Posted:
"Angst is not the human condition, it's the purgatory between what we have and what we want but can't get."
Miguel Syjuco, Ilustrado
Miguel Syjuco, Ilustrado
"Angst", that was the epidemic going around, Abhi and Pragya two people who were apparently meant to be and everyone except they themselves could not see it , actually they never wanted to see it, the lies , the misunderstandings, the ignorance from Abhi's side and the silence from Pragya's side never gave them the chance to talk cordially , to work anything out
Sure the biggest misunderstanding had cleared but only to inadvertently make things worse. Abhi was behaving worse with her , he blamed her for everything, from ruining Aaliyah's life to draining his phone's battery! Pragya was no doormat but she was just a little too understanding , somewhere along the way she lost herself , she was so involves in this debauchery of a marriage, in this plastic world of fake people and fake relationships and lies and fake happiness she forgot her life , she lost her pragmatism, she always had to smile for daadi, daasi , her mum , outsiders, she had to pretend that she actually had a loving husband and a fairytale relationship! she was tiered of the labels and accusations but sometimes in Abhi's childish behavior with her she smiled! as much as she hated it she smiled when he cracked lame jokes or got scared of ghosts and pretended to be brave but that was only when they were alone, Back to reality, he was the good old ignorant jerk.
Here they were in this ocean of emotions and moments and pragya did know she gave in sometimes , her heart did yearn for a companion, an understanding and loving friend and a husband so when she saw glimpses of that in abhi she gave in but she hated it!
They were in Pune and tanu joined them , of course how can she not right? After the whole candle light dinner fiasco, pragya just went to her room and just thought about her life before and after Abhi!
She did cry and especially after speaking to her mum she felt so fake , she felt as if she lost herself and she was so helpless and frustrated.
Her mother wanted her and Abhi's marriage to work so hard that she failed to notice her daughter's pain but pragya never blamed anyone, she just blamed her fate, Daadi wanted Pragya to bring her old Abhisheikh out that she did not notice how wrong they are for each other and how abhi hates this marriage!
Pragya's brain was so beyond messed up and conflicted that she did not know what to do anymore, just to make things worse abhi entered the room, wait it gets better, he came along with Tanu!
Abhi : Listen, I am going to spent the remaining 2 days with my girlfriend Tanu, so do not disturb me and do not create anymore problems and please just pretend like we do not know each other and leave us alone!
Pragya stared at them and then when abhi said "please pretend" she just laughed!
Abhi: Chashmish , Are you drunk or something? anyway do you understand?
Pragya : NO! i am done! i am so done
Abhi : What? what are you talking about
Pragya : Ever since you came into my life, all i have ever been doing is pretending and i am so done with you and tanu and i am so done with being your wife! or whatever the hell i am to you! this is over!
Abhi and Tanu are so confused but Tanu still is kinda excited , abhi was so taken aback!
Pragya : I am leaving, i am walking out of this fallacious life and going back to my simple life that i was so happy in, you can go to Tanu or sheila or who ever you want to and Im so done caring and pretending, you talk about truth right , well i want that too , i will go talk to our families and tell the what the real truth is not your mystified version of it! and you can waltz around here with Tanu and be aloof like you always have been , i am done !
Pragya says that packs her stuff and walks out the door leaving behind a very very flabbergasted Abhi!
Abhi gets worried and goes behind her despite Tanu's interruptions
Abhi and Pragya reach the corridors only to find daadi and daasi's standing there! Tanu quickly goes into her room without catching attention.
Daadi/si's - Arrey, What are you two doing here like this and pragya, where are you off to
Abhi was nervously waiting for her answer
Pragya - To independence! sorry daadi i really love you but i just cannot do this anymore, i cannot live a lie longer
Abhi closed his eyes and just turned his face away
Daadi - Matlab?
Pragya - Daadi, you have tried to make this work , hell i have tried to make this work so much but i just cannot anymore , remember when i refused your proposal, i told you, Abhi's life is so different from mine and we cannot have a relationship, you assured me and you always have helped me and stood by me and i always respected that and i still do but i have reached a tipping point
Abhi never loved me and i do not love him, this marriage was s sham to avenge aaliyah's so called broken heart or rather broken ego! Daadi i tried, i tried and tried to sort it out , i tried to keep everyone happy but i lost myself in the way and i just cannot do this anymore, i need to find myself and live my good old life ! despite me being innocent in the whole purab fiasco abhi refused to see the truth, he kept blaming me and i let him cause i thought he is a good guy and maybe he is but i can never know cause he won't let me ! and he loves tanu maybe he always has, i do not know whether they want to get married or stay like this and i do not care, i can't be a wife to someone who does not ever so slightly acknowledge that, he always went to her even on our wedding night, hell tanu is even here in that room right now , he always punished me with harsh words and actions for no reason
At this point pragya started to face abhi and abhi looked shattered listening to pragya - they were now talking to each other but in third person.
He never gave me a chance, never gave this "us" a chance, we both are not happy and sure i was wrong in hiding the truth but if he can do all this for his sister i can hide one truth for mine , all this time i kept thinking about my mum but i cant do that anymore , i have to tell her someday and that will be today, I can't and i will not let myself be treated like this anymore , you know i actually started feeling that maybe Abhi is my soulmate , maybe the little moments we shared meant something, maybe if i explain he will listen but it takes two daadi, it always takes two, he is not willing and i can't keep doing this
Abhi for some reason is in tears, he remembers their moments from the happy fights to the serious ones to the times she saved him he saved her and the whole mandir showdown , his head was exploding!
"Hurts, doesn't it" Pragya asked bringing Abhi back, "Try felling like that every minute of everyday and maybe you will get close to what i feel"
Daadi : Pragya...Abhi?...
P: Sorry Daadi, i have to go, i need to be free from all this, i am going home to my world, to my sanctuary, part of me wishes things were different, things were better, she gives abhi one last glance before taking daadi's aashirvaad and leaving to go home, to be free."
Abhi could only watch her leave out of his life and looked back to see a heart broken and furious daadi who glared at him with eyes that were filled with questions...
The truth was out there and boy did it hurt.. Angst was flooding abhi and pragya , Abhi wanted this to happen right? but he did not get it and now that he go it did he really want it?
Pragya never thought she could do it, but she did, yet a part of her felt devastated and angry that whatever little moments she had with abhi were ruling her mind and she kept wanting to back but she knew this was what was best for her
TO BE CONTINUED ( LAST PART )
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