Sona's fault too

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chumki

@chumki...

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

#21

Originally posted by: kam0607
I notice a lot of people feel that Dev and his family were the only ones at fault.

All the stuff about Dev's family is correct no doubt.

However, Sona immediately in her mind separated herself, her family from Dev's. I think that's why Dev's mom was getting so upset.

A lot of families fight especially in-laws in new marriages, it's the most sensitive situation and time.

What I saw in Sona was a side that no one saw before in the family. Dev never separated himself even after the whole incident, because he was so concerned about how Sonakshi and her family would pay the huge interest rate and kept begging her to take the money back. It's because of Soma's abandonment towards him and his union, Dev was clearly upset.

At the end of the day, we can clearly see some ego in Sona. Dev did not slap her father with intent, it was clearly a mistake. Sona should have acknowledge. As Dev's wife, she should have supported this found another way of handling the money matter.

I agreed with you..@Bold... I agreed that ishwari was unfair with sona...dev too gv preference to ishwari infront of sona...but sona too choose her perents before Dev when situation accure..2ndly everytime after made promise..sona naver kept it...before marriage they promised each other...they will naver leave each other...but as soon as dev told her to break off..within a week she bcum ready to move on??? Why???just to mk her perents happy!!!...where her love gone...i agree Dev choose her mother...fault was ishwari's but neither sona understand that nor she wait...

Now again...while coming bck from hm both of them promised they will solve the prb together...but she didn't try to understand that slapping bijoy wad unintentional...she didn't understand that what ever dev is saying ...it in his anger...sona who claim that she understands dev...naver really understand Dev...like other's she also saw outside behavior of Dev not his real feeling...infact before dev start his relationship with sona he clearly said " aisa hi hoon main..jiddi,..jaldi gussa aane wala r u ready??"...sona as usual said i m ready...but she was not fully ready...so both r here to blame for..

Edited by chumki... - 8 years ago

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Kamala

@Kamala05

Sparkler

+ 7

Posted: 8 years ago

#22

This is posted in another thread which is similar

I cannot agree with you .

Sometimes love is just not enough. Love, Trust and Respect are three components of any successful relationship. Dev loves Sonakshi but does he respect her or trust her? If he trusts her, he would have shared the pregnancy test reports to her, if he has trust in her, at least after marriage, he would have shared the truth of her health condition, and he would definitely discuss with her before giving money to Saurabh.
More than anyone else he knows that Sonakshi was not aware of all this and it was his decision to hide this from his family ,but he decided to be passive when his maa , sister and mami continuously taunted her, directly and indirectly accusing her for manipulating Dev.
And regarding the money matter , even though it was given to Saurabh, the minute his maa and others blamed Sonakshi for this deed , it has become the matter of her self-respect. And if you ask what is more important a shelter or self-respect , I would choose the latter. What will we do if a third person after giving us money questions our dignity , we will return the money by sacrificing every materialistic comforts right ?That is exactly what sonakshi did , Dev's family insulted her father badly like a third person and as a daughter, it was her responsibility to prove that money and other comforts are nothing in front of Self respect.
With regard to Slap matter, you really think an apology is enough? Even though, as Dev says it was unintentional, but the truth is he slapped a person who in relationship is equal to his father.You think it is easy to mend the relationship with an apology? Would Dev forgive Sonakshi if she was in his place?

For me Shaadi has been the union of two families not just two people, I can't agree with the matter that Sonakshi's parents were wrong in visiting the Dev's house without invitation. They didn't came there to stay for a long time right ? It is the place where their daughter is staying , it really sounds odd to hear that they need invitation to visit the place.
You have mentioned that abuse was not involved in Dev- Sonakshi relationship, really ? There was no physical abuse so far, but mental torture is more vicious than physical torture. From the day 1 , his maa, sister and mami were insulting Sonakshi and there were only a few instances in which Dev supported her .The way Ishwari and Dev handled pregnancy, infertility plot was depressing and intimidating for any women. I agree Dev was generous in saying sweet words to Sonakshi over the phone but he was like maa's puppet when it comes to the actual matter.
Did their relationship ever had the privacy which every marital relationship should have ?Even the private matters like when should they have treatment , when should they try for a kid , and what should they eat during their honeymoon was decided by his maa.

You are right, we should not walk out of a relationship, but should we stay with a person who is not ready to see the fact, should we with a man who is not willing to support us , should we stay with a person who is not ready to respect our parents ,Should we stay with a man who disregards our individuality as per his convenience ?

