Chapter 6: Rebuilding
Madhu walked back home still reflecting upon Vikram's question. How was she feeling?
At one level, she was delighted. Her husband, her Rishu, the love of her life was back. He was alive and safe and was back in her life. It was a miracle if anything ever was!
But the wife and mother in her was worried. How would RK adjust back in their family when so much had changed, both with them and with him? The children perplexed her - their behavior towards Rishabh so far had been unforgiving and she was concerned about Rishabh's feelings as much as Ria's and Rohan's. Rishabh didn't deserve that and she didn't want anybody to get hurt, but then, was it fair for her to force her kids to accept their father immediately? Especially because she had spent a life time making them believe they didn't need a father!
As much as Madhu liked destiny's surprise gift, she wished it wasn't such a shocking thing that had been sprung upon them. She wished she had had time to prepare - to tell her kids the right stories growing up, to give RK a home and a welcome he deserved, to have not killed all her own dreams in all these years. She wished she knew how to react and make her family whole again. This couldn't work, she decided, and resolved to speak to the children tonight and make sure they started to find a way to RK. Otherwise, the little hope there was of everything being really okay was going to be lost soon.
And also because the woman in her was even more lost right now and she needed things to start getting better to be able to understand herself. She could see in Rishabh's eyes that he had been through hell, and that broke her heart. But she had been through hell herself. Everything that happened after RK left - she hadn't even told him the full truth from seven years ago that still gave her goosebumps!
Now, all the pain that had been suppressed inside her because she had to be strong had suddenly rekindled. No matter how hard she tried not to think, questions bombarded her mind. All day today, she found herself incapable of concentrating on work because the noise in her head wouldn't end. Where was Rishabh all these years? What had he gone through? Who was Deepali, whose name he took in his sleep this morning? And how should she tell him the truth of how they were thrown outside their home after Rishabh had left? Would he still love her?
Did he still love her right now?
Was she even the same person who he had loved once upon a time?
Probably not, because she knew very well how much she had changed. And then there was what happened earlier that morning, which at the very least was evidence of how Rishabh himself had changed. Were they still good for each other? And what would happen when he realized that? Would he want to leave again? No, that couldn't be! She was never letting him go anywhere ever again, not while she was still alive!
And yet, she wondered if she had any way of stopping him. Did she have any rights? She couldn't stop him last time when they were still themselves. He had left her and their kids even then. Madhu was shocked to realize she was still angry about that. He had broken his promise before, and Madhu wondered if the aftermath had left in her any capacity to trust his word. The wife and the lover in her was after all still seething over being abandoned, being placed second over Rishabh's duty to the nation.
But she did trust him, didn't she? She loved him more than anybody she had ever loved, she reminded herself as she walked up the stairs to her home. But something in her continued to nag at her, unsure whether they each loved a mere idea of each other that they had been keeping safe in their hearts all this while.
What would happen when that idea clashed with the reality of who Madhu and Rishabh had become in seven long years?
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"I finished it Daddy!"Rohan yelled and ran to RK, his notebook with his completed homework in hand as evidence.
"Great job champion!"RK grinned as he enveloped his son in his arms and picked him up. Just then he noticed Madhu standing at the door, smiling as she watched them. Her eyes were moist, RK noticed, and he softly blinked his eyes in a gesture of support and understanding.
"Mommy" Rohan suddenly screamed, noticing Madhu and leapt out of RK's arms the very next moment to run to Madhu. Madhu kept her purse aside as Rohan hugged her, and then knelt to come at his eye level.
"Hi baby! How was your day?" she asked, kissing her beaming son on the cheek.
"It was great. I got A+ on my Maths test in school...and Varun and I are class monitors for the week...and I beat Ria didi racing to him...and Daddy burnt roti a bit when he was trying to make our lunch...ha ha...and Daddy and I watched Pokemon...and he gave me a chocolate because I got A+...but he got the wrong one, he doesn't know the one I eat...but it's okay...I still ate it...ha ha...and I showed Daddy my drawing...and I finished all my homework super duper quickly..."
Rohan continued to ramble on as Madhu sat on the sofa, her eyes shifting from Rohan to RK and back to Rohan, and RK sat in front of them. She smiled at RK and mouthed a thank you, who smiled back in turn. Suddenly, Madhu felt a lot lighter than she had walking in. Rohan had clearly begun to accept RK. Maybe things were going to get better after all. Maybe all the questions would get resolved in time.
Before Madhu had fully reflected on that thought, Ria came out from her room, having heard Rohan.
"Ma you're back early." She walked to Madhu and kissed her on her cheek the way she always did, but consciously avoided looking at RK.
"Yes, come sit here."
"No, I have to go to Pragya's place and finish an assignment."
"You haven't finished your homework?"
"No. I didn't go in the afternoon because Rohan was alone."
Madhu looked at her quizzically, but Rohan spoke before her "I told her to go. I was with Daddy. She doesn't listen."
