CHAPTER-3
Completely my perception..!
A beautiful morning it was, with the birds chirping around, and the sun rays trying to disturb the deep slumbers , whereas two soul were sleeping, cuddling to each other, in that old known environment, completely insouciant about the surroundings. But who would save from the wrath of morning hot sun rays, which fell direct on their faces.
She dug herself more into him, as those hot rays; fell on her face, making her disturbed, she groaned in her sleep as the heat made her skin burn a little. She took a heave, as he kept his arm around her face, making her comfortable. It was unintentional as he too was in his deep slumber. She clutched his t-shirt as he did that. They were completely comfortably lying there, in the sofa, in a completely tangled state, until he realized, in what position they were in, he snapped open his eyes, and saw her sleeping cozily in his embrace, without any sign of worry on her face, he smiled as he saw her like this. He tugged her hair back behind her ear, which fell on her face.
Wait...when did she come here..??! had we been like this the whole night..??" he flushed at this thought.
Ehh...what the hell kabir...? What the hell are you thinking??! You are going to leave her...forever..! "He said, convincing himself yet again.
She sneezed, making him come out of his world of thoughts; he adored her, as she sniffed and wiped her nose on his t-shirt, like a kid, and giggled seeing her.
Kabirr..." She mumbled in her sleep, as she inhaled his scent.
He loved hearing his name from her, though being a fact that she no more remembered him, his name. It was like a soothing beautiful music to his ears, when she took his name, but, soon he was going to miss all this, maybe. The thought itself made him saddened. He came out of his reverie, as he felt her moving, trying to settle herself more comfortably. He immediately closed his eyes, seeing her open her eyes.
She opened her eyes slowly, and saw him still sleeping; she gaped at his face, trying to observe his features, while kabir was trying really hard to act. As she found him in his deep lost sleep, she neared him, a little more. He was in a complex, as he didn't know what next was there for him. She kept both her hands on his chest, and lifted herself a little, till she reached his face. He trembled within, as his deep resonant hidden desires were rising out.
She looked at his changing facial features, but was ignorant of the fact that he must be awake. He slowly covered the distance between them, and placed a deep yet soft kiss on his lips, making him loose himself within her, once again. He tightened his grip around her, his hidden desires were still expecting him to do something, to soothe himself, but no' thought he, and loosened the grip on her. she settled back, beside him, keeping her head on his chest, and smiled widely. His being awake was still not known.
Kabirrr..." She said slowly.
She remembered him..??!?" he thought.
Isn't that your name...?"She mumbled, making him relieved.
And the name which I hear almost every day in my dreams?! Of the guy, who is mine..?!? Whom I see beside me in my every dream...like you do in real! Who loves me beyond words ...that no word is needed to express...like I love you...with these unsaid and unknown emotions trapped within. Every time I chose to be with you, you seem to be running away from me...from your feelings...why?!? I know it isn't like you don't love me...I know you do...but you are running away, and I feel it to be the worst thing to be, without you. I definitely know that, you aren't a stranger to me, like you say, because you know me, more than me. I know that, I don't remember who you are, or at least who am I, and I don't even know, why I love you so much, that I am not able to be without you, even for a second. I fear of losing you, and slipping back once again, into that darkness, where neither you are nor me, it's just my body, sitting at a dark corner, all folded up, with my head covered with my hands, and tears escaping for an unknown cause. "She said emotionally.
A lone tear escaped his eye, as he heard all this! Was he making so much of difference by leaving her? "He thought.
I love you kabirr...I love you...Because everything I am left with, is only you...your presence...your warmth!" she said breaking into tears, wetting his t-shirt.
Please don't do this to me...I need to go...I can't see you hating me...when you remember who I am! Never! I would just leave...once you get alright! I am not worth your love nisha...please let me go! "He said within, drenched in that pain, looking at her, as she closed her eyes.
