If Only For Episode 458 - OS - If Only Mogambo Had UnravelledThis if only is about 6 months late, so here's a detailed refresher of what happened leading up to it 😛
Episode 458 (Jan 6/16) - After Pragya witnesses Bulbul's suicide, she comes home and locks herself in her room. Ronnie, Indu Daasi and Daadi try to get her open the door so they can give her food and talk to her. Abhi asks why they are wasting their time and says they should just let her stay inside, so they can see how long she fakes her grief. Daadi points out that if she was acting, she'd be doing it in front of them, not behind a closed door. She says that people in grief need support and that no matter how bad Pragya might be, she must be hurt to lose someone she shared her childhood with.
Abhi tells them they're being needlessly emotional and he can prove that Pragya doesn't care about anyone. He enters the bedroom through the balcony and finds her slumped against the edge of the bed. He starts to taunt her about pretending too much and asks her what she's trying to achieve by pretending she's hurt by her sister's death. He says he knows her true self and that she is feeling-less. Pragya says he can think whatever he wants but she wants to be left alone.
Abhi says she's lying and trying to trick him into giving her sympathy. He says he understands the difference between real and fake feelings and her feelings are obviously fake. He tries to force her to leave the room. Pragya refuses and pulls away from him. She tells him that she doesn't care what anyone thinks. She knows everything that happened is her fault and she needs to suffer alone and so she just wants to be left alone.
She sinks onto the ottoman and starts to explain how she felt watching Bulbul give her life in front of her eyes. She is angry and crying at the same time and says that if he can't understand her and thinks she's fake, she doesn't want to try to make him understand. Pragya says she has no one and she's willing to suffer alone her whole life for causing her sister's death but Abhi has no right to tell her she can't cry for her sister's death. She says that if Abhi can't share her grief he shouldn't ask her any questions because she has no answers.
Abhi is emotionally affected by her breakdown and reaches out to lay a hand on her shoulder. Pragya immediately clings to him and starts to cry against him. Abhi starts to comfort her, stroking her hair. Eventually she stands up. They hug and Abhi holds her as she cries.
In the episode, the next time we see AbhiGya, Rachna, Aakash and others are in their room comforting Pragya while Abhi watches. This AU branches off from when AbhiGya are alone in their room. Italicized blue dialogue is directly from the episode.
***
MOGAMBO UNRAVELS
Mogambo wouldn't stop crying, and Abhi's arms were starting to get tired. The hug seemed to last forever. Abhi decided that if he was doing this they might as well be comfortable, so he carried her to the bed and laid her down on top of the covers. He came in beside her and pulled her close again, letting her continue to cry against his chest.
She curled her fingers into the collar of his tshirt and burrowed her head against his neck. He could feel her tears making his skin sticky, but there was nothing to do but put up with it. She didn't say anything more, but everything she had already said kept echoing in his ears.
"I don't care what anyone thinks, everyone can think what they want, please just leave me alone.
I don't want anyone's sympathy.
I don't have anything to say to anyone. I don't want to go anywhere. Why don't you understand what I'm saying?
If you can't understand, the least you can do is listen. I don't care what anyone is thinking or guessing, it makes no difference to me. Because I know that the pain I'm feeling is my own fault, I'm the cause. So I have to bear this pain alone. I have no complaints of anyone, please just leave me alone, please leave me to myself. Please leave me.
I saw Bulbul jump with my own eyes and I couldn't stop her. In front of my eyes my own sister gave her life. She was born in front of me, grew up in front of me. I couldn't do anything. Do you know what it feels like when someone you love gives up their life in front of you, and that too because of you?
If after seeing all this you think my pain is false and my tears are false, then I have nothing to explain to you. This is all my fault. It should have been me in Bulbul's place, under that chandelier, in that hospital. Bulbul gave her life trying to save me.
My sister who used to say I taught her to live - I've snatched her life from her.
No one can understand my pain today. I don't have anyone of my own. I'm alone. And if I have to bear this punishment for the rest of my life, that's not even as long as I deserve to suffer, I accept this."
Abhi kept thinking over what she had said and he still couldn't make sense of it. Why did she keep saying that Bulbul's death was her fault, and why did she say that Bulbul had been trying to save her? Why would Bulbul do anything for her, after Mogambo had revealed her true self in these recent weeks since she came back to be the master of his property? What did Mogambo mean that she should have been under the chandelier? And how could empty-hearted, money-loving Mogambo sound so emotionally devastated today?
Bulbul may have been her sister but Mogambo didn't care about family relations. Just because they had shared a childhood didn't mean that it would matter to Mogambo today. Maybe they used to have a real sisterly bond, but that must have gone wrong somewhere along the way. He knew Bulbul and Sarla Aunty were honest, genuine people who felt deeply about their loved ones, but Mogambo wasn't like that. Mogambo was nothing but a fraud.
