Omigod.
I am speechless... I'll just... um... this was... my head is just spinning right now...Let me try this again.This was the most intense and awesomest episode that I've EVER seen - EVER. This had me swallowed whole in Dutta's dark world. It had me holding my breath half the time and biting my nails the rest of the time.I have so many thoughts and emotions filling me right now - all related to Dutta, his past, Nana Saheb... I can't find head or tail on those thoughts.I LOVE THIS EPISODE SO INCREDIBLY MUCH.Maybe I'll come back and comment again when my brain is actually cooperating with me, because right now I'm on a Dutta high. This went beyond my expectations and I feel like I might explode with the amount of Dutta expressions, thoughts, feelings, actions that I'm currently filled with.This would have been even more EPIC on screen. What Mishal would've displayed... uff, even the thought of it makes me yearn.Okay *breathes*I am in shock, really. Dutta has done ladkiyon ka dhanda in his past? Oh my shoes. I had NOT expected that. For a second, I was like: "W*F?!" But then, of course, I quickly moved on to the loving-Dutta-again-and-justifying-all-he-does part. Yes, even when he started snapping necks, slitting throats, and shooting people - I was still mentally hugging him for being such a beautiful man. I. Am. Sick.I was on the edge of my seat when he and Baji finally realized what was inside those boxes. The whole scene was nerve-wrecking. My heart literally sank in my chest as Dutta despaired, realizing what he had done. What more, I just loved the way he told Naku about all of it, ashamed and wondering where the girls were today, hating himself. It especially showed in the way he narrated in third-person at times, the way he said his own name almost dripped self-loathing.OH, by the way, his dialogues to that Bhai dude at the end? FRIGGING AWESOME.Something's fishy about NS. We all know this. But now I'm getting nervous. Dutta really respects the man and it seems that his trust is wrongly placed. So what is he going to do when he finds out that NS is not who he might seem to be? Another betrayal from someone he trusts completely... well, at least this time it's a guy ๐Uff, so much to analyze in relation to Dutta's dark past and his feelings toward himself (I wish my head wasn't spinning, so I could do it, but I'll just rely on Zuby to do the analyzing and voice my whirlwindy thoughts ๐ณ). I thought that he had gotten over the self-loathing and started to love himself, but no. He's only been able to accept himself and feel that he deserves love aka Naku, but the self-hatred is still very much there. What a beautifully complex man...It was really difficult for him to tell Naku about this deed of his... but he did it well and once again his honesty just leaves me speechless.I'm really worried now though. I feel something's building up... a kind of pressure... GAH. Monday is too far away ๐คขOH. And one more thing: I simply loved his flashback to the slapping-Naku scene... ๐ณ My sweet and amazing Dutta ๐ (Not when he slapped her, but after...) ๐