My Beloved
Dekho chhod ke kis raste wo jaate hain
I woke up in the middle of the night with my arm sprawled to my right, only to find it lying atop an empty pillow instead of her.
I sighed and turned around in bed, unable to bear the hollowing feeling that had been gnawing at me ever since she left.
Saare raste vapas mere dil ko aate hain
I knew it was temporary; that it was merely a facade to counter the winning strikes Vidyut had been playing against us.
I knew she would return back to me. My Avni. I knew just as well as she did, if not better, that we completed each other. I was nothing without Avni. And Avni, nothing without me.
Nahin saamne ye alag baat hai
But I still missed her... Her eyes, which revealed the strength she embodied despite her troubled past.
Her soul, which remained untainted despite the countless betrayals she had faced.
Her passion, which reignited my own passion that I had lost before she came into my life.
But most important, I missed her. Her twinkling eyes, her lightly hued cheeks, her melodious laughter, and everything else that made her her.
Mere paas hai tu, mere paas hai
She wasn't in front of me, yet I could sense her. Our souls were embracing one another too tightly to be separated by a construct as inconsequential as physical proximity.
Mere saath hai, mere saath hai
She was with me in my every breath.
The only Angel this Superman ever needed.
I smiled at the titles Mishti had bestowed upon us; Mr. and Mrs. Superman, she had once remarked.
--
Bichhad ke bhi mujhse juda tu nahin
I tossed and turned in bed, but sleep had been evading me ever since I left my family behind. Ever since I left him behind.
I curled up as much as I could, bringing the loose sleeves of his shirt to my face. His shirt comforted me in his absence. Even without his presence, it made me feel as if he was here with me, holding me tight.
Khafa hai magar bewafa tu nahin
I remember the look of betrayal flashing in his eyes as soon as I announced that I was leaving the house... leaving him. His resolve had broken down, I could tell. I wish I could have told him it was a facade earlier, but I couldn't risk anyone finding out.
He was proud of me and how strong I was being, but I knew I had hurt him in that moment.
The look in his eyes as I stormed off to our room. The angry tears that made their way down his face stung me to an extent that even after telling him the truth, the tinge of despair did not immediately wear off from his eyes.
Mere haath mein hi tera haath hai
I wish I could take away all his pain. Tell him that I was nothing without him.
That he is the only reason I can be the Avni I once was instead of the shell of Ananya that I had become.
I knew he knew this; that he knew we completed each other in a way that once seemed impossible. But I wanted to tell him anyway.
Mere paas hai tu mere paas hai
Not having him by my side made me realize how much our love had deepened. All I wanted to do was hug him and kiss him; I wanted to feel his warmth and his embrace.
Having him by my side is the only thing I want... it's the only thing I need.
Mere saath hai, mere saath hai
I wrapped myself tighter in his shirt and smiled. A wave of warmth engulfed me as I felt his presence lulling me to sleep. We weren't together, but I just knew he was here. His soul was here. No distance could separate us now.
--
Priyasi
I had lost myself in her.
I had lost myself in him.
My heart, my soul. My beloved.
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