**From & To Satish **( New Pictures Pl see pg 163) - Page 158

Nice to know that Satish has done well in that particular scene.

Originally posted by: s.satishkumar

Three Ladies went to a hotel to share a room.

The clerk asked for $300.

Each Lady paid $100, making up the $300.

The hotel keeper then decided to allow a discount for the day, charging only $250 for the room.

He told the clerk to return $50 to the three Ladies.

The clerk pocketed $20 for himself. He gave the remaining $30 back to the three Ladies.

Each Lady took back $10. Therefore, each Lady paid 100 - 10 = $90 to the hotel.

$90 x 3 = $270 + the clerk's $20 = $290.

Question: Where has the remaining $10 gone?

There is widespread interest in this question posted by a university in N.Z.

Many people are still trying to work out an answer.

The merits of keeping one's mouth shut...tightly

Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about life... In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.

I told her : Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'.

My wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish,
the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, gin, vodka &
the beer in the fridge...

I ALMOST DIED!!

Morals:
1. Think about what you wish for..
2. The female brain works on a different wavelength from the male's

Pun with words


I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

PARAPROSDOKIANS


1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

21. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

23. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

24. I am neither for nor against apathy.

25. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

26. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

27. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

28. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

29. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

30. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

31. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

32. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

33. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

34. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Tongue Twisters

Randy wondered why Willie really wasn't well.

Sam saw six shiny silver spoons.

Giddy gophers greedily gobble gooey goodies.

Slippery slimy snakes slide slowly.

Six shiny snails sighed sadly.

Pretty Patty Piggy pickles plump pink peppers.

Cheryl say Cher's sheer shawl Sunday.

Six seals slick sick seals.

How much dope could the dope dealer deal if the dope dealer could deal dope?

Sheep shouldn't sleep in shacks.

I slitted a sheet, a sheet i slit now i sit on the sheet i slit.

I wish I had an Irish wrist watch to watch on my Irish wrist.

Stick a sticker where its sticky where a sticker once was stuck.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore

Sure, the ship's ship-shape sir!

Does the wristwatch shop shut soon?

Backhanded Comments

"That dress is lovely; it does wonders for your figure."

"You're smarter than you look."

"You drive very well, for a woman."

"Your son is more handsome than I would have expected."

"You are attractive, for your age."

"You're actually kinda cute now that I've gotten to know you."

"You're not as heavy as people think you are."

"I don't care what anyone says about you, I think you are a fabulous person!"

"You're so smart, for an American."

"You don't sweat that much for a fat girl!"

"I'm amazed by the level of success readers have after following your advice."

"Your plastic surgeon has such a delightful sense of humor!"

"Relax, sweetie... you were perfectly adequate."

"You're more of a "street smart" kind of guy."

"You're not the kind of girl guys date; you're the kind of girl they marry."

"You're so evolved…for a man."

Musings


From being carried over either from western stage perfomance influences the cinema halls during the seventies if most people remember had curtains covering the screen.One would find their seats with cushions of coir and god knows what else and seat themselves and give ourselves bed sores for the seats were harder than stone and one should consider himself lucky if you were not bitten by bed bugs or should i call them seat bugs or just whatever alien creatures that lived in the the netherworld of the seat.one should consider himself the most luckiest if you could go home without those pesky gum sticking to either your back seat which is a real bitch to clean or worse sticks like glue to your slippers.Gawd knows what creature thought of this real slimy trick of torturing people with gum and i am glad nowadays gum chewing is not such a fad.for many a time i got gum stuck in my slippers and went about walking and trying to scrape it away and most people thought i walked that way with feet sliding and yes those movements could have been copied and evolved into the famous moonwalk step by jackson.


A hush used to fall and those long skirts or curtains used to roll,slide or was just being unclothed by the workers and then that familiar whirr of the projecter started and beams of light used to shoot across the length of the cinema hall as if a supernova was exploding and gamma rays were streaking to farthest regions of space.It was the most incredible experience for there was so much mystery in watching films and specially those times before television came into style.Even those film division black and white dreary programmes used to be fascinating usually in tamil with the words "biharil vellam".



Heroes with orange wigs and painted skin used to pass of as whites and some with blue passed off as gods.For a long time i never understood the significance of two flowers coming together or two usually white pigeons duing foreplay.well all that changed in my college days with po*n tapes and foreplay became fourplay.well nowadays you don't have flowers coming together but rather actors practising cookery on heroines navels and etc.well that reminds me they have come to the extent of placing icecubes and assorted stuff on actresses stomachs and their broad well developd backs.that set me thinking and i did try that on a woman friend and she pointedly asked me what next chilli powder and ginger garlic paste.well that tall story is for another day.


In just a simple word development and technological advances we are stuck with a television and hundreds of channels and as is the habit skipping channels is the latest fad.Those days of black and white doordarshan days i was fascinated by even vayalum vazhvum and ulavarum oli kadhir.good old days of wonder balloon and kanmani poonga and two flowers kissing .there was so much more mystery and expectations than posters of today which us kissing scenes to lure hapless and horny audiences into the death trap of a flop film.

Congratulations on hitting double century (reached 200 pages) 👏🥳

Sardarji is at Delhi International airport, when a young Indian woman asks him for the time? ...Read on...

As she is not wearing a watch she asks in a very American accent to a Sardar, 'Wot's dah tayme?'

The Sardar is a very patriotic man and hates Desis who put on a foreign accent. He replies in the same American accent, 'Bra-panties'. Confused the lady asks again, 'No! No! Wot's Dah Tayme?' The Sardar again answers back, in the same accent, 'Bra-panties'. Seeing the confusion, another sardar comes to the rescue, 'O papaji, tusi samajh nahin paaye? Kudi twade ko puuch rahii hai, kinna time hua!' Sardar shouts, 'Paji, tow main bhi to oonoo time hee Bata rahan hu...barah payntis (12.35)'