Posted:
23rd April 2013
I find myself awake at night, unable to sleep despite my heavy eyes longing for some rest. It is in the silence of the night that I count the stars - the stars in the sky beyond the window I face. The stars that Aryan used to draw on pieces of paper and show us with innocent pride and joy. The stars that used to shine in your eyes.
I hope Aryan isn't missing me too much. I miss him terribly. I know that you will fill the void that I have left in his life, for you are all he needs.
When you started inviting me to your house - an isolated townhouse in the middle of nowhere - you claimed that Aryan needed a motherly figure in his life, for you were unaware of how to display affection from the depths of what used to be a stone cold heart.
But gradually, the atmosphere shifted and you started to smile at him more often. The smiles turned into physical displays of affection, which developed into an understanding and finally, a change occured whereby you were no longer Sultan, but Baba. I never told you this before but Aryan confided in me once that he longed to call you Baba, but he was fearful of your reaction. The summer evening when he did and you replied with a tender smile, a layer of tears made their way to my eyes and it was then I realised how much you both had touched my heart.
I will never be happy with the life I have confined myself to. But I will seek comfort in knowing that yourself and Aryan are out there in the world, under the same skies as me but smiling everyday and giving each other the happiness that you deserve.
I was not destined to be a part of anyone's happiness.
Yours forever,
Madhu.
