Not an ideal world!! Edited

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sheanuzz

@sheanuzz

Voyager

+ 3

Posted: 8 years ago

I am mostly a silent reader on this forum. I keep reading posts and different views. There are extreme views - some condemning Dev and Ishwari and some Sona and her behavior post leap.

We do see such characters in our daily life. Having experienced a bad in-law I can understand and empathize with Sona. Especially if your husband is a momma's boy. Having said that, women have God's gift of being intuitive and also have the patience to deal with terrible situations. I do not condone staying in a bad marriage but it is also not prudent to up yourself and go leaving the person you love very much and who equally loves you because of your terrible mother in law. There is no ideal marriage and no ideal world. There is no perfect world or perfect person ... we are all flawed ..some more some less...At the end of the day, it depends on how we manage our flaws and other's flaws.

Agreed the Dixit family is a terrible family but I have seen most of the forum placing the Bose family on a pedestal. Is everything perfect there? Bijoy Bose just speaks what ever comes to his mind. Is that fine? He interferes where he should not. He is at times an over protective father and that sometimes is not a good thing for your married adult child, who should be able to take care of her life with her hubby and in-laws.

I have seen people condemning Dev and sometimes to the extreme. He has always been the weak person in the relationship and like Shaheer said he was not supposed to act like a lead in one of his interviews. At the end of the day, it is how we manage our life and our relationships. It takes two to tango.

Both Dev and Sona are equally if not more responsible for their failed marriage.

This is coming from a person who has dealt with the most difficult marriage and made it a successful one. I speak from experience.

FYI: I was never the doormat and gave as good as I got... I am a self-made woman and worked for one of the world's best organizations. What I am saying is that if something is worth fighting for - fight for it. I am glad that I fought as I have the most loving children and hubby and did not take the easy way out.

Also, the most important thing - I am a MIL now and share a great relationship with my DIL. I ensured that she is given the respect and place in our heart and home.

Relationships don't happen automatically, you make them happen.

Edited by sheanuzz - 8 years ago

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Pehchaan.Kaun

@Pehchaan.Kaun

Sparkler

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: sheanuzz
Both Dev and Sona are equally if not more responsible for their failed marriage.

You lost me there.

And no, girls dont have any special power of intuition or tolerance, it's how they are made to think of as by women like Asha. God has created everyone equal, it's us who has created such notions.

And while I agree it's not an ideal world, we should try to work making it as one, instead of giving examples of existing systems and pulling it behind. And this is coming from a woman who has got a true blue feminist husband who takes pride in acknowledging independence in the women around him (wife, sister) and got wonderful in-laws who see me as an individual first before thinking of 'owning' me as their DIL. 😃 Yeah, ideal things are possible to achieve if worked upon 😳

Edited by Pehchaan.Kaun - 8 years ago

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lavanya

@dlavanya

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: Pehchaan.Kaun

You lost me there.

And no, girls dont have any special power of intuition or tolerance, it's how they are made to think of as by women like Asha. God has created everyone equal, it's us who has created such notions.

And while I agree it's not an ideal world, we should try to work making it as one, instead of giving examples of existing systems and pulling it behind. And this is coming from a woman who has got a true blue feminist husband who takes pride in acknowledging independence in the women around him (wife, sister) and got wonderful in-laws who see me as an individual first before thinking of 'owning' me as their DIL. 😃 Yeah, ideal things are possible to achieve if worked upon 😳

Word. I am also in ideal world .. that is becuase my parents and my in laws strived hard to make it one.
I am glad to say my mom is just like bijoy - she would raise an objection if she even feels a bit of inequality between me and my husband - even if it is not there. My husband or in laws dont think i need to compromise because i am a woman and i have special powers and intuition. But my mother in law had an awful married life and had to make a lot of sacrifices through out her life.. but she turned things around eventually but and she makes sure what ever she had to go thru because she is a woman is not repeated with her DIL (me) or her own daughters.. that is how society should progress. A woman should not say that so and so injustice is acceptable just because they went thru it and eventually things turned out ok or they themselves got accustomed to the inequality and accepted to live with it.

Ideal world does exists.. and it takes ppl to think progressively and make sure the problems that they have gone thru in their life (especially due to the fact that they are born woman) are not repeated around them and definitely not passed down to future generations . God made man and woman as equals.. it is the society that defined what is ok and what is not ok for each gender. It is time to establish that equality once again.

Edited by dlavanya - 8 years ago

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Pehchaan.Kaun

@Pehchaan.Kaun

Sparkler

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: dlavanya

@ Bold - 👏 Yes Lavanya. This is what I keep repeating. When I salute all those women out there who had to struggle due to their bad in-laws, that doesn't mean those situations become the 'ideal' and enrich women to increase their patience and tolerance. What for ? Why should ? Who created the myth of women having upper hand in bearing pain ? And the ultimate question - will we want our sisters and daughters to go through the same situations ? Won't we try to find better in-laws and place for our sisters and daughters ? Will we glorify our struggles and ask them to go for 'adjustments' in finding in-laws for them ? No right ? Then how does it become OK for ourselves ? The day many many out there stop becoming 'Asha', we can have ZERO existence of 'Ishwari' as well. 😃

When I believe escaping is not always the ideal thing to do, however, it takes 2 to tango, with Dev's never ending 'You stay out of this', 'You wont understand', 'Get out', lies about infertility, pregnancy, breaking even a single promise to change the ROOM DECOR - how far can a girl go in trying if absolutely NO co-operation comes from the boy's side ? I wish Dev-Sona's marriage lasted. However given the fact that Dev was not doing ANYTHING to make it work, I would question myself that why should Sona take all the pain ?? And yes, it's not EQUAL fault at ALL ! Sona might be 20% responsible, rest all Dev. 😕

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JShukla

@JShukla

Inactive

Posted: 8 years ago

"women have God's gift of being intuitive and also have the patience to deal with terrible situations"

I was with you in most of the part except above .. and also where I disagree in sona's share of blame for break up of marriage.

