16 sep '09: big things, little things

eh. *me coming out of a schizophernic daze to write this thing.* i swear i have never had my brain pulled in two directions as much as this episode. seriously. and i thought it was bad enough when this show made me go hysterical with one emtion or the other. it's definitely worse when there are two-two emotions to get hysterical over. ma-an! 😆

*in case you're interested -- the two-two emotions were hysterical and goopy 😆*

so, today's bt,lt will be in three-three-three parts. *anyway, that's what if.com seems to prefer me to do. sulky, sulky, sulky muh.*

* little thing: wow! thank you, thank you, thank you! the episode actually started with the old conversation as before.

* little thing: arrrrgggggghhhhh!!!! just when i thought that pbauji had got his brain back from balraj maan and is now seriously thinking 'bout his son's happiness... he just has to go and correct me!

arrrrggggghhhhh!!! ballu ka bhoot is back! 🤣 help, mnstrz! we need you!!!

* big thing: finally! finally, pbauji gets a damned clue about what is wrong with his whole make-heer-claim-prem plan.

pbauji: ''how? how can you, with your hands, give your prem up to someone else?''
heer: ''because i want to, bauji''

thank you, creatives. thank you, heer. thank you for making that clear to the whole damned jzoo crowd. that it's not 'cause of some deep hurt of some incident that happened a long time ago. or that she doesn't love him. or knows that he loves her. she is doing it -- with full recognition of her love for him, his love for her; her need for him, his need for her. she is willingly doing it.

now all we need to know is: what exactly is making her do it. is it truly just insecurity about her ability to love him as he should be? or is there s'thing else?

* little thing: but i loved one thing that pbauji said, regardless of whether i agree with him or not.

''you are totally like your mother in that. she also just wants to hide from everyone, in the best hiding place. she has been doing just that for the last six years.''

y'know what i didn't understand 'bout it? 'cause everything that we've been told about six years ago (which is damned little! [Angry]) is that jzoo left, and vanished. with their resources, they could've found her. but they didn't bother. they left.

no? 😕

* little thing: heh. sign of phukda's intelligence -- when pbauji goes into his cryptic speech about heer's need to hide, little phukda's brow wrinkled... 😆

* little thing: oh, i love how heer loves her child.

* little thing: best part of the scene? pbauji leaves without more bhashan! wow. heer should hang 'round pbauji more often... 😆

* little thing: ewwwww! glob goes to hug phukda as the kids are persuading gi-it to dance. take your large arms off that child, i say!

* little thing: aww. i liked how pbauji was adjusting prem's collar when gi-it attacked them.

hmm. but i wonder! what were they talking about? was pbauji updating prem on the conversation that he just had with heer?? hmmm.

* little thing: ow! ow, ow, ow!! gi-it trotted across to prem. and giggled/simpered for a dance.

has she seriously never ever noticed that prem's eyes haven't stayed on her face for more than the micro-second that it takes for him to register who stands in front of him? seriously?? never, ever??!! for crying out loud! she is always looking at him! has she honestly never noticed that??!

at least, ashlesha had the excuse that she never cared for prem. what the devil can gi-it's excuse be?! *other than lack of a brain. or that she truly does have buttons for eyes! bwaaaa...hahahahahahahah!*

* little thing: confession -- my jaw dropped when prem lifted his hand to heer. it did.

in front of everyone -- including the suddenly glowering-more-than-usual glob. man! prem, what courage yaar! 👏⭐️ 🤣

* little thing: confession -- i was sitting on the floor watching this show. i actually banged my forehead on the floor when gi-it said her famous: ''my prem wants to dance with my best friend'' line.

*i am sure it's famous on this phorum by now. 😆 how delusional can gi-it be?? or! is she just doped out??! did heer help her out of a drugs-abuse-problem a long time ago? well, look out heer! she's back on it now!*

* heer thing: didn't heer look'nfeel like she was totally hypnotised from the moment that prem lifted his hand to her? completely? 😍 like she couldn't have moved away even if her life depended on it? like her mind has gotten fused into one unrecognisable mass 'cause of prem's look at her? 😍 ma..an, i can sooo understand her plight. i mean, i wasn't even on the receiving end of that look, and i swear i lost a couple of seconds of brain-time. prem... hate you. *dreamy muh*

* little thing: the only time heer seemd to shake herself out of prem-hypnosis was when she caught glob glaring at her across prem's shoulder. what was that look that heer tossed at glob when prem ''asked'' her to dance?

what was that look? was it only sheer hatred in glob's eyes.. that heer appeared (for once!) to have noticed and looked startled to see? or was there something more to that look -- a warning? as if asking heer to remember s'thing?

