Shiva had waited for half an hour at their spot, under the tree, before making his way to his mami’s house to meet a nine year old Raavi. They had had an argument earlier at school, when she had wanted to sit next to Arushi at lunch. Despite being two years older than her, they had made a pact to have lunch together; always, and she'd broken that. He had stormed out of the lunch hall, tiffin in hand to the tree near the football field. When she had come to speak to him just before the bell rang, he’d pushed her aside and walked off not waiting to hear her cry of surprise.
Raavi had waited by the window, watching the street below till she spotted him at the end of the lane, wiping the tears haphazardly she moved away from the window knowing he would shimmy his way up the pipe like the monkey he was.
"Raavi what was that all about? You promised we would have lunch together. You never let me forget it yet today you did just that."
He was surprised seeing the dried tears on her cheeks and moved quickly towards her, pulling her closer, he tried cleaning up her face.
" Now why are you crying? You're the one who decided not to have lunch together, you know that's why I was angry."
"But Shiva, the girls in my class kept teasing me, that I was sitting with a boy and boys are yucky. They also wouldn't talk to me if I didn't show them that I could say no to you. But I don't care. It was horrible sitting with them. They made fun of you and everytime I asked them to stop they teased me even more."
He frowned, thinking of ways of teaching Arushi a lesson for making his best friend cry, but she just smiled and said they should forget about it. Sharing a chocolate his father had given him, they spoke about what else had happened since lunch the day before.
***
He hadn’t meant to throw the gola on her dress and ruin it; or maybe he had. His temper painted everything red and he stopped thinking. It had been six months since they had lunch together, but how could he? When she was a part of the family that he was sure had something to do with his father’s death. She had even managed to snare his brother’s attention and focused only on him, when he should have been its recipient.
The anger wouldn’t recede and warred with his concern for her. He wanted to talk to her, sit with her and tease her; because he missed it. He missed his best friend and spending time with her. She had run inside and had told Dhara and Gautam what he’d done and he had been reprimanded for making her unhappy. Glaring at her for breaking another of their promises, he turned away, before he would melt at her tears.
She didn’t come to Pandya niwas for a full day then. The next night he climbed up the pipe and left a chocolate for her on her dresser, knowing it was not the comfort she was seeking, but the only comfort he could now offer. What he didn’t know was she had waited by the window till she had seen him coming.
***
The distance between them grew in leaps and bounds, each wistfully looking at the other when they knew they wouldn’t be caught. They had grown up slightly and had buried deep within them the emptiness of the one special person that they were unable to find in anyone else.
Moving to high school came about with its own sets of problems. He watched her cry when the final school bell rang and although they had barely spoken for almost two years, he was still concerned for her; not that he would ever show it.
“Look at her, being a cry baby. We’re in high school now, who cries like that. Maybe you should go back to the upper primary. We do not need kids like you around.” as those words left a bitter taste in his mouth, he spewed them nevertheless, trying to sooth the anger and rage that still burnt in him.
Later on the field as they waited for the coach to come, he heard from the boys in her class tease her about having gotten her first period in school and as they continued to make fun of her, he finally understood the reason behind her tears.
She hadn’t known what had happened and had panicked even more until Arushi had taken her to the infirmary, where the school nurse had explained what was happening to her and to not worry. The boys teasing her hadn’t hurt as much as Shiva’s calling her a baby still had. She knew he would never have said it if they had been on talking terms, but the words still pricked her heart.
Walking out of the infirmary, they walked to the entrance of the school, when Arushi brought her attention to the far right where the grounds were situated. Shiva had gotten into a fight with the boys from her class. Panicking, she ran towards them, but soon realised that she didn't have to worry about him, he was fine but she felt pity on the boys in her class. They looked as though they had been through a wood chipper. The coach had just arrived and had given Shiva a suspension from the team for two weeks.
She didn't see him for two weeks. It was almost like he was avoiding her, as though she was some contagious illness. He had been watching her from afar, mostly to make sure that those boys didn't bother her again. He watched as she sighed, chin on palm and flipping through her textbook in the library. As she turned to remove her notebook, she noticed the box of chocolates and for that moment she forgot all about the bitterness between them.
***
He had come on the insistence of Dhara bhabhi and Gautam. The rest of the family had been excited to come for the cultural festival at the college, but he wanted to stay at the store. Noone would hear one word from him though, it was Raavi's final year and she was the representative for her college. All the Pandyas sat in the seats she had reserved for them, bar one and as she peeked through the wings, disappointment seeped to her bones; he hadn't come.
Her performance was far superior to her peers and he couldn't help but feel proud as he watched from the darkened vestibule with an uninterrupted view of her graceful moves. The anger had diminished but the distance between them was extensive and he was finding it difficult to find his way back.
The applause was deafening and she reveled at the sense of achievement. She found a box of chocolates and a bouquet sitting on her dresser backstage when she went to get changed. Smiling as all her hard work had paid off, she smelt the flowers and tucked the box in her bag. And now she would celebrate, first with her adopted family and then with her friends.
