fuuny jokes

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Dania

@daniacute99

Inactive

Posted: 19 years ago

hey every1, i hop u r doin just az gud az iam😆😆 😆

here r some jokes 4 ppl who r ullu (who sleeps at day and wakes up at night) and thiz is also of course 4 other ppl 2 (normal ppl)

u r welcome to share ur own jokes too or anything u might find interesting

Funny Asians

You know you are asian when..

* Your house smells like fried onions.
* When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened to the other two percent.
* There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.
* You make tea in a saucepan.
* You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.
* You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.
* You have a 'Singer Brother' sewing machine at home.
* Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.
* You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".
* You hide everything from your parents.
* Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
* You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
* Everyone is a family friend.
* Everyone always called you for help on homework.
* You study law, medicine or engineering at university.
* You were thick so you studied computer science or business instead.
* You know no one who has studied music.
* You went to a university as far away from home as possible.
* You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.
* Your best friend got married at the age of 18.
* You only make telephone calls after 6pm.
* You like the meat well done.
* You eat onions with everything.
* You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.
* You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
* You say you hate Indian films(/songs) but secretly watch(/hear) them with your parents.
* You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.
* You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people you're with but the waiters don't understand you.
* You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.
* You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on".
* You secure your baggage with a rope.
* You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up.
* You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight.
* You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of the royal family.
* You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.
* Your Dad drives a Nissan.
* You're rich so he drives a Mercedes.

- (For females) You're parents would freak out if
you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable
(For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm
* You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go
* When you were little you always wondered why your English friends waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in the morning
* To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid
* You wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within one foot of each other
* Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names
* You have annoying nicknames like Chotu or Chicku
* Your parents call all your friends "Beta" (son) whether they are PAK or not
* Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds
* Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day
* Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try to demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
* Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids.
* At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to India/Pakistan"
* No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.
* Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor/ lawyer/ engineer.
* You're parent's always say, "It's cheaper in India/Pakistan"

Hindi Movies And Computer

Hamara Hardisk Aapke Paas Hai

Hum Aapke Memory Mein Rahate Hain

Hum Hai Programmer Oracle Ke

Programmer no 1

Java Wale Job Le Jayenge

Do(2) processor baarah(12) terminal

Mera Code Chal Gaya

Network Ke Uss Paar

Jis Desh Mein Bill(Gates) Rahata Hai

Client Ek Numbari, PROGRAMMER Dus Nambari

Login Karo Sajana

Firewall (Border)

DOWN To Hona Hi Tha

Partition (Deewar)

Kaho Na Virus Hay

Y2K - A Bug Story

Funny Questions

1. Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
2. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
3. If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
4. If buttered toast always lands buttered side down,and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat?
5. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year, why do they have locks on the doors?
6. Why do they put Braille dots on the dey pads of the drive-up ATM machine?
7. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
8. Why are there floatation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
9. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
10. How does the guy who drives the snow plow get to work?
11. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
12. If you're driving at the speed of light and you turn on you headlights, what happens?
13. You know hwo most packages say "open here"? What should you do if the package says "opn somewhere else"?
14. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
15. Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you trasport something by ship it's called cargo?
16. You know that little indestructible black box that's used on airplanes? Why can't they make the whoe plane out of the same substance?
17. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for and address,you turn the radio down?
18. Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
19. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
20. What does Geronimo scream when he jumps out of a plane?
21. If fire fighters fight fire, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
22. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
23 Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Cool Definitions

:Father: A banker provided by nature.

:Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

:Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

:Rumour: News that travels at the speed of sound.

:Dictionary: The only place where divorce comes before marriage.

:College: A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.

:Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.

:Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

:Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

:Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

:Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

:Marriage: It is an agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and woman gains her master's.

:Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

:Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

:Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.

:Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

:Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken off when dead.

:Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

:Optimist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

:Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in the word OPPORTUNITY

:Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

:Criminal: A guy no different from the rest of us .... except that he got caught.

:Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and shakes your confidence after.

:Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

Funny Poetry

Ghazal 1

Tumse mila main kal to,
mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili to kehti ho:
Your file not found!