She felt him moving in his sleep, so she got up slowly, not completely waking him, and slowly tiptoed away from there, wiping her tears. He looked at her from behind, wiping off his tears.
I am sorry..i am not worth your love nisha...but I love you...I wish that there's another life...where we are together, where I hadn't done any sin! " he said slowly and stood up walking into his room, and sat on the bed.
He looked at his wet T-shirt, and smiled,
This has now become a priceless t-shirt...and the luckiest in the whole world.." he mumbled with a smile, gripping his t-shirt a little, and kissed it.
Itnaa hi pyaar karte ho...?? To nishu ko kyun chodke jaana chahte ho tum...??" came a voice.
He turned to the door to see dolly standing there with moist eyes ,
Dolly..?!? " escaped kabir's mouth.
Kabirr...kuch pucha hain main tumse...! " said dolly.
Ummm...wo..main..nisha se pyaar nahi kartaa..." he said.
Mujhe bataa rahee hoo..??" she said.
Dolly, main sachchi abb nisha se aur pyaar nahi kar saktaa...mujhe LSD me scholarship mil gayi hain...and I am going there...to live my dreams...complete my dreams...nisha abb sirf mereliye ekk bojh hain..." he said keeping a control over his tears, trying to convince her.
Kabirr..." she said harshly.
I am just going away...my dreams are waiting for me..." he said acting like a happy person, but was it known, that he was the unluckiest of them all, the whole world.
Dolly thrashed him, as he behaved like a mad person, and immediately tears dwelled up in his eyes and he hugged dolly tight, crying.
I can't see her hating me...I can't see you all hating me...I feel guilty for what I did...I would just die, after leaving her. But I killed her closer ones, our love child, our first baby it was, and I killed her cousins. I just destroyed everything...I need to go...I can't live in this pain! "He said while dolly soothed his back comforting him.
Kabirr...wo accident tha...ussme kya galti thi tumhaari...?? Jo bhi hua wo tumne jaan boojh ke to nahi kiya naa...to phir kyun apne aap ko itna chot phncha rahe ho..?? asked dolly.
Maine job hi kiya...ya jo bhi hua...chaahe maine wo jaan-boojh ke kiya ho ya na kiya ho...wo hua meri wajah se hain...apne inhi haathon se maine sab khattam kardiya...I just ended up everything brutally. "He said.
Kabirr...I can understand you! But aise nisha ko chodke chle jaaoge...aur jab use sab kuch yaad aayega, tum yaad aaoge to kya karegi wo..?? " she said. Kabirr...jahaan tak main jaanti hun...nishu bhi tumse utna hi pyaar karti hain jitna tum use karte ho...wo shaayd ek pal keliye...tum par gussa bhi hojaaye..par tumse nafrat nahi kar sakti.." she said.
Wo shaayad mujhse nafrat na karee...parr maine shaayad jo maine kiya uski wajah se pehle jaisa kuch nahi ho sakta...kuch bhi nahi...abhi kuch bacha hi nahi hain pehle jaisa hone keliye.." he said.
I know kabir...ki kuch nahi bacha ab...par wo sab ho chukka hain...hum unn sab ko theek nahi kar sakte...unn logon ko waapas nahi laa sakte...par unn sab ki wajah se tum shaayad do aur lives khattam kardoge...nishu ki aur apni..." She said.
Maine to apne aap ko tabhi maardiya tha jab maine wo sab kiya...aur nisha ke saath rehke main uske saath aur bura nahi kar sakta..aur main yahaan uske saath sirf tab tak hun...jab tak wo theek nhi hoti." he said and walked out of the room.
Tum bhi kitnee din door rahoge nisha se kabir...pyaar karte ho tum use..nahi reh paaoge...aur jaanti hun ki yahan kuch theek nahi hain..parr gharwaale bhi tumse nafrat nhi karte kabirr...wo sab jaante hain ki tum kis phase se guzar rahe ho...parr chup hain...aur rahi cousins ki baat...to hum cousins chaahe ek doosre se alag bhi ho...humeshaa saath hain.!" Said dolly and smiled.
