I wont ever let go...I promise!-a Sajan OS(upd 11) - Page 8

After Aishwini left, Gunjan went to the room where Samrat was lying on the bed tossing and turning, unable to be at peace even when he was almost unconscious….seeing him in this condition broke the dam of love and longing which she was holding inside of her for three long years….she couldn hold herself back any longer….She ran and hugged him with all her strength "I am so sorry!!...oh gosh I am so sorry!...I wont ever let go…I promise Samrat I wont ever let go!!..."

Aishwini's words kept ringing in her ears "all I have seen in his eyes is pain and longing…he is always lost in his thoughts and memories like he has no interest in the world or the people around him…his eyes are always looking through everyone around him, always searching for someone….but you know something keeps pulling me towards him…l wanted to help him di, like you helped me….I wanted to get him thru this grief he is carrying around with himself and help him move on but di nothing I say or do is making a difference…..its like he is determined to punish himself in every way possible!...its like he is stuck in a hell, in between life and death and can't make himself move in either direction….but tonight di, tonight he seemed much closer to death than life"

"oh gosh what have I done!!...why do you love me so much Samrat?...why??..." Gunjan couldn understand how everything had gone so wrong "I don't deserve you my love….I don't!!...oh god I never wanted you to go through this pain!...thats why I….."

"chashmish?" Gunjan suddenly felt his arms close around her "chashmish don't hate me….I cant bear the thought of you hating me…."

"I don't hate you Samrat….I never have!"

"no you do hate me!...you told me that the other day…." His weakly mumbled words pierced thru Gunjan's heart like sharp needles making her heart bleed once again with regret and pain "Chashmish I know I deserve to be punished for what I did but I cant bear to see you in so much pain!!...pain that I caused!..I am so sorry..I never meant for this to happen…I never…"

"Samrat shhhhh…..you didn do anything, I know that was an accident…..you didn do anything!"

"No chashmish it was my fault!!...Nupur died because of me!…and I wish I had been the one to die instead of her…I wish…" hearing this made Gunjan go numb with shock!

"SAMRAT!!....dont ever, ever say that!!....dont ever say that!!..." Gunjan loosened her hold on him to move back and look into his eyes and tell him how much she loved him….but in his drunken state when Samrat felt her moving away from him, he panicked and pulled her back to him, holding on for dear life "please chashmish don't leave me….dont leave me!!"

"Samrat shhhhh….I am not going anywhere….I am right here sweetheart…I am never going to leave you again….now close your eyes and go to sleep….you need to rest "

"no chashmish, I don't want to close my eyes and sleep because I know that when I wake up you will be gone and I will be alone again!" Gunjan buried her head in Samrat's shoulder trying to hold back her tears "shhh Samrat I wont leave…I promise…I will be right here when you wake up….now close your eyes and rest….."

Samrat opened his eyes to see sunlight streaming down on his face…he looked around, puzzled about his surroundings…where was he?....the last thing he remembered was holding his chashmish in his arms and feeling her love wrap itself around him….she had promised she woudn leave him again he thought but of course like always he is alone once again and why wouldn he be, he didn deserve her anymore!..his one mistake had changed all their lives and he deserved to be alone all his life paying for that mistake! the thought made him go cold down to his very soul…he couldn do it anymore!..he knew that he needed to live out his punishment but he just couldn go on without her anymore…

Samrat once again looked around the room trying to remember how he got here….He needed to find out where he was and get the hell out of here…..He got up from the bed and put his shoes on, ready to leave but something made him pause..there was something sitting on the desk by the window that was calling to him….he walked up to it to find out what it was that was stopping him from leaving…on the desk, a notebook was sitting open with a pressed white flower sitting on top of an open page….that flower looked so familiar!.....with shaking hands he touched it….

"tumhe kisine bataya nahi ki Samrat ka diya hua phool kamyabi ki sidi pe chadneka entry ticket hai…best of luck chashmish…" ……."thanx Samrat" …."waise ab to tum phoolo ki aadat dal hi lo…kyunki is performance ke baad tumhe phool hi phool milne wale hai par koi tumhe kitne bhi phool de, is phool ko hamesha yaad rakhna chashmish"

"That was one of the best day of my life…"

Samrat went still...chashmish?...no it cant be chashmish…I must be dreaming! He thought….

"you know why?.....because that day I found that one person who is more precious to me than anything in this world!.. because that day gave me the most precious gift I have ever received, his friendship!..."

Samrat could feel his heart racing out of control…tears were threatening to flood his eyes….was it really her?...what if he turned around and she disappeared again…will he be able to bear it?

"Samrat…." Gunjan's voice broke….she didn know why he wasn turning around and looking at her…did he hate her now?....will he ever be able to forgive her for what she did to him?

Samrat slowly turned around, bracing himself for the pain that will surly kill him if this was a dream again…..but there she was…standing just a few feet away from him, looking just as incredibly beautiful as ever….his angel….his chashmish!....he wanted to run and embrace her, wanted to hold her so close that nothing or no one could ever take her away from him again…but remembering what she had told him the last time he saw her kept him rooted to the spot " the girl that loved that guy and the guy that she loved both died with my di"

"Samrat?....Samrat I….." Gunjan couldn hold herself back any longer..tears streaming down her face., she ran to him and hugged him will everything in her "Samrat I am sorry!!....I am so sorry!!"

Samrat was stunned!! "Chashmish??" Slowly raising his arms as if still afraid to believe that she was right there, finally in him arms "Chashmish…oh gosh its you!...its really you!!" He crushed her in his arms finally feeling his soul slowly coming alive again, after three long years...

