Why is it so difficult for Dutta to believe? This is a question I've asked myself a hundred times.
Yes, if it were someone else in his place, the pain he's gone through would have driven them mad. Dutta is still holding on to the vestiges of sanity, thanks to the presence of love in his life. He still hasn't realized it though, that this is where he is drawing strength from.
We humans are fickle when it comes to emotions. And it is the most emotional ones who often fall prey to pain. Dutta is that, an emotional fool. He is not your average superficial male who enjoys female company and can deal with more than one at a time. He is not the emotionless monster he pretends to be either. His greatest flaw is that he feels. He's got the soul of a poet, and every emotion runs deep. And hence the tremors often crack his soul. For a man like this, mistrust is as natural as love or pain. He's been betrayed twice in love, and he has had to deal with the betrayal by his own family. He has had to question his own identity. All these scars will remain forever.
He had learnt to live with his pain by the time Nakusha came into his life. When she told him that his pain found its outlet in anger, it surprised him. For she had told him that which no one else had dared to. She dared to tell him that which he himself had refused to see. Maybe this was why he regarded her a friend. Because she showed him the mirror.And this could be the reason why he decided to give himself a second chance. In his heart of hearts he knew that everything this girl said was right. Of course, he didn't realize that she was what his heart yearned for. And so he gave love a second chance. Only to be spurned again. Now it takes immense courage to get out of your shell and give yourself a chance. And when you're snubbed, you just want to crawl back into that dark little hole and never come out again. This is what is made it difficult for Dutta to believe. He didn't believe himself worthy of love or respect. And yet he yearned for a love that would calm the storm inside him.
When he finally opened his heart, he found that love had been there in front of him all along. His love had been so close that it was when he looked into himself that he found her. This is where his journey ended, he thought. But it wasn't so. For he hadn't yet learnt the ways of love. He wasn't yet ready for it.
Dutta's journey towards faith is full of hurdles. It has always been so. What makes him unique is the fact that he still has the fight in him. All his inner turmoil and anguish signify one thing, he desires love and will find it, one way or the other. Being a cynic doesn't take much, it's believing that requires courage. And Dutta has it in him. Naku's adamant stance is making him re-evaluate his feelings. The skeptic in him urges him to stop, and stay away from love..tells him that it holds only pain. And yet, the believer urges him on, tells him that the world will belong to him, if he endures this pain.
Naku has done everything possible to prove her love. And yet, Dutta refuses to believe in the love he was created for. She has taken a bullet for him, and yet he questions her motives. What is that ONE act that will affirm his faith in her, and his love for her? Or will it be a gradual awakening?
The women in his life have always caused him pain. But this is one woman he will endure pain for. To make this woman his, he will have to walk over the fire of doubt and risk getting burnt. For deep in his soul, he knows that he belongs to one woman alone. He has been created to love her.
Cricket
