Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki: Episode Discussion Thread - 27
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Is it just me or…
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Chapter 125
RK's POV
It has not been easy on me the past few days since I have arrived In USA. The interview that Biwi had given at the airport still resonated in my mind. So far I knew Madhu she was not one to play with words. She had ducked the question if she was in love with me. Yet she accepted to being in love with an idea that she thought I was. What ever it was I know she trusted me if not with her life yet, a lot. I could feel she even liked me but to me she was still a riddle. I had never felt that kind of relief and joy as I had felt when she had left her dad alone and not succumbed to her brutal side. Trust me when I say she has a brutal side it is just that of late it has been dormant. I would prefer it to be so for as long as it can. No I am not nave I know what her job entails but imagining Madhu taking lives for whatever reason is something that makes me feel puckish. I can still see her running back to me. I can still feel that wetness of her tears that had actually managed to roll down my chest without any apprehension. She is tall and reaches comfortably upto my neck and that day she had actually not cried on my shoulders instead had nuzzled her face in my bare neck and her tears had rolled down right to middle of my heart. I could feel her entire body trembling from effort. I don't recall her crying ever in front of me or in front of anyone. What I had seen was always a stoic indifference or aggressive anger. I had but never seen her releasing any of her pent up anger or pain that was bottled up inside her. Since that day I have seen distinct change in her attitude in general. It seems she is free, free of all that was binding her. She no more cared for her past. She appears to be ready to accept her present, appears to be ready to accept me as her companion but I am not too eager to break the trust that is just in its infancy. Though keeping this side of my promise was torture in every way onto me. While Madhu was inexperienced and might not be able to assign a reason to her hitched breathing and racing heart. I was not so innocent I could see desire floating in her eyes and the accidental proximity that we were landing in more often since morning was causing me a lot of pain.
"Chief shot ready hain." Bittuji murmured next to my ear startling me out of my stupor.
Well Madhu did rub on to me that ever startling habit of hers. That woman could completely cut herself off from her surroundings. I was actually surprised by her and her entire family. I always believed that I had a turbulent life but a close look at hers showed me the mirror quite well. I had made a wall around my my heart but her generosity bored its way straight through it. It was always warm and cozy around her even when she was not a friend. It was funny how she was strong and soft at the same time. She is strong but soft and gentle and is still a baby at heart. All that perversity that surrounded her had failed to even touch her. She could be happy at little things like a child.
"Chief" Bittuji again called and I did not like him one bit. He does not understand, it Is not easy for me to be around Biwi physically but atleast when she is not near I can be happy and content in her thought. Yes that is what she brought to me contentment, and untold peace wrapped me when her thoughts ruled my mind. I had a schedule and I had to shoot so dear Biwi I will hold you once again in my thoughts of course some other time but soon.
...
Chapter 126
Maduh's POV
Ashima Fakiri was smiling at Rishabh very fondly. She was sitting next to him and rehearsing with him, she was playing the other woman in this for his real wife was Deepali in this movie, which he had conveniently moved to sanatorium for TB treatment. Well this was movie loosely inspired by JLN. They had some really fiery dialogue exchange going on between them. No not sleazy but fiery, she was wanting him to bring his wife back for her absence was unnecessary bringing attention to them, which in turn meant her husband coming to know about all this. She was yet not ready to be connected to him in public.
"I don't want our relationship coming out in front of my ton." She said.
"Your ton, as in your husband the Duke of Marlborough and of course elite lot of men and woman he entertains. I doubt they are people of discretion. Is this not common in your ton sweet heart?" He said with a flair and accent that probably was inspired by some of the past videos of JLN's speeches and conversations. Wow for a second I felt so much of research in project to even go and look into how a person might have talked and walked that too when it is claimed to be piece of fiction.
"You know if I go ahead and declare to the world my relationship with you, it is you who has more to lose than I. Do you think you would be accepted as the head of the state if you have so mistreated your wife." She said as sweetly as she could. The best part was even when rehearsing they looked utterly convincing. I was intrigued by what was going on in front of me.
"Oh is it or is it because your ton would alienate you without a second thought for rubbing your shoulders with the slaves and colorful man like me." He spat back vehemently and with such passion that it all looked real to me. In fact I now felt like the sick wife in question. I was not jealous this time. It was more to do with their acting and the conviction with which they delivered their dialogues. I wanted to go somewhere else where I would not be a party to all this but just then RK looked up and saw me and gave me a smile. It appeared to be a genuine smile to me that a person gives to someone he knows while sitting at an office table. I smiled back unwillingly as I did not want to disturb him but even before I could think of anything he got up and pulled a chair next to himself. He had noticed me though was still engrossed in his work. I was mesmerized to see his devotion to his work. In these few days that I had spent with RK I had never actually observed him shoot so for me it was a treat to watch him so engrossed in something other than himself. Come' on we all know for a fact that this man was obsessed by himself. While his concentration had not faltered one bit but I am sure that the lady's concentration had now been misplaced by curiosity. It was for the first time that we were actually face to face and somehow my jealousy stood extinguished.
"Tell me if you really believe what you say." She held his hand and put it on his chest. The act now lacked conviction that it earlier had. Well she was uncomfortable in my presence I could see it and I enjoyed her discomfort.
"You had to hold my hand close to your heart while saying this dialogue. Never mind try again Ashima." RK said encouragingly. She cleared her throat and looked at me once again. I bit on my lip so as to avoid smiling. What all could a mere carnal desire do to people. I was enjoying her discomfort, I was being nasty outright and worst part was RK had no idea what she was going through. Well I could be intimidating when I wanted to. I looked straight into her eyes and dared her once again to hold RK's hand close to her bosom. My glares were enough to melt seasoned criminals she was but a fresh actor. I could see that she was harmless for now and had no interest otherwise in RK. Moreover I had nipped whatever little interest she might have in him right in the bud very efficiently.
I got up to leave and placed my palm on RK's shoulder, "I will be in your retiring room I told him in a whisper and left. I did not want to trouble the poor thing anymore.