Days passed by, with nisha regaining her memory little by little, kabir was making full efforts to bring a distance between him and her, but he wasn't able to. During these few days, the family members started involving him in, although they still showed some anger towards him. What is gone is gone, and can never come back, but definitely can be kept in hearts forever. These few days made kabir to come closer to nisha, even after his efforts to go away from her. now, nisha would remember a few of her family members, her health was improvising with every passing day, and he was happy, that he would soon go away, for her good! He was wandering on the terrace, thinking something, when she came from behind, and closed his eyes.
He shrugged her hands away, and said,
Maine tumhe kitni baa bola hain ki jab main kuch soch raha hota hun...to ye sab mat kiya karoo...bachchi nahi ho tum..!" he shouted on her, hurting himself by this.
Kabirr...main to bas..."she couldn't continue after seeing anger in his eyes.
Main to kya haan..?? don't you have any manners how to behave...!" he shouted again.
Now she knew, that she was nisha and he was kabir, she started talking to people again, as she used to, she was told that kabir was her friend, after her repeated questioning, although dolly wanted to tell her about him, but was stopped.
Kabirrr..." Shouted someone.
How dare you shout at her? " said sukku gripping his collar.
Excuse me...abb tum mujhe bataaoge ki mujhe logon ke saath kaise behave karna chaahiye..??" said kabir eyeing at him.
Nisha tried sorting the fight between them out, but she was unable to do so. There was a heavy verbal fight going on between them. they were literally shouting on each other,
I don't know why they were doing this? It's either my feelings which were flowing heavily into my writing, or was it real?" I thought.
Anyways, she looked at them helplessly, not able to do anything, except cursing the situation. kabir was trying to prove himself bad? Was he? By involving into such fights, does he think that, he would be able to get away from them, was this so easy? He was not saying anything, nor was he trying to defend himself, he just stood nonchalantly, which added more fuel to the fire.
Kabirr...agar aage kabhi bhi nisha se iss tarah se baat kin a tunee...I swear , I would kill you!" his words echoed in kabir's ears.
Main aage yahan rahunga...to kuch bolunga naa...I am going...flying away like a free bird...!" he said in his cool dude attitude.
These words entered into nisha's ears, bewildering her. She said,
Kabirrr...don't leave me..." as he turned towards her, evidencing nisha losing her balance, holding her head, the world spun in front of her , a reel of blankness surrounded her, as she fell with a thud on the floor.
Nishaaa..." said kabir and ran towards her.
He took her head in his lap, and tried waking her up,
Nishaa...I am sorry nishaa...I am sorry..." He mumbled leaving sukku wonder at the turn of events.
Kabir quickly took her in his arms, and ran towards her room, he made her lie on the bed, and dialed the doctor's number, and told her everything. he cursed himself for making her go through, once again. All this while he had been sitting beside her holding her hand, talking to her. After sometime, the doctor came, checked her, and told them that, she would take some time to regain her conscious and maybe when she gains her conscious, she would remember everything. Suketu didn't know what kabir was up to! Behaving like an insouciant sometimes, and like he cared a lot sometimes. His behavior was really abnormal. Sukku didn't say anything, as he too was guilty of nisha's such condition. No member except the three was at home, as they left for the temple for some prayers. As they came back, they were shocked to see the things which happened behind them. They thought, that the sole reason behind all this was kabir, yes he was, maybe! They all left once again, leaving him and his guiltiness all alone.