"Rohan!" Ria gave him an angry glare and tried to avoid Madhu's questioning expression, but eventually answered "I...I didn't want to leave Rohan with...him."She said pointing at RK. "Who knows if he just left and went somewhere again?" Ria blurted.
"Ria!" Madhu shouted in anger. "Is that the way to talk about your Dad?"
Ria stayed mum, as Madhu stood up "You're being rude. Apologize to him right now."
"Sorry sir."She reluctantly muttered, her gaze solidly on the floor.
"Not sir. Call him Daddy or Papa." Madhu shouted, but Ria stayed quiet. Tears had started streaming down her cheeks - in all these years Madhu had never shouted like this on either Rohan or Ria. Rohan too, in fact, stood quietly on the side, sobered by the exchange and unhappy to see her sister crying.
"Ria!" Madhu spoke again, but RK intervened.
"Madhu! Don't" he said and stepped between her and Ria. He wiped off Ria's tears and then softly said, "You go to your friend's place beta."
Ria turned and left the house. Then RK turned to Rohan.
"Come champ, what do you want to do now?" he asked, but Rohan didn't immediately respond, feeling unsure.
"Rohaaannn!" a voice came from outside.
Madhu chided herself for losing her temper and self-control. "Rohan, see Varun is here to call you. Do you want to go play for some time?"
"Yes" he softly answered.
"Okay, go. But only for one hour." she said as she kissed him again. "Mumma is sorry" she added, after which he smiled again.
As Rohan wore his sneakers and ran outside to play, Madhu slumped back in the sofa. Her head was hurting, and she shut her eyes. She wanted Ria and Rohan to accept and respect RK, but she certainly hadn't intended to yell at Ria and force her against her will. At the same time, she didn't want RK to feel unwanted from his own children. He had missed seven years of their growing up lives; she didn't want him to miss another day. Rohan seemed to have adapted, then why was Ria so stubborn. She reminded her of herself when she was young - fiesty and stubborn - so it was probably genetic. No, she was going to have to try again with Ria, with a different approach.
"Tea" Rishabh said, prompting Madhu to open her eyes.
"Oh. Thank you. You didn't have to..." she said as RK handed her a cup and sat down besides her.
"Why? You don't like tea made by me any more?" he smiled slightly, reminding Madhu of the times when she used to insist she couldn't get off the bed until RK made her tea himself. Especially during the early months when she was pregnant with Ria and RK was still home, RK's tea was Madhu's favorite craving, particularly because he hated making tea.
"I am sorry. Ria..."
"It's okay, Madhu. Why did you yell on her? She is just a kid, Madhu. Give her some time. Don't forget she's my daughter." he smiled a bit, then put her hand on Madhu's. She was a tad surprised by the touch, still not used to having RK around, but smiled when she saw the genuine understanding in RK's eyes.
"Thanks" she said and put her other hand on top of RK's. Maybe her anxiety was unfounded and it was time to forget the past. Maybe they could still build a beautiful future together, Madhu thought.
"I will convince Ria. She is stubborn but very soft inside. I took the rest of the week off. Maybe we can both go and drop the kids off to school tomorrow morning. They will feel good. "
"Sure, but maybe day after tomorrow...I called Headquarters today morning. I need to report there tomorrow." RK said, making Madhu instantly pull her hands away. Cold sweat dripped down her neck as a familiar fear returned.
"No...no...no no no" Madhu muttered, standing up while RK looked at her perplexed. "You're not going back to Air Force...no no" she blurted as panic overtook her.
"But Madhu..."RK started but before he could finish he had to rush to support Madhu, who was dizzy and breathless under a panic attack. He grabbed her in his arms and held her tight, trying to reassure her in whatever way he could for several minutes.
"It's only for a couple of hours Madhu. I have to debrief about...about where I was. You can come with me if you want." He explained when she calmed down a bit and he had made her sit, holding her face in his palms.
"No, I don't want to come."
"Okay. But it's only two hours. I would come back in no time. I pro..." RK stopped himself from making the promise, not sure if Madhu would believe him. But to his relief, Madhu nodded, understanding.
"Okay" she said.
"Thank you. Why don't you change and lie down for some time? You look tired."
As Madhu went inside, RK reflect on Madhu's behavior over the last two days. Madhu had never been someone to panic or get boggled with anxieties - she usually just spoke out loud and clear everything she was feeling. But she had changed, RK realized. Her eyes had unstated questions, her mind had unshared worries and her heart had unconfronted fears. He wondered if he should tell her the whole truth of the past seven years. Some parts could hurt her, and he wasn't sure how she would react. Not until he had her trust again.
Once upon a time, Rishabh used to know everything about Madhu. But it wasn't true anymore.
As the sun set outside, RK asked himself if he could ever be Madhu's husband, her love and her best friend in the same way again.