...
Chapter 127
We were about to leave as RK was done with his shoot for the day when Jivesh offered for a dinner at his place. I was a terrible cook and RK also did not want to go with anything ready to eat and as per Bittuji, Jivesh had quite superior culinary skills. So of course Jivesh was the best bet for today unless of course we would like to dine outside. Dining out in USA was something I did not enjoy for one I was a Vegan to be precise and restraunts here did not offer good options in my choice of cuisine. So eating out was mostly a fiasco and I was really looking forward to home cooked meal that too Indian.
"You will cook." I asked him on way.
"At your service my Lady." He said quite dramatically and I could not resist a smile.
" What will you make?" I asked hoping he would make something Indian. Possibly the expectation in my voice was too clear.
"Are you hungry Biwi?" RK asked this time.
"No." I just had the best snacks ever some time back I actually ate a platter good for 10 people." I said sarcasm quite evident in my tone. RK laughed at me and looked out of the window. Jivesh lived about an hrs. Drive from the Grey stone Mansion. I rested my head back and closed my eyes. I was hungry and my body was screaming for potatoes, which were an unaffordable luxury for me now and with the watch dragon on my head all the time I had no chance. I wanted to cry, for the first time I felt how lucky we are to get our daily meals without much struggle. There are many for whom a slice of daily bread is a luxury and the only dream they have. Before I could go on a guilt trip yet again I felt a warmth creep from my palms to my arms and then to my entire body. I opened my eyes and saw my palm resting on RK's thigh and he rubbed the tip of my fingers gently. My breath was trapped in my throat and I could not swallow. He was now drawing circles on the back of my hand. I wanted to pull my hand away for the sheer havoc it was wrecking on my senses. I could no longer think of potatoes. Starvation was for now no more of a concern instead asphyxia would be the immediate threat to me. He turned to me and murmured in my ear "breathe you are turning purple." He was smiling naughtily at me. I squeezed my eyes shut and and shook my head slightly to get a hold of the situation. I heard RK chuckle.
"Did I miss something?" Jivesh asked looking irritated
"Yes you did and nothing can be done about it." RK replied playfully his teasing had stopped but my hands were still in his grip and I was not hungry anymore because I was angry. I did not like that he was trying to use physical contact to divert me from my hunger. I did not like the fact that I was so easily diverted.
I pulled my hand away from him and this time he did not resist instead took a deep breath and smiled sheepishly at me. His smile tugged at my heart, I knew he was aware that I was starved and he also understood it was difficult for me.
"So what did you have in that huge and awesome snack platter of yours" Jivesh asked.
"Snakes" I replied and looked straight in front. I was still feeling unsettled and definitely not ready to talk about food yet. I had never in wildest dreams thought that food would so become the center of my entire being.
I heard Jivesh and RK both chuckle and I felt like stabbing both of them with my not present nails. I never kept long nails but I saw all of these ladies around him had such sharp and manicured nails. Now I knew why well I was not too late would soon grow them.
"She is craving for Paneer Tikka and aalo ki bhurji with pooris" RK said laughing
I was shocked he knew me quite well. I was exactly craving for all this.
"Never question a lady on forced Diet. She is like a hungry tigress" Jivesh said
"says who?" I asked flashing all my teeth
"Of course Me who else." Said Jivesh
" Don't forget she can hit and hit hard I mean." Said RK "Just so that you have a formal warning."
"We are home and Madhu I can actually fix all that for you." Said Jivesh and literally jumped out of the car. It was quite obvious he did not enjoy riding with us.
RK and I followed him. "when did you two come on first name basis." Asked RK
"I don't know and I don't care. Do you?" I stared into his eyes to find a reason for his question.
"No not at all. Was just an observation." He shrugged his shoulders carelessly.
Before Jivesh could start with his extra ordinary cooking skills RK told him not to cook all that as he as well as I were OK with a cup of low fat curd and some salad without any dressing.
Even before I could swallow what he had said and register my protest. Jivesh spoke out with his eyes as big as a saucer.
"what is wrong with you? For God sake why does she need a diet. More over this kind diet looks like a diet for sick people."
"well she is sick." RK spoke coldly
Jivesh looked at me quite horrified. "sick as in really sick or sick of you?" He said to RK sarcastically
"you are trespassing." RK said quite taken aback of this outburst.
"OK I am really sick and am still not used to the idea of living on such thin supply food." I said trying to intervene. I was unable to understand what had gone in to Jivesh's head that he retaliated thus.
"Sick! With what?" He more than exclaimed
"None of your business" RK said we must leave he held out his hand towards me literally Commanding me to take it and move out of this place. I could never get into his head. A minute he was a friend caring and understanding but the other he was as distant as he could be. His mood swings paralleled a pregnant woman. He was now dragging me out of the house and I could see a brutally rejected Jivesh standing in the right corner of the room now. Wow this man could command any one near him, something about him spelled authority like no one else. Ho yes I was demoting my self to a fan girl now. I am very certain that some would definitely diagnose me with Stockholm syndrome. For now I needed to act lest these two would have a grudge to nurse for sometime to come and who knows if I might have to sleep on one of the most tasteless meals, may be on his one of the disgusting whey protein shake. Oh No!! I need to do some thing but what? I was right on the door and just then like a spark it hit me and I passed out. The tug on RK hand disbalanced him but he was careful enough to turn instantly and pulled my falling body right to his chest in one jerk. I was in heaven, I am definitely going insane. If not for his quick thinking I would have hit the hard wood floor and would have to sport a bump at the back of my head for atleast a couple of days. I could hear a panicked RK' s hand creeping around my waist while his other supported my shoulder and I was in a state of bliss. I could also hear Jivesh beging him to bring me to the couch.
"Bhai put her on this sofa please. I will get water."
I could hear him rushing and feel RK lowering me to something. I suddenly felt cold and did not like being released. RK held my hand to count pulse. Do I have to tell you that it was racing at untold pace.
