NEW FF - *Captive* - Prologue Page 1

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noiseygirl

@noiseygirl

Voyager

Posted: 11 years ago

#11

like it waiting 4 chap 1 pritt

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bokul

@bokul

Master

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#12

part 1 is marvelous

please continue

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ForeverForU

@ForeverForU

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

#13

Nice start Pritt
wll be looking forward to this one
send me a PM when you update

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DonnaHarvey

@DonnaHarvey

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

#14

My Impressions: It sounded like a comedy for the first paragraph. Then, it turned into a western movie screen play. Only, set in a club instead of a salon. And the pistol was the cherry on top of the cake. The scene was a perfect way to introduce the story.

Critique: I see redundancy in the way you used words (and by that I mean you use say the phrase "that night" more than once in close proximity so it sounds redundant when read out loud. I struggle with this too and this is probably just an editing mistake and can be easily corrected next time.

Looking forward to the rest of the story.😉

With this piece, you are officially back as a writer. Welcome back!😆