* prem-heer thing: if i start here, i'll never stop. so that's what the second part of this post is gonna be reserved for. 😆

just wanted to say one thing here. is this the first time since they met that they've danced? that they've come into each other's arms? not in anger, not in desperation? not for any fierce hot drama-emotional reason? just... come into each other's arms -- only love, acceptance, need? moved against each other like they haven't for a long time? held hands like they haven't for a long time?

hmmm. 'cause no wonder it seriously looked like they were making love to each other in public, no? 😍

these two, na.... *gently slipping into a brain-empty-of-thought mode*

* photography thing: overhead shots are back... 😍 where we get to see how close they were, as they moved against each other in that dance...

* little thing: heh. y'know what i found funniest 'bout the way they put together the dance? how the rest of the crowd was in some funny burning-in-hell-red coloured lights. but prem-heer? bathed in that blue-light that makes them look oh so.... hateable. i hate them. i hate them. i hate them.

* prayer thing: one of the most important conversations these two have had since tls --

and they bloomin' dub it??!

with the worst voices that they have ever used for this pair??! like, ever??! 😡

are they trying to demonstrate that whatever we have hated about production so far..
they can make it worse??!! 😡

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

the .... twits! the incompetent bumbling buffooons! why don't they go back to the buffalo sheds in aarey milk colony from where they have obviously been picked up from??!!!

why, why, why??!!! prem's voice! heer's voice! of all things -- their voices, damnit! 😡

should i really be thankful that these people haven't actually come up with the brilliant idea of using someone else as prem and heer, and have hc/ag dub for their voices??! 😡😆

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! 😡


* prem thing: omg! he finally asked what i've been dying to ask ever since ajmer!

''my life. and you make the decisions without even asking me?? should i thank you, or should i be demanding answers??''

thank you, prem. thank you, thank you, thank you.

* heer thing: what i love about heer is that whatever she decides (right or wrong according to the rest of the world, to us) she will do with full conviction.

i seriously adore that about heer. it's not like she wavers. all her wavering is done while choosing. but once she is convinced and has chosen, it is her conviction that makes prem's questions falter and wither away in front of it.

* prem thing: i loved how prem didn't question why she has chosen as she has. he knew she believed it was for his good.

all he tried next was to convince her of was her assumptions, what made her choose. i liked.

* little thing: i have a strange feeling that heer was beginning to have doubts of what she was doing...

until the same old evil came and pushed her face inbetween them. what was strange and new was how openly nasty she was!

if only i could understand whether that reaction from heer was surprise or resignation -- like she already knew what glob felt about her...

(continued below..)

* phhandooh thing: no. not here. seriously. i'll never stop! 😍😆
this is just a note to myself that i need to update the phhandooh-at...😍

* little thing: hmmm. glob being out-right nasty to heer -- right in front of prem??!

y'know until now, she has always put up this facade that she cares for heer -- to heer, and to prem. hmmmm! either she was growing over-confident that it was a done deal. or her brain is sooo gone that she seriously thinks that everything that prem did to get heer closer to him was being done by heer!

she is mad, i tell you. mad. there is no other explanation for it! 🤢

how else do you explain that she even tried to pull prem's hand away from heer's when prem was trying so heartbreakingly to grab onto heer?? 🤢

* phhandooh thing: i am going mad trying to figure out which i loved more.... i think i'm gonna phrebel and not choose. 😍🤣

* little thing: *humming as i toss a coin 25 times so that i can decide whether i can choose between gi-it's eyes are actually buttons, or she is on delusional drugs. * oh, that's as an explanation for why she couldn't see that prem was still not looking at her! i mean, he was most certainly looking at heer during the dance, no? everyone saw that! those smiling jzoo people (who looked like they were really tandooried** today, no?? 🤣). or those two non-smiling glob and gi-it glob.

i mean, even gi-it glob got it, damnit!

