Posted:
ow. ow. ow. ow. i'm still gasping for breath from the show. my heart is still feeling bruised and torn. i can't remember the last time i ended watching this show feeling so drained. ow...
* prem thing: oooh. he was totally jerking heer around on the ''my wife was constantly angry'' thing. bad prem. that was not nice.
'cause while they were together, there was nothing - nothing! - that heer didn't do for prem. and then, to describe a fire-breathing dragon as his wife who was perpetually angry -- apparently without any cause -- was not nice at all. 'specially that he was saying it to gi-it, her ''best friend'', who heer thinks is being led by prem into a false notion of romance. 🤔poor heer. and she couldn't say a word back to him either. poor heer.
he was right when he said at the end that he had said too much. it was way too much. 🤔
* little thing: when prem talked about his wife today, he said he loved his wife, and she loved him back.
all in the past tense. 🤔 why prem? don't you love your wife anymore? 🤔 why are you telling such a falsehood to happy, bouncy gi-it?
* little thing: 'kay, that guy in the restaurant with the ''mr. and mrs. prem juneja'' was outright weird! 'specially when he started acting all familiar with prem and calling him ''yaar!'' 🤣make up your mind, dude. either you knew him well. or you didn't...
* little thing: oh, so gi-it had noticed all the looks that prem-heer had been throwing at each other!
and ... er ... she is okay with that enough to giggle 'bout it??! 🤔 er... seriously, does this girl (and her resident flees** 🤣) get fed laughing gas for breakfast every morning???!
and that whole ''maybe you two should just get married to each other instead'' 😲 i mean, who says that casually to a guy she confessed her love to just the other day??! either this gi-it is totally perpetually floating on nitrous oxide. or she totally knows that prem-and-heer-juneja are married to each other!
* little thing: 😆 'kay, i dunno why. but that whole train-leaving-the-table sequence made me giggle.
* prem thing: he tosses money for the unfinished meal and says ''keep the change!'' to the waiter. er.. guy? if you are not there, what choice does he have? 😆
* prem thing: 😍 prem... hop-skip-and-jumped outta there calling out ''heer!'' in that lovely way he always says it. 😍
good thing, gi-it had already left. after that, she would've been sending out wedding invitations with the names ''prem and heer juneja's wedding'' for sure! 😆
* little thing: isn't it strange? gi-it said that she would go to heer's home and apologise -- but never did in the end?
did prem dissuade her? did he tell her that he would go instead, 'cause he was the mean-to-heer person? or... may gi-it actually did land up at heer's place after all?? 😲
* prem-heer thing: made me smile to hear gi-it say that she can never understand what prem says. and it struck me: she has said that a lot. whereas heer never had a problem understanding prem in whatever, or however, he ''said'' anything! whether it was through the look in his eyes.😆 or the words in his voice. heer has always understood him. 😍
little gi-it sooooo doesn't stand a chance... i hope she has a lot of nitrous oxide around if she is serious about being in love with prem. (which i have serious doubts about more and more...)
* little thing: oooh, maya actually loves her son enough to get him ready for school?? funny, i had somehow imagined that it would be kuldi and meher who would prepare the kids for school... all of 'em!
* little thing: i really want to know how maya meher are so close!
'cause i remember how evil maya was in the way she systematically and purposefully worked on gaali-maa to get heer kicked out of jzoo; get heer kicked out of prem's life. while meher used to be incidental to maya in her drive to separate prem-heer, she used to be totally contemptuous of her for sure.
what happened to make them so totally trusting in each other? i really want to know...
