Motherhood is a Choice! - Page 2

Originally posted by: ValleyOfPeace

It was wrong. There is no doubt. Nobody should be subjected to such taunts. Kudos to Shiny for portraying the emotions of defeated disbelief.

But I don’t think Suman means it. Remember when Suman asked Dhara to not go to the Godbharayi because of the taunts she will be subjected to? She seemed very accepting then. That is her natural opinion about Dhara and the absence of children.

Right now. It isn’t Suman the woman. It is Suman the mother who have just arrived after seeing marks on her sons. And it is deeply wrong of her to say that but she have said it in the bouts of anger. Unacceptable I know. But human. A mother’s retort to something that has hurt her.

I may have to disagree with you. Words are spoken even out of angst; they can have damaging repercussions. Suman has a lot of follies and needs a reality check in terms of how to be more accommodating to the newer generation.

Originally posted by: HahaHeheHuhu9

I second this and agree with your points 100%.

The life goal of a woman NEED NOT be marriage and children. No women is any lesser just because they cannot have / choose not to have children. Women are human beings first - individuals who deserve to live their lives as they choose, just like men. There's much more to a woman's life apart from just marriage and children.

Those who want to make marriage and children their only goal in life need to be respected too. But that shouldn't translate into ridicule, taunts and disrespect for those who choose to have different goals. Motherhood is not synonymous with, and is not the end goal of a woman's life.

@bold, I am glad to read such excellent thoughts.

We should respect choices, and anything that remotely challenges conventional beliefs shouldn't be dissed off!

Originally posted by: Transference

I may have to disagree with you. Words are spoken even out of angst; they can have damaging repercussions. Suman has a lot of follies and needs a reality check in terms of how to be more accommodating to the newer generation.

I never said she did right in taunting her. I said that was human. In pain and anger people say stuff. N that is human. And about accommodating newer gens, true she should but she won’t. Because age is not just a number. It brings with it notions (good and bad) that do not change so easily. Suman is wrong, Dhara is wrong. But where Suman’s harsh words come across as human nature, Dhara’s leap way out of it’s limits.

Suman’s words did damage Dhara already. She attacked Dhara where it hurt because Dhara attacked Suman (unwantingly) where Suman would feel max pain, her children. But neither will have lasting repercussions (because ITV). In reality though, both would have regretted. One for hitting men so cruelly and the other for taunting a woman about motherhood when all she had been is a mother to her own kids.

Originally posted by: Felicie

I completely agree and support everything you've said here. Suman saying that was definitely wrong, and uncalled for. However, this one instance I'm willing to give her a (reluctant) pass because of two reasons:

1. She isn't in a sound state of mind, she was enraged because they lied to her and hit her children brutally, she was hurt and she was a provoked and emotionally charged mother. On top of all that, they kept justifying themselves instead of accepting their misteps which I believe angered her. I'm not saying this justifies a taunt about motherhood, but it's human nature to spit out venom when you're angry and emotional.

2. This is the main reason I've not particularly called out a lot of Suman's unacceptable behaviour and words - she is very old and belongs to a very different cultural setup and generation. You can't really blame someone who was brought up in a different time period and nurtures a dated perspective for reiterating their beliefs. As wrong as it sounds to us, it's expected of the older generation and I'm actually surprised how accepting Suman is in a lot of regards given her orthodox mindset.

I hold on to the hope that Suman would never throw this taunt at Dhara if she weren't enraged, given how sensitive she has been about it in earlier episodes. If she does, I will definitely be disappointed and call her out - that would be wrong and would not make sense for someone who hasn't questioned Dhara's bodily autonomy for over a decade despite how old school she is.

Hey, I do get where Suman might be coming from, and I would be willing to understand her viewpoints. But, time and again, Suman has been extremely acidic towards Dhara with her sexist remarks and questioning her body autonomy. She might be belonging to a different generation, but a part of my heart was craving that perhaps this show might take an unusual storyline. This seems a distant formality now.

Bhagodi ki Beti

Petticoat Cheap

Calling Rishita’s clothes bad

Throwing money

So many things are principally wrong with this woman.

But, nonetheless, Suman also has some great qualities.

Originally posted by: Transference

Hey, I do get where Suman might be coming from, and I would be willing to understand her viewpoints. But, time and again, Suman has been extremely acidic towards Dhara with her sexist remarks and questioning her body autonomy. She might be to a different generation, but a part of my heart was craving that perhaps this show might take an unusual storyline. This seems a distant formality now.

Bhagodi ki Beti

Petticoat Cheap

Calling Rishita’s clothes bad

Throwing money

So many things are principally wrong with this woman.

But, nonetheless, Suman also has some great qualities.

Every character has that in this drama. You know we should start a pro con character thread where we make the list for each character. And what improvements we would want to see.