Aisa bhi nahin hai ke,
I don't like your face
Par dil ke computer mein,
nahin hai enough disk space

Ghar se nikalti ho tum jab,
pehen ke evening gown
Too many requests se,
ho jaata hai server down

Tumhaare liye pyaar ki application,
create main karoonga
Tum usse debug karna,
wait main karoonga

Tumhaara intezaar karte karte,
main so gaya
Yeh dekho mera connection,
time out ho gaya

Ghazal - 2

Abhi abhi to pyaar ka computer kiya hai chaaloo
Aab main dil ki hard disk pe aur kitni files daaloo

Apne chehare se ruswaai ka error to hatao
Ai jaaneman apne dil ka password to batao

Woh to hum hain jo aap ki chahat dil main rakhte hain
Warna aap jaise kitney hi softwares bazaar main bikte hain

Roz raat ko aap mere sapne main aate ho
Mere pyar ko mouse bana ke ungaliyon pe nachaate ho

Tere pyar ka email mere dil ko Lubhataa hai
Par beech main tere baap ka virus aataa hai

Aur karvaaoge humse kitnaa intezaar
Hamaare dil ki site pe kabhi enter to maro yaar

Apni insult ka badalaa dekhna main kaise loonga
Jaaneman tere baap ko Shift Delete kar doonga

Aap jaiso ke liye dil ko cut ker diya karte hai
Warna baaki cases main to copy paste kiya karte hai

Aapka hasnaa aap ka chalnaa aap ki woh style
Aapke adaaon ki hamne save hai kar li file

Ghazal - 3

Imagine Guru Dutt after working for few months in Software Industry would
make a movie "software kephool" & include this song:

yeh document, yeh meetings, yeh features ki duniya,
yeh insaan ke dushman, cursors ki duniya
yeh deadlines ke bhooke, management ki duniya;
yeh Product agar ban bhi jaaye to kya hai?

Yahaan ek khilona hai programmer ki hasti
ye basti hai murda bug-fixers ki basti
yahaan par to raises hai, inflation se sasti
yeh Review agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?

har ek keyboard ghayal, har ek login pyaasi
excel mein uljhan, winword mein udaasi
yeh office hai ya aalame microsoft ki
yeh Release agar ho bhi jaaye to kya hai?

jalaa do ise, phoonk daalo yeh monitor
mere saamne se hataa daalo yeh modem
tumhaara hai tumhi sambhaalo yeh computer
yeh Product agar chal bhi jaaye to kya hai?

Apni Aisi Wife Hou

Apni aaisee wife ho,.
5'6" jiski height ho,
Jeans tight tight ho,
Chehra jiska bright ho,
Umar 22 se 27 ho,
Aise apni Wife ho.

Sadak per sab kaheN kya cute ho,
Bhir me sab kaheN side ho, side ho,
Pindi, Islamabad ya Peshawar ki paidaish ho,
Sas ki khidmat jiski khwahish ho
Aisi apni Wife ho.

Padosi jab baat karay to haath me knife ho,
Dinner ke waqt candle light ho,
Ham me tum me kabhi na koi fight ho,
Milnay ke baad dil delight ho,
Aise apni Wife ho.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
LARKI KA JAWAB
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

6'2" jiski height ho
Jeans dheeli magar body tight ho
Biwi ka her nakhra uthaye, itna mizaaj uska light ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho

Uff tak na kare itna quiet ho
Dinner banaye wo jab bhi romantic night ho
Shopping ker ke jab bhi aoon, bolay begum tum kitni nice ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho

Mujhay rani bana ker rakhay, to phir zindagi delight ho
Saas sussar ke samne kahay, jaan tum hamesha right ho
Hamesha jo haar maan jaye, jab bhi kabhi fight ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho

Jaha chahoon jaoon, jo chahy karoon, kuch is tarah ki life ho
Her doosray week ghoomne phirne ki flight ho
Aisa ho jaye to mein urron aasman mein, jaisay ke kite ho
Husband apna aisa bright ho

More Shers

Kon kehta hai pyaar may pakray jaeen gay?
Waqt aanay per behen bhai ban jaeen gay

Teray husn ki kia taareef karoo?tera bander jaisa mu
Teri zulfo ki kia tareef karoo?teray ek ek baal pe joon

Mohabbat mujhay un jawano se hai
Jo khatay peetay gharano se hain

Aj bagh may kali hai, kal gulaab ho ga
Mujh se shadi karlo,tum ko sawab ho ga

Itnay dino se jalanay nahi aya
Jalti hui aag ko bujhanay nahi aya
Kehta tha saath jiyen gay saath marain gay
Ab rooth gai hoon to ullu ka patha mananay bhi nahi aya.

Ghar se roz jata hai wo, Maa ko bohot rulata hai wo
Kambakht baap, Sab ko hi satata hai wo

Hathi nay kaha ja kar hathni ki kabar per
Sadqay jaoo tumhari patli kamar per

Tum bhi becahara,hum bhi becahara
Fittay mu tumhara,fittay mu hamara

Hum nay usay dekha angle badal kar
Us nay hamay mara sandle badal kar

Dil kay armaa aanso'oo may bah gaye
Un kay bachay hamay mamu kah gaye

Hum nay tumhay dil diya dildar samajh kar
Tum kha gaye is ko naswaar samajh kar

Dabbay may dabba dabbay may khargosh
Nana nay aankh mari nani behosh

Khuda karay sab haseenaao ke baap mar jaeen
Maut ka bahana ho aur hum in kay ghar jaeen

