Life Goals (EDITED)

Today I will talk about something that we often see in social media.

When we see someone with an incredible family (Ex: Sona and the Bose clan), we say #Familygoals.

When we see someone in a balanced relationship (Ex: Bijoy and Asha), we say #Relationshipgoals.

When we see someone with a successful life and fulfilling career (Ex: Dev or Sona), we say #Careergoals.

It's great to have a goal. But it's not enough unless you also figure out how to get there.

Don't worry, I won't go on a lecture of hard work, determination and focus being the pillar of success.

We all know that and I won't be saying anything new.

What I will say today is how to sort out life's priorities or goals.

When we imagine our future life, we sometimes have a clear picture and sometimes it's just a vague idea.

But there's one thing that is clear on everyone's mind that no matter what we do, no matter where we are, no matter who we are with - we all want to be happy.

Yes, it's as simple is that.

You know the feeling that feels like a champagne bubble rippling through our tummy and makes us giddy, giggly and all warm and fuzzy? Yes, that feeling.

But why is it so difficult to achieve? Because people forget that it's not enough to know that you are unhappy. You also have to know what will make you happy and if what will make you happy is beyond your control, then what can you do with the things that are in your control, to find alternative way to be happy.

Like everyone (may be also Sona and Neha), I had a vision of my future husband. Because I am super organized, I made a list.

Tia's Ideal Husband list:

Must Have:

- A career (no slacker needs apply, thank you)

- Must be honest (I suck at lie and even worse in detecting a lie. I don't need to have a lifelong chore of figuring out truth from lie, by God)

- Must be loving and caring (to both me and to my family)

- Must be respectful (equal respect or the door is behind you)

- Must be strong believer of fairness and equality (I am not giving up an inch of my rights, no way no how)

- Must be open minded and appreciative of other culture other than his own (I love food and I explore other culture through my tummy)

- Must love travelling (I gotta explore)

- Must not have tattoos or any kind of piercing (Not negotiable)

- Must not be a smoker (I don't want to kiss an ashtray nor wanna be a young widow)

- Must accept me for who I am (What you see is what you get. No alteration available)

Good to Have:

- A career as writer or chef (I like reading and I love eating)

- Romantic (A candlelight dinner or two would be lovely)

- Not be too outdoorsy (I am not into any form of exercise)

- Take me on long drives (Oh so romantic)

- Love Bollywood movies (OMG... I love Bollywood movies)

- Love dancing (I am a pretty nice dancer if I say so myself)

My husband also had a list as follows.

Mr. O's Ideal Wife List

Must Have:

- A career or a fulfilling hobby (no lazy bones)

- Loving and Caring (to both me and my family)

- Must be honest (I hate liers)

- Must be respectful (to me and my family)

- Must be open minded and appreciate other cultures (love travelling)

- Must love travelling (39 countries and counting)

- Must not have tattoos, couple piercing here or there is negotiable.

- Must not be a smoker (don't want a cancer ridden wife killing my children with second hand smoke)

Good to Have:

- An Engineer or at least a science degree

- Love outdoors (hiking, skiing, skating, snowboarding, cycling)

- Love sports (Hockey, soccer, football, baseball - tomboys are welcome)

- Love action/horror/thriller movies (Hate romantic movies)

- Have two left feet and never ask to go for dancing

By now you have probably noticed how nicely our Must Have lists matched each other and how our Good to Have list are exactly opposite as our own personalities.

As I mentioned, in my previous post, no one gets everything in life.

But if one has to choose, then we need to focus on the Must Have list and try to get everything in that list. The Good to Have list is negotiable.

If Neha had both love and money in her must have list, she should have never picked Ranveer. Hence she should just divorce him.

But if Neha had love in Must Have list and money in Good to Have list, then she picked right, but changed expectations along the way. She either has to remember her original expectations or re-prioritize her expectations and start from scratch.

What she doesn't have option for is to put a person on her Must Have List with conditions because the person is not in her control.

When my husband and I made the list, we hadn't met. So we were in control of that list. But when we fell in love with each other, that list no longer mattered even though we both got our Must Have checked off.

As we saw during break up track, Sona had a similar list and Ritwik was literally that list coming alive. He checked every boxes and scored full marks in every points.

But the moment Sona put Dev's name under Must Have column, the entire list became useless. Because now she has to accept Dev as is and not as per her list. She has an option to walk away, but then she will have to give up the only item in her Must Have List.

Neha has the same challenge in front of her. She either has to remove Ranveer from her Must Have List or remove the list. She can't have both.

Now apparently, Neha decided to remove Ranveer from her list. Good. That's fine.

However, if she did it in a whim and not because she no longer loves him, she will regret that later.

EDITED:

In today's episode, Ishwari and Radha are as usual blaming Sona for interfering.

But as usual Ishwari is not seeing just how much she has damaged her daughter.