Originally posted by: Transference

Hey, I do get where Suman might be coming from, and I would be willing to understand her viewpoints. But, time and again, Suman has been extremely acidic towards Dhara with her sexist remarks and questioning her body autonomy. She might be to a different generation, but a part of my heart was craving that perhaps this show might take an unusual storyline. This seems a distant formality now.

Bhagodi ki Beti

Petticoat Cheap

Calling Rishita’s clothes bad

Throwing money

So many things are principally wrong with this woman.

But, nonetheless, Suman also has some great qualities.

I get you, and I feel the same too, but then I remember this is ITV and that makes me glad to see even whatever little we get from Suman. Usually, you don't get to see even that many proper characteristics in your typical Saasuma. There's no point expecting anything more than the strength, love and general fairness Suman currently displays from a daily soap... if it were a proper show, we could hope for character development where she unlearns atleast a couple of her toxic notions and stops using such deragotory phrases. That would be very, very hard for someone as hardened in her ways as her but plausible in the long run - not on a starplus serial though, sadly.

Although, it would be nice if we get a scene where she apologises to her bahus for her extreme behaviour and harshness - not for her usual tough love but the kind of acidic remarks you've pointed out above and the untoward actions we see from her from time to time. With Dhara, that would be well placed in one of the upcoming episodes after her own deeds have been dealt with, for eg being remorseful about the childbearing comment. Or it could be a scene way down the line where she addresses both her and Rishita about these things and says sorry, perhaps promise to forego some of her humiliating, hurtful taunts. Again, I say some because it's not realistically possible for such an individual to undergo a complete makeover, as unfair as it is to the women who face the insult.

I completely agree with you, no one should be taunted for not having children, or any other life choice for that matter.

However, I think it was more so to make Dhara realize how Suman feels. Because up until then, Dhara & Gaumbi were trying to justify their actions and they just couldn't understand why Suman would be that angry at them. In their eyes, they did the right things. But in Suman's eyes, someone brutally beat her children. The same someone who claims to be their mother or a mother-like figure, yet doesn't understand how their mother would feel seeing her children like that?

While it was said in anger and therefore probably something harsher than she would've said in another situation, I think Suman was basically saying to Dhara, you're not getting it.

Suman is the one that carried those children for months, Suman is the one that birthed them, Suman was the one that raised them up from newborn until she was paralyzed. Suman can't bear to see her children like this, it breaks her heart so much that she wouldn't ever do that to her kids. Not like the way Dhara did. It's almost as if Suman is saying, you've failed in your role as bhabhimaa and these are no longer your children. She's taking that haq she gave Dhara away from her. Suman is the one that gave Dhara that bhabhimaa status and now she's stripping it away because to her, Dhara is not capable or fit to be their mother.

I think in general though IMO it's hard to argue who should've said what. That's the thing with anger, it gets in control of you and you say things you wouldn't have said otherwise. People who are that livid aren't in their right state of mind to watch their words. Emotions will pour out of you. It's the same reason why people curse. Suman's tongue is already kind of loose with this type of language, its part of her characterization, so it's not surprising she'd spew this kind of stuff in a moment of anger.

But I will say- kind of glad Suman told Gaumbi petticoat chaap (? spelling?). I think I'm most disappointed with Gaumbi of all characters. IMO... he did deserve that one. (Disclaimer: Hindi isn't my first language so I'm not exactly sure what this means other than he's a simp for his wife lol)

Originally posted by: --Amulya--

No matter the gender, an individual has sole right on his/her body, motherhood brings lots of physical and mental changes to a woman. An individual is entitled to comply or not with the societal norms and none other has any right to judge them but the society judges you no matter how you are, non-acceptance of individuals who think different from the herd. You're brave enough to follow your heart, be the same and be happy.

@bold, so true!

Originally posted by: Felicie

That being said, it made me want to smack sasuma a bit too while watching lol. It would be nice if they cut down on some of her harsher, more unacceptable words and actions - throwing money at Rishita was another one - but I guess she wouldn't be the same person if they did that. As much as it makes us cringe, Suman is a pretty realistic portrayal of a rural Indian matriarch in a traditional family - not too dramatized, neither too idealistic.

@bold yeah. Her representation is dramatic but closer to reality.

Originally posted by: TeluguAmmayi

Dhara hit the boys - the pain can go away in a week or 2 but words once out will remain in the mind and heart for ever.

We have to remember today it is Dhara, tomorrow it can be Ristha or Raavi.. Supporting Suman because she is against Dhara is pathetic.

Encouraging suman type people is so wrong.

Suman doesn’t even have the empathy and thankfulness that Dhara took care of her kids for so many years.

Sometimes I wonder may be this is why they call women an enemy of another women.

Dhara and Suman both are WRONG, and two wrongs don't make a right.