"I will call 911" said jivesh
Oh no what an idiot he was. Some body tell him to get down to cooking for I would not be gone for long. It was difficult to keep my mouth straight I wanted to laugh at everything I could hear going around me. I heard RK calling out
"Nope she will be fine." What was this warm air that I felt on my neck Oh no it was RK what was he up to? He placed his fore finger on the ferociously pacing pulse at the base of my neck. I wanted to push him and jump or I wanted to hold him. I didn't knew exactly what I wanted to do anymore. I was losing my sanity quite fast. He placed his hand under my neck, why the hell was he torturing me thus? I felt my hair tug slightly he had opened my hair and was now running his fingers through my hair, messing me even further. People did not do that to those who were ill and people who were doctors did definitely not do that to sick people. Shit he knew I was feigning sickness and the way he was behaving meant that I was going to have to bear with the consequences when I reach home. Oh God I am not going home with him today. He very gently patted my cheeks.
"Biwi" His voice was sweet but I am sure he knew my drama. "open your eyes Biwi, you accomplished what you wanted to." I was right he knew it, no point in dragging all this any more. He was right at least Jivesh and RK wont be miffed up at each other. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He squeezed his eyes to tiny slits. He was clearly miffed up with me now. I got up slowly and he sat next to me saying no words but he was too close for my comfort. I tried to scoot a little away from her but his left heand rested on my shoulder instinctively. So he would punish me with his proximity. I am glad I was wearing a cotton jacket over my sleeveless top. Skin contact was the last thing I wanted now.
"how are you feeling Madhu?" This was Jivesh sitting on the ground in front of me looking all concerned.
"I am better." I said not looking into his eyes. Jivesh lets have dinner for it will take us atleast an hr to reach back home.
"Give me five minutes I will fix some salad, I do have yogurt." RK nodded to Jivesh. Within half an hour the dinner was done with and we were on hour way. I was absolutely silent I did not want to ruffle his feathers any more.
...
Chapter 128
RK said nothing just went off to change. His silence was bothering me. I was feeling nervous. Did I over do? Why was he so quiet? I wanted desperately to go talk to him but I did not want any further arguments between us so I just took his silence in my stride. I was tired after a long day and no sooner did I hit the bed I dozed off.
RK's POV
It was getting difficult for me by the day to handle Madhu. She was willful and did whatever she wanted. She stirred up at times the basest emotions within me. I did not like it when people became friendly with her or rather when men became friendly with her. No I trusted her with all that I had but I just could not help myself. I did not like it when she favored someone else above me. It took every ounce of my self -control today not to lash out at Jivesh and her, when she faked her unconsciousness. Why did she have to do that? Did she doubt that I would let her sleep hungry? I am unable to fathom a reason why she had to do it and that too so recklessly had I not pulled her back just in time she could have been hurt. How can she be so reckless? How can she not understand what I am going through? I was on the terrace and it was quite cool here but yet I was feeling hot. My mind and heart had been sporting sadness for such a long time but I started to seek solace in my state of sadness. I marveled in the bitterness it had impressed on me. Things have changed I no more wanted to be sad. I was scared of losing Madhu. The very thought that some thing might go wrong with this women kills something inside me. I know it is weird for anyone to believe this. After all I forced her to marry me, but can some one really accept it that I would have been a villain to her? I knew in my heart of heart that I was smitten by her. Infact she took control over me the very first day I met her at the police station. Her indifference towards my charm and my personality had shattered that glass wall within me which did allow anyone's image to be reflected on my heart but never allowed anyone enter in. She had destroyed every faade in my heart and soul. I did not want to hide any more from her. I was at peace with all that I was in front of her. I loved her proximity it gave me comfort and made me feel wanted. No she did not need me. I know so many people who need me for one or the other reason. I know so many who want me for their own benefits but it was only her who wanted me for no reason. It was she who would go against me to keep me intact, I had known people who would feign undeterred loyalty towards me by merely flattering. It was she who could fight me back and tell it straight to me without mincing words. It was she who made my heart go racing. It was she who could make me do any thing that she wanted. When it came to her my wants always came second to her desires. I am tired of this moving around the bush with her. I know I need to hold on to that feeble string of patience that I have. I find it frustrating but yet that is what I have to do. I cant let her go. I can feel her growing fondness for me, her jealousy helps me feel better. I feel energetic when she argues with me. Those ample moments of eye contact drench my soul with such peace that words can't express. Those sparse moments of physical proximity with her fill me with desire I had never known. Will she ever understand?
No matter how many deep breaths I take my fatigue grips me as tightly as it can. I don't want to go in to her today though I love those pecks that I steel when she sleeps. I cant dream of a day when she will not rub my ear lobe to find her sleep. What have I turned out to be? A mere pet and best of it I am loving it. I guess insanity has taken over me, but then sanity was never at my side. I have been known for my extreme nature. I think that is who I am. Either black or either white, grey has never been my color. I have always loved either side of the spectrum. I never believed in graduations or moderations. How can I love moderately? I can only love extremely. She may like it or not but she cannot reject it. I know my sadistic part is raising its head again but then that is the truth we are married there is no way out, neither for me nor for her. I would never need one that is besides the point though. This white couch on the terrace reminded me of the night a few days before when Madhu had slept in my arm without any inhibition. The weekend had seen a lot and had created a barrier between us again. I will have to break it...
...
Chapter 129
Madhu's POV
I kept starring at the figure sleeping on the couch with half his body below and half up on the couch. He looked disturbed or rather tired. Had he been awake all night? It was cooler here. I wanted to tousle his already unruly hair. I had an urge to see how thick it was but then I decided against it. It was not a good idea on my part. I moved away from him feeling scared of my emotions. I turned back now looking at the city in front of me mostly white, calm and peaceful. It was only 6 am in the morning and the sun was just breaking the panes of darkness. Our terrace was white too. It actually caught my interest for the first time in these many days. To be very honest surroundings did not intrigued me much before. There were quite a few rose and lily potted on the terrace. It had quite a lot of flowers and I would be understating if I said the entire view was any thing less than a dream. Every thing about RK was dreamy out of the world. It may not be extravagant though in my terms mostly it was but I know extravagance has no upper limit then What was different between his world and spelling Mansion? I guess the answer would rest in his fondness for art rather than money, his fondness for life than luxuries. I took as deep a breath as I could after all I wanted to treasure all the scents and smells that were present in this air. It included his very masculine smell too.
