Joint Family- Worth it? - Page 2

Originally posted by: umawanderer

@bold To some extend.. it is almost the same feeling in all joint families.. I think.

Not just joint family, In every relationship you should accept and respect each other's views and opinions. We need to adjust and adapt in every relationship. But recently I have seen many people labeling the adjusting person a doormat or a yes person. I have already been in a fight with my roommate about this topic. She was against any sort of adjustment in any relation while I advocated for little adjustment. The discussion went no where. But recently I have seen many people who were against adjustment. In fact they hated the word adjustment. For them adjustment meant really being a doormat.. but I would say that Adjustment is just a tactic to peaceful life as long as you do not compromise your self respect.

Adjustment and compromises are required in every relationship but that should be a two-way thing. When adjustment and compromises become one-sided, that is, only one person in the relationship is doing adjustment and compromising, then that becomes a sacrifice, which is wrong. One person alone cannot hold a relationship for long.

Whatever relationship it is, there should be no need for someone to sacrifice anything. Both the parties involved in the relationship should take initiative to adjust with each other, accept and respect each other's opinions and views. Anything one-sided never works, be it love, respect, or anything else.

the way things are in the show right now, i am starting to hate the idea of joint family. I respect my culture but that doesnt meant i am going to do pranaam to every bakwaas that is being spewed out in the name of culture. God gave me a brain to decide right from wrong and that is what separates human beings from sheep. elders are human beings too so thinking that their mindset is correct all the time is total BS and also this ridiculous idea that one should give respect to everyone elder than you and not speak infront of them is BS. I strongly believe respect is earned. woh bhagwaan ka koi prasaad nahi hai ki muft mein baaata jaaye. A position should not decide whether that person deserves respect or not. That person's character and actions should decide whether they deserve respect or not. Love is one side but no relation can survive without respect at its core. not even love. here rishita is being treated like a princess despite of her total lack of efforts to accept or adjust in pandya family but the moment shiva pointed out that rishita is not even accepting the family, dhara ignored that and focused on the fact that shiva took rishita's name instead of calling her bhabhi. like really? that was her problem? she thought that she can beat respect for rishita into shiva? she doesnt know shiva or the the meaning of respect. she is beating shiva and krish, two grown men and one of them is married to get them to respect rishita? How does that even work? Respect and love are meaningless if they are not freely given. those cant be forced. shiva and krish can pretend for dhara's sake but that is not going to change anything. if that is what dhara wants to satisfy her ego and need to be mahaan then she is a hypocrite and has double standards who doesnt deserve shiva and krish. she deserves that spineless dev and selfish brat rishita. I really want suman to put her in place and show mirror to rishita and dhara.

following..tomorrow i will be free in the evening..will think and write.

I think the way u grew up matters.. if u grew up in a joint family u will be okay in a joint family after marriage... but if u grew up in a single family then it will be hard to adjust in a joint family

I can never survive in a joint family as I have never lived in one.. I love the idea but realistically I wouldn’t be able to survive in a big joint family.. I love my privacy too much

Rishita character wouldn’t be happy in any type of family.. right now her obsession is dev.. but she will always JUST love herself..

Living in a nuclear family from the time I was born as a single child, I have always felt, why I didn’t grow up in a joint family.
As father moved to the city for college and job, he lived most of the life and her and got married and living a separate life.
But as years had gone, I much realised that the way I grew, the privacy, I enjoy and mostly the biased decisions the rest of the family takes and others had to bound by it, by staying together, the values that I had cherished and imbibed has made a selfless person, than my cousins who lived in a joint family and failed to realise the importance of relationship:

They likely pretend to be as one without any difference and loving each other but at the back we hear thousand of backbiting and gossips from all of them through the phone. Sometimes, when I think of all this, I find so much solace that I am not embarking a journey of life in such an ambience, where in the form of criticism they dwell on negativity and demotivate people in the name of point at their faults and seeking improvement.
However you live, joint or nuclear, long distance or near, when you love one another is significant and when love comes in the forefront, it never shuns you from ur development, hinderance and most divinely they have it be backbone for your growth.
Everyone has to respect each other decisions and sacrifice for one another when the reason, the purpose is also mighty and love is the important thing.

I had similar childhood experiences as you and as you mentioned childhood colors our views of family. As children we do not see beyond our cousins , the masthi - mazaaak and gappe maarna. Once you grow you begin to see the fractures, the undercurrents, the unspoken tensions etc. Personally I think it's even more visible to women than men of family, as they are engaged in the day to day running of a household in a traditional Indian joint family.

Post marriage I have lived in a joint family and they were absolutely a blessing for me when I was doing my med school internship with my then infant first born. As the years have passed though, disagreements have begun to sprout up and my temper sometimes gets the best of me.

At this point in time when both my parents and the husband's parents are physically fit enough to live independently I prefer my nuclear family. I love having the privacy to dress the way I want, cook the way I want and live by my schedule. All these are a bit tricky in a joint family setup.

This does not mean we have any less of a relationship with both of our families and fortunately they want us to settle into our lives too. We still love and care for each other, we still respect our elders, we still discuss and make decisions on matters concerning everyone etc.

Breaking away from family does not break up a family. On the other hand, if a family set up is toxic to one's mental health, it can have life long consequences.

I grew up in joint family, in-laws are in joint family (lived with them 4 years)

.... I prefer family style like in popular show.... parents living in next door apartment .... son & family lives separate though next door !!!!!!!!!

A perfect example of blend of joint - nuclear family!