* little thing: hmm. but one thing hasn't changed -- maya still thinks that everything in the world happens for money. she can't for a moment imagine that gaali-maa is just working harder on killing heer -- if not her physically, then her soul -- by killing all her chances at happiness.
what a pity. 'cause maya -- being a lawyer's daughter, a lawyer's wife, with such a sarcastic mind -- would have been a good addition to the good guys side. 🤔
* little thing: and i must say one thing for maya -- whenever she does evil, she is not ''the emotional, bile-inducing evil'' that gaali-maa is. she is more ''the i-wanna-do-evil to have fun even if other people's lives get destroyed evil''. 😆 which is certainly more easy to bear than the cadaver walking around posing as prem's mother... 🤢
* little thing: well! a new actor playing harman??! and it is not am improvement! i always thought that the previous actor (mc) had a great comic potential in how he played harman. this guy looks like he couldn't move a facial muscle to save his life!
melissa! a guy who is far and explicitly worse than anything on this show before! don't you want to start an andolan to get mc back??! 🤣
* little thing: but he had a point -- can anyone generally walk into the parents room and rifle through their things looking for papers?? 😆
* little thing: seriously, that bungalow of heer's has got the most varying outside i've ever seen for any property. is that the same place that heer drove up in the taxi the other night? when it was raining and prem was sitting there all wet and hopelessly hoping and despairing for her? 😆
* heer thing: omg. omg. omg. finally. we get to see a little bit of the true heart of heer as she leans against that door in desparation! finally!
what a brilliant, interesting revealation.
just to escape my past, i left amabala, ludhiana i came to delhi with nothing to start a new life, leaving -- everything familiar and dear behind. but my past keeps coming back to me, with the same familiar people, same familiar feelings. not just familiar people, prem comes to me. using which ever moment, which ever relationship, whatever excuse he can get, he keeps coming back to me. how i can keep stopping him from coming to me? what more can i do? what more can i say to keep him away from me??
and the desperation on her face.
that was a mind-blowing delivery by heer. for this is the first time after prem has come back to india, we get her say explicitly that her only aim in life is to keep prem from coming to her. not that she hates him. not that he is a sexaddict. but that she has to keep him away from her! not from phukda. she has to keep prem away from her!
oh, please, please, please! please tell us why heer so desparately needs to keep prem away from herself? please. that was such deep sorrow and desparation on heer's face. like she is fighting with every inch of her being to keep her own misery and pain aside, so that she will not weaken from her goal. please tell us why she has to do this?? please tell us!!!
* prem thing: and prem was almost as desparate to get to her as she was to keep him away from her! oh, the look on his face as he came knocking at her door.
as if he will do anything - anything! - for her not to misunderstand and be hurt by his words at the restaurant. i wanted to know -- did he want to say he was sorry for being so mean about calling her a fire-breathing dragon**, or was he really just there to explain about the dork who called them ''mr. and mrs. bond juneja''?
* which i didn't get at all, btw - why would he think she'd care about that?? 😕*
* heer thing: where? where does heer get the energy - physical, mental, both!- to fight to keep prem away from her like this?
from the moment that she opens the door, she is breathing fire at him. as if she knows that if she doesn't get on the offense, she has no more strength to not just drop into his arms and give in to his in-her-face love. watching her, i got exhausted. just as exhausted as prem sounded. and...
just as exhausted as heer herself is in this fight! when she asks him ''what will you explain??!'' spiel, it hit me with the strength of a force 10 hurricane that her voice was all smoke and no fire! it was all bark and no bite. she was forcing out her hatred, but with no real heart. and yet? yet, heer just keeps going. oh, please tell us why heer so desparately needs to keep prem away??! 'cause anyone who believes it's just the sexwithashlesha thing is ... a monkey's uncle/aunt (whichever gender suits... 😆)
* prem thing: 'cause in stark contrast, prem's voice is rich with fire, bite and heart as he tells her to stop. for a wild moment, i thought he had got it too -- that it was all just noise. for a heart-stopping moment -- when he said ''just 'cause i made one mistake, it doesn't mean that everything that goes wrong in your life is 'cause of my mistakes.'' -- i thought he had figured it out. that there is no way heer would hold that mistake against him for so long.
but then, he starts answering her lists of grievances one by one, and i felt deflated -- he hasn't still got it. he still sees the surface anger, and is trying to speak to that. and i started breathing again.