I was feeling a lot more sorted now. It was a new day with new hopes and new dreams. Hmm don't get too excited I am trying to train my mind to think positively. It would be hard for you to believe but my faith in love between a man and women being anything eternal and all that never existed. I never believed in love between a man and woman my job my family had broken me to pieces. The only people who I saw loved each other were Malick and ma and I am quite certain that there was no physical side to it. Well atleast that is what I believed. I would not have any issues if they were involved but I do not think so is what I am trying to say. I am not able to process these physical manifestations of attraction that I am going through. It is alien to me to feel all these gamut of sensations in my heart and body. I long for him and his proximity but I am equally scared of all that I know and have known in my turbulent past. I know I know I keep on going round in circle and I need to walk in a straight line now. I promise I will try to move ahead of all that is gone by. It is a promise more to my self than it is to anyone else. I deserve this one chance at love don't I? I breathed in as much of the fresh ness I could once again. I turned back to admire him once again and do I need to say I was utterly disappointed he was gone. I went and sat where he had been sleeping the couch was still warm. I could feel his presence yet. I felt happy and a wanted to marvel in this feeling. I picked up the pillow he had slpet on and hugged it and lied back on the couch.
...
Chapter 130
RK's POV
"Biwi, Biwi!" I came calling for her back on the terrace only to find her fast asleep on the couch. I wanted to wake her up for her breakfast. But I decided against it. I had never seen her sleep so peacefully. I had to leave for my shoot but before leaving I casted another glance at her. An untamed coil of hair was flickering on her face. She was wearing a baby pink anarkali today she could always surprise me I am sure of that. It was an unusual choice not only for her but also for me and then for this place. She never bothered about what the world looked like. Her fearlessness was one thing I will always love. I had not slept for long and she was up all ready even before I woke up. She needed sleep hence I left her sleeping. I left the car for her and I called for a cab I was hoping that she would choose to come to the shoot.
I was in the retiring room getting makeup when Ashima knocked and came in. She was wearing a plaid well fitted dress with a small hat. Her hair were rolled outwards quite like Edwina Mountbatten. I don't know if her hair was naturally golden or colored but for now she looked every bit of brit. Her shining lips thickly coated with bright red lip color made them appear strikingly luscious. No I was not ogling her, I was actually critically appraising her. How so ever chauvinistic it sounds but this movie like mostly other Indian movies intended on using the physical assets of a heroine more than her acting abilities. My phone buzzed just then it was Madhu. I looked at my watch it was nearly 2 hrs since I left her.
"good morning Biwi."
"Why did you not wake me up? You left even without meeting me in the morning." I rechecked the number to see who was calling. It was difficult to believe that she was complaining about not being able to see me in the morning. I felt bells ringing ding ding dong in my ears, mind or somewhere.
"Are you all right. I hope you are not dreaming and thinking me to be your mom. Itne pyaar se to sirf unse hi baat karti ho."
"RK!!" this time she sounded more lik'e the Biwi I knew. I heaved a sigh of relief. She was normal nothing was wrong with her. Wink wink.
"I am listening."
"why did you leave me back? What am I supposed to do all day?" she whinned again.
"you are asking me?" I could not believe she was talking to me as if she needed suggestions from me. I was non plus.
"I have left the car for you. You can go anywhere you want but remember your appointment at 4 for initiating you in to the c-peptide program."
"Am I to go there alone.?" This time she sounded more surprised
"You have a problem?" I was actually surprised she was a self reliant woman who could go in a lion's den without blinking and asking so many questions.
"Yes, I am not going there all by my self and you cannot bully me into acceptance by doing all those antics of yours. "
"which antics?" I asked recalling the trip to Jivesh's house when I had touched her intimately to make her forget hunger. I couldn't help but smiling at this little victory of mine.
"You don't know, good now you wont be able to use it again." She said in a rather unconvinced tone.
"You don't sound so sure but I can always come up with different antics and this time they could be a little more heart touching may be." I knew it would hit where it should and I felt her take a sharp breath. She can never beat me at these underhand one liners. She was more innocent and straight forward person not twisted like I am.
"why did I even call you? Bye."
" OK come over I think your fan boy that guard what was his name, Yes Parmeet is back I saw him in the park today. You can say your thank you to him very personally and then we can have lunch together."
"what do you mean by very personally?" she asked clearly sounding irritated. Oh! How I loved doing this to her? She tends to get irritated quite fast.
"I mean as in with flowers and a box of chocolates may be or any other gift that you think fit." I said genuinely making truce as I saw Ashima smiling inwardly and I did not like it.
"Ok I will come soon." She said with child like excitement clearly evident in her tone. She was excited to meet a guard. I was irritated now.
"OK" I cut in and finished off with the call. Only she could do that to me. I again saw Ashima looking at me expectantly.
"what?" I asked her.
"Urmm not to meddle in your personal matters..."
"but." I kind of challenged her to complete what I had interrupted. She licked her lips and then continued shakily.
"Is your wife coming today for the shoot?" I was quite certain that the girl was not eyeing me. I understood what kind of a woman I was dealing with quite instantly and Ashima was one of those women who had strong spines. Who could make their own way to reach their destinations. Hence some thing was amiss here.
"You have a problem with that?" I asked looking clearly miffed up.
"No I don't but I think she has." Now this came as a shock to me. Madhu could be vicious if she wanted to. I could see fear clearly visible in Ashima's eyes. What could Madhu have done to make the girl feel intimidated?
