Anya ss- Unrequited Love - updated @ 9 - completed - Page 4

PART 3

I stood there staring at Anant's retreating figure, I don't know how much time has passed, but I couldn't move my legs, he walked away from me one more time. He didn't care how easily he broke my heart. I never confessed my feelings to him, I know he will never love me like the way I do. I know him better than he knows himself. He is the man of his words, once he told me that a friendship could never turn into love. A boy and girl can be friends forever. He used to fight with me for that. Even though we are married, he never changed his perceptions.

Nevertheless, the reality was scary. Our friendship turned into love... At least from my side. If I confess that I love him, he will leave me for sure; after all, I broke his trust. I never told him that I married him because of my own selfish reasons; I think I would have wanted that way. He will hate me as soon as he hears my selfish needs. At this time, I am his wife that is enough for me.

Without my own knowledge, my hand went to my neck; it's still burning, but that pain has a pleasure. I smiled at the memory, but that smile soon was replaced by a frown when that jia's face came in front of my eyes. I shake my head vigorously to get rid of that face, but it was not going. It's still there. Whatever that jia was, she will be always his first and last love. I don't know why was he that hurt yesterday, but I can swear he was hurt beyond limits, he needed to let it out so he chooses me, I am glad at least he knew that I will be available for him anytime. A lone tear trickled through my cheeks. I could taste the salty taste in my lips now. However, I wiped that in a moment, when I heard what I have feared.

"Anant"

Jia's creepy voice interrupted my thoughts.

"What do you want?"

I asked her in my usual arrogant tone.

"I want to meet Anant"

Her guts, I fisted my palms tightly to control my anger. My own nails pricked through my skin. It did not even pain a little, it's nothing compared to what I feel inside.

"Don't you think it's wrong?"

"What's wrong? What's so wrong in that? I'm his girlfriend"

She said with a smirk. That angered me up, how much I wanted to slap that smirk of her beautiful face oopppss from that yucky face.

"And I'm his wife" even I was not ready to lose.

"Who cares?"

I desperately wanted to twist her neck. Suddenly she moved forward and tried to enter into my house, and I did what I thought a minute ago. I got hold of her hairs and pulled her out of my house. She cried at her top of her voice. I smirked. My smile widened. I never thought hurting her would give me this happiness, Ecstasy. I mentally slapped my shoulder out of proud. Good job Navya. I completely pulled her out, pointed my index finger at her face, and said.

"I don't know, why my Anant was hurt at that level, that he couldn't even control himself, if I get to know that you were the reason, then you dirty girl you will regret coming into my Anant's life,... Scratch that... you will regret coming into this earth. I will make your life worthless. Now get out of my house."

She stared at me as if I had gone crazy, with a little threat to punish me she ran out.

I released my breath once she was out of my sight, which I was holding I did not know that I was holding it. Even though I shouted at her, I couldn't believe that I really did that. However, a small fear crept inside me. Will Anant shout at me for this?

Don't worry Navya, he will not. She needed that. Someone told me inside my head. That made me smile; with a satisfaction, I went to our bedroom to get ready for work.

While I was searching my dress I got hold of something very precious, my diary.

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The dairy had so many memories of Anant and Navya, their childhood memories. If Anant have heard, what she whispered when he stormed out of the house, then this dairy would have become the only secret, which she ever had from Anant, but unfortunately, he did not. The diary was a secret of Navya, which is a complete evidence of their childhood, friendship; she loves those memories, which made their bond stronger. We will never realize the value of an incident until it becomes a memory. She turned the pages with a sweet smile playing on her lips. The first page had their name together "ANYA" with a heart around it. That made her smile wider. "I love you Anant," she said without noticing someone's presence. She then continued to cherish those beautiful memories. Her fingers worked flawlessly in the pages she flipped them with an easiness.

