PROLOGUE
I never knew me before this ,I neither know it now for sometimes perhaps when death appears to be more good than life one tries to cherish the idea of end of life…but no one gets all what he wants ,dreams or desires!
I believe dreaming being in a fairytale is easy but to live it maybe worst too as limit of everything makes each good and bad day end in its own surprising way.
But ,Alas !unlike all I am satisfied ,satisfied with what I got …what I gave as my hands are at least with the one whom I love…..at least if not my life ATLEAST MY END WILL GET A MEANING…in the wonderful world.
So let me gently get ureself pay a visit in 'journey of my life'.
1
"Good morning Mumbai"! I spoke on my mike with all delight to wish all a great morning and feeling pleasure to be part of enriching morning freshness in the lives of people of Mumbai.,My Mumbai……a place like heaven to me.
'Happy valentines day to all!'A wish from your favourite madhu… I know, I know till now all boys would have purchased their gifts for girls but be smart enough to show them your real talents on your date ,don't mess up with everything on appropriate time.
'Alas!let me not waste a single second of your's and let's hear a song from MR .Danish Oberoi who is present in the studio at the moment.
'Mr Danish oberoi ', I said as I passed the mike to him ,feeling my inner self to curse me for having brought another trouble to studio as he was the one who in 2 years of my life at the radio station had proposed me 100 times on radio …also by sending me a stock of cassates full of his composed songs now lying in the store full of rats.
To avoid more of embarrassment infront of colleagues I had to bring him here to confront him , but I a happy atleast on seeing me his wits came back or else I would have died someday reading those horrible letters,cd's etc.
Shuffling my thoughts at present I looked at him with a mixture of guilt but gave a fake pleasant look not to show my feelings to him.
Oh Guys, yes I shall sing a song for you which had been composed for my love…he said ,stressing on the word had been making it clear that now I won't need to do anything to persuade him to stop.
I closed my eyes and thanked God for letting me to again dream for one who would love me not my voice and neither my costume either but my soul and continued to listen to the song The great singer Danish Oberoi had composed and I felt my audience would till now be crying tears of sadness and grief with him on this auspicious day as he was not singing a joyful song but was singing a song full of broken heart…song was DIL TOOTA …of an old movie….
I laughed at myself thinking what a day to witness and what a way to wish Valentines Day, first only make them aware of broken hearts ,sandels ….and started thinking seeing the (my named tattoo on his neck) which forced me to go back to his last letter in which he had written 'I have inscribed a permanant tattoo of your's on my neck,on my neck and on my p***s what, what to name my eyes had lost vision I guess after reading the letter ….by brain had gone mad with that incredible multi coloured letter and that intoxic scent which had made me sneeze after every ten minutes infront of my boss.
I heard someone scream and saw that the man who was supposed to be singer was singing or I should say shouting 'DIL TOOTA, DIL TOOTA, DIL TOOTA and fell on the ground .With a fraction of second ,I realized ….what happened he had got a heartattack and was lying on the floor motionless ….
What was it?! My heart said and my brain answered my heart'24 th heartattack….after that everything happened in seconds .,he was picked up by boss and all my colleagues,studio became empty and I was left with a mike in my hand to control the situation.
I shifted my thoughts to the other room and said with a fake cheerful voice in the mike,"Guys so,I guess moaning fellow got more excited to join his heart again but we know everything can't be joined by quickfix,' so be prepared for all the utcomes but don't give hope of trying…try ure best and here I present a special song for u all to avoid tension'I am in love' from bodyguard ,stay to tunes and enjoy as for now my time to leave archie Shreky will take over after this song…..I said as I placed my headphones,mike in proper place and inserted the CD and left out of studio ….
Studio seemed empty or what could I have better expected,thinking Boss would still be there I started my way to another hell….but walking to the office made me feel a little heavy…what he would say now as today it was the height of heartbreak.Also, as today half of the morning had been wasted on wrong person and another half would occur in the same manner ,I took one ear nob from my bag and placed in one ear thinking that atleast my one ear will get rest , even if other will have to suffer…now if that's how its supposed to be…..
I knocked on the door of the office waiting to be called in but instead came a hand from the office and I was thrown on a hard rock like chest making my senses go back and my eyes to close…..i at once came out of release of the hands and soothed myself to look who and why…..
But all I could see was hungry eyes….eyes that can kill anyone ,eyes which were like a dangerous wolf …I was awestruck and motionless as the man who was standing there was not my boss but a man…a man who was also a big fan of my voice ,a dark horse the one whose letters when were read by me then every girl envied 'RISHABH KUNDRA'!! was all I could mutter in my breath and was lost thinking even he was brought here today….
I at once again shifted his eyes in my gaze ,saw that now he was not looking at me but at his hands maybe saying to them what a terrible mistake u did by holding her…..he was behaving as if he had not seen me or if he had taken me into nothing category……I don't know what happened but anger took me off ….a man who I thought would atleast sense me or would even see was cursing himself for holding me….
