FF-TohseNainalaage piya Sa-Chapter 9-Pg 55 - Page 34

Originally posted by: Diksha_1991

Waiting for update

Originally posted by: Anjani9

Hello Sai..

Originally posted by: saibanu

Hi Anjani ...

Not seen you much here ...how are you dear ?

Originally posted by: saibanu

typing my chapter ...looks like next chapter is going to be bit long so thinking of giving it as part1 and part2 together ...

So you will get 2 chapters together ...😃

Hi Friends 😃

Since i delayed in giving my update , I wrote 3 chapter at once ..so I am giving this chapter in 3 parts

Hope you all like it

Apologies for the delay 😳

Chapter 8

Part 1

She met him at a party organized by Rohan in late October a time of clear days and cool evening. He sat in a corner staring blankly; she studied his pitch dark shirt, his handsome face, and his gaze unconscious, instinctive. He reminded her of a hunting dog

"Look what the cat dragged in" one of her friend called and laughed looking at his direction.

"I will be back soon" telling this, her friend walked towards him, looking at their direction she felt his wandering eyes fixed on her, she noticed him watching her, his dark eyes following her around the room...as soon as she looked up, their gaze met for brief moment, his eyes clicked onto her face, the breath whooshed out of her body leaving her all tingling, like thousand butterflies dancing inside her tummy ...so aware and so conscious of her being she went inside to gets a glass of water ...straining to hear their voices over the noisy crowd, she gulped down whole glass ...

"Who was that?" she asked her friend later when they sat down

"Amar" Her friend mumbled, sipping chilled champagne she smiled" He is a charmer" said her friend "all the girls love him" her friend giggled looking at dark evening sky

"Is he committed?"She wanted to ask, the words sat inside her mouth, she gulped and swallowed ...

From the corner of her eyes, she saw him approaching "Good lord why is he coming here" she muttered to herself, a wave of nervousness and excitement passed through her. Even before she could get grip on her scattered out thoughts "Mind if I sit here ..." He asked smilingly

Giving nervous glance, she found herself mumbling "No..." the word was out even before she could stop it

Pulling a chair, he sat facing her "you don't like parties?" he asked casually to strike a conversation

"What made you think so ...?" She gave him curious glance

"What made me think!!? One pretty lady sitting all alone ...not mingling, not having fun , just sitting here all by herself ...well this is what made me think" he replied

Her face flushed "it's not like that ... I don't know anyone apart from Rohan and few of his friends" she admitted

Extending his hand "I am Amar ...Rohan's friend" He introduced himself "you know me now apart from rohan and some of his friends" he winked

With a smile, she took his firm hand" I am Nidhi ..."

"So you are Nidhi! ...Rohan's Mumbai friend, your story is pretty famous in our Delhi friend circle" he grinned

"Jeez, rohan and his big mouth ..." She scowled

He chuckled "so you stay in Mumbai ...?" He asked causally

"Yes ...Its vacation time for us so came here to meet rohan, what about you?" she asked

"I am from delhi itself ... been to Mumbai when I was kid, love those beaches" he replied, silence prevailed as they sat for few moments unsure and anxious what to talk ...he whistled softly as he played with fork, a tune she faintly recognized, it had been all over the FM she could not recognize the singer but she know the words

"Whats that song?" she asked

" The king blues" he said and began to sing "Time don't wait , like changing of the season , sometime it don't make sense but it happens for a reason ..Everything happens for a reason" He sang unselfconsciously, his deep voice almost admiring, the sound seemed to her vibrant and full of emotions

"You have awesome voice" she admitted

He shrugged his shoulder "Thanks ...I am not much into music but I liked the wording, everything happens for a reason" he smiled

"Do you really believe that?" she asked

"Yes ...don't you?"

Shrugging her shoulder she mumbled "I used to" she said slowly "now, I feel its load of bull crap"

He laughed "you are honest ..." Cocking his head to one side he murmured "what made you change?" he asked curiously

"Well it's easy to believe in destiny when everything you desire come to you but when life start kicking you around ...I believe that is when you start questioning"

"You are impatient" he admitted

She scowled "what made you come to that conclusion?"