One picture caught her eyes, a cute little Anant and Navya with a big white teddy bear. She still remembers those days when she used to get jealous and possessive for Anant. She used to cry every single day if she had seen Anant with any other girls...she was not aware what was that but she never liked any girl other than Navya near him. She used to sit with a scrunched nose every time she was upset and he would come and give her a teddy bear with a kiss in the cheeks and then that would light up her face like the moon...she used to blush without showing him. She never realized what was in his eyes when he looks at her, but she always wanted to see the love in those...

When she turned thirteen, like every teenage girl he became her crush, she worshipped him. She adored him. She loved him. However, she was sure as white that he does not have any feelings towards her. Nevertheless, that never disappointed her until the time he started to ignore her. She tried to ask him why he is behaving weird, but he never gives any of those replies... He loved to walk away like he did today. She chuckled at the memory. On her seventeenth birthday, she realized what he was for her. Her mentor, her best friend, her guide, her teacher, he was everything that she could ask for. More than that, he was the man of her dreams, her love. Even though she was her best friend, she loved him with everything she has. She dreamt a life with him.

Nevertheless, when she realized that love is not something that we could snatch from someone, she tried to forget him; she tried to see him as a friend only. However, she failed miserably every night his eyes reminded her that she still love him. He has broken her heart many times, but that was unintentional. He would have never done that if he had a single idea about her feelings, she never confessed to him. Nor she ever complained about anything. When he told her about Jia, she could see that her life, her dreams everything was slipping from her hands, but she was not ready for begging. Why would she do that?... She is not someone who will feel weak within a second..She fought...not for him ...she fought against her feelings... She tried to fight against her own self, but that was not easy. Then she left every hope ...everything to fate, to destiny... He never treated her more than a friend. He was very blind, he never saw the love in Navya's eyes, and she always managed to mask it.

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Apparently some time has passed. Navya got ready for work and she went without knowing that Anant has already reached in the house.

When she came back, she heard noises from the living room, when she entered, she saw Anant was sitting on the couch and watching TV, but he looked so drained out. So weak. His eyes were puffy ...as if he was crying. Navya frowned at the thought of Anant was crying. Without knowing, he moved towards her and she moved towards him. They both didn't know what they are doing. When they reached face to face, a small smile appeared on her face and his face lightens up. His eyes showed a kind of happiness. It showed relief. Without any warning, he pulled her toward him with a force that they both fell on the couch with Navya on the top of Anant. They stayed like that for two-three seconds. After that Navya tried to wriggle in his hold, but how much she tries, he tightens his hold. He was not moving, nor allowed her to move. He held her like his life depends on it. He held her tightly as if, if he did loosen a little bit, she will disappear. Once again, Navya tried to move away from him, but his next words caught her off guard.

"P please Navya stay...s stay like tthis for some ttime" his voice was so low and he was stuttering if she was not this much close to him then she would not hear what he said.

She laid there on him without caring anything about the world. When her breath becomes steady, Anant stood up with a sleeping Navya in his hands. He scooped her in bridal style. Then he moved towards their bedroom slowly without waking her up. He kicked open the door, placed Navya softly in the bed, and covered her with a blanket. He moved inside the cover and placed his hand on her waist. He hugged her from the back. Soon they fell into deep sleep.

I was firmly rooted; legs became heavy, my whole body weight was now flooded in my legs. It anchored me at the door of our bedroom. I waited and I waited for long to see her taking the first step, she was stubborn she didn't move, she was in her own world with a diary, something precious than me. Despite her best friend, I didn't know she has a habit of writing a diary.

I was numb when I heard those lines from her. I know she loves me, in fact, I just realized that in the cafe but hearing it from the person was so different. I stood there for more than one minute. When I know she was not going to move I forced my legs from there, not towards she, just away from her, I have to talk to her but before that I need to know what I want, I want to set my priorities. Always Navya helped me in those difficult situations now I need something else to rely upon, I went towards my studio I need to dance.

"If you could use dance for clearing your frustration, then why did you use Navya last night."