"Samrat I am sorry….I am so sorry…."

"shhh Chashmish…..why are you apologizing?...this was never your fault it was my fault…I did this to us!!...I didn listen to you and I…..and I killed Nupur!...."

"Samrat…"

"yeah chashmish I killed Nupur….and for that I cant even ask you or anyone else to forgive me!...because a crime like that can never be forgiven!...but I swear chashmish I didn mean to..and if I could I would take it all back or switch places with her…I…"

"Samrat Stop!!" Gunjan let go of Samrat and moved back to look at him…tears were streaming down his face…and she couldn take the pain and regret she saw in his eyes anymore…she slowly raised her hands and wiped his tears "you have been blaming yourself for that accident and di's death?....and you have been living with this for past three years??....oh god!" She closed her eyes to control her tears and her emotions and took a deep breath…She had to be strong now…..for his sake, She had to tell him everything without breaking down once again…he deserved to know the reason why she had left him on that black day….

"don't ever say that again!...I cant bear it Samrat!!...I have been living without my di for past three years knowing that there was nothing I could ever do that would bring her back to me….but if anything ever happened to you too, I wouldn be able to take it!!...I cant do it anymore Samrat…I cant live without you anymore!!...and I cant see you live like this…punishing yourself for something that was never your fault!"

"you…..you don't blame me?" Samrat was speechless for a moment…he didn know what to think anymore… his chashmish didn hold him responsible?...she didn hate him?...then why?...why had she left him?

"But then why chashmish…why did you leave me without even saying a word to me….why did you disappear from my life like that?...why didn you ever come and see me even one time in these three years?...why?"

Gunjan thought back to the day that had changed all their lives…it was the worst day of her life because that day she had lost the two people who meant everything to her at the same time…."Samrat on the day of that horrible accident when I woke up in the hospital…" Gunjan's voice broke….but Samrat's hand on hers steadied her and gave her enough strength to go back to that horrible day "after I found out about di….I….it broke my world to piece…all I wanted to do was to find you and lean on you…I needed you to hold me and tell me everything will be better that it was all a nightmare and my di is just fine…"

"but before I could go in search of you….my bauji and bui came to the hospital…the cops had called them to tell them about the accident and that di was….that di had left all of us!" Gunjan couldn hold her tears back any longer….the look on her bauji's face still haunted her….he had lost so much in life, first his wife and now his eldest daughter…he had looked like he was going to break into pieces any second…

Samrat couldn see her go through this any longer "shhh chashmish….thats okay I don't want you to put yourself through that again… I don't need to know anything!…as long as you are in my arms, I don't care about anything else…"

Gunjan looked at the beautiful face of this incredible guy who has always loved without wanting anything in return….who had always been there for her no matter what…and even after all this time, and all the pain she had put him through, he was still only thinking about her "No Samrat you do need to know…you deserve to know…."

"they blamed you for the accident Samrat…they needed to blame someone for our horrible loss and they chose you…..bauji, bui, jiju all of them were broken and lost and needed someone to pull them through that pain….they needed someone to be strong, to hold them together….I knew that I was the only one who could do it…di would have wanted me to be strong and to take care of all of them in her absence just like she had always done after ma died…"

Gunjan let go of Samrat and went to stand by the window remembering all the times her di had been there for her….how she had sacrificed all her dreams, her childhood to be a pillar of support for her younger sister and her father who had been completely lost after her ma died….

"I wish I had been there for you chashmish…I wish I could have shared your pain and been your shoulder to cry on…."

Gunjan turned around and looked at him "I wanted you to….I needed you to hold me through it all…but.."

"But?....but what chashmish"

"But….bauji Samrat….bauji and jiju hated you….they wanted to have nothing to do with you and bauji wanted me to leave you…..bui gave me a choice Samrat…to be there for them I had to leave you because to them you were the reason why they had lost their daughter…." Gunjan felt the pain of that moment once again when she had made that decision "and so I left you…..I….I broke your heart and mine and left you…."

The pain in her eyes made Samrat's heart hurt…his angel had gone thru so much all alone…always carrying the burden of everyone's grief on her shoulders so other people can smile and be happy….He walked up to her and pulled her in a tight embrace….

"but Samrat I never wanted you to blame yourself!!...I wanted you to think that I had left you and hate me for it…I wanted you to move on in your life and find happiness with someone else without the shadow of my pain ever falling on you!"

"be happy without you?...move on in life without you?" Samrat gently put his hands on both sides of Gunjan's face " can a person live without his soul?....is that possible chashmish?....you are not just the girl I love chashmish, you are my soul…my reason for living, for breathing…..how could I ever have gotten over you?...hated you?..."

Samrat kissed her on the forehead and felt his heart beat again "you did the right thing chashmish…you made the right choice…and I am so proud of you for doing it!....but there was no way I would ever, will ever think of or be with anyone else my love…you are and will always be my everything"

Gunjan couldn believe just how lucky she was…what had she ever done to deserve this guy?...She buried her head in his shoulder and for the first time in a long time felt the pain of loss drain away from her…felt at peace, not only because she had finally found her way back where she belonged, in Samrat's arms but also because she could feel her di smile down at her and give her, her blessings….

"I have stayed away from you for so long Samrat but no more…I cant take it anymore…I will make everyone understand that it was an accident but I wont leave you again!!...I cant live without you again!...I love you Samrat…..you are my everything!"

"yeah chashmish I will do anything….I will beg your family if I have to but I wont let us get separated again!....trust me chashmish, you have dealt with everything on your own for way too long now…but no more….I will make everything better….I wont ever let go…I promise!"

------I hope you liked it!!😊