Dev know that his maa prepared a prenup , isn't that enough for him to understand that Ishwari has a low opinion on Sonakshi and because of her prejudice attitude she always find fault in sonakshi. A normal husband would not insult his mother nor will he consider his wife as above his mother or vice versa , but he would at least try to make his mother understand that the accusation against his wife is wrong and he would definitely demand his relatives be it mami or his own sister to not interfere in their personal matter or insult his wife .
IMO Dev pathetically failed as a husband, and he does need a reality check to realize the importance of his wife. Unfortunately, he didn't learn her value, when she was with him, wholeheartedly doing the role of an ideal wife and Bahu, let us see whether separation will make him understand.

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Sneha

@Rhy2015

Inactive

+ 2

Posted: 8 years ago

#23

I agree...
She looked like an egoist today...

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bips

@bips

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 8 years ago

#24

The fault of sona was that she tolerated this family for so long. If anything i blame for under reacting and not over reacting. this family esp the pujya mataji are insane.

If someone still thinks that sona did not try hard enough to hold on to this marriage then to each his own.

i wish sona would get a better person after leap . but as we know its indian tv serial so she will end up with this loser only

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kam0607

@kam0607

Beginner

Posted: 8 years ago

#25

Let's not get all bent out of shape. I did write this post and I stand behind it 100%. This post is not in reference to everything that happened following the fact that Sona tired to return the check. Quite honestly, if she was a true Bhau, she would have her brother meet with Dev and let them handle the matter. It was only her Ego that made her mortgate the house and return the money to Dev's mom. Dev's mom was not the one that should have got back the money. If anything she NEDDED to go straight to Dev.

People who start with oh Dev said this, said that, let's start with Sona who knew 100% that Dev is a mama's boy.
Dev never said to Sona "Oh I am going to be your gulam forever".

So now that you know the nature of your husband you still chose to get married to him, it's because you love them THE WAY they are. So yes, you have to be the "bigger" person if you want the marriage to survive. If Sona doesn't really want to take the effort to save her married now that's a different situation.

If she was so liberal in her views how did she start falling for Ish when she thought she was pregnant, what happened there? She didn't think for one minute that oh my Mil is just keeping me happy only for the baby...
now all of a sudden he self respect, swabhiman, etc
big words!!!

So here is the point, and this may relate to all the woman who have had long term marriages with crazy families where inlaws are conservative and overbearing, but have husbands that love them like crazy.
When couples first get married, they fight, they get violent (break things etc..), they say things that they do not mean but at the end of the day they love each other like crazy.

I too have been in a 10 year marriage with a man that will take a bullet for me, but has said the most stupidest things, he' even said "get lost and go" and by the time I've reached for the door has sobbed and dragging me back. I've had inlaws that have said done carzy things, so have I.

What's the point of all of this, I will not say that a marriage is 50/50. Woman often give 100% and men will hardly give 50%, but does that mean there is something wrong, absolutely not. Woman are made differently, they are more resilient, more level headed. In any marriage, men will say and do stupid things. That in no means makes Woman any less for having to adjust more.

The way I look at, if Sona came back with the money and Dev insisted that she take it back, she should have agreed only after she got some sort of agreement that Dev and Sourv have a finance deal so that Radha and ISh would not have to feel her family was taking any favors. Yes sit down and sort out the matter, (which only expected Sona to do, but she didn't)

Yes and the slap was just added drama

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1109060

Suspended

Posted: 8 years ago

#26

yeah so by ur logic a girl should tolerate insult of her family and parents because she needs to adjust to her inlaws demands. dude it is not 17th century... there is no place for abuse and sona doesnt needs to be doormat. any self respecting person will not tolerate the crap. period!!!!!

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806047

Suspended

Posted: 8 years ago

#27

Originally posted by: notacrimetolove

I don't know if you have a father but no daughter would be able to take her parents insult like that.

No, she got here through Immaculate Conception. Hallelujah!

Is the stack of evidence for the counter argument so low that someone's gotta go ad hominem?

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kam0607

@kam0607

Beginner

Posted: 8 years ago

#28

well if you mean what Radha said!!! So Ish was just upset that she was in the dark, if Dev gave her BIL 5 crs, that certainly is not disrespecting (as I mentioned before, the slap is not my point)

Radha is the person who caused this whole issue in the first place was always saying stupid stuff to begin with she said stupid stuff in the past too, but Sona was above all that remember...
there are always going to be people that say insulting stuff, but I thought Dev and Sona's love and marriage was above all those reasons.