An early morning it was, around 7 AM or something, it must be, he was ready with his bags packed, to go away, from his nisha, from his family. He didn't knew where he was going to go, but his tickets said he was going to London, what would he do there all alone, without his reason of living. Would he ever be happy, after doing all this just for the sake of his love, her hate? The only reason for his leaving was, that he never wanted his love to get destroyed, he never wanted to see a ray of anger, hate for him, in the eyes of those, which once loved him. He thought to see his love one last time, before leaving, he walked through the corridors of the house not making any noise, which disturbed anyone. As he reached, he slowly opened the door of her room, making no noise, he saw her sleeping peacefully, he walked slowly towards her observing her movements, he went and sat beside her on the floor on his knees, and looked at her with tears brimming in his eyes,
Bass nisha...we are over now...shaayad hamaara saath yahin tak tha...I loved you...you loved me more than I did...I took away your life...your smile...your happiness...now I have no strength left in me, to hurt you anymore, so, that's it , I am going...and shaayad hum kabhi na milee...good bye nishaa...whatever happens, I will love you, always, I am sorry nisha..i need to go ! "Saying this he placed a kiss on her forehead making a tear from his eyes fall on her cheek.
As he saw her waking up, he quickly wiped his tears, and walked out of the room, placing a letter beneath her pillow.
He took his luggage and walked out of the house, remembering all the moments he spent in this house, he was never going to come back into this house again, was he? He sat in his taxi, not looking back, if he would, he would stop, he would not be able to go, he would not be able to leave his nisha, he would never be able to forget the moments he spent in this house.
I am sorry nishaa...mujhe jaane de...I am sorry...maine jo bhi kiya shaayad unn sab ki yahin sazaa hain mere liye...I love you nisha! " he said and looked one last time at the house.
Terii yaadein hi kaafi hain mere liyee..." he said as the driver started the car.
Within half an hour, he reached the airport, and stood at the entrance, whether to go in or not!
Nishaa...please bas ek baar mujhee roklee...I promise main tere liyee poori duniya se lad jaunga.." he said, maybe to himself, because there was no one who would hear to what he said.
He turned around, and made his eyes fixed at the entrance, hoping to see her. it was raining heavily, the vision in front was not clear, nor she was there somewhere near.
He looked at his phone continuously, hoping to receive a call from her, but nothing was for him, today, maybe.
Why was he hoping so much today? It's he who decided to leave her! wasn't it he? Or was he someone else? It's completely my perception ...that he had many hopes, which he didn't wanted to show, and which were coming out after getting rid of him. It's he who had suffered the most, it's completely my perception.
Meraa kya hain? I am just an amateur writer, who only knows how to flow the emotions out which are in your heart..the thoughts which wander in your brain..mere perception se kya hota hain? I am trying to bloody write this off since morning, and kuch nahi hota hain merese! Ehh..coming back to kabir!
He hoped to see her one last time...he wanted her to stop him...but his wishes weren't working today...he dejectedly turned around, and just kept his foot on the entrance of the Sanganer Airport , when he heard his name.
He turned around immediately, looking into the crowd which passed by him, but he couldn't find her. he thought , that it was all his delusion, that he heard her voice.
She's never going come kabir...she must be sleeping...and till the time she reads your letter...you would be in your flight to London. " I said to him, and he listened carefully.
He turned once again towards the entrance, and when he once again heard her voice...he took his steps backward, as he was sure that she was somewhere near.
Dude...you are screwing up my story..!! just get into the airport and fly off, to live your dreams! " I said literally shouting at him, but he paid no heed to me, and walked into that hideous crowd, maybe trying to find her. even I couldn't hear her voice, having so big ears, and god knows how he heard in this repugnance of crowd.
His eyes were restless; I could understand that clearly, finding her, following her voice. He took a convulsive heave as his eyes found her, amidst those falling rain drops, sitting on one of the chairs and crying, holding her head, near the CCD outlet, taking my name. he ran towards her, thinking of nothing else, not even of my bloody story, ruining it and screwing me up completely. I thought of not interfering in their love story anymore with my "100 ways to bombard love stories", and walked away from there.
He walked towards her, and placed a hand on her shoulder, she raised her head and looked at him with tears in her eyes.
Kabirrr..." she said slowly.
Nishaa...tu yahaan...??" he asked.
