Gauri, Shailu, very sorry to hear about your stories. What surprises me is that women don't find this kind of attitude abnormal. I think when anyone dictates how an adult should treat his/her spouse is extremely abnormal. Why would anyone else dictate how one spouse should treat the other?I never saw these kind of men around me. So I don't know how they are raised. My own grandmother (mother's mother) asked my uncle (mother's brother) to live separately with his wife so that they can live their life the way they wanted to. So she split her home into two floors. She lives in the ground floor, they live on second floor. Each had their own domain so no fighting or kitchen politics.
My uncle was also an only son of a widow (my grandma) and he had three sisters, my mother being the eldest. Same situation as Dev. But my grandma never discriminated between any of her kids. All of her children had bachelor's degree. Nor she had different expectations from them.
My uncle still gives her a certain amount for her living expenses (as do all her daughters including my mother) and they do come to her for anything they need like advice etc. But she doesn't interfere in their married life and they don't interfere in hers whether she keeps relatives for one day or a month in her home, or goes traveling across India or abroad.
Since my mother got divorced, she had been living with her and taking care of my grandma.
So I don't know any different. When I got married, I married a Canadian. So again, never saw any such kind of attitude. So may be it's really hard for me to understand this kind of situation. May be my no compromise attitude stems from lack of similar real life experiences.
However I have heard that a man's family sometimes can be very interfering. But unless the women protest against it, it will continue to happen. Someone has to stand up and speak up. Keeping one's head down never solved anything.
Hope the ladies you were talking about, find a solution.
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Anupamaa
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