Again, I've been there done that and I know we are not living in the 17th century. If someone calls me or insults my family has not impact on me or them. It's only when I give them any importance does it matter to me.

This is exactly the logic that "today's 21 century" thinking has resulted in. When too tracks run parallel to each other they will never meet. sadly, people can't get married now because too much ego comes to play or if and when they do, it ends up in a broken marriage... yes, it's not the 17th century any more...

Dev and Sona are too much alike to adjust in a marriage... being in love with someone and living with them in a marriage with a joint family are two totally different matters.
There is an art to dealing with relationships.

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bips

@bips

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 8 years ago

#29

Originally posted by: kam0607

What's the point of all of this, I will not say that a marriage is 50/50. Woman often give 100% and men will hardly give 50%, but does that mean there is something wrong, absolutely not. Woman are made differently, they are more resilient, more level headed. In any marriage, men will say and do stupid things. That in no means makes Woman any less for having to adjust more.

THIS... this right here is the problem. We are conditioned to believe that we as girls have to compromise more, adjust more, forgive more, tolerate more, suffer more ... if we want our marriage to work. And if we don't do it then we are egoistic.

You said it doesn't make a Woman any less for having to adjust more. Fine. But if a woman does NOT WANT to adjust more than her fair share, that too does not make her wrong. Which is what you seem to be implying.

And where did sona wanting dev to become he "gulam" even come from, since he barely considered her his equal partner.

Also just because sona tolerated their crap before, it does not mean that she signed a lifetime agreement to do so. So your saying that where was her self-respect earlier, does not mean that she has to bury her respect every single damn time because she did so before. Jab jaago tabhi savera.

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566912

Hibernated

Posted: 8 years ago

#30

Originally posted by: kam0607
well if you mean what Radha said!!! So Ish was just upset that she was in the dark, if Dev gave her BIL 5 crs, that certainly is not disrespecting (as I mentioned before, the slap is not my point)
-- That's not true. When Dev confessed he gave money to Saurabh. Ish was shocked & sat down. First thing that Ish said was.. "tune apni baheno ke bare mein nahi socha. Tune hamare bare mein nahi socha" Coz she thinks that money was for Dev's sisters. Clearly meaning that she cares for money. If she didn't care for Money, Ish could have stopped Radha calling Bijoy, thief.

Radha is the person who caused this whole issue in the first place was always saying stupid stuff to begin with she said stupid stuff in the past too, but Sona was above all that remember...
there are always going to be people that say insulting stuff, but I thought Dev and Sona's love and marriage was above all those reasons.

-- Sure. But you don't like Bijoy taunting Dev once in a while when Dev is wrong. But Radha can keep taunting Sona everyday. Radha even said to Boses that they could have given some sanskar to Sona. Meaning well that Sona doesn't have values.
And what an incredible husband Dev is -- he listens all this. Stands there and listen his mami talk bullshit about his wife everyday. 👏 # husband goals.

Again, I've been there done that and I know we are not living in the 17th century. If someone calls me or insults my family has not impact on me or them. It's only when I give them any importance does it matter to me.

This is exactly the logic that "today's 21 century" thinking has resulted in. When too tracks run parallel to each other they will never meet. sadly, people can't get married now because too much ego comes to play or if and when they do, it ends up in a broken marriage... yes, it's not the 17th century any more...

Dev and Sona are too much alike to adjust in a marriage... being in love with someone and living with them in a marriage with a joint family are two totally different matters.
There is an art to dealing with relationships.

@green - of course Only Sona has to learn this art, right?. And to me, she did. She tolerated all Radha's taunts for too long. There comes a time when it goes over limit. Sona only reacted when they kept calling her father, thief. Dev was standing right there. He should have cared for his father-in-law's respect. What kind of a son-in-law is he? You are saying he invested money, sona should have gone to Dev with the money. Then Ish & Radha would keep calling Bijoy, thief. She should bear it all, right?

Be it 17th century or 21st century. Only one person can't mend broken Marriage. I think Sona tried enough. Dev always had one tunnel vision. He only n only saw from Ish's eyes.

No matter what I said in my initial post, but I would never wish anyone to have husband like Dev. Not even to my enemy.

Bearing everything, how would you justify Ish's need for Grandchild? If Sona can't conceive, do you think Ish would have let her stay in Dev's life?

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