And yet here she was, still crying. She was shedding more tears than her petite body should have been able to produce. Maybe it was some kala jadoo on her side, to be able to cry on demand. She had just been sitting quietly when he entered the room. She hadn't started crying until they started arguing, so who knew if she was just using her tears as a weapon thinking she could soften him?
What was she trying to achieve with this breakdown? Or what did it mean if her grief was real? He couldn't deny that the note of anguish in her voice sounded real. The way she shook with sobs felt real. Could someone fake those things?
But could he afford to believe her, no matter how real she sounded? She had tricked him and played games with him before. He had thought her love was real, when she was his Fuggy. But then she turned everything around on him and said it had all been an act. How could he believe anything she said or did?
A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. Daadi and Rachna called out to him, asking him to open the door. He looked down at Mogambo. She had finally pulled away from him a bit to catch her breath, but she still had tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked in no state to see anyone.
Abhi pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a short message to Rachna. Give us more time. We're fine.
He set his phone on the bedside table and tried not to think about the strange feeling that had spiked through his chest as he typed "us" and "we." He told himself it didn't mean anything that he used those words. Just a grammatical necessity.
The shadows at the door shifted, and he could hear those who had been waiting outside walking away from the room.
So now it was just him and Mogambo again. She had gone as still as a log, staring blankly up at the ceiling. She didn't look like she was going to be moving anytime soon.
He frowned and thought about what Daadi had said before he came into the room. She and Daasi had kept emphasizing that grief needed to be shared. Abhi would much rather have let them or Rachna come and talk to Mogambo, but...he had sent them away.
Which meant he would have to do it himself.
He took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself for another riddle-filled conversation. Finally he reached for her, delicately tipping up her chin with his thumb. "Mogambo? I know you don't want to talk about it, but I think it would help you. Why are you so upset? How is this your fault?"
She looked at him with wide, unblinking eyes. He couldn't read anything in her gaze, and wondered restlessly what she was thinking.
After a long moment, she looked down. Her fingertips tip-toed along his sternum, tracing the place where his dogtags would have lain if he'd been wearing any. "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me."
Was this another one of her tricks? She was playing shy, like Fuggy used to be. Yet she was touching him, which was characteristic Mogambo boldness. And what was he supposed to think of a line like "you wouldn't believe me"? That was an invitation to ask for more, which might mean that she was just setting up another story for him.
But he reminded himself that he could cope with anything she might throw at him. He flicked her chin again and said openly, "Try me."
Again she looked at him in silence. She bit down on her lip. He noticed that her eyes were puffy and red. Her cheeks were still wet too.
"It's a long story," she said, her voice low and soft.
"Go ahead," he insisted.
She took a deep breath and looked down at his chest. Did it mean something, that she couldn't look him in the eye at this point? Would that make it easier for her to spin one of her lies? But then, he didn't want to be gazing into her eyes all the time either. That way lay madness. He could think more clearly if he wasn't getting lost in her gaze.
"When I left you - after I made you sign the divorce papers, when I left you so you could marry Tanu -"
Abhi thought back to that awful day, the day Fuggy abandoned him. It had felt like his heart had collapsed on itself that day, and for a dazed second he wondered how it had ever started beating again. But then he remembered that he was holding Mogambo in his arms, and Fuggy had never really existed. He cleared his throat and interrupted, "You mean the property papers?"
She met his eyes then, and there was a suggestion of exasperation in her raised eyebrows. "No, the divorce papers," she repeated, slow and emphatic.
"But -"
"The next day," she continued, not letting him complete his question, "the next day I heard - I heard -"
She broke off then, her voice faltering into silence as a conflicted look came into her face. Now what was this? Was she pausing to build his curiosity? Or was she seriously fighting herself about what to say next?
She closed her eyes tight and said in a rush, "The next day I heard the truth about everything from Tanu and Aaliya's mouths."
He laid his hand on her cheek, waiting until she opened her eyes again. "What truth?"
Her gaze locked steadily on his. "The truth that you're not the father of Tanu's baby. They both know it, and Aaliya wanted to use it to destroy you. Tanu wants to separate us and marry you at any cost, and she would never tell you that the baby's not yours. Aaliya wanted to bankrupt you and blame Purab, because she still blames you for not getting them married."
Silence crashed over them as Abhi took in her words. He couldn't believe what she was saying - such wild accusations against Tanu and Aaliya? He knew there had always been enmity between the three of them, and he had seen that Mogambo treated Tanu and Aaliya with contempt. But was that enough to support what she was saying now? Could Tanu and Aaliya really want to betray him like that?
"I found out, and I wanted to tell you right away, I was looking for you," Pragya continued explaining. "But then a car crashed into me before I could find you. Some strangers took me to the hospital."