*pause* gi-it's on drugs, isn't she?? 😆

* little thing: omg! meher still hadn't called preet? and omg! she was trying to call heer? who she knows is organising the engagement, a big noisy party like thing where cell-phone rings will most likely go unheard? who she should know is busy pheyeoohing with prem??

and she realises now that she should've told prem 'bout heer still loving him?? er... why not try calling prem on his cellphone, meher??!

apparently, meher might be an idiot, but not that much?! 🤣

* little thing: gee. that little hanuman temple sure was right smack in front of the car, wasn't it?

so convenient. she didn't even have to take three steps to get to it! 😆

* little thing: hmm. i thought the hide-and-seek game was over? er... i guess not. 😆

* little thing: 😆 she hasn't even been accepted into the jzoo, and phukda's already using the place like it's her own! walking into papa's room. dumping his stuff on the floor so that she can hide. with doors wide open, of course.

but, that was a neat trick: how did she manage to clamber up?? 😆

* little thing: soo.... we are still in ramayan?? hmmm. i thought that glob had shifted us into mahabharat?

* little thing: bwaaaaa...hahahahahahahaha! those photographs!!!

the wedding pictures that phukda focussed on was a promo on *+ -- not something that actually happened!!! bwaaaaaa.... hahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha!

poor phukda! you're getting conned, kid! after all -- being a wedding organisers daughter, she will automatically think that people have to be grandly dressed when they get married. she doesn't know her papa wore a blue t-shirt to his wedding!

and apparently, neither do the creatives!!! bwaaaaaa.... hahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha!

oh that album was a riot!! *i would love to get my hands on it, scan all the photographs and have it up in the kdmhmd pic archive.. but as a real album in the story??!* bwaaaaaa.... hahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha!

what idiots!!! bwaaaaaa....hahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha!

* little thing: bwaaaaa...hahahahahahahaha! those photographs!!!

*sorry! i just had to put that in twice; it was that ridiculous!! 🤣🤣🤣*

* little thing: y'know? that little conversation that prem and heer had during the ring ceremony thingie was soo redundant after their pheyeooh, no?

still -- it made me smile to hear prem ask heer to break all the ceremonies, all the relationships, everything to keep prem-heer-are-one together. 'cause in the last bt,lt** i'd remembered how he had wanted it a long time ago during the muckmeet mehendi days.

what was most powerful was that line: if she didn't, ''that world which is the world of our hearts will no longer exist. our hearts will remain, but without our beat. ''

poor darling prem. even though i think that heer has done so much for him, i do so wish she will grant him this one desire of his heart. he has wanted it for sooo long. *sigh*

* little thing: heheheheheh. phukda bhi na? what kind of question was that to ask: ''can i call my real father papa?'' no, seriously -- what??!

that was too psychologically deep a question for a 6-year old to ask. i mean, she's been calling some (apparently random) guy ''papa''. why ever would she think she can't call her real father ''papa''??

stooopid, stooopid lines... 😛

* little thing: poor heer. trying damage control. by trying to control her daughter! after all these years, you'd have figured that heer knew she'd lose... 😆

but i loved how when phukda came running down, she dumped everything to care for her... 😊

* little thing: ooooh! gi-it glob's eyes going round with horror when phukda brushed aside her mama's advice to go outside and insists on show her maasi the photo-album.

and heeee heeee heeee heeee! glob's face going ... rounder with horror!! oh, the joy, the joy, the gleeful, gleeful joy! 😈

and gi-it? er... she's the one who basically happily insisted her ''best friend'' dance with ''her prem''. so, she saw the photographs -- is she gonna make the same logical leap as phukda - - or no?

bwaaaahahahahahhahahahahaha! *i'm laughing my head off 'cause i seriously do not know the answer to that question!!! 🤣*

* old-plot thing: hmmm. so now we are at the same situation where that cd with prem laying an unconscious heer down at the hotel *and then drinking in her face with his eyes, like a man drinking water after having been in the dessert for three long days without it. 😍*

at that time, pbauji demanded that prem explain his relationship with heer.

at this time? will gi-it demand that heer explain her relationship with prem? hmmm. *actually, gi-it should know, na? she already knows heer loves her husband, but that he is getting married?*

and what prem said about that world where our hearts live actually reminded me of the scene where heer was locked up by dirtchachi, and he paused in front of her door, and said that as they go through life, only one thing will be missing: ''mohabbat''. 😍 *omg. that voice.... thud! i sooo miss the old world with no voice-dubbing artists types!*

either which way, i guess tomorrow's show is gonna be confrontation? and no-one better lay one finger on heer!!! 😳

the big thing i'm curious about is exactly what role glob will play now.

