OS - Freedom is all I seek

You think I deserve this. Hell no!! Noone deserves this. Not even Hitler or Mussolini.

No one deserves their heart to be shattered into a thousand pieces and then thrown into the fire to be melted so as to mould it into a whole again, only to have it destroyed yet again. Only this time the pieces have been scattered so far and wide that even if you try to find all the pieces to fix it there will still be at least one piece missing and you will be left with the knowledge that my heart will never be whole again.

Nothing you ever do will be able to fix me again. I am broken.

I once told you, that I love you as much as I hate you and that still stands true. See, you changed but I haven't, at least not yet. Well at least I believed you had. You made me believe in that silly notion. Now when I think about it I almost laugh out loud at how stupid I had been. How could I not have seen thru you? Guess your smokescreen, your pretence of love everlasting did the trick. Afterall that is what you do, isn't it? Create a smokescreen and fill it with a reality that everyone aspires for and walk them throught that pretend world away from their life's reality. Only they walk away from that in a couple of hours, come back to their world and life goes on for them. I made the mistake of believeing in that reality, living that reality and look where that has gotten me.

I invited my own destruction.

But now I have to save whats left of me. I have built a thousand foot wall all around me and beyond that lies a deep unswimable moat you cannot cross, no one can. The only way you can enter is through the sole drawbridge, which is manned by me. And I will never be able to trust you again to let down that drawbridge.

If you try gaining acess into my heart again, beware of the trebuchet, the battering rams, the catapults and ballistas. They will not stop to identify the individual, they are prepped for war and will not hesitate to attack.

This is what my heart has been reduced to. A War Zone. A Battlefield, both internal and external. It is a constant fight against feeling, feeling anything. I don't want to feel anything. Not love... not hate... not grief... nothing. I have got to be a stonewall and that the way it has to be. If I can be a stonewall on the inside, I can be a stonewall on the outside. Nothing and no one can hurt me anymore. If you touch me, you will scrape yourself, you will be the one to bleed. I have cried bloody tears. Not anymore.

I will tear those pages which hold your memories and burn them and scatter the ashes in the ocean. I will destroy everything that is you from my heart, my soul, my body, my mind even if that leaves me hollow. Because the day I am able to do that will be the day I will be able to breathe.

The day you mean nothing to me will be the day I will be truly free from you. That day I will be able to actually live rather than just go through the motions, like a zombie. Right now all I seek is FREEDOM.

P.S. Below is the link to the index of the other stories/articles/polls.

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/madhubala-ek-ishq-ek-junoon/3763862/index-ff-os-ss-articles-polls-revisited

After a tragedy occurs the person feels numb in the begining. For some days it will seem that what happened is not true. As the days go by truth hits the brain big time. The person realises the exact events which took place. Then the actual agony starts. This agony does not have any end soon because everything is gone.

Madhu is broken inside trying her best to portray that she is courageous etc etc to the outside world.

The journey of healing for Madhu starts when she accepts that she loved RK from her heart and that the relationship is over. This journey is a very tough journey which will never seem to begin any time soon.

Explains Madhu's predicament and turmoil so perfectly.

And with the walls she will build, even RK himself may never find a way to break through.

I loved the line describing that Madhu's heart will never be whole again - I hope in the future, RK even realizes this. Because whether RK's love is real or fake, the damage he has inflicted on Madhu is permanent.

If you read Madhu's version you should read RK's version too..