Chapter Fifteen: Third time's never the charm
Date: 18th July 2012
Time: 7p.m
Place: Outer garden "Dutta's spot" West side patio, Mansfield Castle Hotel,
Mood: hopeless devotion.
"It's..." Nakusha began as she greedily took in the sight before her:
"Beautiful" He finished for her.
"Yes." She breathed, as she turned to look at him.
Except while Nakusha had been busy drinking in the atmosphere and the sheer beauty of her surroundings, Dutta had been completely transfixed looking at her.
He hadn't said anything else nor did he tear his eyes away from her.
And then, right there, for the first time in her life, Nakusha did not care that her cheeks had flushed deeply. If anything it warmed her heart.
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"Not selfish." She told him.
"Huh?"
Dutta abruptly stopped narrating what he'd just found out a mere hour ago.
"You." She responded:
"You weren't being selfish." She explained.
"Ignorant: Yes. Oh God yes. Hopelessly so. I mean really, you never caught onto the wackiness that is your family?"
Dutta rolled his eyes:
"Not you as well?" He moaned.
"Oh, you poor bloke," Nakusha teased, as she pinched his cheek.
"I walked out on her wedding day, without as much as a goodbye. How is that not selfish?"
"Ok, so that was cruel. I give you that. But Dutta, you are not selfish."
She was looking at him directly, the way she had done all those years ago in Phuket, as though she was reading him.
"I'm not saying that whatever happened between you and your sister was not sad. It was. And I know you're already beating yourself up over not talking to her. So I'm not about to sit here and make you feel even more rotten."
This made him smile slightly, recalling how last night his best friend had said the same thing but under a different context.
"BUT, listen to me: the past doesn't matter. It doesn't. Sure it may mould our future, but the shape of the mould is in our hands. By sitting and mulling over things we should or could have done, is futile."
Nakusha had now placed her hand on Dutta's right hand as she continued:
"Vitally, it doesn't matter where we start off, or even that one stupid decision we made, intentionally or unintentionally, but it is the now: the present, that matters. It is what we do now, how we change our selves, how we learn from our so-called mistakes, how we forge our own path, and not mindlessly tread on the one forced upon us, that matters."
She gave his hand a little squeeze before adding affectionately:
"And I know you know that."
She paused when she said that.
"Otherwise, by now my friend, you'd have been inside, smoking a cigar, in a horrific suit, twiddling your handlebar moustache, while discussing the stock market." She told him with a cheeky smile:
"Handlebar moustache? How many stock brokers have you met? Moustache?" Dutta mocked, shaking his head and laughing at how insane the incredibly amazing woman sat beside him was.
"Moustaches are creepy." She announced.
"Heh?" Dutta queried,
But Nakusha didn't respond to his query instead, she took in a deep breath and added softly, all while looking at him directly;
"BUT most importantly, had it not been for you already knowing that: you wouldn't have been sat here, and most certainly not with me!"
"Well in that case, I better be grateful to the past, because I did meet you..."
"Three times." She told him;
"Just like you said we would." He reminded her, as they both thought back to Sydney.
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"Why do you believe we'll meet again?"
"Because, meeting someone once is luck, twice is a coincidence but the third time now that's destiny. And I don't know about you Mr Patil-not Sir Patil, I take it you're still not knighted yet?..."
Dutta shook his head, showing her that she assumed correctly as he smiled his crooked smile;
"...but something tells me, us meeting like this, every so often out of the blue is destiny. It can't just stop at two. Not now we're getting somewhere. We'll meet again. We will. I can feel it."
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"So us meeting..." Dutta began, as he traced his finger along the back of Nakusha's hand which she had placed on top of his mere minutes ago;
"...for the third time, is destiny?" He asked, his eyes twinkling somewhat.
Nakusha looked at him, then turned her face so she faced forwards instead,
"No."
Dutta furrowed his eyebrows,
"Then what? You said yourself all those years ago that, us meeting every so often out of the blue could not have just been a coincidence..."
But she cut across him;
"No, what I said was; it would be destiny, provided it went somewhere. Us meeting every so often, there had to be a bigger purpose,"
Dutta looked at her confused; surely that was exactly what he had just said?
Noting that he hadn't made a sound, and mostly because he'd let go of her hand, Nakusha now turned to face him, if she didn't know any better, she'd have guessed he looked rather upset.