Her daughter can't live a normal life because how she was raised.

Instead of sending Neha and Ranveer for marriage counselling, she was willing to let Neha hibernate forever.

If they were sent on marriage counselling, the marriage counsellor would have made them prepare the exact same list my husband and I had.

Until you know what you want and make a plan to get it, how would you be happy?

All Ishwari taught Neha is run and hide from her problems.

Today I also saw Dev's frustration. He finally realised how helpless Ishwari made him. She is making him take his life's decision based on Neha's situation, but doesn't let anyone help or talk to Neha. How will it fix anything?

He is finally realising how his life is hanging on a limbo.

Sona tried but she assumed Neha to be a normal girl who will sort things out through talking. But Sona's effort to have a conversation was blocked by Ishwari every single time.

It's like Ishwari doesn't want anyone to be happy. She is literally the most miserable woman.

If I were Sona, I'd ask Dev clearly that if they are not to help Neha, are they supposed to just be spectator at her misery? If Neha doesn't want any interaction with anyone and that's also something Ishwari wants, then why did she stop the honeymoon? What difference their presence or absence would make to Neha's situation?

And if not, then how would they sort our Neha's problem without talking to her? And if Neha no longer loves Ranveer, then she should be automatically happy after divorce because she only wants money. And again, if that's the case, then what was the point of cancelling the honeymoon?

They stayed back to solve Neha's issues. But Ishwari is blocking them. Then why are they still there?

Again, they need to make Neha prioritise her life goals. But as usual, Ishwari the misery queen are not letting them.

Originally posted by: pkbdas61

Yaar, i wish you write less and give others a chance too to write something.. 😉😉

each time i read your posts, there is pretty much nothing more for me to add.. they are complete in itself..

Coming to your post, the list that your husband indicated as an ideal wife, is exactly what i had put down during my search for a wife for my son.. i guess, many would put most of the listed items as well.

the question is, Is my son conforming to the ideal prospective husband? Heck no! He has his weaknesses and plenty galore.. and so i have also diluted my expectations on the ideal wife.

only a few of the list items are actually mandatory, in additional to some additons as well...

1. must be a spiritual person. I would prefer same religion but if she is of a different religion, i would counsel both about the pitfalls in the future.
2. must be patient and be able to put up with a difficult man ( my son is a lot like Dev, very difficult, but a very loving kind of a person). This is the most difficult to have in today's world, but we are not in a hurry.
3. i would like it if both man and woman actually get to know each other before marriage. go on dates, travel together, dine together - but should not get into any kind of pre-marital physical relationship
4. Be respectful of those who are actually poorer and treat them as a human beings. this includes maids or drivers, if any.
5. one who gives least priority to money in a relationship
6. one who is not overly attached to her mother or father.. My son is not attached to either me or my wife.

Originally posted by: sona_naksh

Amazing post tia

Agree wid u completely

In life n esp in marriage we make certain compromises n expectations based on our priorities but for dat we shud b clear in wat we want frm lyf

Relationships are easy to make n are easier to break but d difficult part is wen u have to live up to dem either in relation or wen u broke off

In a moment of pain despair anger watever dev broke his relation wid sona but after breaking off wid sona he realized he just cant survive

Same goes wid neha she had everythung but den she thot ranveer is more imp atleast on conscious level she thot but now she thinks she cant live widout money ..living widout ranveer is ok ...i bet wen d realisation hits her she ll regret

Originally posted by: gemini54

Tia applause to you for always coming up with relatable, thought provoking posts. And big thanks for also facilitating healthy discussions👏

Goals it is great to have

A little personal story of mine: I seem to have a truckload of them😆

As I was growing up I really did not have any Goals and that is the truth. I just went thru life just as it evolved in front of me . My parents thought I would do medicine because i topped my school in science but I just decided to do Economics dont ask me why I myself did not know why then I kind of wandered and did a masters. I knew my husband to be as I was a school going teenager I was not in Love with him at that time and I dont think he was either. Then I met him couple of years later and we just connected I was still without goals truly did not know what a married relationship was but just knew being with him made me happy. I guess being Happy was my Goal in an unconscious way.

My kids these days set goals for everything which is great but sometimes they are too rigid in their idea of achieving the goals that they forget the big picture the art of happiness. But as a mother though I guide them and support them they have the right to choose whatever makes them happy and I cannot buy them Happiness.

Everyone of us seek happiness in our lives and each persons interpretation of happiness is a very personal one and only we are responsible for our Happiness and nobody else.

In this show Neha and Dev need to seek their own happiness. Dev seems to be atleast on the path now and Neha will also get there the question now is her Goal really Happiness and if so what is her idea of happiness?

And more importantly what is Easwari the mother's role in the children's happiness here? She knew Sona is Dev's happiness so decided to buy it for him..I still have gripe about that. Money is Neha's happiness so she is trying to buy her that?

Can real happiness be bought?