she seems to have some hook on heer. it seems to me that we really haven't got to see some crucial glob-heer interactions. but then (as always) i could be wrong. 😆

gi-it glob is going to be furious at heer. that appears to be a lot less complicated.

but, crucial question: what is gi-it gonna do?

y'know? i've said this before, saying it again: the last time, prem and heer got away scot-free 'cause ashlesha didn't want prem. this time, gi-it wants prem (apparently). out of the bottom of her heart. given a chance, she is not gonna say she is gonna give him up.

but. i do believe that gi-it loves heer. (deeply for some reason... 😆) and she appears to know that prem loves heer too. put all that together and we....

w&w? 😃 what, oh what, is gonna happen now... *humming as i refuse to ponder 'bout whether prem-heer-are-one will be allowed to contine or not. 'cause i would much much much rather ponder those phhandoohs. coming up in the next post here... 😍*

highlight of the episode: huh. like there's a doubt. the dance. in all it's entirety. even if those incompetent buffaloes used the worst voices ever 😡to dub those lovely lines! incompetent buffaloes! i curse you! may all your voice-dubbing artists catch the swine flu and get hospitalised for the next two weeks!😡 brainless buffaloes kahin ka! 😡

** the last bt,lt: 15 sep --
** tandooried people: an idea that teacher triv taught in pattshala. that was describing prem in the fire where he apparently died.... 😆
(below is gonna be me on that dance -- 'cause i just have to vent! 😆 just have to!
as always, totally skip it if you wish to...)

* prem thing: actually, that should be prem things. lots of little little sweet, amazing prem things.

he not only held his hand out silently for heer to come take the first dance with him.

but then! even without heer coming to him, he stalked over to her. i mean! what is with this guy for doing the unexpected? or, it being heer, was it the expected?? 😍

and once he is there, he pushed even further. it was he who took her by her arm, forcibly turning her to face him, pulling her closer.

and of course, my brain was melting by then. but i did wonder -- what the devil are gi-it and gi-it glob doing, watching this??!

or maybe, given the sheer inevitability with which he did all this, maybe there was just no way to say anything at all?

i mean. what can you say when the bridegroom-to-be does this stuff -- to someone other than the girl he was to be engaged to??

me? i'd have pulled the parents of the groom-to-be aside -- and asked some damned hard questions, in a heartbeat!

but this? this is jzoo. where the unnatural becomes the natural. 'cause all forces finally have to bow down and bend to the ultimate force: prem-heer-are-one. 😃

* heer thing: not a protest. not a whisper. not even a facial twitch of disapproval. it was acceptance, acceptance, acceptance all the way.

like this was something she had to do. she welcomed.

funny thing? she didn't at all have an air of this being her final dance with prem, no? 😍

* prem-heer thing: oh dear. actually, i don't know why i bother trying to write out what was incredible about this their ''last dance''. 'cause it was all felt.

the feeling of them. the sheer comfort they have when they are together.

i had to keep fighting to tell myself that they haven't done this for six years! that they haven't touched like this -- in love, and acceptance -- for six long years.

and i want to know from anyone who can tell me: even after six years of not having been physically with each other, when you finally get back together -- is it truly like nothing has ever changed? is the touch just that familiar? is it?? 😕 i want to know...

the only thing that reminded me that it's been a while for these two is in how every little moment was played out, prolonged, savoured.

'cause man! was he taking his time just getting into ''position'' for the dance, no??

first the left hand. when he took her hand, fingers playing delicately over her hand as if to touch every inch of skin, savour it slowly. prolonging that first touch till he finally takes her hand in his, for the dance.

then the right hand. slip-sliding, surely and smoothly round her waist. pulling her in, until she was so close that his eyes could speak into her eyes; his breath could be felt against the skin of her cheek. i loved the smoothness of how they just got together for the dance.
and i loved how she responded to each of his leads. her eyes followed his hand wrapping those fingers around hers. unbidden, unknown, instinctively, her left hand was gliding over his arm, his upper arm, his shoulder to curl and rest (as it always does in a dance) palm behind, fingers draped round his shoulder.
by the time they were done, i really didn't have any brain left. 😆

but i did dimly wonder how much space there was between them to allow them the freedom to move in that dance. but they seemed to manage fine. 😆
that dance ... *sigh* that dance should've continued through out this episode. the next episode. and maybe even forever. i could watch them in that dance forev... er.. a long time, i think. 😆

* prem-heer thing: remember the last time that prem asked heer how she could make a decision for him without asking him first?