"I doubt you have met her personally. She is a very fun loving girl and mostly gentle and sweet. I don't know what makes you think she has a problem with you? Be rest assured what ever it is, it is a misunderstanding." I made a mental note to talk about this to Madhu. Ashima nodded to me in resignation. I understood that she was not convinced. I knew this needed to be sorted out.
"your lipcolor is smudged." I called out to Ashima she had been chewing her lips all this while.
...
Chapter 131
In around two hours Madhu called me to ask for assistance entering the mansion. I had just finished a shot and was waiting for her in the room allotted to me. It was 11 AM and we still could squeeze in two shots before we broke for lunch. I saw her coming in. She was still wearing the same pink suit and it touched the floor looking more like a lehenga. The color of the fabric and her skin literally matched. She looked flushed.
"you met Parmeet?"
"Yes I did and he was all lady Gaga about you." She replied
"Ahaan. Chalo atleast some one is Gaga over me. Tum to hoti nahi kam se kam Parameet hi hua." I loved the way she put both her hands on her waist and closed her eyes shut in partial resignation and Bittuji came in just that minute.
"Bhabhi ji khade khade hi so rahi hain aap?" he asked with concern pulling a chair for her.
"Next time bittuji when you eat food pray to god that some of the nutrition reaches your brain too. Koi khade khade kaise so sakta hai?" Biwi was so irritated and I was enjoying it.
"Par aapki aankhein band thi."
"Aankhein to marne pe bhi band hoti hain ab aap kahiye ki aap khade khade mar gayi."
"BAS Stop. Arguments for the day between Bhabhi ji and bittuji over." I said some thing had turned me off and set my foul mood back into motion. I saw surprise sweep into Madhu's eyes. I did not want to be questioned hence chose to change the topic. I got the perfect heading actually as I saw Ashima coming in and her steps faltering on seeing Madhu. The funny thing here was that Madhu had noticed her even before me. She changed her stance and looked more like a school bully. Oh My God she was actually having fun at Ashima's account. For once I thought to let her continue but then I felt this was not like Madhu. She in general was a respectful person then why this behavior. Anyways I decided to move out of this weird conglomeration of weirder people and dragged Madhu along with me. I had decided to play along with Madhu this time. My instinct said she was jealous and my experience said jealousy made a women act in most unpredictably and who knows I might get her to break that unsaid barrier between us because of this jealousy. With idea of fanning it while going out I looked back to Ashima and said
"your lipstick is still smudged get it in order." I winked at her and she nearly gasped.The best part I felt Madhu's grip becoming tighter on my hand either to remind me of her presence or to hold on to me. I hope it was later for I was never oblivious of her presence. I dragged her out with me but I knew her mind was now running at lightning speed. Somehow I was getting desperate but then I should not be blamed I am no saint actually far from that I have been closer to the devil all my life.
After the 6 next frames being shot it was time for me to call it a day. I was not shooting the remaining day as I had taken off to go with Madhu for her appointment. The appointments were a real torture to my senses in every which way. I feared for her. The uncertainty consumed me. Then controlling my desires seeing her in that nothing but that flimsy paper gown was a task befitting a yogi not a bhogi like me. Then the guilt trip that I was drawing pleasure in my wife's pain nailed the coffin of my mind very well. Such a torture were these trips to hospital my only hope is that we would be able to reverse her Kidney damage or atleast arrest it. All these tortures would be worth every healthy day that she gets in life.
...
Chapter 132
Madhu's POV
Today was one of the most difficult days for me since my wedding. RK had back to back scenes with Ashima. RK had to shoot a sequence where he sees Ashima sitting comfortably with her husband at a formal dinner. The dinner was actually at the helm of the political turn around that India was facing. RK was more or less also representing his party at the dinner. Though it was unofficial but still a lot of things were set into motion at such dinners. He had seen disdain for himself in the eyes of his foreign counterpart. He was to be the next prime minister of the country and he belongs to the elite society of India. If people like him with such western influence hardly could garner sympathy in their eyes than the common cattle class of India would be just that, the cattle class. I could see RK the actor's finesse today quite well. The emotions that came and went across his eyes were phenomenal. I also had become comfortable with Anurag the captain of this ship. He very gracefully had accepted to help me get acquainted with the finer nuances of film making. I was delighted to see how cameras captured such myriad of emotions, the minutest details from quivering lips to shutting eyelids.I was deeply intrigued by the art of film making. It was no joke I can now very safely say that. The kind of hard work that went into every frame of a decent film was phenomenal and then movies like this took the entire work to a different level. I had actually earned a camaraderie from Anurag which was something not seen before by others.
For this next shot RK was shown coldly gazing at Ashima. She in turn appeared to be having a good time at the soiree. RK appeared cold as stone rather lifeless and still strong. The expressions that he conveyed were very strong still cold. I felt a wave of chill run down my spine at the way he gazed at Ashima.
"I would suggest you don't see the next few scenes being shot" Anurag told me. Probably he had noticed the slight jitter coursing through me. He understood it was the wife within me that caused such discomfort. I also learnt how difficult it was on women to see their husbands passionately romancing others for cinema. Its true unless you don't walk in someone else's shoes you should not judge them.. I learnt this lesson very well here that no job was easy, every job entailed more than its fair share of challenges. Life is never easy for anyone. Somehow knowing that there were others in this soup called life, with me gave me some degree of comfort and I decided to hang in there for the next shots and do I need to speak it out loud that it was a big mistake with all letters capital.
The next shot was RK taking his leave from the party and going to his home. I felt a sort determination in his entire body language. My instinct told me I was not going to like whatever was going to unfold now. The shot was cut at a perfecto note from the director. RK came and sat next to me. I somehow felt he was in no mood to talk so I kept to my self. After a lapse of quite some time the shot was ready for a scene in his living room. It was not a lavish setup infact it was a simple setup which looked more like an office of a political party. He was to sit on his simple wingback chair which appeared to be comfortable but nothing out of the ordinary. The entire setup was like that slightly regal yet very oriental. I some how had started to enjoy the art direction side of all this process. His door knocked and in came the lady in all her glorious gown and makeup. RK peeped from his partially closed eyes and then sipped or gulped supposedly alcohol from his decanter and closed his eyes completely royally ignoring her.
