oOo
It's not that he was jealous, because he wasn't, because the possibility that he was feeling that particular emotion in regards to Avni and Ali's friendship implied a lot of things that would be untrue, because he didn't have any feelings for Avni and he just wasn't jealous.
("You love her," Neela ma had told him calmly, sage and wise and all-knowing. "You love her and you care for her.")
He brushed away the memory irritably, as was his habit. That particular bit of conversation replayed in his mind more often than he would've liked.
He wasn't jealous. It was just that he found Ali-Avni's bonding odd. Ali had been obsessed with her for fifteen years, even when Avni had been supposedly dead, and he'd been obsessed with her when Neil had met him, and in all likelihood, Ali still felt that way.
Did Avni know? Did she care? Did she feel the same way?
Not that it mattered to him, because it really didn't, he was just curious.
"It's quite possible that Ali brought me back to life with his thoughts, his prayers," Avni told him with a slight smile, as she bandaged his hand.
He wasn't jealous. He couldn't be.
"The cafe was our dream- mine and Ali's."
But he didn't like the subject of discussion. At all. It bothered him way more than he cared to admit. He wasn't feeling hurt, or angry, or insecure, because he couldn't be, he was just uncomfortable, and that's all there was to it.
It wasn't like he was hurt. Why would he be hurt? There was no reason for him to be hurt, he'd always been aware that Ali and Avni had a friendship that transcended life and death and time and space, the knowledge wasn't new to him. And, besides, he just didn't share the sort of relationship with Avni where he would feel hurt just because she was talking about how important Ali was in her life.
And he couldn't be hurt. Not over this. He'd given that part of him away to a girl who was long gone, and he didn't possess anything in him to feel jealousy over Ali and Avni's closeness. It just wasn't possible.
"Does it hurt?" Avni asked him hesitantly, guilt painted on her face.
Was he hurting? Over a bond that he coveted, over a friendship that couldn't possibly be his own, because he, Neil, could never be to Avni what Ali was to her? Someone she trusted more than herself, someone who'd been there for her through the toughest part of her life, someone she could run away with without any questions asked?
"I'll make sure it doesn't hurt. Ever."
And he had to. His situation with Avni was temporary. He'd vowed to help her get her justice, to get her revenge, and he would do just that.
There was nothing more to Avni and Neil than that. It was only a matter of time before they parted ways, once they'd succeeded in their mission.
And if this thought produced a twinge in a part of his heart that he didn't even know he still had, then he wisely ignored it.
He wasn't jealous, and he would be damned if he let himself get hurt.
oOo
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