She stood up from her place and glared at him,
Tu mujhe chodke jaa raha thaa..??" she asked.
Nishaa,...main chala jaaun to hi behtar hain.." he said.
She slapped him; making him shocked.
Mujhe thappad kyun maara...??" he asked.
Jo tunee kiya hain...uskeliye main tujhe goli maardu na to bhi kam hain... tu jaana chahta hain na...chalee jaa...par jaane se pehle wo dete jaa jo tune mujhse leliyaa hain" she said emotionally.
Nishaa...nishaa...I am sorry..." he said taking her hands in his.
Kabirr...tu mujhse door kyun hona chahtaa hain..?" she asked.
Yahin meri galti ki sazaa hain.." he said.
Kabir...I know ki uss accident ne sab kuch cheen liya...main unn sab ke baare me baat nahi karna chahti...I know ki jo hua...uske baad sab kuch khatam ho gaya hain...sab kuch waisa nahi raha jaise hona chahiye tha...i know kabir ki main bht hi zyaada normally behave kar rahi hun...parr mujhe samajh hi nahi aaraha ki main react kaise karu...mujhe jab sab kuch yaad aaya...I kind of started hating you, but jab main unn moments me waapas gayi, jab tumne inn mahino me meri care karii...mujhe protect karke rakha...i don't know ki tumne ye sab kyun kiya...shaayad tum mujhe use zyaada pyaar karte ho jitna main tumse karti hun ya , shaayad reason kuch aur ho...but I can't afford to lose you! I love you kabir! I can't live without you! Maine socha ki shaayad tera mujhse door jaana hi humsab keliye theek hoga...parr kabir theek to tab hoga na jab sab actual me theek hoga! Agar aaj maine tujhe jaane deti...to shaayad m..main marr jaati.." please kabirr ...please mat jaa!" she said.
While he kept looking at her trying to understand what she said, she vanished into the thin air, making him wonder at what he saw was a dream or a reality.
Damn his delusions! And my writing skills that so many twists are arising...ohh..wait, was this my pen's delusion too? It's now getting damn confusing to know whether it's kabir or my pen, who is in love with nisha"
He still was standing at the airport entrance, and the girl at CCD was someone else. He was really very overwrought of his mental status by now. His heart wasn't letting him go inside the airport, while his foot dragged him along. He was struck between these two feelings. when he once again heard her voice.
Kabirrr rukk..!" said the voice again and sneezed.
This is really nisha...!" he said and turned around to see a drenched nisha both in rain and anger.
He walked towards her, while she said,
Kabir...!" She said slowly.
Nishaa...tu yahaan...??" he said
She glared at him standing in front.
Tu mujhe chodkee jaa raha tha..??" she asked.
Nishaa main chala jaaun..yahin behtar hain na.."he said.
She raised her hand to hit him, when he kept his hands in between for his defense.
Abb mujhee tu phir thappad maaregi...??" he said hiding behind, while she was confused, but she ignored, as things were already complex and making it a little more was not the right choice.
She held his hands and made him look at her, and as he clearly looked at her, she walked towards him, and sealed her lips with him, making him shocked. She stood back in her position as she found people staring at them.
Please mat jaa mujhse door!" she said .
Nahi jaaunga!" he said.
She slapped him again,
Don't you dare to leave me again!" she said.
Kabhi nahi..." he said and touched his forehead with her forehead.
Maybe the hindrance in their love story wasn't nisha's memory loss or what kabir did, but was me, my pen and my diary, which brought in many twists and turns, making me lose my memory power, and finally ending up like this, maybe their story would have been way better if #NiBir would come out of my imaginations, and complete their love story. Maybe this update won't be appreciated much, but it was my perception.
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i don't know whether it ended the way it should have been or not, but all i can do was give an adieu to this part of my brain, as my brain cells have completely died, thinking about what to write and how to write, would definitely wait for the responses, as they are precious!
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Anupamaa