Someone told me from the back of my head, he managed to slap right across my face, I frowned. Why has he to be right every time? I hated to admit it. He always took Navya's side, but he never went wrong. Everything he said was right. Even I was not sure why did I use Navya for controlling my hurt. I flinched at the thought of using her.

"If you are feeling this low then how would have she felt about it."

Here we go again. My subconscious was eating me up. I wished the earth could swallow me fully. I don't want to face anything.

"That will prove you as a loser."

Haa I was a loser who didn't even have any idea about what was happening in his life. I felt like a mess...I was the most complicated mess... I admit I was wrong.. Nevertheless, my intentions were not wrong.

After he heard me, he went to hibernation, didn't talk at all and I was more than happy for that...

I put one CD in the player and I danced, my passion... one thing that connected Navya and me, we were the dancing couple in our college. I danced until I couldn't move even a bit, I felt sore; my muscles were tightening against my flesh. My whole body was red. I was sweating, my t-shirt was dripping wet. Sweat drops were falling from my head that trickled through my forehead and my eyes and then it went through my cheeks, my neck and then disappeared inside my t-shirt. I felt cold. My veins were numb. My head was numb. I couldn't see anything. All I could see was Navya's smiling face, she was laughing inside my head. That broke one smile on my face. I smiled after hours, I felt peace.

I took off my t-shirt and lay on that floor. It was cold and I needed that, the songs were continuously playing in the stereo I didn't mind to turn off that, that were Navya favorites numbers and mine too. I laid there with closed eyes; though my eyes were closed, I could see Navya, her smiling face.

I don't know how much time has passed, when I heard the door being locked, I went to downstairs and Navya was going for work. First, I thought to read her diary but I was scared, what if she doesn't like it. Still I made my mind, just try it, I went to our bedroom and took a long cold shower after that I searched the whole room, in closet, in the cupboards, everywhere, for her diary, but I couldn't find it. She has hid that, I felt angry on myself, with a heavy heart, I sat on the same place where Navya was sitting some minutes ago. Suddenly something fell down from the top of the cupboard, I reached near that in a wind speed and took that in my hand. That was a photo of Navya and me. My eyes went to the top of the cupboard, there was a box, I remembered once Navya has warned me to not to check the box, and after that I almost forgot about it. A sudden urge crept inside me to look inside of that, very carefully I took that and placed on my bed. My body was shivering when I saw her diary inside it. I took that out and opened it with trembling hands.

When I saw the first page I smiled for the third time in this morning, "SWARON" that word has a life its own, and I loved to hear those six letters together. With a trembling hand, I turned the pages but I did not get the courage to read any lines so I didn't. However, I noticed those three words again. I smiled. After that, I closed that without reading it, but there was a line in the last page, which made me feel sick. She has written our whole life in just one line.

"Once he was my personal diary and now he is only a part of it"

I just put everything inside the box and placed in its place. I didn't know what to feel. I just slide down through the cup broad and sat on the floor.

I never treated or imagined Navya in the place of my love, or wife. She was my best friend. A friend to whom I can always run to, she always helped me with anything, and she never said no to me, she was always there when I needed her, but I was not. I was a failure, I failed as a friend. She has been struggling throughout these years and I didn't even look at her.

I did, I was there when she could find comfort in someone else's shoulders, but I was not there when she needed me the most when only I can give what she wanted.

I never tried to read her mind; I didn't think she had feelings for me. When I fell in love with jia it was navya who helped me, she helped me to propose her, but I know navya never liked jia. They both were like enemies. I was so confused why Navya doesn't like her, once Ranbir had told me that Navya was jealous of jia and I have blasted at him, she would never do that. However, now I think I was wrong and he was right. Navya was jealous like every girl. I smiled at the memory. When our parents told us about their wish to see us married, I tried a lot to stop that. That was not because of my love for jia that was because I knew I would not able to love Navya, and her life would be spoiled, I didn't want to be the reason behind Navya's tears, but I have had already become.