Ishq kay samander main ghota lagaya
Pani both thanda tha main bahar nikal aya

Un ki gali say guzray,ajab ittefaq tha
Unho nay phool phanka,gamla bhi saath tha

Log kehtay hain kayamat kay din marr jaeen gay
Hum bhi bohot chalaak hai,mangi thallay war jaeen gay

Wo ankh bari pyaari thi jo hum nay usay mari thi
Wo sandle bari bhari thi jo us nay hamay mari thi

Mera dil para hai loose Is ko matt karo tum use
Warna parain gay tum ko shoes

"Sahib Zaday kiya karte hain" Larki Waloon ne poocha
"Jab dekho farigh phirte hain ya tambako pite hain"
Larkay ki amman yeh bolin....kam kare us ki joti
"do bhai bhatta lete hain--abba khair se daku hain"

nakam muhabbat ka har eik dukh sehna..
.har haal main anjam se darte rehna
Qudrat ka barra anjam hai jaidi........
mehbooba ki olad ka "mamoon" kehna!

Rab na dikhaye
Tooba Tooba!
nanga pinda
nanga sina
bara kameena
Dish Antena

Ishq main fanni kharabi...........Munqata hi ho geya saab silsila
Is tarha toota hai un se wasta....jis tarha T.V main toote rabta

Rat ka waqt hai or masjid hai qareeb
uthiye jaldi se ke peghame amal laya hoon
ghar main hain filhal jitne bhi purane jote
aap bhi jake badal lain main badal aya hoon

or bhi chizain lut chuki hain dil ke sath
yeh batayen doston ne ishq farmane ke baad
is liye kamre ki eik eik chiz check karta hoon main
" eik tere ane se pehle eik tere jane ke baad"

bhains rakhne ka takalluf hamse ho sakta nahin
ham ne sokhe doodh ka dabba jo hai rakha hua
ghar main rakhain ghair mehrm ko mulazim kis liye
kam karne ke liye abba jo hai rakha hua

Utha kar phool ki patti, nazaakat se masal daali
Ishaarey se kaha Hum dil "Aisa" haal kartey hain

dil karta hai keh uss kay nazook hontoon koo chuum loonnnnn
magar uss kee behteee hooyee naak nay meraa iradaa hee badal diyaaa

chandni chand se hogi to sitaroon ka kiya ho ga
mohabbat eik se hogi to hazaroon ga kiya ho ga

koi batlaye.......jab yeh larkiyan...... baghawat nahin kar
saktin...........to mohobbat q karti hain ....:)

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Amna

@wini

Inactive

Posted: 19 years ago

wowwwwwwww its amazinggggggggg
👏 god job

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vinit_fan

@vinit_fan

Inactive

Posted: 19 years ago

wow...its gr8 👏 👏 👏 tfs 😛

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Illyria

@.Prometheus.

Alumni

+ 6

Posted: 19 years ago

😆 😆 thanks for postingthis yaar

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sweet.love02

@sweet.love02

Inactive

Posted: 19 years ago

Thankz for sharing 😆

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Lost_Soul141

@Lost_Soul141

Dazzler

Posted: 19 years ago

Originally posted by: daniacute99

Funny Asians

You know you are asian when..

* Your house smells like fried onions.
* When you tell your parents you got 98%, and they ask you what happened to the other two percent.
* There is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.
* You make tea in a saucepan.
* You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.
* Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and doesn't talk to her for ten years.
* You call an older person you've never met before "uncle".
* You hide everything from your parents.
* Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
* You do all the housework and cooking if you are female.
* Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
* Everyone is a family friend.
* Everyone always called you for help on homework.
* You study law, medicine or engineering at university.
* You were thick so you studied computer science or business instead.
* You know no one who has studied music.
* You went to a university as far away from home as possible.
* You still came back home to live with your parents after you had finished.
* You only make telephone calls after 6pm.
* You like the meat well done.
* You eat onions with everything.
* You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.
* You say you hate Indian films(/songs) but secretly watch(/hear) them with your parents.
* You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.
* You order Indian food in your own language to impress the people you're with but the waiters don't understand you.
* You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.
* You're walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick you up. * You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs. overweight.
* You go back to your parents' country and people treat you like a member of the royal family.

- (For females) You're parents would freak out if
you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable
(For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm
* You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go
* When you were little you always wondered why your English friends waited until after breakfast to brush their teeth when you did it first thing in the morning
* To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid

* Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day
* Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try to demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
* Your parents compare you to all of their friends' kids.
* At least once a week your mom says, "I want to go to India/Pakistan"
* No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.
* Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor/ lawyer/ engineer.
* You're parent's always say, "It's cheaper in India/Pakistan"