Abhi-Pragya one shot fiction: My Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tB3GKa2b7EI (link to the song that Abhi is singing in his concert)
Zara si dil mein de jagaah tu...
(just give me a little corner in your heart...)
Zara sa apna le banaa...
(and just make me feel your own, just a bit...)
Zara sa khaabon mein sajaa tu...
(and just decorate your dreams with me, my love...)
Zara sa yaadon mein basaa...
(and please make me a part of your thoughts...)
Main chaahun tujhko meri jaan bepanaah
(for i love you beyond limits, my love...)
Fidaa hoon tujhpe meri jaan bepanaah
(and i am all for you, beyond your imagination, my love!)
wo-o-o ... o-o-o...
Main tere, main tere
kadmon mein rakh dun yeh jahaan
(i can win this world and place it on your feet...)
Mera ishq dewaangi...
(for my love knows no barriers...)
Hai nahi, hai nahi
aashiq koi mujhsa tera
(and there isn't anyone else but me, so deeply in love with you...)
Tu mere liye bandagi
(you are the ultimate wish of my life...)
Main chaahun tujhko meri jaan bepanaah
Fidaa hoon tujhpe meri jaan bepanaah
wo-o-o ... o-o-o...
Kehe bhi de, kehe bhi de
dil mein tere jo hai chhupaa
(please speak the words, which hide in your heart...)
Khwaahish hai jo teri
(please tell me what you desire...)
Rakh nahi, rakh nahi
parda koi mujhse eh jaan
(please don't keep anything from me...)
Karle tu mera yakeen
(trust me, my dear one...)
Main chaahun tujhko meri jaan bepanaah
Fidaa hoon tujhpe meri jaan bepanaah
wo-ho... o-o-o-o...wo-o-o ... o-o-o...
Hope you are hearing me, My baby, My girl, My love...
I close my eyes and stretch my arms open. I just freeze like that.
About 50,000 people scream, wave and applaud in unison. I take a bow.
A few minutes later I am rushing to the airport to catch my flight to my home in Mumbai.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABHI!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!" The hefty girl almost knocks me down to the floor as she jumps and hugs me and hands me over a red rose.
"Whoa, girl easy! But, thank you. You are so sweet" I steady her. My bodyguard pulls her off to the side and I make my way to the gate, as I am about to miss my flight. I am on my way to home after my concert in Delhi. Yep, I am working on my birthday too. I have been working crazy for a while now.
My recent album has had a skyrocket success. It's not the first time I am seeing my album being sold like this, but after a major flop last year, and everything going wrong in my life, it's amazing to be back in business. But my fans, especially those fan girls, have always been loyal, hit or flop.
I get myself comfortable on my seat and stretch my legs. I am a little tired.
I check my mobile phone one last time before I switch it off. No, she still hasn't wished me. I am disappointed for the 100th time today. My twitter is full of wishes; my emails have flooded with fan mails. And how many calls I haven't been able to attend today! But she hasn't wished me. She did call me this morning to ask me when I would reach home. But did she forget my birthday? Unlikely! Her memory is impeccable.
I am talking about Chashmish. My girl, My Love, My wife. That's not her name by the way. I never take her name unless I am mad at her. I fondly call her Chashmish because she can't see much without aid and wears glasses or those contacts she hates to wear. For your information, she is not offended with me calling her Chashmish!
It's the most extraordinary relationship I have had in my life. About a year ago, I started meeting her every now and then, purely by chance. But something went wrong in every encounter. There would be some issue to argue over, to disagree about or to shout at each other. She never failed to drive me crazy. If only I understood what it was then!
And one day my baby sister told me that it was Chashmish who stole her boyfriend, who was also my best friend. And at the same time my beloved grandma had brought home a marriage alliance with the same girl for me. My sister came up with this idea that Chashmish is trapping rich men, which often happens in my glam world. A lot of young girls want to marry even dying rich men for money. And when I saw that Chashmish really wanted to marry me wearing the one crore necklace my Daadi gave her, I thought I would prove a point to my friend that this girl is after money.
And I married her. The biggest mistake of my life. Scratch that, it was the biggest blessing in disguise for me. Unbelievable, isn't it?
I married her with the idea of making my friend realize how this girl is nothing but a gold digger and making her realize how badly she will fail in her plan to fool people for money. And of course, I wanted to divorce her after that.
But it was me who had to realize and be the biggest fool at the end of the day.
What I did not realize was how important "marriage" was to her, to her folks and to my grandmother. But that was not the only thing.
The thing was the girl was not even what I thought she was. She was not a gold digger, she was not someone who trapped my friend. It was in fact my friend who fell in love with her sister and ditched my sister without telling either women about one another. My sister wrongly assumed Chashmish as the girl involved with my friend.