"Has something changed?" She vaguely asked him.
Dutta furrowed his eyebrows further trying to decipher what she meant.
"The third meeting would be destiny, and not just another coincidence, if something has changed...since the last time. So I ask you, Dutta: what has changed?"
Dutta was taken aback for a second. Indeed something had changed, of course he knew that much. He'd known that for a long time, quite possibly ever since they had abruptly parted in Sydney. But surely, Nakusha couldn't have been referring to that.
Then what else?
What else had changed? Maybe it was something to do with her and then, right then, he remembered;
"How are you here?"
"I'm not, I'm just a projection of your mind," She amused, knowing that he'd finally made the connection, and realised where she was headed.
"Seriously, Rosie?" He tried to gauge a reply from her, but she didn't respond, but continued watching him; perhaps slyly as though she was measuring up how quickly he'd solve the puzzle.
"Haya? She's a doc, you're a doc..." Dutta began speedily saying as though he was connecting the dots, but instantly stopped, sighing in frustration:
"But she specialises in Oncology not Neurology, I'm guessing your paths wouldn't have crossed as such then?"
Nakusha merely smiled at him to answer his query.
"How else? I know you don't know Baji. Nor Kishore Bhau, otherwise you'd have been at Kala Tai's wedding..."
And suddenly his eyes flashed.
"Kala Tai."
His face immediately dropped. If that was the answer then that meant, she was here as;
"A plus one." Nakusha answered for him.
Dutta swallowed hard, as he the memory of the last time he'd seen Nakusha flashed before his eyes. She was in the arms of another man.
Another man. Not Dutta. But another man.
That still stung. Possibly more than it had ever done before.
"You're not going to ask me, who is he? Nakusha inquired all while trying to read his face, but alas he was doing that thing again, where his face would remain blank, as though he was completely calm and unaffected, but Nakusha knew him. She knew him well. Something was brewing in that mind of his, and dare she even say it: heart. And she wasn't about to back out now, she wasn't about to back out from finding out what it was.
"He just proposed to me."
Dutta who had moved away slightly, after learning that Nakusha had come with someone, spun his head back in her direction quickly, a little too quickly, as he felt a sharp tug, but he ignored the pain.
"AND?" he demanded, when Nakusha had decided not to expand.
"And nothing."
"What do you mean nothing; what did you say?"
"I didn't."
Dutta continued looking at her anxiously.
Nakusha sighed;
"He asked, I said nothing, he waited, I needed time to think, he went inside and then..."
"Then?"
"...then I sneezed."
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"Wait let me get this straight," Dutta spoke, as he swivelled his body round so he faced Nakusha, tucking his right leg under his left, his left hand was still in his pocket, but his right now propped up against the back of the bench supported his chin;
"You broke up with him, but you still agreed to be his plus one, in spite of feeling funny about the whole thing."
"Yes" Nakusha confirmed for the fifth time, as she rolled her eyes.
"Will you stop banging on about that?"
"I would, if it wasn't so stupid. I mean seriously?"
"Just give it a rest." She sighed.
"You have to say no." He immediately commanded with finality.
"I, what?" Nakusha asked him, as she began searching his face.
Indeed his words echoed strongly around her and he had that determined expression on his face, but Nakusha, had to be sure. Especially now, when indeed they had met again. Surely the universe was pointing towards something.
"You have to reject his proposal."
"Why?"
Nakusha wasn't really sure where the question came from, but it did.
Dutta who up until this point looked sure about everything faltered a little;
"Why?" he repeated her words.
"Yeah, why? Why should I say no?" She clarified.
Something inside of her was rising up, controlling her speech, as some inner buried desire was being released.
"You've got to be kidding me!?" Dutta thought out aloud.
Nakusha merely raised an eyebrow, while waiting for his response;
"Oh, you're actually serious." He amused.
Again Nakusha gave him a sour look, as though to tell him she was not kidding.
"Ok, well apart from the obvious..."
"Which is?" Nakusha interrupted.
"Oh just small things like, you know; that he's obnoxious, full of himself, pretentious as can be, married to his job, will always see you as a commodity..."
"Way to get it out of your system! Please don't hold back" Nakusha cut across sarcastically.
But Dutta ignored her and carried on;
"And because he's, how does your best friend put it: oh that's right; an A grade Arse wipe." Dutta laughed.