I had my sister who was(now the marriage is good coz she fought for her self respect) into a bad marriage courtesy - very regressive in-laws. However, she decided to set it right from get go. Not once did she take any shit and now the journey is smooth.

While she and I both appreciate her struggle, we are both clear that its not right to go through that struggle for anything. Also she fought not for the marriage but her self respect. She stayed becuase she found her husband and in-laws changing progressively for the better!

We need to stop respecting sacrifice and start promoting equality. Zero tolerance to regressive MCP behavior reel or real. Call out clearly who is wrong and who is right...

Bijoy was angry because Dev(and Dixits) did not keep Sona happy. Ishwari was angry because Sona (and Bose company) could keep Dev happier than she ever could. Lot of difference and never comparable.

Edited by JShukla - 8 years ago

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mily_mathew

@mily_mathew

Sparkler

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: JShukla
"women have God's gift of being intuitive and also have the patience to deal with terrible situations"
I was with you in most of the part except above .. and also where I disagree in sona's share of blame for break up of marriage.

I had my sister who was(now the marriage is good coz she fought for her self respect) into a bad marriage courtesy - very regressive in-laws. However, she decided to set it right from get go. Not once did she take any shit and now the journey is smooth.

While she and I both appreciate her struggle, we are both clear that its not right to go through that struggle for anything. Also she fought not for the marriage but her self respect. She stayed becuase she found her husband and in-laws changing progressively for the better!

We need to stop respecting sacrifice and start promoting equality. Zero tolerance to regressive MCP behavior reel or real. Call out clearly who is wrong and who is right...

Bijoy was angry because Dev(and Dixits) did not keep Sona happy. Ishwari was angry because Sona (and Bose company) could keep Dev happier than she ever could. Lot of difference and never comparable.

Yes ur right.No comparison between Bijoy and Ish.

Sometimes i feel Bijoy alone has the courage to stand up against all the Dixit self centered bul shit.The others are too passive.

Bijoy is just an extremely loud,overprotective and opinionated father.But whatver Ish does is for her won selfish resons.And ish is a hypocrite.

I have no sympathies for her,but Bijoy is a man who will understand if Asha or Sona will explain things to him calmly.

Ish is incorrigible.

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Joy

@_Joy_

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 8 years ago

Completely agree. 👏 Amazing post

Yeah women do have special power of tolerance n patience. N I even do agree that women shouldnt tolerate insult on self respect.

A successful marriage is the one where husband n wife endures all hardships n struggles but doesnt give up if they truly truly love each other.

N that's the reason I want Devakshi to unite. Because whatever be the reason, if they dont end up together even if they live happily individually then their marriage wont be a successful one.

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Enlightened21

@Enlightened21

Rocker

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: sheanuzz
I am mostly a silent reader on this forum. I keep reading posts and different views. There are extreme views - some condemning Dev and Ishwari and some Sona and her behavior post leap.
We do see such characters in our daily life. Having experienced a bad in-law I can understand and empathize with Sona. Especially if your husband is a momma's boy. Having said that, women have God's gift of being intuitive and also have the patience to deal with terrible situations. I do not condone staying in a bad marriage but it is also not prudent to up yourself and go leaving the person you love very much and who equally loves you because of your terrible mother in law. There is no ideal marriage and no ideal world. There is no perfect world or perfect person ... we are all flawed ..some more some less...At the end of the day, it depends on how we manage our flaws and other's flaws.

Agreed the Dixit family is a terrible family but I have seen most of the forum placing the Bose family on a pedestal. Is everything perfect there? Bijoy Bose just speaks what ever comes to his mind. Is that fine? He interferes where he should not. He is at times an over protective father and that sometimes is not a good thing for your married adult child, who should be able to take care of her life with her hubby and in-laws.

I have seen people condemning Dev and sometimes to the extreme. He has always been the weak person in the relationship and like Shaheer said he was not supposed to act like a lead in one of his interviews. At the end of the day, it is how we manage our life and our relationships. It takes two to tango.

Both Dev and Sona are equally if not more responsible for their failed marriage.

This is coming from a person who has dealt with the most difficult marriage and made it a successful one. I speak from experience.

FYI: I was never the doormat and gave as good as I got... I am a self-made woman and worked for one of the world's best organizations. What I am saying is that if something is worth fighting for - fight for it. I am glad that I fought as I have the most loving children and hubby and did not take the easy way out.

Also, the most important thing - I am a MIL now and share a great relationship with my DIL. I ensured that she is given the respect and place in our heart and home.

Relationships don't happen automatically, you make them happen.

Ma'am...I fully agree with your bolded words and salute you for taking the pain to achieve something beautiful and which is giving you great satisfaction now.

As you said God has made us woman more powerful than what we think and try belittling it in the pretext of fighting for our identity, self-respect etc.

During pregnancy and during the time of labor, we mothers go through a hell range of emotions and pain...But, that one look from our baby/kid takes away all those painful memories and help us to forget what all we went through or how long we went through, just before that moment. If God has given us such a great strength to endure that phase, then I believe we women are capable of much more, provided we need to have that compassion, patience and apnaapan to achieve it.

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Not an ideal world!! Edited

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