For some reason no one ever told me anything. But was I ready to listen? Chashmish had married me because her ailing mother desperately wanted her to marry and settle down.
I did learn of the bitter truth one fine day. But it was only after my friend had gotten back with my sister; only after her sister went and married someone she didn't love. While those two couples seem to have miraculously found happily ever after in their lives, Chashmish and me have found something else.
After the truth was out, Chashmish and I decided to stick with our marriage. Actually there was nothing for me to decide. It was her decision that I obeyed. I was just ready to do anything for her.
I was indecisive anyway. I did not want to continue the marriage because I had no face to show her. I also wanted to continue the marriage, because I wanted to make up for my blunder, but that was not the only reason; I wanted her although I knew she was the last thing I deserved.
If I come to think of it, I have always wanted her. Even before our marriage, she generated intense emotions in me. She was intriguing and exciting. It's just that the situations in which we met were such that I could not look at her in the right light.
It was worse after marriage. As per my plan to hurt her, I did every possible thing to make her feel bad. I taunted her for her looks, for her attitude, for every single thing I could think of. I used to sit and frame sentences in my head that would make her feel low. I just used to remember the hurt I saw in my sister's eyes when her boyfriend was snatched from her, and would somehow hope to make up for it by hurting Chashmish. I didn't know better. I not once listened to my heart that would beat for her, not once I saw the truth in her eyes in which I used to get lost. I interpreted the yearning I had developed for her as my rage.
The most sickening thing I did to her and for our marriage was still continuing a relationship with my girlfriend, that too for this girlfriend who eventually ditched me in my bad times. So, on our wedding night, I left my bride behind and went to my girlfriend. And I was not even guilty when Chashmish actually got to see me in my girlfriend's house. After all, I wanted to hurt her and break her. Well, I didn't think that was enough because I believed she cared just about money and why would anything else matter to her!
So when the truth was out, I somehow gathered myself to face her. There was no point in running away from her either when I was her absolute culprit. I begged her to slap me, kick me, get me to jail or even to kill me. And do you know, what she said? She told me she understood why I did what I did to her. And she said she even shared some responsibility of my burden because she hid the truth from me and let me sin; she was worried that if she told me the truth, our marriage would end and her mother would die of that shock. She was thankful that I never hurt her mother or her family, for what I thought were her mistakes and helped them in need. She requested that we continue our marriage for some days so that her mother recovers from her illness to some extent and she could slowly break the truth to her. I told her I was ready to hold up this marriage until I die or as long as she wanted for it was my duty.
There we began again. We started living together. She was still the same Chashmish. She still made my cinnamon coffee for me, still sets my room right, still respected my Daadi and even won over my sister. They are the best buddies now.
But I have been living in heaven and hell at the same time ever since.
Heaven, because Chashmish and I have developed an indivisible relationship. And both of us have forgotten that we were supposed to end this marriage. I have found someone who knows me more than myself. My life has become meaningful, calmer and I have been able to grow as a person. My music has more soul to it now and I can see the better things of life, the better side of life. I am less impulsive and make a better judgment of people and situations. It works so much better for me now, as in my profession in this celebrity world, everyone wears a mask.
She tells me she is a happier person too. I don't believe her but her grandma tells me she has laughed more than she did in her entire life, ever since she is with me. If that's true, it just makes me feel so relieved that I could do one good thing for her. I find that she likes it when I bother her, tease her and act goofy around her and I keep doing that, like forever. I love dropping her to her college where she teaches, I take her to places, I just engage myself doing anything I can think of for her. I actually love being around her that way. I love when she smiles, or when she shouts at me, or when she behaves crazy. I even get her to drink once in a while and drunken Chashmish is the best Chashmish. Our drink parties are one of the highlights of our relationship. We are like best friends.
The best part of our relationship is that we can talk about anything and everything with each other. I am glad that she shares with me her little secrets and I always open my heart in front of her. We are very comfortable with each other.
And whenever I start to feel free in my heaven, my hell breaks loose. I am alone in the hell part of our relationship, deservingly so.
So when I realized the truth, I did not ask for forgiveness from her. I didn't even think I deserved that. I just wanted her to tell me how horrible I am and that I am monster and she hates me. But forget about hating, she offered a crying shoulder for my shattered self. She explained to me the circumstances in which I hurt her. Is that my luck or my misfortune?
What would have served me better? Her forgiveness or her hatred?! I don't know what her hatred would have done to me, but her forgiveness kills me.
I literally climbed Mt. Everest with a bunch of trekkers to find peace within myself, while my Daadi and her visited holy places around. I resorted to alcohol for sometime only to learn that it hurts her more than it would harm me or help me. I have done many such crazy things, none of which cured my problem. I ended up working a lot more than I normally did in order to focus my thoughts into something else. That did bring some vague positivity into my mind. But I still cry alone when she is not around. My tears just remind me of her tears and that makes it all grave for me.