She seemed undeterred and sat on the coffee table on which he had perched his feet. A gesture not befitting a kin of British royalty. He removed himself from the chair and walked upto the window which was closed. I can never stop wondering how much of symbolism goes in a frame. They were stuck in a relationship which had no openings and no future and the closed window showed precisely that. Well I could not have guessed it but that is what Anurag told me.
"What brings you here my Lady?"
"Must you make a lady speak out the words my dear." She asked with lips pouting and brows arched. She very effectively portrayed desperation. She walked to RK with elegance and dignity and made him turn. The way she placed her dainty manicured fingers on his shoulder and urged him to face her hit me right under my gut. Even though an act she had much more leverage on him than me as his wife. She made me wonder if I could be that demanding with him. What happened next knotted my stomach into infinite knots and made me rethink where I was and what I was in for. She stood on her toes and very gently and timidly claimed his lips. I felt RK pulled her in his embrace tighter and my chest felt heavier. It was not jealousy that consumed me instead it was an emptiness that drowned me. A vaccum that suffocated me, in that instant I knew that love needed expression, an expression such that was beyond the realms of friendly territories. Love thrived not merely on philosophies but needed as much of a real solid grounds and ours lacked that. The way his proximity with anyone else hurt me I was certain that there was no window left open for us to go any where. We were into it and we needed to make it work. I was lost in a trance when I saw her fallen down on the floor. RK was helping her stand up. She did not rise instead touched his face gently. She was still insistant and he was reluctant it was a game of cat and mouse just that it was impossible to ascertain who was the cat and who was the mouse. He caved in to her persistent touch and hugged her tightly. One minute it was all his and the other he lost it. I could see defeat written all over his face. I was in a state of utter confusion his acting was too convincing. It would be very easy for him to lie and get away with it. For a second I felt what I saw was all real, but wait it was not over. Ashima slowly raised a ruby red lip up expecting a kiss probably. My heart raced at its highest speed and I wanted to run and stop them but my legs were shackled by my sheer disbelief at the reality of all that was going on. The air had become so thick suddenly that I could slice it into little pieces. I needed to breathe. It was yet not over I saw RK slowly bending his head and all I could see was his head. He was surely kissing her I could feel it but could not see it. The shot was called off with a lot of appreciation and RK joined Anurag this time to discuss the scene further and the various camera angles and god knows what not. What really hit me was he was a different person altogether he slipped in and out of cloaks so easily. How am I ever suppose to know when he is real and when artificial. OH my God!! For the first time I felt he could very easily deceive me. I was thinking of the time when he had told me he loved me. I was not so sure anymore. I looked at RK he was too busy discussing the scene with Ashima and Anurag. He wouldn't notice me exiting I was certain and so I quit as silently as I could.
...
Chapter 133
My life had always been difficult but always quite free of confusions. My life was now not so difficult but it was full of confusions. I was not sure if he loved me. I was not sure if all he was doing was not a game. I was trained to be skeptical and logical. I did not know whether to trust him or not. I needed to think my way out of all this clutter. What am I going to do and how I was going to get out of all this was going to be a challenge. I called Bittuji and told him that I was going for my appointment and will go home from there. He insisted that I speak to his chief but I denied. There was still time for my appointment and I needed sometime absolutely all by myself to once again sort out my thoughts. I needed to go somewhere where I could be all alone I googled my hospitals address and its nearby areas. I found out that Rodendo beach was just 8 miles from the hospital I had to go to and that gave me good 1 hr spare so I asked my driver to head straight to the beach. It was February and the weather was still cold. I was sure to get some solitude there. I was there in 20 minutes and the minute I saw the white sand with cobalt blue waters and white foam on it. I felt at peace with my self. The cool white sand under my foot made me feel better instantly. There is something about nature it just soothes you when at its best and ruins you at its worst. What immense powers it has is beyond contemplation of humans. For now I was drawing on the life giving powers of nature. I saw a tiny little green leaf dancing on the waves. It came ashore and then was drawn in back by the waves and then it came ashore again. I was intrigued and went ahead to pull the leaf out of this s a part of. It was a beautiful pointed camphor leaf. I could not help but wonder how it came here for it was not native to this part of the city. This leaf must have atleast travelled 10s of miles to be here. It was quite a lot for this tiny thing pulled apart from its mother who I am sure must be as magnificent as the sea is if not more. I felt as if the leaf was just like me some ruffian must have brought it here away from its own family ans then dumped it into this huge ocean. Funny part was that this ocean too was not ready to give this tiny leaf some space in its unfathomable depths. Neither here nor there was the situation of this leaf. Was my situation any different from this leaf? I was feeling scared feeling alone and vulnerable. Could there be a way out of this rut? What happens if I seek divorce but then a lot had transpired between me and RK. A divorce would be disastrous for Malik if not for anyone else. A fire spitting Cannon like RK could turn his entire hard work to ashes and the elections were due next year. Then what if he was not deceiving me? What if all that he told me was real? What if he truly loved me? only if there was a way to find out if what he said was true or not. I pressed the leaf between my palm trying to dry it with my warmth. It was strange that even though it was being pulled and thrown back by the waves it still held its color and was still intact. I guess it came here just a while ago. I sat down on the beach once again feeling tired. The noise of the roaring waves quitened every other sound inside me. There was a sudden lull in and around me.