Nakusha had only just told him what Leela would make of the situation, and regretted it instantly, as Dutta used it as fodder.
"Besides, the proposal was all wrong."
This intrigued Nakusha, of all the answers she guessed (mostly the ones-Dutta has instantly rattled off) this was not one of them;
"What?"
"I'm sorry are you having hearing difficulties..." Dutta mocked,
"HAHA," She spat, before asking him to elaborate.
"He proposed to you, at someone else's wedding. How tacky is that?" Dutta nearly choked back his growing laughter.
Nakusha who had been up until this point holding back her own shock at how tactlessly he'd proposed; smirked too.
"Yeah he has the worst timing." She grumbled, recalling that cringe worthy incident two weeks ago when she'd been lunching with a colleague and was interrupted with a whole serenading session complete with a single stem red rose.
Involuntarily Nakusha shuddered, Dutta noticed and instantly laughed:
"See, that too. Not exactly the feeling you want future hubby to evoke in you" he winked.
Nakusha narrowed her eyes at him while he added;
"Why are you being a fool?" he questioned her as he tried to work out how her mind worked.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Seriously, Mrs Jerk has no ring to it at all." He sang.
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He was still mocking him, when Nakusha suddenly spoke over him:
"So, how would you do it?"
Dutta looked at her waiting for her to elaborate on what she meant;
"Propose?" Nakusha responded, and then quickly added sheepishly upon realising how upfront her question maybe have been.
"I mean, if you ever did?" she tried to say casually.
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Four months ago
"Marriage." He announced.
"I beg your pardon?" He heard her ask as shock and worry washed over her completely.
"Hear me out, it's the only way. The only legal way around it." He tried to reassure her.
"Yes, but you're missing a key part of that plan." She told him.
Dutta merely lifted his head a little as if to ask what?'
"The Groom?" She stated.
She saw Dutta swallow hard, he even dropped his gaze, shuffled his feet a little, and he cleared his throat, but didn't speak.
But he didn't have too; she knew instantly what was cooking in that mind of his;
"No." She firmly responded.
"What?"
"No. And that's final." She clarified.
"But just think about it..." Dutta began.
"No means no."
"But why?" Instantaneously he realised what she may have been worried about;
"Wait, trust me, you'll have nothing to worry about. I mean it." He assured her.
She still looked wary,
"Look," he began; taking a step closer to her;
"I promise, to the world you'll be Mrs Dutta Patil, but between us, we were and will always be just friends. I promise you."
He placed emphasis on his last words; he needed her to know that he would never take advantage of her.
Never.
She looked up at him; he could tell she was still wary, possibly at what he had suggested or maybe just a side effect. But either way she was wary.
"I'm going to ask you a question," she began.
"Ok," Dutta replied.
"I don't care what the answer is." She informed him,
"Then why ask?" he said, trying to make her smile, but she didn't move nor emote.
"Hey, are you ok? You don't need anything..."
"STOP FUSSING," She bellowed, before calming herself;
"I'm sorry," she added quickly,
"It's ok." Dutta responded, knowing that her tantrums and mood were not in her control.
"As I was saying, I'm going to ask you a question, I don't care what the answer is, but. Now that is a big but," she warned him;
"I need you to be completely honest with me. No um, or ah's no fretting about me, or anyone else for that matter, just close your eyes, and tell me straight. OK?"
"Erm?" he said, to which she scowled at him, before he smirked.
"Sorry, sorry, it's just you make it all so dramatic. But yes, you have my word; I'll answer as honestly as possible." He remarked, noting how she was growing annoyed now;
"Are you, or have you ever been in love?" she said.
Dutta hadn't expected that question, he'd already closed his eyes upon her request, and as soon as she had asked him, he saw those same green eyes flash before him. He saw those same rosebud cheeks glow. But mostly he just saw his Rosie and so he involuntarily smiled.
But, just as he realising where he was, he snapped out of it and answered dishonestly;
"No."
The guilt of which he still carried to this date.
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It was as though he had zoned out for some time. Nakusha snapped her fingers before him, and he was pulled out of whatever trance he was in.
"Dutta, I asked you if something changed, I ask you again, has something changed?"