So although she is so nice to me, and I worship her, this guilt haunts me day and night. I have come to apprehend she is the love of my life, she is the song of my soul. Yet, I can't be with her the way I want. I can't love her the way I would love to. She is on my bed, by my side, but I can't pull her into my arms, for which I am desperate. I want to kiss her to the oblivion, when she walks out after a bath with wet hair, but I just sit staring at her. There have been times I have almost given in to my desire, but my guilt takes over.
I left her on our wedding night bed to be with another woman. How can I ever make up for that? Yes, I was under a misunderstanding but she was not at fault at all. I took away her happiness and every dream associated with a marriage, on the very first day. Now even if I love her more than my life, how do I take that pain away?
I have talked to her about it a few times. She has cried her heart out and has told me she is over with it. She wants us to move on from that. But I haven't been able to.
Has she really moved on? Is she really able to forgive me? Sometimes I wonder. I often feel she desires me too the way I desire her based on our accidental proximities. The goosebumps, the quiver, the blush, the way she looks at me- tell me that she wants me. But I don't know. Is it the hormones? Or is it her responsibility and commitment to this marriage? Then, why does she care for me so dearly? Why does she get so jealous of my fan girls?
The other thing is if she does desire me, what right do I have to deny myself to her? She is my wife, she has that right on me. Why should she suffer because I am dying in this guilt?
This is why I am determined today. I will talk to her one more time about this. Heart to heart. I can't let it go on like this. I can't live with this guilt anymore.
I wake up from my chain of thoughts when the air-hostess calls my name. She tells me that the plane has already landed. So, I get ready to get off the plane and I am guided through the special exit to avoid fan hoopla. On my drive home, I form sentences to talk to her, I just hope she hasn't planned a birthday celebration for me that may not allow me to spoil the fun and talk to her the thing I have thought about.
It's almost midnight when I reach home. I see that everyone has slept and I go straight to my room. The door is slightly open and it smells pleasant. As I open the door, I see a lone candle lit up giving the whole room a dreamy aura. My eyes fall on the bed and...
I see a bride sitting on the bed dressed in red, with her face half covered with her dupatta. Oh that's my girl. Chashmish. My bride. I close the door and slowly walk up to her and sit in front of her.
"Chashmish" I say, as I face her. She lifts her head and looks at me. I slide her dupatta above her head and she looks mesmerizing. I am spellbound. She smiles her ethereal smile. Oh, she is my Goddess.
"Happy birthday, Abhishek" she pauses and then continues. "At some point, we have to let go of our past and move on. I believe what we share is special. There is so much care, respect and love between us. Why can't we build our life on that? Abhishek, no one has ever cared the way you do for me. No one has ever looked at me with desire the way you do. You have taught me how to laugh and how to live happily. You set my soul free. This is why I could never walk away from you. I somehow knew you are the one for me. So, for your birthday, I want to gift myself to you, every bit of me. Would you accept my gift?" A layer of tears wet her big and beautiful eyes as she looks at me sincerely.
I can't take it anymore. I feel possessed in her love. I grab her face and press my lips on hers. I push her with my body to lie on the bed as I kiss her frantically. I invade her mouth with my tongue and desperately move my mouth against hers.
As I can't breath anymore, I separate our mouths. I see her eyes filled with tears and realize I am crying too when a bunch of drops from my eyes fall on her cheeks. I start to sob, placing my head on her chest, holding her tightly as if she is my last chance to life in a sinking ship.
She moves her fingers in my hair in soothing motions and lets me cry my heart out. I can't even feel what I am feeling but I feel liberated in her arms. After I don't know how long, I lift my head and look at her. She smiles at me making me feel blessed.
"Please forgive me, Chashmish" I request sincerely.
"I love you. I never held anything against you to forgive you" she says unpretentiously.
"I love you so much, baby" I admit.
She smiles again at me in the most beautiful way. I smile back at her. She laughs. I laugh back. She holds my face with her pretty hands. I kiss her forehead, eyes, cheeks and place a tender kiss on her lips. She responds sweetly. The kiss gets intense, so intense that it intoxicates me. My hands start to move on her silky arms, and on her waist. She pulls me into her holding the collar of my jacket. When I want to feel her more closer, I temporarily separate us to take my jacket off.
I slide her dupatta off of her inviting body and my eyes wander on her beautiful form shining in the candle light. When my eyes meet hers, she feels shy and covers her face with her hands.
"Will you please blow off the candle?" she begs.
"You are the one who can't sleep in the dark" I chide her as I move her hands away to kiss her again.
And I begin my new life with my love, the love of my life.
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