this ones for one of my regular reader - GOOGLU
~~~~ First Ultrasound ~~~~
Today is my first ultrasound and im really very excited to go see the doctor... i mean my baby... our baby and on second thoughts who gets all excited to see a doctor... like many people i also hate hospitals and doctors and the white ambience... i actually have this weird thing for white... i dont like white that much... i like brighter colours... reds blues greens... all the lovely colours except white in short and sometimes i wonder why are these hospitals not painted in these bright colours... these bright happy colours will definitely help to raise the mood and spirit of the people... i mean the patients.
maan promised that he will meet me directly at the hospital and i have called a cab. it must reach here any moment and i am all ready, super excited and every moment im praying to god to keep my little one safe and healthy... thats is all i want for now. reaching at the hospital, im waiting for my chance. there are many couples before me in the queue and some of them women are alone also. at the moment i can connect with those women who came alone but i know maan will be here any minute. he will never leave me alone and especially when i need him more than anything. but think of those women who are single without any support... i have seen many women who are a single parent but hats off to them... its not easy to raise a child alone... not at all easy... and here is me... who shivers even at the thought of raising my child alone... without maan.. without a father figure in my child's life.
"wait a second... why im a thinking such stuff...??? all this isnt suppose to happen to me... no... this will never ever happen to me... maan loves me... he loves me soo much... " i mentally scolded myself. i looked around to divert my mind and my eyes shine on seeing a cute poster that was hung on the opposite wall. "such a cute baby" i thought. the eyes that baby had... awww... it memerised me... i wish my child also has the same eyes and if not then he or she must have maan's eyes... the pair of eyes which when look at me, makes my world go round.
"mrs. madhu maan singh khurana " the nurse called out my name and i came out of my thoughts. it was my chance now and suddenly i realised that maan didnt turn up till now. i cant go without maan... he wanted to be there with me and even i want the same. i got up and went to the nurse.
" sister my husband is about to reach... i want to wait for him... till then can u take in the next patient... please... " i asked the nurse and she replied in yes and asked the next patient to go inside. i immediately dialled maan's numver to make sure where is he. its been 20 minutes and i still couldnt reach maan.
" maan aap kahan ho...??? you said you will be here with me... maan i need you... our baby needs you... you have to here with me and hold my hand... you promised we will see our baby together for the first time... this is that time maan... this is the moment... " i whispered placing my hand on my belly. i close my eyes and again with hope in my heart, dialled maan's mobile number and but still i couldnt reach him. i wanted to cry right now but i couldnt show my emotions to everyone around me and the nurse who just gave me a look.
it was my chance and this time i couldnt wait for any longer. i have to do this... in no way i can miss my appointment... its importaat for my baby and i really hope whatever is keeping maan away from our happiness is important... more importany than me, our baby and our happiness. i entered the doctors cabin and was greeted by a warm smile on her face but sadly i couldnt return the smile. i was somehow trying to control the threatening tears from falling and trying to smile will definitely make mey effort futile. i laid down on the bed and the doctor applied the blue gel like cool substance on my stomach. she took a special instrument and gently placed it on my belly and the moment she moved it around, the coldness sent shiver down my spine. soon the doctor asked me to focus on the screen and a strange image pops up on the screen. black and grey. it was all black and i had no idea what to see, and what to understand out of it. the doctor must have seen the confused expression on my face and she pointed towards a little grey dot on that black screen.
" mrs. khurana... this is your little bundle of joy... your baby... " the doctor told me touching that little dot on the screen.
" thats... thats my baby... " i said in total disbelieve... "it is really that small...??" i wondered.
" yes mrs. khurana... do you wanna hear its heartbeat...??? " the doctor asked me.
i desperatley nodded my head in positive and hearing to that loud fast heartbeat through the monitor brought tears in my eyes. i suddenly realised what is it to be a mother. a pool of emotions emerged in me and that very moment i promised myself that i will do anything and everything for this little baby growing inside me. earlier i knew there is a life taking shape inside me but today... today now seeing it for the first time, i feel more connected to it. that was the moment that changed my life forever and i could see a light outlining of a head, limbs along with a frail baby... whech is a baby... my baby...
tears swell in my eyes and roll down my cheeks and the doctor smiled at me.
" pregnancy hormones... its normal... " the doctor said with a smile on her face.
i couldnt stop looking at the screen and my cheeks were hurting from the constant smiling. the doctor gave me the image of my little one and i grabbed it and hugged it close to my heart. i came out of the cabin and i looked at the image once again. looking at the very first image of my baby, made me think about maan and what he missed. i suddenly felt heartbroken on releasing that he wasnt beside me holding my hand and listening to the heartbeat of our baby and looking him at that screen.
i was sitting in the lobby when the doorbell rang. i opened the door and looked at maan, who seemed the happiest man on earth. i wanted to smile at him and share his happiness but i just couldnt. at this moment i wanted to know only one thing... just one thing that why he missed such an important event of our life. that moment which would have become one of the cherished memories of our life, he missed it.
i just couldnt say anything, so i turned around to leave when maan held my hand.
