TORTURED AND TERRORIZED

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Manal Ali

@.YixingsManal.

Achiever

+ 8

Posted: 14 years ago

#11

Originally posted by: MacGyver
@Cwezy:

I totally understand your point Cwezy ... and in no way am I undermining Shruti's pain. Neither am I favoring the boy! He did something wrong and there is no other way to put it.

But think about it ... there are girls in India who cannot get married to someone they love because their parents make chaos and giver her their live's sake so that she married according to their will. Does it not happen? ... How many girls can independently love someone and marry him in India????

It can be the same with a boy living in a foreign land and in love with a foreign girl. Sometimes putting a gun on the head is the easier thing to do, the story ends with your life. But some parents actually put a GUN ON THEIR OWN HEADS and ask then son to marry this Indian girl quietly for once, and then do anything he likes (because they feel that all they need is an Indian bahu for their home and who can give them an Indian Waris ...).

I just tried to be fare on this.

Plus mainly I wanted to say that YOU GIRLS MUST SHARE SUCH STORIES (LIKE THIS ONE OF SHRUTI) WITH BOTH YOUR PARENTS. You can do it maybe on dinner tables or when talking with them. This will enable them to learn from other people's experiences ... the obvious thing that most NRI boys usually had given up their hearts to someone else long before they are forced to come India to get married.

@Green : im not an indian or paki so i dnt knw abt it buh so far in us arabs no parents will force their kids or nor the kids will go against their parents ! im tellin u abt ma family, in us arabs the parents will find a guy for u buh if u dnt like him thn u have full rights to say n thn ur parents will not force u !!

@ Red : i neva heard any foreingners do this 😕 ! buh could be right so wont argue here 😊

@ Grey : n i truely appreciate it 😊

@ Purple : ya True ! I truely Believe no girls should eva hide such things frm their parents ! cuz this isn't a joke n u think u can solve it by ur self ! NO !! this is sumfin which we should neva keep it to our self !!

i was 13 i guess when i use to go for tution to ma moms friends house where her brother-in-law use to teach me ! buh afta 2-3 days he started tawkin Rubbish ! which was not even related to ma Studies ! n he kept tawkin abt Marriege n stuff !!

i wasn't a kid! i had brains ! n I could understand wah he was tryin to do ! so i went home n told ma Mom !! n she told me not to let ma Dad or uncles knw as they might even kill the guy ! so i listen to her n kept it to ma self ! buh the jerk Followed me every where even in SCHOOL! so i had enough n told ma Dad instead ! n He handled it widout Violent buh Jst by sendin him jail !!

so such things r not jokes !! if i , when i was 13 could understand ! thn We teenagers betta knw it well !!

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priyanwada

@priyankumupal

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#12

Your post is really important for all of us....thank you for the telling us what happened....it really made me look at things in a broader perspective.....your really brave.....i will pray for your happiness.....i'm sure with your dad's support and your own strength you'll be happy in life......thank you

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Preeti

@Preeti.xo

Stunner

+ 5

Posted: 14 years ago

#13

Hey,
Just read ur story.
I feel for u...us girls don't really luk at the harsh side of life we only live in a dream world which we have created ourselvesd.
I live in the UK and these things don't really happen here.
No one shud have 2 go thru the pain u have.
Hope that twat soon realises his mistake...he shud also understand the pain u have been thru.
If u ever need me i am always around in this forum.
U have a bright future lying in front of u with lots of golden opportunitys...don't miss them.
U have been given anothe chance by God dnt waste it.

Preeti.

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tarini

@tarini23

Navigator

Posted: 14 years ago

#14

i'm really sorry to hear dis ....

bt let me tell u even my cousin sis frm bangalore had a same experience.. bt she ws lucky dat she came to knw abt her would-be-husband's affair just a few days before their marriage...n she broke all ties wid him

yes she ws emotionally disturbed n hurt coz she really loved dat guy

bt i really fail to understand dat where do these guys get guts frm to lie to a person n who da hell have given them da right to ruin someone's life just for da sake of their family

if u like a person u std have a bloody guts to walk up to ur parents n pour out ur feeling than rather lying n destroying innocent ppl life...

n its a shameful thing dat even da guys family is joining him in his lie....

bt yeah u can never trust anyone in dis world until n unless to knw dat person in n out n ur personally satisfied wid ur finding abt a particular person

i hope ur doing fine now as ur back wid ur family....(ur dad)

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zaramina

@zaramina

Beginner

Posted: 14 years ago

#15

😭thank you to RAISE YOUR VOICE now you must make your futur as well and try to forget your past just a lil bit.Your papa is here.......so live your life

Edited by zaramina - 14 years ago

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x-jas-x

@x-jas-x

Navigator

Posted: 14 years ago

#16

Originally posted by: MacGyver

@Red: Oh come on! ... I've completed my grad from University of Warwick ... I know well what goes on. It happens everywhere. However, in Sweden and the Scandinavia plus the Balkans, the frequency might seem more due to less Indians being in close knit. In UK there are just too many so perhaps many info get lost in the famous fogs...

@Green: I am in total respect for Shruti's pain ... but his mistake was too complicated to call it totally on him.

He was in love beforehand. His parents are the main culprits! Why did they force him? I know how they force very well, and its frighteningly painful.

