Posted:
Insecurities.
The word can make a lot of us sink back to where we rose from, at any point in life, any trajectory. As we grow, we often try to make peace with our insecurities, or make amendments, to turn them into allies. However, somehow they do make an unwanted room, somewhere in the back of our heads, and even a puny trigger can have a stronger magnitude than anticipated, when it comes to bringing those insecurities back.
AVNI KHANNA is a woman born out of insecurities (like many of us), but hers isn't an insecurity of ''Oh, how I look?'' ''Oh, that zit is annoying!'' ''Oh, how I talk'' ''Oh, how I dress!''
Hers is an insecurity that is itself linked with happiness.
Yes, it is a paradox.
How can happiness be someone's insecurity?
But dig deeper and you would know, that for someone from whom life had brutally snatched everything that she held dear, even happiness would look like coming with a ''Terms and conditions apply'' tag.
And that is exactly what drove our Avni, a little towards the cliff of catharsis yesterday.
A girl who never got a name, never got a family, never got her rights, for whom, justice came so delayed that she felt she would be forever denied, suddenly got ushered to an expanse, where a sudden gush of happiness suddenly enveloped her in.
A sudden gush of happiness called Neil Khanna.
Yes, he didn't plan the whole romantic set up yesterday, but according to her, it was him.
And why now?
The man had gone beyond boundaries to help her have her justice, given her more than she could have possibly imagined. The feel of a normal family, a normal life, happiness.
Then why did she feel that it too came with a cause?
Well, that is what colossal agony in one's life does to them, perhaps?
Avni is afraid to be happy, lest it too is snatched away from her.
Her subconscious mind always harbors the fear of getting lost once again, and yesterday night, with the rains and her fever, it was her subconscious mind that took over her conscious mind, making her envision something her living reality wouldn't actually let happen.
Neil letting her go.
And in that very moment, she loses it all.
Every ounce of strength, patience, that she had established piece by piece, ever since her life took a different turn, from the day Neil Khanna entered her life, she started losing them all.
In the fear, in the apprehension, that she would again be rebuked to the arena of darkness, from where this time there may be no return.
And so in that fit of hysteria, she did what any headstrong girl would do: Trying to leave before being left.
But little did she know, if she was a headstrong woman, Neil Khanna wasn't any less determined.
He may not be an obsessed lover, who can't let go of a woman at any cost, but he is a friend, a husband, and a passionate lover, though not too vocal, who can't let his closest friend go, who can't let his wife go, who can't let his love go.
How can he?
He had lost his love once.
How can he lose it twice?
And so he holds her. Holds her tight.
Not because he finds it to be okay to manhandle her.
But he knows that if he leaves her hands even for a second, she would run away in a jiffy to the peak of her own destruction.
He knows her insecurities, he knows her fears, he knows where she's coming from, and that's why he can never let her go.
Add to that, he loves her, doesn't he?
He has his insecurities too.
What if he loses her just like he lost Juhi?
What if she may never reciprocate the intense love that he harbors for her?
What if she may choose someone else over him?
Would he ever be able to make peace with that?
Would he ever be able to live with that?
But, this isn't about him. This is about her.
For Neil Khanna, it is always about Avni.
And so, despite the turbulent set of his own insecurities bubbling inside him, he only thinks about her, and her well being.
His passion, his love for her, surfacing intently in his eyes, and his words give away that..
''Tumhe mere saath hi rehna hoga.'' (You have to stay with me, only)
That's not an obsessed male. That's a passionate lover, trying through all means to let the love of his life not lose her peace, not lose her sanity, because he can't lose her.
He knows, there's nothing more important than her in his life, and thus, he decides to bend his rules, because at that moment, there's nothing more important than saving Avni, in his own words.
If this is not love, what is?
If this is not passion, what is?
AvNeil yet again proved that a true love story is never even close to perfect. People burn in their insecurities, drown in their mistakes, yet, there's a thread, that can hold them together.
It can be anything.
But yesterday, it was passion.
It was in the glistening eyes of Neil, and the stubborn gestures of Avni, before she finally lost the battle and slipped into oblivion in Neil's arms.
But it was passion from both sides, taking its own sweet time to show intensely, but already making its presence felt.
Would love to read all your views 😳
Best,
Simi
Kumkum Bhagya
Anupamaa
