**From & To Satish **( New Pictures Pl see pg 163) - Page 147

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the heck away from Aunt Carol when she's been drinking."

A guy phones up his boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.

"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss.

By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

CHRISTMAS AT GRANDMA'S...

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."

"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."

"I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

Listen first...

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the play ground and go into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a "Passionate Embrace Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly... "MOMMY MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND.."

Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story. So Little Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy...

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts his story, describing the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and... "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did the same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the army."

Moral: Some times you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt !!!

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.

Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sunk.

The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word.

This went on for a day, and another, and another.

After a week the parrot finally said: "OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises and then fades away.

The next night Bush is astir again and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Respect the Constitution as I did," Jefferson advises and dims from sight.

The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR, hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, what is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mists.

Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?" Abe replies, "Go see a play."

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom:

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the intercom and said:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach shouted, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

"Good afternoon, Landlord, a pint of Less if you please," said the old man.

"Less? Never heard of it," replied the barman.

"Oh, come now surely you have," he persisted.

"No sorry, we certainly don't stock it. What is it anyway? Some foreign beer?"

"Well I'm not sure," admitted the man. "It was the doctor who mentioned it. He said I should drink less."

A old man stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves three pennies for a tip. As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself, "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves."

The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh, really? Tell me, what does my tip say?"

"Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man."

Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters, "Hmm, true enough."

"And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor."

Surprised at her perception, he says, "That's true, too."

"And the third penny tells me that your father was also a bachelor."