(in apparently a pbauji dream 😆) heer had died at the ajmer storm. prem asked (an apparently dead) heer: how could you? how could you take my right away from me?? one of the singularly most powerful performances that i've ever seen. ever. i remember watching it with a hindi-serial cynic -- and she was silenced during that scene...

and now? now, they ...

what i loved about this conversation was the quiet of it.

i have always loved prem-heer emotional conversations, just 'cause of the way their voices used to say dramatic emotional dialogue, y'know? they rarely raise their voices. instead, there always is pitch and timbre to highlight the nuances in the drama; subtle dips and rises, rather than snarls or screams, which is enough.

this one too was one such conversation. all the drama was in the words. and the way that their eyes spoke the fire and the passion.

and watching them, hearing those awful voices, and yet getting hit by the power of prem-heer-are-one, i marvelled at these two once again.

it was so clear how much they love each other. yet there they stood, moving against each other, so close that their whispers could be heard only to the other. both of them accepting what was going to happen. an alliance that heer had set up for prem. where she is willingly giving him away. he knew it. she knews that he knew it. and yet -- there was no sense of any struggle, no?

it was like watching age-old adversaries/lovers, standing in the center of a battlefield of love, watching each other when all others around them have fallen. watching to see what would happen next.

i loved that dance for so many things. not the least of it that there was a sense of eternity etched in that prem-heer-are-one-ness. that things can happen. or not. people can come. and go. but that they will persevere...

*sigh* that doesn't sound too much like i hate prem and heer, no? *retreating to work on my pitch, my timbre, my dips, my rises. 'cause i do hate 'em, y'know?😍 *

* prem thing: he'd already been such a quiet lion all through this episode. i figured i couldn't get any more touched by him today.

but i was wrong. his mother -- who he no longer considers his mother -- his ex-god literally pushed heer out of his arms. but he? he refused to let go! prem!!! 😍 i swear, i was seriously cringing watching as glob shouldered heer away -- but prem's hand yanked heer back. 😍to tell her fiercely with his eyes: heer, i love you. i love you, damnit! i love you!

*sigh* why did heer's eyes just answer him back with so much sorrow that it made me want to cry? why did she not tell him that as fiercely back?? why?

* pheyeooh thing: from the moment that she turned away from him at the dance, hurt in her eyes at glob's words, there was s'thing desperate about the way prem was looking at heer that tore at my heart.

there was ... disbelief? certainly a plea not to let whatever was happening, happen.

that look was more powerful than the lines prem thought to himself during the ring-swapping ceremony. whatever he said later, prem's eyes had already said to heer, as he held gi-it at arm's length.

funny, no? watching him, it was as if prem's body was with gi-it. but his mind, heart, soul? in that moment it was standing in front of heer. the way he was with her during the dance.

it was as if for prem, his dance with heer had not finished.... prem! *fiercely reining myself in from fiercely hugging him. fiercely telling myself that i hate prem. i do.*

maybe it helped that heer was right there with him as well. she may have been shoved out of prem's arms by that evil globular mass of glob. but i guess there was an invisible web that prem spun in that last phhandooh which kept her by his side. as if she was still dancing with him, blind and deaf to the rest of the world around her. other than for ... prem. *sigh*

y'know? one thing that prem has always done has been to focus-and-lock into heer the moment she appeared. it looks like now heer is doing that too.

* prem heer thing: if there was one thing that was most incredible 'bout this dance, it was that it showed how their silences are so much louder than their words. ever.

watching those hands cling to the very last moment before they wrenched apart. didn't that remind you of when prem told heer ''kyunki mein tumsey pyar karta hoon!!!''. but heer saw the glint of his engagement ring, and those poor clinging hands had to disengage and move apart?
*sigh* i hate seeing their hands move apart. i do.

*deeper sigh* actually i hate seeing them move apart. i seriously, truly, absolutely do. 🤔

be back in a min. phew ok finished reading.

will be back..... to edit

E thank u so much for this

dont beat me up.... i am gonna reply...

Reserved

dont beat me up i am gonna reply...
Reserved

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/kis-desh-mein-hai-meraa-dil/1253060/what-would-be-geets-reaction-tomorrow you wanna know Git's reaction? Check this 🤣

ah! i always love ur things!!!!!!!!!!