She watched him, he had straightened up, and curiously he'd even moved away from her little. But he didn't respond. Again his face was hard to read. He was definitely thinking about something-or rather worrying about something, but Nakusha decided to throw caution to the wind.
She'd had enough. She was done, with all the pretending. There was something here-and not in the mere platonically friendly manner either. She knew it, but more than that she knew that he knew it too. But for whatever reason he was resisting. Normally that would have sent alarm bells, she'd know that she was barking up the wrong tree and would move on, but not today.
Maybe it was the sweet musk in the air, maybe it was the sudden sound of thunder, warning them of the oncoming heavy downpour, maybe it was the ebbing glow of the setting sun, maybe it was the drunken laughter from inside as the celebrations roared on through the evening, maybe it was that he looked devilishly handsome in his suit.
Or maybe it was all of the above.
But either which way something stirred inside of Nakusha and she spoke;
"Dutta, I...I Lo..."
But before she could finish what she was about to say she saw it then: his ring.
And abruptly stopped.
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I have to stop her' He thought, as pulled himself out of the memory and noted the way she was looking at him.
She then spoke and asked the question he had narrowly sidestepped before:
"Dutta, I asked you if something changed, I ask you again, has something changed?"
How could he answer that?
No scratch that, he knew how he'd answer that in a heartbeat. No words would have been needed; he'd simply take her in his arms and show her. Those soft lips, those small hands that would cradle his neck and those beautiful, big, green eyes full of mischief would look up towards him, under those long lashes of hers.
Stop!' Dutta nearly scowled loudly.
God, what am I doing? What is happening?' He sighed, bowing his head; he placed both his hands on his face, to get his bearings, when he heard her speak:
"Dutta, I...I Lo.."
He instantly cracked his head up. He had to hear what she was about to say, mostly because those exact sentiments were seconds away from his lips too, before he saw her beautiful eyes grow in shock. He could have sworn her saw her heart sink, as she too shrunk in the spot, her breath hitched, she merely gaped. Her eyes refusing to blink began filling with water.
It was then Dutta realised, she'd seen it;
The noose around his finger.
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How long either sat in silence was beyond them, the sky was now a deep purple, the fairy lights that adorned the trees, set to a timer began sparkly in gold and red tones, matching the theme of the wedding. Naturally it was a majestic sight; one which would have been enhanced an hour later as the fireworks would be lit, marking the beginning of Baji and Haya's new life together.
But for Dutta and Nakusha, time had frozen. They didn't notice how oddly for summer, the night had become dangerously frosty, nor that the oncoming thunder indeed had been a warning for rain. They both remained seated as the floodgates of the sky opened. As though the universe was crying for them.
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The emptiness around them grew thick, when Dutta eventually spoke:
"Rosie..."
Nakusha raised her hand to silence him.
Her heart was breaking, it already hurt her to be sitting next to him and not being able to do anything, but hearing him? Hearing that voice, the voice she had yearned for all these years? That was brutal.
"Don't say anything." She managed.
She didn't want any explanations. Right now, she didn't want anything. Actually that was inaccurate, she did want something.
She just wanted the pain in her heart to stop.
"But, you deserve to know..."
"Deserve to know?" She rang loudly, shocking him somewhat;
"And what is it that I deserve to know? That, this whole time you've been married but decided to conveniently forget?" She said cruelly.
"That's not fair." He spoke quietly, closing his eyes, as her words jabbed his heart.
"Fair? You want to talk about fairness?" She hissed,
"At least I'm not the one who went and got married secretly." She fumed, feeling completely betrayed.
"No you just happened to lead me on." He coolly retorted.
"What?" Nakusha was utterly flabbergasted.
What on Earth was he talking about?
"Couldn't get out of the elevator fast enough could you in Sydney?" he ruthlessly commented, while looking at her directly for the first time since she'd discovered his ring.
"That's unfair."
"Oh so that's unfair." He mocked loudly,
"Yes absolutely, Saint Rosie can do no wrong, it's just the other's around her." Dutta bitterly spat.
"YOU'RE MARRIED." Nakusha screamed, silencing Dutta, as the realisation of what that meant for them settled in.
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It was now raining heavily, Nakusha's hair stuck to her face and she was sure, her so called waterproof mascara must have run somewhat, but she couldn't care. Not today.
"Don't do it." He pleaded:
"Just don't. Ok." He tried to reason with her, hoping she'd still listen to him even after everything.