" whats wrong madhu...??? " maan asked me.
this infuritated me further and i shot him a glare. did he forget about the appointment...??? how is it possible...??? he was more excited than i was...???
" you forgot... " i whispered.
" madhu i... ohhh shitt... how can i forget...??? im sorry... madhu i... "
" you missed it maan... " i said with tears in my eyes.
" madhu i got busy and it slipped out of my mind... u think i will this opportunity... i would give away anything to live that moment... " maan said and all i could see in his eyes was honesty, regret, and pain.
i couldnt take it and hugged him... hugged him so close as if hiding myself in him.
(imagine maan)
anted you to be there... our baby maan... i wanted to live that moment with you... i missed you so much... i felt so bad when i saw couples all around... maan i..."
" im sorry baby... im really sorry madhu... in my happiness, i forgot about this priceless possession we are gonna have... " maan confessed.
i separated myself from him and looked at him.
" what happiness...??? "
" i got the promotion... general manager... " maan said in a plain voice.
" what...??? really...??? congrats maan... its such a big news... im soo happy for you... " i suddenly beamed with joy.
maan didnt say a word and made his way upstairs to the bedroom. i closed the door and followed him.
" maan its okk... you can come next time... in another 3 weeks i guess... " i tried consoling maan who was lying on the bed with his hands folded behind his head. he looked upset and stressed and most of all sad.
i felt sad for dropping that bomb over him but i am also not wrong... i was also upset and sad.
" this first time wouldnt come back madhu... how careless and selfish of me... how will i prove to be a good father when i failed even at the first step... "
" who said you failed maan...??? you didnt... you are working soo hard jaan... for me... for our baby... you will be the best dad ever... mark my words..."
maan took me in his arms and hugged my stomach and lightly kissed it.
" daddy is soo bad honey... but i promise i will be there for you from the next time and everytime that comes after.. i love you and your mommy way too much... i love you my bacha " maan said to the baby.
i could feel the pain and regret in his voice so i broke the hug and sealed my lips to his. i wanted to heal all the pain he was feeling, i wanted to take all his pain away from him; like the way he did from me - unintentionally.
after the romance part, i dragged maan to the dinner table and made him have the food. maan was still notback to his normal self, so i showed him the image of the ultrasound and it suddenly elated his mood. i wondered why didnt i think of this earlier but better late than never. on seeing the image, i could see the exact emotion on maan's face what i felt. there was a smile on his face and tears of happiness in his eyes... " the best moment ever...!!!! " as people say.
maan put the copy of the ultrasound on the corner table on his side of the bed and dozed off with a smile on his face. i looked at him and i also couldnt help but smile. we are complete... we are what i always dreamnt of... i layed down in bed and tried to sleep but tonight sleep wasnt even close to me. i couldnt sleep but still i kept my eyes closed.
**********FLASHBACK***********
" rishu..." madhu said while trying to gain rishabh's attention, who was apparently busy reading a business magazine.
" dont rishu me... " rishabh stated.
" rishabh... suno na... " madhu said while running her finger in his hair.
" bolo..."
" you know my cousin sister, arohi... di is expecting..."
" okk... so sweetheart...??? "
" toh... u know di was saying that its a great feeling... and ohh my god arjun jiju... he is sooo happy... almost like flying in the air... " madhu said with a magical cum dreamy smile on her face.
" yeah you jiju... you know he owns a company of his own... he has everything... why wouldnt he be happy...??? a middle class man with limited resources or no resources, will not be flying in the air you see... you have to have money to be happy... " rishabh said sternly as if stating a fact.
" but money cant buy happiness rishabh... happiness comes from the heart... " madhu tried to reason.
" you will understand it after years baby... trust me... "
" matlab...??? " madhu asked.
" you know when i will be successful and we will plan a family... then you will understand what i mean... five star hospital and superb facilities and world best doctor and what not..." rishabh said but this time with a smile on his face and hope in his eyes. hope of fulfilling every dream of his.
madhu forced a smile on her face and sat there wondering what plans life has for them...
**********FLASHBACK ENDS***********
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so this time its longer, as few of you complained...
hope you all like it...
dont lose hope on te story, bcos lots more coming up...
rishabla coming soon...!!!!
stay tuned...
love
naina
Edited by naina927 - 11 years ago
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