only to stop again when he started on his ''har baath pey inzaam.. '' but *sigh* no, didn't sound like he had figured something was wrong even then.
but i must say, i loved prem telling heer that it was his love which kept coming back to her with only one desire -- forgiveness -- despite all the bitterness of her accusations.
prem the hopelessly hopeful! 😃 just like me! 😃
* remembering the past thing: y'know what i thought today that resonated with the past? that prem today is like heer from muckmeet's time. then heer was constantly trying to run away from prem 'cause she didn't know the truth about muckmeet, or the truth about pbauji having returned from canada just for her and her father. but prem knew the truth about muckmeet and kept chasing her to save her.
right now? it feels like heer knows some truth that prem can't see. so while the actions then and now are the same for these two -- heer running away, and prem running after her -- it feels like this time, it is heer who knows something that prem doesn't? no? *sigh* sorry. but these two just turn me inside out with the intensity of their feelings for each other -- and i feel helpless and silly as i stumble along in their flow.
* remembering old background score thing: btw, did anyone else think that the bg score they used in that last segment is something we used to hear a lot in the old prem-heer days when they first met? it felt like something i hadn't heard for a loooong time....
* remembering prem-voice thing: y'know what i remembered when he said ''ab mein thak gaya hoon heer. bas!''?
remember when he rescued her from the lake after the ajmer storm? and he put her on that wooden piece thingie? and he kept asking her to wake up? there was a place where he said ''i can fight the storm and everything, just talk to me heer. why are you not talking to me? now i've become tired, heer, please talk to me.''
the sheer sound of weariness in his voice when he said ''mein thak gaya hoon heer'' was exactly like he said it after the rescue. oh, how i love that voice. 😍
* heer thing: ooooh. ooh, ooh, ooh! totally, totally, totally loved how heer threw back his ''har mode pay, har waqt, har pal, har second'' at him! ag, dude -- that was a brilliant delivery. y'know? i actually compared and contrasted the way these two said it, and actually thought that in clarity and pacing, this time ag scored. 😲 seriously! 😆
* prem-voice thing: actually, this is probably an estee thing -- why, oh why do i love prem saying ''heer'' so much? in anger, in pain, in laughter, in love -- i love it when prem says ''heer''. it burns into my brain when he says it -- and oh, he says it all the time! and i love it every single time. and ...
*sigh* i hate prem. i do. *sighing as wearily as prem when he said ''ab mein thak gaya hoon, heer''... *
* heer thing: no matter how weary prem sounds standing in front her, loving her in every single moment that he is standing there facing her terrible anger, telling how it hurts him when she slaps him away the way she does, heer still has the infinite resource to ask him why he keeps coming back to her! but only so much energy to ask him -- sounding as empty of any real heat as every single thing she said in ''anger'' at him today.
and man, did she have to pay a hard price for having pushed him when he stood in front of her, asking her to not push him anymore.
y'know, seriously? i was taken aback when prem actually told heer that he keeps coming back for her. so that she won't have to spend the rest of her life wondering if that was him knocking at her door.
'cause i think that that is what heer has been doing all these hard six years from the time that she turned away from him at ambala station. 😔 that she has been wondering when she will turn and see him there. that she has been wondering when he will come back to her. 😔
and i wanted to get angry at prem that he said it now. 'cause i remembered that he was the one who relocated to can-atta. did he do that 'cause that way, heer back in india could be sure that it was not him knocking at the door? is that what they're gonna tell us? that prem kept waiting for heer to come back to him, sitting in can-atta from where he had apparently decided never to return to india ever, just so that heer could have the luxury of knowing that she could live her life without having to wonder about him??
but i didn't get angry at prem -- 'cause i don't think he would've said it unless he was pushed to the madly stretched emotional state that heer put him into just then. poor prem.
and yet, in that moment when i felt sad for prem, i felt an infinite sadness for heer. 'cause when prem quietly said sorry (man, that was such brilliant prem-voice delivery!) and turned away telling her that he is wrecked by his promises and his memories, there is such a look of pain and ... love, yes, yes, yes, love on heer's face, that it totally wrenched at the heart that i no longer have with me.
