it may be, living outside teaches you many important things in life. You learn how to interact with people outside of family, you learn independence, and at times you are forced to step out of your comfort zone.

There's nothing wrong with living at home. Shiva is cared for by the other members at home, he receives shelter and food, and if he is stuck in a situation, he can always rely on someone to help him. Unfortunately, I feel as though he is maybe too dependent on his family. He was coddled for most of his life, and as such, he doesn't know how to act in front of Raavi. Raavi had her fair share of mistakes, too, don't get me wrong. However, Shiva's mistakes are all mistakes that could have been fixed had he stepped outside of his comfort zone and interacted with others outside of Pandya Store.

As one of the owners of Pandya Store, he has a certain power he can show to his customers. If a customer angers him, he can kick them out. However, in his marital life, he cannot wield such a power. He has no right to pressure Raavi into signing divorce papers. He has no right to act in the manner he has without explaining to Raavi why he did all those things. Had he gone to college, or even stayed outside of his house, he would've learned that such actions cannot fly by with others... Outsiders are much less forgiving than family...

So

Sometimes, you need to take the risk in order to get the gains... and I think in Shiva and Raavi's situation, leaving that house will allow them to lead a more fruitful and successful life than staying.

🤗 Thx for the beautiful reply...I completely agree ...I understand the value of being independent ..abs no objection to that.. if someone is able to do it, nothing better than this....but is it not possible to learn all of this in the family itself ? I mean it can be both ways right ? It's not like these brothers don't Interact with the outside world and they can't be street smart ? Gautam.shiva krish and dev , the 4 of them belong to the same family and they have same upbringing . But all are different ...gautam is street smart , so is Shiva.

Shivas anger is not the problem, he also knows how to love , how to respect, didn't he do it with dhara ? His mind is prejudiced against raavi which prevents him to see the real her . When he will see that , his behavior towards her will automatically change. Jo seekhne wala.ho, woh ghar mein, baahar, work environment mein , kahin bhi seekh lega ..jisko.nahi seekhna woh kahin nahi seekhega..it depends on the individual more and less on the.environment . Infact I think the home and family environment is more challenging.

As for respect, don't you think in the ps world , respecting each other is a little different from how it functions in our world ? 😆

Isn't that the actual plot of this show

Staying together as a joint family it's merits and de merits

The makers lost the whole point somewhere but the first promo after leap with the two new brides implied to that only

How the dynamics of a family change when a daughter in law from another house comes to be a part of a family

Now coming to your post fine shiva should not leave his family and break ties with them but yes there is nothing wrong in it if a person wants to grow as an individual he can move out of his family because in a joint family your personal space , your freedom your individuality does get compromised

Originally posted by: .Sunrise.

Isn't that the actual plot of this show

Staying together as a joint family it's merits and de merits

The makers lost the whole point somewhere but the first promo after leap with the two new implied to that only

How the dynamics of a family change when a daughter in law from another house comes to be a part of a family

Now coming to your post fine shiva should not leave his family and break ties with them but yes there is nothing wrong in it if a person wants to grow as an individual he can move out of his family because in a joint family your personal space , your freedom your individuality does get compromised

True that..it happens sometimes that one's freedom and individuality gets compromised. But what we tag as a "toxic family" can also be an opportunity to grow,.to evolve and learn a lot of life lessons. Is the outside world any less toxic ? Where everyone has to steer their way through and learn to survive?

If Shiva leaves the family , he would still "need" a family right? He would need a wife ,.children . He will have to learn there also. He will have to learn how to survive in his work environment also. My only point , there is not just one way to prove self worth that is , to quit everything and be on their own.

Yes families do.mollycoddle their children, pushing them into a comfort zone ..but in shivas case , I think he has a lot of scope of improvement well within the bounds of the family. If tomorrow he chooses to work outside or stay away from family, I am all for it.

Originally posted by: _charu_

True that..it happens sometimes that one's freedom and individuality gets compromised. But what we tag as a "toxic family" can also be an opportunity to grow,.to evolve and learn a lot of life lessons. Is the outside world any less toxic ? Where everyone has to steer their way through and learn to survive?

If Shiva leaves the family , he would still "need" a family right? He would need a wife ,.children . He will have to learn there also. He will have to learn how to survive in his work environment also. My only point , there is not just one way to prove self worth that is , to quit everything and be on their own.

Yes families do.mollycoddle their children, pushing them into a comfort zone ..but in shivas case , I think he has a lot of scope of improvement well within the bounds of the family. If tomorrow he chooses to work outside or stay away from family, I am all for it.

You have a point !!!

Shiva can grow by staying in the family too anyone can but right now it seems no one understands him or his point of view and him hiding everything behind his anger is also not helping

And to tell you the truth those who say shiva should they want him to leave with raavi as they only want to shivi and no one else 🤣😆

Originally posted by: .Sunrise.

You have a point !!!

Shiva can grow by staying in the family too anyone can but right now it seems no one understands him or his point of view and him hiding everything behind his anger is also not helping

And to tell you the truth those who say shiva should they want him to leave with raavi as they only want to shivi and no one else 🤣😆

😆 True that..everyone thinks from shivas perspective only..yet , he is very different from everybody's perception . He would never wanna leave his family, coz they are all he has..they r his support system . I don't judge him for that..nor is it his weakness..that's one thing I like about it.. his devotion towards his loved ones and his ability to call a spade a spade. His family might not verbalize it to him but they love him unconditionly

Sometimes when I think as a parent , I get emotional 😆 there r very few ppl in this world who love us for who we are ..parents n family can be one of those..that's why we must try , never to quit , for our ego ..unse koi galti ho unko maaf kardo and humse koi galti ho, woh humko maaf kar de.

I know ps is about the importance of family and their ways are very twisted..the thing is , where there is too much love , things do get toxic , and ppl r taken for granted also..the balance is disturbed time to time but it comes bk to what it is ..that's the beauty of it..

To be honest I dnt totally support the idea of shiva leaving frm house either...only when the frustrations are at peak I wish he had left the place and saved himself from these heartless people...but the truth is shiva shouldn't leave pandyas...but not becz he can't do something for himself as he is not educated enough..all he needs is to sell his property of that gifted land to start nice with a business of his own..he has enough experience for that..

but i dnt want him to leave becz no matter what , shiva loves the family.. his life is in being with the pandya family and working for pandya store..that is shiva..and if he leaves the place, rather than improving his condition he would only be killing himself by staying away from everything he loves.

The family has not lived up to his love..but he deserves what he craves..and he craves for his family..