My whole body was aching with my brain asking a question WHY? And my heart answering I don't know….then only one left to ponder in such a circumstance was my mind which said'Maybe,he doesn't know that u were the one who was in the studio stupid!!!,or else how could a man so good as him as it appeared in his letters mostly stressing on the word soul would not even acknowledge me, even not consider seeing me…..
Just then I saw he was seeing me with great tension in his eyes as if thinking whether it was I who had brought him so far from his place in Goa , whether I was the reason which had kept him awaited so long in the crowd of girls to say Yes to someone.
'Excuse me,' he said in a regretful and depressing tone… 'Are u the one who was at the radio'?
I properly shifted my eyes through my specs on his unique eyes,…which described his soul and his terror but with that too they said the words I could be cruel,I may be greedy But I'll keep my possession safe and with me always. I at once knew who that possession was but still the truth made me unhappy .Madhu and I (my soul)don't know till how much time eyes became answers and answers changed into questions for the two souls standing their wished to unite but the bodies said a big NO….to them
I kept my eyes at him for the sake of answering his gaze but it was not so easy with each step it became difficult . I did not wanted to be drowned with emotions neither in his eyes nor in his warm chest as it seemed terrible to swim without a tube so I chose to answer confidently but in a fake voice a voice not my own so to make him think he thought wrong about me and to allow his heart remain open for his love.
'Sorry sir, I don't know whom are u seeking in such a place as it maybe for u ,but the one whom u are talking about left recently',I lied with a great will power
But I heard him murmer something which I couldn't understand fully due to one ear blocked but I caught some sentences 'Whoever she is I need to find her, wherever she is I need to propose for if I shall be late I'll have to murder someone and if not I'll have to soon make us one.'
I don't know how many one's he added at that moment but all I could sense was I for the first time was dumb and was only imagining how much influence a mere VOICE can make in life .
I realized he was speaking something to me which due to my thought's I hadn't heard…
I looked up to see he had an intense face and had been waiting for my answer.
"W-HAT?",I stammered
"I said will u plz give these bunch of flowers to her and plz convey her the message that I came",saying this loudly he placed his hand on my ear nob and removed it off which made me to tremble and his hand made my ear to become actually deaf not out of voice but out of senses…..
I realized I hadn't seen his every form and tried to rejoice the moment of his impatience which said he was badly fan of madhu's voice.
'Ok I shall convey ure message sir,' I answered.
Thinking the convo had ended I placed my both hands requesting him to give that bunch to me so that I can give it to madhu a part of me.
To my amazement he spoke in a rough tone which shook me off the surface …
'This bunch of magnificient flowers is not made for people like u,neither it is held by anyone except her ,it is made of the f;lowers which u or shits like u can't even dream off…
With this he handed me a freshly pair of gloves as if after this I had not been in the mood to kill him . I took them and wore them off to catch those so called treasure in my hand and noted a point detail of that person that he had great sense of pride but eyes which could melt and this combination seemed unhealthy to me.
He handed me the flowers and said witjh an annoyed and mocking tone 'Don't take them at ure home , as ure bosss is not here otherwise they could have been to him to hand over to her in her milky hands most importantly,but I suppose some precious things take a long time to be gained but that doesn't means stones like u would ever think of taking their place. Also he added after a pause,' 'Wish her a happy valentines day from his lover and true wellwisher. I Think u should treat ure maa'm properly so start wearing good clothes and remember about to be fiance of Mr Rishabh kunder has no right to be treated as a pauper and without respect ….Also I don't know how in this dominating,dull radio station where even workers are not nobel but are cruel and neither have the behavior to bow down before the lords would she be surving.'
He continued his cruel lecture but I was not trying to listen to it….as all I was doing was brainstorming the letters of HIS and was putting all his personality details in proper notes which in all made him look like a bad angel…..angel as he could love someone so deeply and bad as he could be worst with everyone for keeping his possession safe in all bounds but he didn't had a slightest thought that what danger his possession might face due to all this…
At last he ended the brutal treatment by stabbing my heart with an invisible sword pointing out at me with his index finger "If u dare not follow the orders given to u by me then without any doubt you and your boss are going to be fired and would be given no place to hide their faces."
With this he took off wearing the glares and again moving to dsarkness from where he had arrived.He didn't knew me nor I guess I knew him either.
I looked at the cactus placed on my hands which was without thorns and made a surgery of it with my hands and deposited his gift in my gift given to him that was dustbin…..
I was a strong girl and so were my dreams and started off my journey back home to change myself again in my other personality . Yes I had two personalities one with which I saw real people and the other in which people saw me as reel ...instead of real…..
I closed my eyes and thanked God that atleast I saved one heart more from breakdown as I reached my home MADHUBALA SHAMSHER MALIK NIVAS to celebrate 25 silver jublee of heartbreaks including one of mine…..
So here is a question for u what can u understand from Yes I had two personalities one with which I saw real people and the other in which people saw me as reel ...instead of real…..
Its good as many may guess but lets see how my ff too goes as I lay the decision of answering my question by myself too in ure hands ……
Nizza
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