"Because there is logic in here ...When life takes away something from your hand, you will get it back double time but you need to wait...be patient until it gives back ...everything goes ,comes around and everything happens for reason" he grinned " you strike me like impatient woman" he added

She laughed "but seriously still I am not convinced" she replied

Looking into her eyes "Did anyone told you that your eyes twinkle when you smile? ...you got a beautiful smile and even more beautiful eyes, you should smile more often" he mentioned without taking his eyes off her face, it was abrupt, when their eyes met, he smiled innocently

If someone else had said this she would have rolled her eyes and muttered "what a flirt "but with him things did not work like it usually do ...her face flushed and she found herself blushing taking in the compliment

Trying desperately to control her composure, abruptly she got up from seat and said "I think it's time for me to go ...I have early flight to catch tomorrow morning" she replied uneasily

Nodding his head, he stood up "It's nice to meet you Nidhi ..." he shook her hand and turned away from her...stopping abruptly he turned back to face her once again

"Nidhi ..." He called "I am coming to Mumbai ...you wanna, ..get a coffee or something or how about lunch ...sometime" he stuttered

"Are you asking me out?" she asked throwing away all her nervousness

He grinned; it was a wicked grin which made blood in her veins run little faster "you want me to take you out on date?"

She flushed " A w..what ...?" she stammered

"A date ..." Amar repeated, she felt the color in her cheeks rising again, taking away her breath in swift motion ...her eyes betrayed her inner havoc ,sensing this he smiled "There is saying that , when you don't get answer ..you should consider the silence as Yes like an affirmation ...so I will take it as yes then" he grinned

She could not help but to Smile; looking up to meet his gaze ...slowly she nodded her head.

_____________________________________________________________________

She sat on couch facing him; he gave her boyish grin which lit up his whole face. She looked around and inhaled deeply, she smelled sea...the salty, tangy taste registering on her mind, tingling her inside with a mixture of nervousness and excitement

"You look nice..." He smiled

She smiled back recalling the event of the party; how he found his way towards her through Rohan ...He had introduced himself sweetly, she couldn't turn away from the eyes held her, eyes as dark, as deep as night sky, talking to her in his slow rumbling voice, after a while he had asked her directly" would you mind to join me for lunch?" it had left her off guard for few moment and then plucking her lost composure she had nodded her head without giving second thought with a big sloppy smile covering her whole glowing face.

"You are going out with Amar! God Nidhi ...not that guy! He is not worth it..." Anjie rumbled when Nidhi confessed to her

"He is the most self centered person I ever know ...not him Nidhi" Anjie grumbled

Irked and disappointed with Anjie's reaction, Nidhi had shrugged her shoulder "You don't know him for Adam; don't judge someone based on some false rumors" she had replied, too protective, too confident of her choice and went out with him throwing away all cautious warning from Anjie

In a moment whole surrounding filled with soft rhythmic music, he hummed softly along with the tune, freshly shaven, his skin glistened and moist child like ...he smelt strongly of cologne

"I am pretty carnivorous ...I prefer meat in my meal" he replied fixing his gaze on TV screen

Opening her mouth thousand times to tell him that she is pure vegetarian that she never ever ate meat in her life ...she realized it's too late when waiter placed meat over their table ...her words get robbed off , she gulped down , he seemed to forgotten her , forgotten to ask what she like , what she want

Taking a spoonful of meat, she tried to gulp it down, shove it inside her mouth, fiddling with her spoon she looked at his face

"I heard about you and Anushka" she said abruptly taking him by surprise,

He froze, his eyes flared up and strange gloominess entered his eyes

"It's over between us Nidhi...We were together for quite long time but now there is nothing ...you need to believe me" he mumbled solemnly

"I do believe you ..." She smiled reassuringly

But still he looked sad and heartbroken...

He took her to beaches and for musical nights, holding her hand waiting for white crested wave to crash on them, he squealed along with her...walking under full moon he told her about his dreams and aspiration in his crisp clear words. He told her about his past relationship and the way it ended ...he admitted that he is over his past and ready to move on , that he is glad to find her in his life...all those time Delighted and happy he sounded.

She trusted him and so his words

"Your friend Anjie thinks very low about me? I wonder what you saw in me ..." he asked her once uneasily

She stared at him, too intently...she does not know why certain people shine for others, and she does not know why she chose him despite of all the odds? Why not someone else? Anjie had asked her once ...

She had just shrugged her shoulder and replied "I did not plan it"

Taking his big palms, squeezing it gently she replied "because it's you I think of when I wake up each morning. It's your face in my dreams"

________________________________________________________________________

She had heard from baba that "Past" is something not to be dragged, not be dwelled but to keep it as reminder, like a lesson, like a history carefully recorded in our memory and nothing else ..."just a piece of us not totally us" he had told her this when she sat next to him sipping adrak wali chai " it is when we drag it along with us , it is when we mix it up with our present things will go wrong " he had told her .

Sitting in air conditioned restaurant, facing Amar, with silence prevailing between them like thick fog, separating them ...his past, she felt still ruling him somewhere.