I could see and hear every thing clearly. I saw a never ending bridge on this never ending roaring ocean. I saw RK standing at every pothole of that bridge. Was he digging them deeper with so many bodies or was he repairing them? I need to find out. I would rather go to him, I saw him busy digging the hole deeper, I feel suffocated again. He is bent on the pit and is so engrossed in making that hole deeper that he does not see me. He goes upto the corner of the bridge and soaks his shirt in the sea water. He comes back and brushes of all the sand of that shirt onto the floor. He keeps doing that till he collects a small mountain of sand. He still does not notice me. He now collects all the concrete that he has dugged up from the bridge already and mixes it with the sand. I am unable to understand why on earth is he making this unusual concoction. I want to question and hence I pat his shoulder but he seems to be so engrossed in his job that he is unable to hear me. I must wait and see all that he is doing. He then takes a hand full of that gooey thing and fills the pit. I was taken aback was he trying to fill that pothole then why did he dig it? I see him trying to fill that pothole one hand full at a time. Oh how funny it is he of all people does not know that it will take a life time to fill the pit if he did it one hand at a time. He is getting desperate, I am certain his resolve will break very soon if he continues like this. I want to help him urgently. I am not sure how to help him. Then out of the blue it struck me I had a huge chunni I took it off and collected all the mixture in it. I didn't care any more about the expensive suit I was wearing I did not care if I would get dirty. All I wanted was that RK must not give up. I love to see him succeed in what ever he did. I took the whole thing to him, and you know what this time he could see me very well. As soon as I dumped the whole thing into the pit it was full. I was sure the pit would be well repaired when the sun would shine bright and strong. We needed to wait for that. Feeling content with my work I turned around to look at him. I was shocked to see him looking at me teary eyed. All he said was
"I thought I was all alone."
I just smiled and hugged him.
"Kya hua Madhu yahan kaise aa gayi?"
The voice brought me back to present. I looked at what I was holding so tightly and I jerked as if I got electrocuted. I couldn't believe what I saw. I touched his forehead then eyes and then my fingers trailed down. Big mistake you see, this man could never stop being the man he is. He bit my finger.
"I am real." He smirked
"I was not thinking about you." I said meekly
"Really? Why am I not convinced,"
"Because you are a self-obsessed, obnoxious A****e" I was now feeling a little better.
"Chalo we need to be there for your apt.." this time he held me by my elbow and started to drag me along towards the car.
"How did you know I was here?"
"I called the driver." He replied.
...
Chapter 134
My appointment was just as any other visit to the docs here is. I hated everything about it especially wearing that good for nothing paper gown. It was all straight once again. I knew that no matter what I was lawfully his wedded wife and my wedding to him was no act. Malik always used to say when you don't get your answers outside. Look for them within yourselves. My faith in RK was restored I knew a person puts his life on line only in two cases either utmost hatred or deepest of love. I was satisfied to be either one so I would take my chances. I would be around him not because of any compulsion but because that is what I wanted. Yes I wanted to be close to him. I wanted him to need me as I needed him. I wanted to know him more than I did now. I wanted to be loved by him in every which way. Oh how light headed I felt yet again. One thing I was very clear about that my life now revolved around him. It is not the first time that I struck peace with my present but some thing made me feel I had confronted all the demons in my heart viz a viz RK, the last one being his professional life. It will take some time for me to understand the difference between his surreal and his real self. I am sure someday I will. For now I was content in this peaceful silence that prevailed between us during our ride back to Grey stone mansion.
...
RK's POV
As soon as my shot with Ashima got over which included me kissing her and then pushing her away and asking her to leave so that we could hold on to whatever little dignity was left. It was the most draining sequence of this movie. All the later sequence would be a lot better. We had decided to finish the scenes with Deepali once she was better. I had talked to her docs today and was informed that Dipali would be soon quite well. There were no internal damages as such and she would be good enough to shoot in 8-10 days if every thing else remains same. I had planned to go visit Dipali tomorrow, convincing Madhu should not be a huge task. Today had been one of the most unusual days. Admist all the hullabaloo of the shoot I almost forgot that Madhu had actualy seen a few very intimate and intense scenes. While I had all intentions of making Madhu jealous but I had no intention of introducing her to this aspect of filming this early in our relationship. I know we have come to an understanding but trust I doubt Madhu trusted me. I was actually taken aback when she hugged me at the beach. I was not expecting that. Bittuji had told me that she looked sad when she left for her appointment and I totally understood her being sad. The girl hardly knew me to know when I was real and when I was acting. You won't be able to even guess the degree of my relief when I saw her all normal. I can't thank my stars enough but I know I need to work on our relationship before it is too late. I somehow felt Madhu too was on the same wavelength with me. She was very co-operative for the docs visit of course until she was asked to change in that paper gown. She was only short of throwing a two year old style tantrum and I could really not forget the look on the doctors. I guess they have not come across a woman as hesitant as her at her age. She looks the cutest in that gown. Yes and I am kidding read cutest and sexiest.
Oh it is pure torture to see her in that material and then her weird behavior at that time adds petrol to the fire. How can one be so stupid I can't understand. She was fidgeting so much with that gown that she tore it right under her arms giving me the best view of my life and I am not joking. I could very well see the milky white skin swelling up slightly right under her arms every time she tried to right her gown. I was so frustrated by all that squirming and fidgeting in those 15 minutes that she had to wear that gown that I almost would have smashed my head on to the wall there.
I was tired it had been a tiring day up till now. One thing that I love with Madhu is that she is not a chatter box. She hardly speaks unless spoken too. Actually Madhu is not temperamentally a women. At least she is not like any woman I have known my entire life. So our ride back to Grey Stone mansion was quite peaceful. I enjoyed her presence and silence both for the first time some how the air was quite light around us today. It was just 5:30 PM and I would be on schedule if we could squeeze in two more shots today. Anurag had everything aligned so I guess we will get those two shots done. I had asked Bittuji to arrange for Madhu's snack and in between the shot I saw she was eating peacefully. I am sure she did not enjoy the oatmeal that Bittuji arranged for her nevertheless she did not fuss about it either. Well that was a change that I hope would not change. It just took me an hour and a half to finish both the shots and we all called it a day.
...
Chapter 135
Madhu's POV
We had been quite for quiet some time. While I was not a voracious talker I was not mum either so just to get out of the speech paralysis that prevailed between us I asked him once in the car. "So what do we do today evening."