They went out for dinner to her favourite restaurant and ordered all the dishes that she preferred. She was the centre of attention and she basked in the spotlight. When dinner was all done, she roped Krish into walking to her friends.
"How is he? I feel like I haven't seen him in months." she asked Krish. He was the only one in the family Raavi ever spoke to about Shiva, because he never judged and was always honest with her.
"It has been months, Raavi. I think you last saw him at Gautam's birthday when you had come home. Otherwise you don't even come when he's around. We miss you, even him though he’ll never say it. When will you stop fighting?”
“That is the problem Krish, I never fought for him and he only fought against me. Hopefully one day. Never mind, here is Sonam’s place. Thanks for walking me over. I’ll see you tomorrow okay. Don’t wander around, it's getting late and Dhara di will be waiting for you.”
“Okay see you tomorrow. Let me know when you get home later.”
He hugged her and watched as she walked in, silently sending out the same prayer that his brother and Raavi would finally talk.
Shiva sat on the tree in deep thought as though trying to solve the mysteries of the universe. The only thing going through his mind was how to talk to her, convince her that whatever happened was no longer important to him; she was. His anger had simmered for ten years and the war his emotions had waged internally had left him ragged so all he wanted now was some peace, her acceptance to the repentance he was feeling, that he would show her, if she gave him a chance.
His phone buzzed bringing him out of his reverie. Dhara asked him to come home as it was getting late. Jumping down, he started his bike and turned to go towards home, when he saw her. She was walking hurriedly, as though running away from someone.
“Ae mami ki behen ki beti, what are you doing out so late at night? Are you trying to get in trouble?”
“Shiva! Thank God. Please please please, I know you don't like me but can you please drop me home? There were these really creepy guys sitting further up and they kept looking at me. It felt disgusting.”
“Why are you out so late at night? And on this side of town. You should be like the good girl that you are, and stay at home.”
“I had gone to Sonam’s house to celebrate the college win, but how would you know, you didn't even come to watch me dance. Vishal had promised to drop me home but he left without me and masi called to ask me to come home, so I left. I didn't realise it was so late.”
Indicating to the back of his bike he waited till she climbed on before they rode to her masi’s house in silence, each willing the other to start the conversation that they wanted to have. Arriving, they awkwardly said good night and he waited as she went in. Seeing the light in her room switch on, he thought he was imagining the shadow that crossed the gossamer curtain. Shaking his head at his wayward thoughts, he rode off under the wistful eyes that watched till the end of the street.
***
This was her last chance, to get him to talk to her, to accept her into his life again and for that she was now willing to go to any extent. She had spoken to Dhara di about getting married to Dev, hoping against hope that this was the push he needed to finally accept that there could be no one else; in either of their lives.
He needed to talk to her. This was getting ridiculous. He knew she liked his brother, always had, since they had stopped talking but to take that resentment down this path was madness. She didn’t love Dev and he knew that, just as he knew she would marry Dev just to spite him. He finally found her shopping for her bridal lengha and ignoring the gawking that followed him, he pulled her into the trial room and locked it from the inside.
“Are you mad? What nonsense is this? How dare you think that you can come to my house and ask for my bhabhi to marry you to my brother? Have you lost your mind?”
“What are you doing Shiva? What does it matter to you anyways? You don’t even talk to me; all you do is fight and argue. Dev is really nice and he cares for me. I want to marry him and then maybe you’ll finally talk to me properly, how you should be.”
He looked like a predator and the trial room started feeling even smaller to her as she walked towards the back,
“What are you doing Shiva?”
She stopped suddenly, feeling the cold mirror on her back, standing on her tiptoes, she tried to press herself further into the mirror, wary of the changing emotions she could see in his eyes. She read the well known emotions quickly, anger, hurt, annoyance, frustration and then the ones he had been trying to hide and were more difficult to deduce; want, longing and dare she hope, love?
“I will never let you marry my brother. EVER! You don’t love him and he doesn’t love you. Now get back outside and go tell Dhara bhabhi that you had a moment of insanity when you suggested such a stupid idea.”
“Why should I Shiva? And who are you to tell me what to do? Will you give me what my heart has longed for so long? At least if nothing else Dev will give me a secure future. That is sometimes enough, because I don’t see my love being requited; not in this lifetime.”
He laughed then and placed his forehead on hers.
“Because that future belongs to me, just like mine belongs to you.”
They had a lot to catch up on. A decade's worth of talks, thoughts and feelings for which they had their whole life to do. But for now he felt it; the last remains of the bitterness that he’d held onto wrongly for her melted away at the questions that she had raised, and replacing it was a joy that he had never experienced. She would never say the words, but he understood nevertheless what she hinted at, knowing that after spending over a decade away from her in a self-inflicted exile, he had finally found his way back.
Edited by Miss.M - 3 years ago
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