if i had to pick one thing was the most soul-wrenching in today's episode, it was that look. that heer look at ''her'' prem, knowing that she was the one who had hurt him this much, had beat down his defences, had wearied him down till his voice sounded the way it did at that moment -- deeply wounded and weary to the core of his soul. that look on heer's face was shattering. 😭
i sooo badly want heer to be happy in this show. she has always been so sad... 😭
* prem-heer thing: today, when prem yanked heer towards him, in blazing anger, to tell her something about him, to make sure she heard what he was saying, and stood fused together --
knee-to-knee, thigh-to-thigh, groin-to-groin, belly-to-belly, arm-to-back, shoulder-to-chest,
i marvelled.
'cause it brought back memories of the first time that prem had moulded heer to him in such a way. the day that dirtchachi threw heer out of jzoo and prem caught heer to him, never to let go.
and i marvelled, 'cause in that hold in that time of misery and pain, i had seen how the fates had really created prem-heer-as-one to be one forever. and in today's hold, i saw the same again! such a different situation, and yet? the result was the same. i got to see that prem-heer-are-one again. in yet another time of crisis and misery and pain, prem-heer still... er... mould the same way! 😆
and i think that is what the look on heer's face was about -- that once that day so long ago had happened, and prem-heer-are-one had been said, there is really nothing on this earth that can be done to break it. not even by heer!!!
and i started laughing then.
'cause i'd been fretting and fretting at the way this story had been going, y'know? wondering what they had been trying -- these kooky story tellers of the most wonderful prem-and-heer. what could they be trying next as strange twists to break prem-heer-are-one -- after a hateful relative, a storm 😆, a faked memory episode, death, a rat, an insecure mother and a lying doctor, an evil sister and sister-in-law, a cadaver-of-a-possessive-mother? what more could be brought on to break prem-heer-are-one?
never quite thought that they would use heer herself! and i laughed 'cause... of all people in space-time-continuum, heer should know better! 😆
prem-heer-are-one, heer. you can't do a thing about it. stop worrying about ... well, whatever you are worried about. nothing can touch you and prem -- unless it has your permission.
stop giving it your permission, heer. stop running from prem. stop fighting the evil on your own. it didn't work before -- why should it work now? go, reforge prem-heer-are-one and try the fight again, but together. please, heer, please. 😭
and prem? instead of lecturing her, ever tried
that confrontation you two did as prem-and-heer blew me out of the water. er.. of course, you guys do it all the time. but i must tell you: i'm ordinarily not that easy to blow out of the water!
and after all that, you guys get me to w&w. kudos. and ... thank you from the bottom of my heart.
highlight of the episode: hmm. i could just say the whole part from when heer is at the bungalow alone, and till heer is left at the bungalow alone. spotlight on the highlights would be: the misery and tiredness in heer's face as she was standing against the doors in the beginning, the tiredness in prem's voice as he pleaded with heer ''bas heer, ab mein thak gaya hoon, bas.'', the strength in heer's voice when she threw back ''har mode, har raha, har pal, har waqt, har second'' back at prem, the way prem's arm moulded heer to him -- after, oh so very long! but like he had never left.. ☺️😍, and that last look of misery on heer's face for having hurt prem, as he left her standing there.
** flees on gi-it: an idea that teacher triv used to explain hip-hop prem. so suits gi-it, i think. 😆
** nakchadi: always wondered what it means. now i'm putting a meaning to it -- nakchadi stands for little fire-breathing dragon. 😆 so there. 😆
* prem thing: oooh. he was totally jerking heer around on the ''my wife was constantly angry'' thing. bad prem. that was not nice.