It troubled her, suffocated her ...yet she cannot voice out her fears, the taboo subject because she know if she do...there will be another clash and endless silence after that.

She is not sure what went wrong and when things which started just fine suddenly went haywire, like they are cracking up slowly, falling apart slowly ...their relationship which grew eventually suddenly started breaking, not at once but bit by bit slowly, slowly whenever his past lurked between them every now and then and she left with no choice but to look at him with suspicion and fear, That he is going away from her ...

Unable to handle the silence anymore, she looked up and met his strained face "How is Anushka? All settled in?"

His lips twitched and tightened around the corner, a deep frown registered on his face "why are you asking me?" he asked not even looking up.

"Because you might know..." Nidhi muttered

"Not again Nidhi ...! I told you zillion times, she is nothing to me anymore, yes we were together once but not anymore ok ..."

"Do you want me to call it coincidence that she joined your office, that too as your co worker?" Nidhi Smirked

"Don't do that ok ...?" he muttered with annoyed expression "don't smirk at me ..." he gritted his teeth "and before you accuse please do it if you have anything to justify"

"I have ..."

His head sprang at once "Anjie saw you both in theatre hall ..." She muttered gulping down her tears

A fleeting guilt lingered on his face and then it disappeared "If you must know it was office outing and why I am even giving you explanation ...Yes I go out with her so what?" he muttered not even looking at her face

Folding her hand over her lap she bowed her head "why are you angry with me?" she mumbled slowly

"Because you doubt on me ...accusing me, based on your friend's statement, the friend who think so low about me..."

Now it was her turn feel guilty ,Reaching across she took his hand "I am not doubting you, I just want you to be honest with me ...you don't tell me anything and you expect me to understand everything...How can I do that? , I love you so much and I am scared that I might lose you ..."

"You can understand...if you think straight and if you stop listening to outside world, I wonder why you chose me if you have so much doubt on me ...well I am not going to stop you not I am here to justify anything ...it's your call , leave me if you cannot trust me..."

Tears sprang in her eyes, clutching his finger "Can you live without me ... I mean nothing to you"

"I can Nidhi , I am used to heart breaks ...I lived through it once , I can live once again " he mentioned in ice cold voice

This is what scared her , the insecurity which he inflict inside her every time , every moment with his words , with his actions , confusing her ...leaving her in dilemma what she should do

"You are still angry with me, I wonder why ...? " She asked

"Because sometime you are so stupid, so unthinking ...so full of jealousy, you suffocate me" he muttered in exasperated voice

She felt the burning of tears behind her eyes, sucking it inside; she stored it inside, because her pride will never allow her to shed tears, not in front of him ...

"then I think we should stay away from each other a bit at least for few days until we sort out our head" she replied , her expression grim and cold like something has affected her very deeply ...his words cutting through her and left her bleeding ...

With a nod he got up from his seat and left without a backward glance ...the words haunted her whole night, it rewinded in her head, cutting through , shattering her every moment ...the anger remained for sometime it disappeared when he came to meet her after 3 days, his eyes dug deep with worry and sadness

"I am sorry ...I should not have talked to you like that, it's very mean of me to comment like that" he admitted

Taking her hand in his trembling fingers "But I can't do this anymore; I don't want to be..." He struggled to find the right words "...without you" and then finally his arms slackened, releasing her, giving her the choice ...She felt his shoulder slump and heart shudder "Please" he muttered

Seeing him like that her heart melted instantly, gulping down her pride she forgave him.

Reaching across she took his hand once again "there is nothing between me and Anushka ...you need to trust me, there cannot be ...I don't know why she came back, I never wanted her here in my life ever again ..." He stopped abruptly

She wanted to ask " is her presence bothering him so much...?" but she gulped it down , swallowed because if she do , she know there will be another clash , another exchange of mean words , another hurt ...deep wound opening in her heart day and night pushing her down in endless insecurity ...

It bothered her, troubled her "I love you and I trust you Amar" she murmured at last but she could not ignore the constant nagging, the constant biting of her conscience, like a deep echo filling her system "hell with love, where is your pride girl ..." cutting through her, exhausting her and frightening her ...leaving her nowhere with so many questions but without answers...

_______________________________________________________________________

The wind had stopped; the evening was still and muggy, the sky clouded over the sky with gray, Nidhi stood facing vast sea ...the crashing of wave added up to the havoc within her. It's been 3 days she heard from Amar, his nasty words still fresh in her mind ...she has been trying to pull her worth from him for long , she has been dying to be loved by him once again, concentrating on good parts ..The small laughs they share every now and then, his oasis like care clutching to it and ignoring the whole picture...Forgiving him every time he came back, shrugging her shoulder every moment whenever outside world pointed finger, gulping down her pride ...she stood next to him, never left him ...