It was not as if I was cheating on Navya, I did everything for her, when she became my wife I supplied with everything she needs, shelter, clothes, foods, and every single thing. I know I didn't love Navya, but that doesn't mean that I can't, I did love her but as a best friend. When our parents told us about our marriage. She was not happy even I was not. However, I had my own reasons. When I talked to her, she gave me her reason and that was my love for jia. At that time, I know she was right, but I was not a person who will double date. In addition, I couldn't see our parents sad; I had to give up my dream to fulfill our parent's so I did what I felt as right. I wouldn't stand if someone raise his or her fingers at Navya. She would be blamed if someone gets to know about my relationship with jia. So I did what I had to do. I broke up with jia. Yes, that was right. The best decision I took in my life. I couldn't tell to Navya that I had broken up, I couldn't see she took all the blames. I was sure she would blame her for that.

Then after our marriage, I tried a lot to forget jia and I was successful in that, I know I had to move on with Navya, but I didn't know what she wanted. As far as I know Navya never loved me, I was her best friend. The lack of communication spoiled everything. I know I was at fault I should have talked to her. However, I did not. I spoiled everything.

Few days ago, for the first time after our marriage, I got a call from jia and I was tensed. Then we decided to meet. She knows about my marriage with Navya. When I told her about break up she behaved very differently. I thought she would slap me, scream at me and all but, she said she understands and then she went away. Far away from our life.

Yesterday I went to meet jia and that turned everything upside down. I saw something which changed everything, I was hurt, but very weirdly I was happy. I was happy because at least one thing I did, turn out as right. I was hurt beyond limits. I went to a club and drank as much as my body could handle, but that didn't reduce my pain, I again drank since I went numb to react. When I came back navya was in the bedroom I didn't know what come to me suddenly, I felt a need to make her mine, I couldn't afford to lose one more person, I made love to Navya but in between, I saw jia in her place, I didn't know how I took her name. Nevertheless, it was today morning that, I realized I did a mistake, a huge mistake. I was not ashamed to accept my mistake, nor I will run away from it. I don't regret what I had done, but I do regret taking jia's name at a moment like that.

The voice from my phone snapped me out of my thought. When I checked it, Jia's name flashing on the screen. I felt anger build inside me, how she dare to play with me. I felt sick.

Then I cried. I cried hard. I had never cried like this in my life. I never came across with something that could make me feel like this. I could not control my tears. I didn't know the exact reason, couldn't understand what made me feel worse, was that the thought of jia was playing with me, or was that what I did to navya last night, or the new things that opened my eyes today, navya loved me since she doesn't even have an idea about what love is. I felt like a waste. How could I do that to a girl who loved me since she was in the kinder garden? That thought made everything worse, it proved me as a bad friend. I have been so proud of being her friend; still I couldn't see the love in those eyes.

When I opened my eyes I was on the floor, I might have fallen asleep on the floor; it was five in the evening. I have managed to sleep a lot. Then I made my way to the washroom, I saw a different person in the mirror, his eyes were puffy, weakness was running through every vein. I splashed cold water on my face and wiped it with a towel. Then I came to the living area and sat on the couch waiting for Navya. Today I need to talk to her, many things to clear. I need to clear the mess.

After some time, Navya came to the living room after her work. She was exhausted I could tell that from her posture. Something charged me, I got the courage to move, my legs moved towards her without my own knowledge. Like an attraction, she also moved towards me. We came face to face. Then I did something that I was not thinking to do. I pulled her towards me; she was not expecting that she came to me crashing into my chest. Before I could control I fell on the couch with a force that Navya ended on top of me.

I was hurt, a kind of unpleasant feeling ran through me when she tried to move away. She was struggling to get rid of my hold, but I tightened it. I was enjoying her soft touch on my body. Her hair was completely on my face. I grinned to myself. She stopped her struggling when I told her to stay; I wanted to hold her close to me to heal the wounds. When I felt that she has fallen asleep I took her to the bedroom and made her lay on the bed and then I hopped on the bed and lay beside Navya a little too close than I usually do. Eventually, I fell asleep with a small smile.