'cause while they were together, there was nothing - nothing! - that heer didn't do for prem. and then, to describe a fire-breathing dragon as his wife who was perpetually angry -- apparently without any cause -- was not nice at all. 'specially that he was saying it to gi-it, her ''best friend'', who heer thinks is being led by prem into a false notion of romance. 🤔poor heer. and she couldn't say a word back to him either. poor heer.
he was right when he said at the end that he had said too much. it was way too much. 🤔
* little thing: when prem talked about his wife today, he said he loved his wife, and she loved him back.
all in the past tense. 🤔 why prem? don't you love your wife anymore? 🤔 why are you telling such a falsehood to happy, bouncy gi-it?
* little thing: 'kay, that guy in the restaurant with the ''mr. and mrs. prem juneja'' was outright weird! 'specially when he started acting all familiar with prem and calling him ''yaar!'' 🤣make up your mind, dude. either you knew him well. or you didn't...
* little thing: oh, so gi-it had noticed all the looks that prem-heer had been throwing at each other!
and ... er ... she is okay with that enough to giggle 'bout it??! 🤔 er... seriously, does this girl (and her resident flees** 🤣) get fed laughing gas for breakfast every morning???!
and that whole ''maybe you two should just get married to each other instead'' 😲 i mean, who says that casually to a guy she confessed her love to just the other day??! either this gi-it is totally perpetually floating on nitrous oxide. or she totally knows that prem-and-heer-juneja are married to each other!
* little thing: 😆 'kay, i dunno why. but that whole train-leaving-the-table sequence made me giggle.
* prem thing: he tosses money for the unfinished meal and says ''keep the change!'' to the waiter. er.. guy? if you are not there, what choice does he have? 😆
* prem thing: 😍 prem... hop-skip-and-jumped outta there calling out ''heer!'' in that lovely way he always says it. 😍
good thing, gi-it had already left. after that, she would've been sending out wedding invitations with the names ''prem and heer juneja's wedding'' for sure! 😆
* little thing: isn't it strange? gi-it said that she would go to heer's home and apologise -- but never did in the end?
did prem dissuade her? did he tell her that he would go instead, 'cause he was the mean-to-heer person? or... may gi-it actually did land up at heer's place after all?? 😲
* prem-heer thing: made me smile to hear gi-it say that she can never understand what prem says. and it struck me: she has said that a lot. whereas heer never had a problem understanding prem in whatever, or however, he ''said'' anything! whether it was through the look in his eyes.😆 or the words in his voice. heer has always understood him. 😍
little gi-it sooooo doesn't stand a chance... i hope she has a lot of nitrous oxide around if she is serious about being in love with prem. (which i have serious doubts about more and more...)
* little thing: oooh, maya actually loves her son enough to get him ready for school?? funny, i had somehow imagined that it would be kuldi and meher who would prepare the kids for school... all of 'em!
* little thing: i really want to know how maya meher are so close!
'cause i remember how evil maya was in the way she systematically and purposefully worked on gaali-maa to get heer kicked out of jzoo; get heer kicked out of prem's life. while meher used to be incidental to maya in her drive to separate prem-heer, she used to be totally contemptuous of her for sure.
what happened to make them so totally trusting in each other? i really want to know...
* little thing: hmm. but one thing hasn't changed -- maya still thinks that everything in the world happens for money. she can't for a moment imagine that gaali-maa is just working harder on killing heer -- if not her physically, then her soul -- by killing all her chances at happiness.
what a pity. 'cause maya -- being a lawyer's daughter, a lawyer's wife, with such a sarcastic mind -- would have been a good addition to the good guys side. 🤔
* little thing: and i must say one thing for maya -- whenever she does evil, she is not ''the emotional, bile-inducing evil'' that gaali-maa is. she is more ''the i-wanna-do-evil to have fun even if other people's lives get destroyed evil''. 😆 which is certainly more easy to bear than the cadaver walking around posing as prem's mother... 🤢
* little thing: well! a new actor playing harman??! and it is not am improvement! i always thought that the previous actor (mc) had a great comic potential in how he played harman. this guy looks like he couldn't move a facial muscle to save his life!