"Do you have any ideas." He asked back
"I would have said a candle light dinner but you see dinner and me don't go together." I said trying to keep my face straight.
"Ahh I see but I thought candle and you also don't go together for what can a little flame be used for when we have a full blown furnace with us." And he managed to find a way to tease me yet again. I tried to guess what he meant with furnace but luckily it wasn't anything physical that he was commenting at. He was actually talking about my attitude.
"Tell me something Bahadur what did you tell Ashima? Poor girl was literally scared of you." He asked me winking at me?
"she tattled? Didn't she? but I only stared at her I did not say a word." I burst out laughing. I could visualize Ashima's baffled face once again.
"Not really my dear bully, she just told me to think of changing my profession." This time he took my hand in his and started rubbing the tip of my fingers. Had it been other days I might have had a racing heart but today was somehow I felt there was bitterness in his voice. I thought I needed to be honest with him but now was not the time. I wanted to wait till we were home.
I pulled my hand away from him with a jerk and sat up straight and looked out of the window. I heard him inhale deeply and then he again said "so the truce stands void now"
"No not at all. I did not have any thing to add."
"Nothing atall?" he questioned me.
"I don't want to talk about it here." I said as calmly as I could. We were treading on thin ice I did not want to ruin the camaraderie we had established. I only wanted to go further in this soup not take a step back so I gave him my best smile I could. He nodded and looked out to hide his utter shock. How do I know? Well sometimes I am able to read his face I guess. For the first time it struck me when he was genuine he was actually very spontaneous and was not overtly expressive about his feelings. He actually hid them. But when he was acting his emotions were too pronounced and were all over the place. She felt if she gave herself time and space things could work out. She could understand RK and possibly they could have a bright future ahead. She smiled inwardly and sent a silent prayer upwards.
"What is your wish my lady that has your fingers in knots." We were already there and RK held the door open with one hand and held mine in his other trying to pull me out of my thoughts. I had crossed my fingers at some point and he was referring to them. I couldn't help but smile at his words. I did have a wish but it was not in our capacities to fulfil them.
"I am hungry, I can eat some fruits can't I?" I said once inside the house.
"Yes you may. Are you going to freshen up or do I use the restroom first?" I went towards the kitchen and RK took it as his cue to occupy his luxurious bathroom and invest his very precious time dotting on his own self. God this man was obsessed with himself. I for now was relishing a sweet watermelon in peace. Suddenly there was a huge bang I heard from the wash room. I almost dropped my fruit platter and then rushed to the washroom to see if RK was alright. I did not even knock in my panic and entered the washroom and bam I slip on the shampoo fallen on the floor straight into the tub which housed our magnificent the RK in all his glory. I was knocked out for a few seconds unable to understand what exactly happened.
"I thought you said you could use the washroom first"
"O!my God." I said trying to look somewhere where I could not see RK. While I could avoid eye contact body was entirely a different thing. I was lying straight on top of him in the tub and I am quite certain people don't bath with clothes on.
"Precisely since when did you start thinking I was your God Biwi? He asked and he was trying to avoid me by making fun of this situation but I knew he was aware of every inch of me.
"I heard something fall down I thought you fall down so I rushed in. I am sorry." He just nodded.
"it was the shampoo bottle that fall down and as it shows it did not fall alone it brought down others too." He was smiling and this time I felt his hand on my back.
"I am no Adonis princess but I never thought myself to be an ogre. You seem quite appalled at my proximity" he said in an accusatory tone, as I was trying to avoid looking at him.
"Do you really mean what you just said? I mean seriously."
"yes seriously. You are a big blow to my self-esteem princess."
"What can I do to ease your pain." I asked in all earnestness.
"hmm let me think, how about giving me a..." even before he could finish his sentence I closed in on to his wet lips. I don't what had gotten into me that I acted with such brazenness. I felt his hands tugging at my hair and releasing them from the band that held my braid. I wanted this kiss to last till eternity. He let me explore his softness that tasted of mint. My heart was beating as fast as it could. I felt suffocated and had to break the kiss unwillingly. The moment I looked into his eyes the reality of my deed struck me. I had given him an open invitation but trust me I did not even realize what I was doing. I want to just run away and hide somewhere. How could I be so bold? I had never been like this before I guess my hormones were a raging mess these days.
"I actually was about to ask for a back rub Biwi." I know he was trying to lighten up the tensed atmosphere.
I tried to rise up and get out but man that was one hell of a task. I could not get up because RK was no little boy he actually occupied the whole tub and I was on top of him. How on earth was I supposed to get out now? More over my entire body was feeling like custard. Every breath was a task for now. He shifted seeing my discomfort and I got space to move and finally I could climb out of the tub.
"Careful I don't want you falling on the floor though if you fall back here again I wont mind." He said and I am sure he was grinning but I was hell bent I will not look back at him. I did not dare to. I was just about to get out of the door when he again spoke "Biwi I don't if you are aware of it or not but you are not only down right beautiful you are sexy as hell." I knew he meant every alphabet because he said it in a lowest possible tone. He didn't want to be heard. And all I could do was hiss an "Issh" before closing the door behind me. The huge mirror in the closet showed me visually what he meant. The suit was near transparent now that it was wet and was clinging onto me like second skin. I started feeling a heavy and hot. I needed to breath and hence did not bother changing I just rushed to the terrace and It was the biggest I could commit or was it?
...
Originally posted by: nshahtalati
Thank u so much for updates and as always all the updates are quite interesting and I love it so much. Specially the last few. I was so happy to read RK's pov and I like it. I hope we will get next update sooner. I am so excited to read more about this. I have one request if that is possible but can we have nice sequence between RK and Madhu, without to much trouble. I really thought that after everything they are little bit closer to each other. I really like Madhu's boldness to kiss him but I though rk also would take incieativ in this. I thought he was also attracted to her. Specially after beach part. Anyways the best part is they are coming closer even if very slowly and they are opening up to each other.
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