FOR ME THE LIONS SHARE OF THE FAULTS/MISTAKES GO TO THE RESPECTIVE PARENTS OF BOTH PARTIES (SPECIALLY THE BOYS). Just my POV.

Indians do have a tendency to give the boys a lot more freedom to the boys than girls but in the end it is usually the boys who embrass them the most..(speaking from my own experience). They give them heaps of freedom so they go out get drunk and hook up and sometimes don't want to get married then the parents forcefully end up marrying them to a nice Indian

Edited by x-jas-x - 14 years ago

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priyanwada

@priyankumupal

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#17

Originally posted by: MacGyver
@x-jas-x:

Well, I dont know why you are putting this on all the boys.

Being in love at a place where you have spent most of your life is abnormal? Why must the boy come to India and marry an Indian girl? Is it a sin to get married to a girl in the place you grew up or went to study etc?

The nice Indian girl also married him because he is an NRI. That was his qualification (sorry to say that). The tag "NRI" blinds everything else. Even in the latest Hindi serials the guyz are usually all NRIs ... its as though they are the prince on the white horse from the fairy tales! Is there no man eligible in India????

I am in no way disrespecting anyones personal choice, and I continue to respect Shruti's courage and the courage of all the other women in here. But dont think that the boy who spent so much time abroad will come out without ever being touched by the concept of falling in love there. And many times they actually give their heart to someone.

Infact it is the parents who do not understand. Everything other than Indian seems like Ungodly. And thus they force, and from that begins a tale of disaster!

I can tell that this boy had no joy playing with her life, although he was at fault in bowing down to his parents ... you girls being Indian should know how intense the drama can come out from the parents.

Usually men never forget their first love (never heard in a movie? That is because movies and serials in India are catered for the female and the latter specially for the housewives).

can i just say that being in love in a place where you've been most of your life isn't abnormal....what is abnormal is stealing that same opportunity from someone else....the opportunity of being in love....if he married her and was faithful to her then i can understand that he gave up on his happiness for the sake of him family and his love for his parents....then there is some justification for that.

but he continued his old relationship.....showing that he really didn't care about his family....he just wanted them to leave him alone so that he could do as he pleased.....its true that it's hard to escape the pressure of the parents but what a strong human being would do is....move out from home....live his own life......my cousin who was pressured by my aunt to marry a girl he didn't love...said he won't marry ever....but won't hurt another person by marrying someone he doesn't love. he was in love with another girl....and eventually married her and moved out from his family home.

If a person has enough courage he can make the decision of not ruining another's life.....your responsibility isn't gonna go down just cos your parents pressure you....be a man and resist that pressure....even the most pressuring parents cannot do anything if you stand by your principals and move out from home or say your not going to marry at all.....its just a weak person who succumb to the pressure's of society.

As for a girl's personal choice of marrying an NRI....almost all girl's hope for security and support in marriage...so if they see an NRI as someone who can give them that support obviously they will marry that person.....that doesn't give an NRI the right to ruin that girl's dreams....just like he is leaving his past and situation behind...the girl is leaving her whole family behind.....she is totally putting her trust in the guy's hands....to abuse that trust....it's shameful and despicable.

I don't really care if a boy gets a joy from ruining another's life or not....the moment you make the decision to bow down to your parents....then stick with it.....if you don't make that decision then stick with that.....you can't have the cake and eat it too....while the poor girl is left stranded.

Edited by priyankumupal - 14 years ago

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Neetu2825

@Neetu2825

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 14 years ago

#18

Wow, I'm sorry to hear your story hun. It truly made me quite sad, for no one deserves to be betrayed in this way. What shocked me more was that your mom knew about this and still did not voice her concerns. You had a right to know the truth...to decide whether you wanted this or not.

It saddens me but I also know that there are many other girls in this world who are also not given a choice.
I never could understand why people think that a man will change after marriage...somehow, our society has it in their head that marriage to the 'right' woman will stop whatever direction he is heading towards be it alcoholism, love relationship with a girl parents do not approve of, etc.

People need to realize that it is not the responsibility of a woman to change a man. He is and will remain what he is until he chooses to change. Your life was sacrificed because people thought that marriage to you would somehow bring him out of his relationship with his gf. That wasn't right...

All I can hope for you is internal strength to get over this mishap and build a life for yourself. You were right when you said that you cannot trust anyone in this world...we are all selfish in our own way. The only one you can trust is YOURSELF. From here onwards, only have faith in yourself and realize that this one thing in your life...no matter how traumatic...does not define you. It will not determine the outcome of the rest of your life.

You can still choose to live a happy life. I wish you all the best...god bless you.

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teri_susan

@teri_susan

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

#19

Feel sorry for u😭.I appreciate u that u took a right decision by returning and being brave👏.It was good to know that ur father was by ur side,he is really great.Sometimes parents think NRI is the best for thier daughters so that they can be so proud infront of thier relatives.But what do they fail to see is that being far away u can't take immediate actions while u face troubles and mainly when the trouble comes from ur in-laws and husband.Thanks for sharing.This one definetly was an eye-opener👍🏼. Allthe best for ur future👍🏼,be brave and face ur future with enthusiasm😊.My prayers are with u😃

Edited by teri_susan - 14 years ago