She wondered what has happened to her that she is taking this absurdity in her life, all this nuisance breaking her each moment ...she felt too exhausted, heavy in her head

"Nidhi I feel its going no where ...you need to put full stop to this" Anjie had warned her

"Shut up Anjie ...dont start again"

"I can shut up but you cannot ignore the reality ..."

"What reality ...? She had snapped.

"You know what I am talking about ..."

" God Anjie ...I beg you , please stop it , I am tired of listening to this ...We don't live in stone age ok... They both work together so end up spending time together so what? And beside Amar tell me everything ...I know he moved on and he will never betray me ever"

" I am not talking about Anushka here ...!"

" then what ?"

"I am talking about Amar and the way he make you feel ..." Anjie had stopped "I am your friend not your enemy ...I can see how much it affecting you, if I were you I would have thrown him out of my life by now ...because life is not only about love there is something called self respect, you are letting him damage you ..."

"What you want me to do now ...?" Exasperated she had snapped back

"Talk to him clearly ...make few things clear to him"

"If he don't agree "

"Then leave him, it will save you from so many sorrows ...believe me!"

"It is sounding like making a deal"

"Take it as you please"

"Love is not dealing, love is not compromise, it is accepting person as he is"

Anjie had scoffed "this belief should be 2 ways nidhi, not only from you..."

Walking away she had added "if love makes you feel like this, so powerless then I never want it in my life ...then it is nothing but nuisance to me" with a brief look anjie had left her all alone.

With a roar of stopping car she was pulled back to reality, turning around she saw him getting down from car ...He came to her side in bright cloud of dust , the particles rose and dissolved in rising darkness ...

He looked stern, curt, nervous like he is hiding something big, without a smile he greeted her "you did not even call back ..." she asked slowly

He rolled his eyes carelessly "I did it intentionally" he replied sarcastically

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to sort out my head, which I can't do when I am with you" he snapped back

"Looks like I am becoming burden to you these days ..."

"I am frustrated ..." He admitted

"I wonder why ...?"

"Because this is going no where ..." he stopped

"What?"

Looking up he met her eyes "Us ..." he mumbled in his ice cold eyes

She looked away unsure and dubious with the reality ... felt too tired to fight with him anymore, too tired to apologize for no apparent reason, keeping with him, straggling with what once she thought charming but still deep down she craved for him to say things like they will work it out, they will find a way save this relationship ...but strangely he didn't

"I think it's time, we end this once and for all..." He replied finally, she swallowed, a sharp intake of breath, a dull sensation filled her like something is breaking within her ...her heart! She thought ...looking up she tried to trace the sadness in his eyes "I thought we will pass this phase ...I really thought you will never leave me whatever the situation is" she said

He gulped, shame ...she witnessed and then the feeling passed, he masked it under his ice cold expression" I have been thinking about it from quite some time now ...In the end I understood what I want ..." he mumbled slowly

"your want ?...What you want ...?" she asked

"Anushka" He looked away guiltily, there was brief silence followed by her shallow breathing like she is forcing her system to breath, breath ...but it is getting stuck inside her lungs ,leaving her all heavy and exhausted

Looking up she met his eyes, the words were out and the feeling had passed, the guilt which lingered in his eyes dissolved to replace with relief , for her he looked like the person who got his world back and in turn she looked like someone who lost everything ...He just stared at no where, tugging his shoulder, she wanted to throttle him, slap the shit out of him and ask him "what the hell he think of himself?" but she felt too heavy, so empty even to voice out her sadness , she felt no matter what she do , she cannot inflict the hurt what she is feeling ..he looked far away safe in his new found world

"I did not plan it ...But I realized it when she came back that I cannot love anyone at all the way I love her "

"Whatever I guessed all these days, its true then ..." She asked without blinking, he flushed ...looked down

"I am sorry Nidhi..." he mumbled meekly, even the word sorry sounded so shallow, not even reached his heart

"Go away ..." she muttered in given up voice

"Nidhi ..." He stood up trying to follow her

Slamming the door on his face "Please ...go away "she mumbled ...starting the car she gave him one last glance ,she wanted something , anything to fill the emptiness within her , the ever growing spot which started gulping her down ...

Driving few miles and Stopping the car in middle of no where, she got down ...she saw everlasting sea and its vastness, closing her eyes, she clamped her lips together ...stop she thought, but it was of no use, she felt the rising of bile , burning her chest , leaving her nauseated "Are you okay mam" She felt someone tugging her shoulder

With a lost look she nodded her head " I am fine .." managed to mumble ...the fishy smell of sea filled the sticky air , another wave rolled over , a potent mixture of nausea and shame ...leaning forward , she puked quietly into the street.