Abhi thought back to that strange day a fan had rushed to tell him that his wife had had an accident. The day he'd looked everywhere for Pragya and never found her. The day he'd felt deep in his soul that something had happened to her, but he didn't know what it was.
"I...I apparently died that day, clinically speaking. They said I had no vital signs and they had decided to stop treatment."
Abhi's mind reeled at this statement. Was that even possible? Had that really happened to her - to his Fuggy, and he'd never known? But no, how could it possibly be true? There was no coming back from death. This had to be a story Mogambo had made up, trying to play on his feelings for Fuggy. She must have known how broken up he would have been at that time, and she was trying to bring him back to that state of mind.
Before he could challenge her claim, she picked up her story again. "Then, somehow, Daadi found me. And, somehow, Daadi brought me back."
Abhi frowned, suspicious that she was bringing Daadi into things. And what did she mean, Daadi brought her back? There was no coming back from death, he repeated to himself. She must be trying to make a fool of him again.
"I told Daadi everything. I told Daadi - I told Daadi I wanted to tell you right away." Her voice hitched halfway through her sentence, and she sounded strangely bitter by the end of it. "But she said - she said we couldn't tell you. We had to show you."
"Show me?" Abhi demanded, too confused to stop and think before asking. Why would Daadi stop her from telling him the truth?
"It was her plan, me coming back as your boss. It was supposed to shock everyone and make Tanu and Aaliya reveal their true colours. That's why I was away for those three weeks, because Daadi and Bulbul - Bulbul - were training me to..." her voice trailed off into a fresh set of sobs, as bringing up Bulbul's name seemed to suddenly remind her why she was telling the story at all.
Abhi was frozen in shock, his mind racing to piece together what she was implying. She leaned close to him, again pressing her face against his chest as she cried. His arm still lay on her waist, but it felt strangely leaden and heavy, and he couldn't move to comfort her even if he wanted to.
Could any of this be true? Tanu and Aaliya were the ones really cheating him, and Pragya was just wearing a mask to get them out? She was still really Fuggy, and it was Daadi of all people who had put her up to this? And Bulbul - Bulbul who they had just lost forever - Bulbul had known about all of this the whole time?
Pragya's sobs quieted, and gradually the raging thrum of his heartbeat faded from his ears. He was at a loss to say anything, however, and for a while longer the only sound in the room was Pragya's still choked breathing.
She said at last, in a harsh whisper, "And because of all this, Bulbul's gone. That chandelier was meant for me, I know it was, and instead...none of this ever would have happened if I didn't - if I didn't - this is all my fault."
The self-hate in her voice was as sharp as steel, and for one crystal clear moment, Abhi felt convinced that her feelings were real. On automatic, he started to stroke her hair again, wanting to make her feel better even if he didn't fully understand everything yet.
"Aren't - aren't you going to say anything?" she managed to ask, shifting a little so that she could look at him.
He met her gaze, and the certainty he had just felt dissolved into nothingness. How could he trust that face? After everything they had been through, all the misunderstandings and conflicts they'd endured...he would be a fool to just take her at her word now. He had made so many mistakes with her. Even if instinct was telling him that she couldn't be faking her pain, experience had taught him to be wary of anything she said.
"We'll talk about it in the morning," he answered, forcing his voice to stay neutral. "You need to sleep."
"But -"
He tapped his finger to her lips. "Shh. You need rest, bas." For good measure, he tapped the tip of her nose, knowing she would remember their old pause-button game. She might or might not really be Fuggy at heart, but he knew she had Fuggy's memories.
She frowned but didn't try to say anything more. He kept holding her, letting her take comfort in his arms in the hopes that she would calm down and sleep.
He lost track of time as they lay together in silence. His thoughts were still a mess, as he tried over and over to match her story with everything that had happened since her return. There were parts of her story that he wanted to believe - that she was only acting as Mogambo, that her actions were driven by her love for him. But then there were parts he found hard to understand, like Daadi plotting all this or Bulbul playing along. And then there was that one awful idea he did not want to accept - that Tanu and Aaliya were both trying to cheat him.
It was too much to make sense of on his own. He wished he could talk to Purab, but knowing that his best friend was in mourning, that wasn't a possibility. That meant that he would have to go straight to Daadi to find out if she would repeat any of what Mogambo had claimed.
Once he came to that realization, he glanced down at Mogambo. Sure enough, she had fallen asleep. But her fingers were clutching at his shirt again, and her hand was resting on his hip. He couldn't possibly separate from her without waking her up.
Which meant that there was no choice but to spend the rest of the night exactly where he was.
But hopefully, tomorrow...he could start getting the answers he needed. And maybe, finally, he could unravel the mystery of Mogambo once and for all.
Thank you for reading. Would love to know your comments. Please hit like too 😳
Writing this was prompted by Naina's awesome "Pragya's Diaries" series which everyone should read right now - From the Diaries of... 😃
Edited by -mina- - 9 years ago
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