Posted:
feedback for chapter 25
Chapter-25-In Ward Lake
1]The pic is so cute😊!! nice place dear😳 ....i remember 26th/29th march 2009 episode jab prem was crying sitting on a small brifge like this thinking heer loved only his face not him...😔
2]"There are many couples sitting on benches, under the tree or near the lake" nice touch of detailing dear👏 maintains the believable aspect of the FF⭐️...gives a solid scenario...nice thinking👏
3]"Heer is busy in chatting with Ash and Misha. And our Prem is continuously trying to get Heer's attention. But Heer is not looking at him even for one second." i can imagine prem trying to catch Heer's attention😆!! remember his and heer's mehendi?? the broken mirror ...and i like the way you said "our" prem....makes this FF a tad more personal😃.. brings the reader the narrator and the characters of teh story much more close..thanks for thinking in that way🤗
4]"Prem (frustratedly thinking):- Yeh Heer bhi na, Ash or Misha se to aese baat karne mae lagi hui hai jaise unse sadiyo baad mil rahi ho. Meri taraf to dekh bhi nahi rahi huh!!!" Adorable angry young man....i just can't stop going.🤣🤣...thinking about prem's failed attempts🤣 and heer's chatting🤣
5]"Heer (thinks):- Oh God yeh manmeet to mere piche hi pard gaya hai. Muje to Prem ke sath baithna hai. Ab kya karun" Classic Heer.🤣... Damsel in Distress🤔...hamesha kahina kahi phasjaati hey😡...cute heer😆...
6]i can imagine heer nervously smiling and hesitating a lot to accept the invitation and pinning all her hope on prem to SAVE her😆...and did prem looked like this?
7]"Heer slowly stretch her hand to keep her palm on Manmeet's palm but before she could put her palm on Manmeet's she was stopped by Prem's scream" very very DRAMATIC!!!🤣
i could imagine..heer's hand slowwwly inching towards manmeet's outstretched hands😆...then the video panning and focussing on manmeet's hand ...heer's hand...heer's face..prem's face...then heer's hand...prem's face...then heer's face...she swallowing down..in hesitaion...then again prem's face..heer's hand...then a fast play of all the three subjects "with zuzuk zuzuk BG sound😆* then suddenly Prem bucling up ...bending forward screaming!! then heer's shocked face manmeet's face now turns towards prem...and a still on every one's shocked face one by one as they watch prem screaming in pain...
8]"Prem (screamed):- aaahhhahahaaa!!!!" but seriously i was so immersed in FF that i was shocked a bit😲...how dare you keep prem in pain even though jhoot moot ka...😡
but nice thinking😆...although age old idea🤔 to draw attention of his sajni and escaping from the annoying people😡 and kabaab emin haddi manmeet😡
9]i was expecting manmeet will be sucpicious cos of the TIMING of his pain...can't prem build up his drama😡?? sort of leading to pain🤔...so that no one could be suspicious😆?? anaari hey bilkul anaari 😡ab kya karein iss jhalle ka??🤔
10]i can see where prem is coming from😊...from his pOV he is in danger of losing heer anytime...cos of not saying truth out...and personally i dint like the behaviour of chipku-manmeet😡...arey kunal, thick friend of P and H din't take any liason with heer till now😳...but here manmeet is going on like a breakless gaadi😡🤣
11] waiting for your "Big Dhamaaka"...😃
12]awesome write up👏!! nice hold on story even though you had discontinued for some time..in between...nice continuity is maintained through out👍🏼...nice scene build up👏...location was used wisely😆!! the reactions of various characters where well drawn out⭐️...specially the car mein ice cream wala scene ,prem's nautanki etc!!😳
13] thanks for giving me a chance to review your work dear🤗
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