The staff at the mental asylum had asked him if he would be willing to talk to some people from an NGO who were researching the state of Mental Health facilities and awareness in the various parts of the country. Talking to the caregivers was an important part of the research. The academician in him, of course, wanted to support research activities. Plus he did have strong opinions on the issue. So, he had readily agreed to the idea. That day after seeing Sarika, who was in no position to recognize him or talk to him, he waited for the researchers to come.
"Ashutosh?" Nandini was surprised to see him there when she arrived.
"Mrs. Verma? How come... Oh!"
"I volunteer with an NGO and I am doing a research... So, it's you who I am supposed to meet."
"I guess so," Ashutosh said, his face not giving away any emotions.
Nandini sat down beside him, "Can't say that I'm happy to see you. Not here! I am sorry." She now understood his hesitation in talking about his family, when she had asked him earlier.
"Don't be. We all live our share of life."
"Yeah. So, who is it?"
"My wife."
"Are you comfortable talking to me? If you'd prefer to talk to someone you do not know, I can arrange for another researcher to interview you."
"I'm fine."
--
Twenty six years old Ashutosh had come back from the US after finishing his Ph. D. and his marriage with Sarika was already fixed. It wasn't a surprise. He had been told about that. He was prepared, even excited and was looking forward to meeting his bride. Meanwhile he had a job as a faculty member in a leading Social Sciences institute in Mumbai. His mother was not keeping well and it was decided that after marriage Sarika would stay with his parents for some time to take care of his mother, while he would try to visit as often as possible. That was a dampener in the excitement he felt for the married life, but he wasn't the one to open his mouth in front of his parents.
The wedding happened. Sarika came home. After a month, Ashutosh came to Mumbai to join his job while Sarika stayed back. Some time passed before the problems started getting reported to him. Sarika, apparently, often had seizures. She would lose control over herself and behave strangely; sometimes going to the extent of harming herself and others. Ashutosh got worried. He talked to her on his next visit home. To his horror, she broke down while narrating the history of her problem.
She was having those seizures for several years. The family was worried about it affecting not only her chances of getting married, but also that of her younger siblings. What if people thought all of them were mad! So, they had gone to great lengths to keep it a secret, until they could get her married off. She begged him to not let people know about her problem until her siblings were married. After that he could kill her for all that mattered. She'd happily write whatever suicide note he wanted.
"I should kill myself. But I am too much of a coward. I am scared of pain. But if you kill me, I promise I won't do a thing to protect myself."
Ashutosh' heart went out to the girl. He was angry about the situation he had landed into. But he could not be angry at her. What was her fault? She had no say in the decisions of her life. Brought up with shame and guilt about her condition, she just wanted to stay out of everyone's way. She did that for her siblings and parents by getting married. And once their lives were settled, she was willing to do it for him too.
But what was he to do now? He accepted his destiny. He decided to take care of her. He discreetly tried talking to his parents. He would take her to Mumbai with him. His mother did not agree. Who would manage her seizures when he was at work? Besides Sarika was useful to her when she was healthy. She would stay with them as was decided earlier. It was impossible for him to take a strong stand against his parents. Sarika also agreed.
"Ma is right. I should stay here. But..."
"But?"
"I am not good for you. You should get married to a more deserving girl."
"Don't be silly," he had admonished her. But the outward maturity and calm could not make his sadness and inner frustrations disappear.
Substantial amount of property and other gifts had come to him by way of dowry from Sarika's parents. He did not know how his or Sarika's life would turn out to be. But he decided to invest and manage the money in such a way that her well-being was taken care of, all her life.
Few more months passed. Her mother's health as well as Sarika's condition deteriorated. Ashutosh decided to put his foot down. He went home all decided that he would come back with his parents as well as Sarika. Both the women could get better treatment in Mumbai. But his mother died during that visit. His father did not want to be uprooted from the place that had been his home all his life. So, Ashutosh came back to Mumbai with Sarika.
He took Sarika to the doctors, but they were not hopeful of recovery. Her condition would deteriorate day by day, they told him. If she had gotten help during the early days of the problem, in her childhood, it could have been different. But now there was no hope. At around the same time they discovered that she was pregnant. Ashutosh wasn't sure whether he should be happy or sad. But Sarika was extremely happy. She, somehow, thought that her child will help her recover; that she will find the will to recover for the sake of her child. She was sorely mistaken. She had a seizure soon and she ended up harming herself so much that the baby could not be saved. The shock and guilt worsened her condition. Ashutosh took a year's leave from his work to take care of her. But there was no improvement in her condition and at the end of it he was left with no choice, but to admit her to the mental asylum, where she could be supervised all the time.
And that's where she was for last eight years now. These days she almost never recognized him when he visited.
--
Nandini sat silently for a while after Ashutosh finished narrating Sarika's story to her. Then she sighed and said, "Ashutosh. You are good man. Sarika is lucky to have you in her life. Most people, who are suffering, are not so lucky."
"I just did what I had to."
Nandini then went on to ask the questions relevant to her research about his experiences with doctors and mental health facilities, about costs, about awareness amongst people around him, any differences in social treatment of the issue between small town where Sarika came from and metros like Mumbai etc. Ashutosh patiently answered her questions and also suggested some of the issues she could dig deeper into during her research.
"Thank you Ashutosh. This has been very helpful," Nandini said towards the end.
"Not a problem. You have taken up a noble cause. But Mrs. Verma..."
"Yes. Tell me Ashutosh," Nandini encouraged him to speak when he fell silent.
"As I have told you, most of my colleagues do not know anything about it, including... I think... "
"Nidhi?"
"Yes. I don't mind if she knows, but it would be helpful if both of you are discreet about it."
"Don't worry about that."
"Thanks."
"Ashutosh. Can I tell you something?"
"Yeah?"
"You have been very good to her. You have done your bit. Her well-being has been taken care of. You have the rights to your happiness. You can move on in your life. You should... You do know that you have good enough a reason for a divorce. I don't mean to be insensitive, just practical..."
"I understand you Mrs. Verma. Thanks for the concern and the advice."
--
Debate Mansion
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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