"Why?" she demanded calmly.
"Give me a reason." She said looking directly at him,
"Give me a reason to say no, Dutta."
"Say it. Those words. Say them and I won't."
He was silent for a long time.
A long time.
Too long.
"Ro..."
"Don't." She said sharply at once raising her hand before her face to silence him and standing up. Her eyes were now closed, the crease along her forehead ever more present as she tried to remain calm;
"Stop! Don't say it."
"But Rosie..."
"Don't. You've lost all right to call me that." She said at once.
"Please don't be like that..." Dutta pleaded as he too got up and took a step towards her, but stopped when he realised she'd moved back away from him.
"Why? Why shouldn't I?" She began, her anger boiling over all over again.
"Why shouldn't I walk away now, out of your life forever? Why?"
Again he said nothing. Nakusha laughed.
"See, you can't even look me in the eyes."
Instantly Dutta looked up, but she was right, he couldn't look her in the eyes.
"You know, a lot of people who I depended on in my life broke my trust, but you?" she asked, as she looked at him again,
"You did one better." She half laughed in pain.
"You broke my trust and my heart." She told him sadly.
"Heart and trust, two for two Mr Patil-oops Sir Patil. You win." She said completely dejected.
Those words tore through Dutta, as he stood rooted on the spot. His whole world crumbling around him.
"I never wanted that..." he said despairingly, knowing that nothing he could say or do now-or ever for that matter-would make up for that.
"No?" she queried.
"Well look at that, you won Who can break Nakusha' without anyone even knowing you were a contender in that competition."
"Well done." She ridiculed, as she slow clapped.
If the pain that Dutta had felt earlier was awful then the way he felt now, could not even be expressed. It was a pain he knew he would have to grow accustom to because the gaping hole in his chest would never fill nor heal.
"Rosie..."
"You've lost all right to call me that!" She raged, her voice rising above the drum beating of the rain and boomed above and beyond the point where they stood, where they had met again, where they had reconnected.
And silenced him for the last time, but this time it murdered:
"I don't ever wish to see you again."
And without, she spun on her heels and stormed off, as she rain continued beating down around them. It thrashed menacingly against his skin, as Dutta remained stood still, unable to move. Truly for him his life had come to a standstill. He knew it, but so did someone else, the same someone who had been watching the two of them from a distance for a while. The same someone who felt their own heart break as the two parted. The same someone who vowed that night to do something about this mess. The same someone who hoped they wouldn't be too late.
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Date: 30th July 2012
Time: 7.24p.m
Place: Nakusha's front room, London.
Mood: crushed.
She didn't tell him then. Nor the next morning. Nor on the drive home. Heck she didn't contact him for a whole week. But then, on the twelfth day, at 7.24p.m, she rang him.
He picked up on the first ring, as though he'd been waiting by his phone this whole time, for her call.
"Hello..."
"Ask me," She abruptly spoke, cutting across him:
He did.
"Yes." She said and hung up.
And that was that. She was now engaged. Placing her phone down on her coffee table, Nakusha made her way over to her single sofa seat and collapsed into it; raising her knees to her chest, she buried her face into her folded arms and did the one thing she vowed not to do:
She cried.
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*Ok, so normally I make announcements at the start, but considering the mood of this chapter, I didn't think it fair. Plus considering the mess you must be in now, this is something to lighten the mood: I officially became an aunt for the third time on Monday 10th November to an incredibly beautiful baby boy! Baby and mother are doing very well, while all else are still basking in the excitement! Secondly I received my results for my LLM overall, and my summer paper-you know the one I complained about SOOO much, the one that was sooo boring, well turns out I must have known my stuff as I did extremely well on it!!!!! ;p Must be all the prayers taking their effect ;p Oh graduation how I cannot wait for thee now! Lastly this is more of an apology, I'd like to apologise for any mistakes in the above chapter, it was-as you can probably gather-VERY hard for me to write. For one, I was not in the mood, I mean my life is really peachy right now and Tasha? Well there's not so much, but mostly because a lot of expectations have built around this meeting. So I sincerely hope you have enjoyed. PLEASE PLEASE do let me know what is the verdict. AND Finally (yes I promise this is the last thing) GOOD LUCK to all those siting exams. Go smash them, folks!!!! :)*
