Originally posted by: Pottermeow
I think we all know that Raavi has serious abandonment issues. Even pre wedding we see her trying to get Shiva's acceptance in any way and form possible. Case in point, her mehendi. Now that he is her husband I think all she is ready for at this point is the comfort of having someone for her, in any form. Shiva is pretty clear that he won't think of her as his wife initially, so she suggests being strangers, then upon him disagreeing, friends.
Raavi, despite what she believes about herself, seems to trust actions over words. Pre wedding Dev never professed his love for her, but his actions were misleading, they show acceptance of Raavi's love for him and that he cares for her, not confusion and disbelief as it should have been to deter her. At the wedding, when he his actions scream indifference for her, she finally sees that he never loved her.
Now despite Shiva still fighting with her, his actions had begun to show acceptance for her, which is why the emotional distancing hurts her as opposed to enraging her. I think that now she knows that Shiva is insecure but is at a loss at how to help him. Raavi has tried to tell him, but he isn't seeing her, he isn't hearing her, and she doesn't know how to make him do that without annoying him. #dobi raavi
I think if Shiva keeps at this, and Raavi were to have a breakdown, it would be alone. I don't think it has to be a massive cryfest even, it would be enough for her to just go silent, it would be even more effective if you ask me. For someone as lively as Raavi being silent and simply completing the routine of her life mechanically would be the brightest red alert she could give others that she is now tired, is now broken.
And when she realises what has happened to her, in a real life scenario, another suicide attempt is very much possible. Relapses are real with any mental health issue and suicidal tendencies are no joke....
But, who am I kidding, this is PS and they're probably going to make Raavi be the aadarsh bahurani, jo sab kuch sehen karegi aur parivaar bhi sambhaalegi.
P. S, there is a popular dialogue, saying in tamil, kaaya patta singathin moochu adhan garjanaiyai vida bayangaramaanadhu. It's popular in other languages too and means that the breath of a wounded lion is much more fearsome than it's roar. This is what Shiva is to me right now. A wounded lion, and therefore much more dangerous to Raavi's wellbeing
Brilliant just brilliant!
I had written something on her abandonment long back
While we all are happy with the romantic moments, a part hidden in our hearts dreads the angst involved in Raavi-Shiva relationship. We love their fights, bickering and banter! Don’t we? However, the immense amount of unsurfaced emotions these two harbour haven’t even been touched upon as yet. I highly doubt, ITV would probably even find those and keep on putting them together under the garb of “Ek Chutki Sindoor” and parivar etc.
The real issue behind Raavi’s strange behaviour is emotional Abandonment.
She is undergoing an internal emotional crisis of abandonment. This abandonment generally leads to scar an individual with trauma and leaves an emotional imprint that affects her future choices, responses and is a real PTSD. She has experienced abandonment in 3 stages:
1. Childhood Abandonment with early death of parents:
Such kids often create an illusionary bubble of happiness around them when they receive too much love after that. The abandonment instead of being addressed is hidden under love and the person grows protected and in a fairy tale bubble of happiness.
2. Adulthood and Abandonment by her Emotional Cocoon of Security Dev
We see her being abandoned by her imaginary cocoon of security on the altar of her wedding day. She was the happiest and all her dreams came crashing down. A fatal reality check. Her behaviour during that trauma was self-defeat. Purely giving up.
3. Abandonment by Shiva: Her renewed sense of empowerment.
Raavi has experienced such an intense Abandonment related PTSD that the moment she got married to Shiva, she has started behaving like a pendulum oscillating between ‘fear of engulfment’ and ‘fear of abandonment’ from Shiva. Her worst fears coming true in the form of him leaving her.
What Raavi experiences is a form of Abandonment PTSD which is manifesting as intrusive anxiety when Shiva puts Sindoor on her, emotional hijacking on the slightest level of critique or suffocation due to sudden engulfment. Lashing out at Shiva gives her a sense of entitlement, empowerment and control. It helps her recover from low self-esteem which is triggered by her abandonment at the wedding altar.
Was she not good enough?
What could she have done better?
The low self-worth makes her seek comfort but she doesn’t get any and hence latches on to an unwilling partner. And, when the same partner, becomes a little willing, she lashes out because of an excessive need of control on her life.
Is it fair for Dhara and Gautam as elders to actually tell her that everything will get better or push a vulnerable person to another vulnerable person?
Her diminished sense of elf-esteem fills her with an intense need to nurture her ego to put herself on a pedestal. That’s how she finds her sense of self-worth again.
Her unpredictability stems from her trauma.
Why doesn’t Dev matter to her anymore?
It’s simply because he didn’t exist in her real world. Her relationship with Dev was fictional and imaginary. He didn’t exist as a real relationship. She was fixated with her sense of security and seeing Dev on the wedding altar like that jolted her into reality. Her lucid day-dreaming world came crashing. You can’t hold a grudge with an imagination. And, post her abandonment, all her emotions have been directed towards only 1 person-Shiva. Perhaps her only Real Relationship that existed with him all these years.
Btw, you must have noticed that certain people will go to lengths to get the acceptance from an avoidant partner.
All these years, in her perfect cocoon of love from everyone, there existed only 1 man who didn’t love her back. That was Shiva. Such dynamics in their relationship makes it extremely complex for them to understand whatever is happening to them.
There’s so much potential in their bond. You feel so much for them because they are much more to each other. They are objects of fixation for each other. Their world revolves around each other.
The fear of abandonment meets the fear of acceptance!
The walls this created aren’t that easy to break. Are they?
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