The color of defeat choked her, even though her nod and smile indicated she is not broken down yet. Smile stubborn, fake plastic smile, licking her wounds sitting in darkest corner. Her heart is broken but still she had to function ...buttoning up her dress shirt over it, she hoped it doesn't show much... "I told you so ..." her conscience hissed at her for every 2 seconds, as she laid down staring glowing moon, even when she sat staring at burning sun , it came back to her , all those words of anjie ...all those cautions like a weed her thoughts popped up leaving her clumsy and full of bitterness

"Nidhi ...Come lets go" Anjie tugged her shoulder, crawling back to reality she gave lost look

"What's wrong ...?" Anjie enquired, looking sideways she gazed at them ...the man who broke her friend, now walking happy, full of laughter ...without a glint of guilt, holding hand ...his girl back in his arms

She gritted her teeth, rage spilled over from her eyes leaving her all burning from inside

"Just say yes, I will go and slap the shit out of him ..." Anjie muttered

"Let's go home ..." Nidhi mumbled, her eyes filled with fresh tears "don't cry now please ...not in front of him , not here" Anjie mumbled

Sucking it inside like so many things , she nodded her head

Dragging her across the crowd, they got inside the dimly lit theater, popcorn, cans of pepsi ...the smell of fresh cheese her brain faintly registered the surrounding, slumping down in some darkest corner she wanted cry ...disappear in this growing darkness, waiting for light to go out...she leaned back and as everyone leaned forward laughing at silly jokes and lost in on screen romance ...

Sitting there , Realizing the fact that life will never be same again, she will be never be same again, one by one drops fell down from her eyes , gathering on her lap , on her hand , on her curled up fingers , each one for something she lost ...hope , faith , trust , confidence, security , joy and her innocence ...

Over the years, she picked it up, those pieces of her shattered world ...she learned to numb those emotions, those worthless tears never filled her eyes ever again...she mastered to hide it, safely behind her each smile, her each nod ...in words like ugliness in those parchment papers carefully wrapped inside hidden drawer.

She got over him, got over that love which destroyed her but strangely her past haunted her in most strange way...she realized , she could never trust ever gain, the constant hissing of her conscience became the routine ..Over the corner of her eyes, taunting her Nagging every minute about her short coming, failures both real and imagined, bombarding her with constant negative thoughts...Magnifying it until that's all she could see , how worthless she is ! How stupid she is ...how unworthy she is...

Now sleeping here, drawing lines, making borders, the infinite division behind her closed eyes lids, she wriggled in her sleep, cold, isolated and desperate for something she can cling to..., she felt like she had swallowed fungus and now the evil decaying inside, she hate it, this awful feeling which rip her apart in every sense.

She wondered if anybody else feels this way, if anybody is as scared as she is, sad, angry, confused and ashamed, is it even possible for one to grow out holding all this confusion?

Shrugging her shoulder, trying to wipe out the events of last night, of her past pushing it down where it is supposed to be, not on surface mirroring on her face... She strived, squeezing her eyes tight shut, she shrinked her full form, until she is small like fetus crouching within her ...pulling her whole body tight shut...squeezing her eyes tight close, she breathed in to block out this awful feeling, taking in familiar scent of home, She smelled heaven the moment his voice made its way from her ears to her heart...reality sink in, she recalled him..His deep gruff voice comforted her ...she was cold and miserable but she felt she is lying on something soft now, wrapped in his comfort, inside the cocoon of his warmth , there is star of light now , she could see brightness ...drifting above her like fluffy clouds and magic mushrooms , opening her eyes , getting up on her feet ...she searched for him, like lost child searching for mother ...she looked at him briefly, his forehead maze of anxious little frowns , his face strained and eyes dug deep with worry shadows

"You are still here..." startled by the voice, he turned his head and met her amazed yet pleased gaze

"You asked me not to go ...how I can leave you?" he gave her questioning glance, his strained face suddenly breaking into pleasant smile

Happiness oozed out from every corner of her heart, her grim face breaking into bright smile which reached till her eyes...

Part 2 updated in page 47 and part 3 in Page 48 😃

I am not able to post part 2 ...it showing error message as Over quota of words , I tried changing fonts but still I am getting this ...
I will do something and come back tomorrow morning
Sorry

Thanks sai .. Take your time .. Hope you are feeling well.

Sai superb

Fantastic Update Sai...👏 👏

fantastic update sai..so emotional..👏..waiting for 2nd part..