melissa! a guy who is far and explicitly worse than anything on this show before! don't you want to start an andolan to get mc back??! 🤣
* little thing: but he had a point -- can anyone generally walk into the parents room and rifle through their things looking for papers?? 😆
* little thing: seriously, that bungalow of heer's has got the most varying outside i've ever seen for any property. is that the same place that heer drove up in the taxi the other night? when it was raining and prem was sitting there all wet and hopelessly hoping and despairing for her? 😆
* heer thing: omg. omg. omg. finally. we get to see a little bit of the true heart of heer as she leans against that door in desparation! finally!
what a brilliant, interesting revealation.
just to escape my past, i left amabala, ludhiana i came to delhi with nothing to start a new life, leaving -- everything familiar and dear behind. but my past keeps coming back to me, with the same familiar people, same familiar feelings. not just familiar people, prem comes to me. using which ever moment, which ever relationship, whatever excuse he can get, he keeps coming back to me. how i can keep stopping him from coming to me? what more can i do? what more can i say to keep him away from me??
and the desperation on her face.
(all pics sourced from: premeer-at#2,
http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=1194342&TPN=61
thank you mod-am, my khushi, i so badly i-don't-know-what you! 🤣)
that was a mind-blowing delivery by heer. for this is the first time after prem has come back to india, we get her say explicitly that her only aim in life is to keep prem from coming to her. not that she hates him. not that he is a sexaddict. but that she has to keep him away from her! not from phukda. she has to keep prem away from her!
oh, please, please, please! please tell us why heer so desparately needs to keep prem away from herself? please. that was such deep sorrow and desparation on heer's face. like she is fighting with every inch of her being to keep her own misery and pain aside, so that she will not weaken from her goal. please tell us why she has to do this?? please tell us!!!
* prem thing: and prem was almost as desparate to get to her as she was to keep him away from her! oh, the look on his face as he came knocking at her door.
* which i didn't get at all, btw - why would he think she'd care about that?? 😕*
* heer thing: where? where does heer get the energy - physical, mental, both!- to fight to keep prem away from her like this?
from the moment that she opens the door, she is breathing fire at him. as if she knows that if she doesn't get on the offense, she has no more strength to not just drop into his arms and give in to his in-her-face love. watching her, i got exhausted. just as exhausted as prem sounded. and...
just as exhausted as heer herself is in this fight! when she asks him ''what will you explain??!'' spiel, it hit me with the strength of a force 10 hurricane that her voice was all smoke and no fire! it was all bark and no bite. she was forcing out her hatred, but with no real heart. and yet? yet, heer just keeps going. oh, please tell us why heer so desparately needs to keep prem away??! 'cause anyone who believes it's just the sexwithashlesha thing is ... a monkey's uncle/aunt (whichever gender suits... 😆)
* prem thing: 'cause in stark contrast, prem's voice is rich with fire, bite and heart as he tells her to stop. for a wild moment, i thought he had got it too -- that it was all just noise. for a heart-stopping moment -- when he said ''just 'cause i made one mistake, it doesn't mean that everything that goes wrong in your life is 'cause of my mistakes.'' -- i thought he had figured it out. that there is no way heer would hold that mistake against him for so long.
but then, he starts answering her lists of grievances one by one, and i felt deflated -- he hasn't still got it. he still sees the surface anger, and is trying to speak to that. and i started breathing again.
only to stop again when he started on his ''har baath pey inzaam.. '' but *sigh* no, didn't sound like he had figured something was wrong even then.
but i must say, i loved prem telling heer that it was his love which kept coming back to her with only one desire -- forgiveness -- despite all the bitterness of her accusations.
prem the hopelessly hopeful! 😃 just like me! 😃
* remembering the past thing: y'know what i thought today that resonated with the past? that prem today is like heer from muckmeet's time. then heer was constantly trying to run away from prem 'cause she didn't know the truth about muckmeet, or the truth about pbauji having returned from canada just for her and her father. but prem knew the truth about muckmeet and kept chasing her to save her.
right now? it feels like heer knows some truth that prem can't see. so while the actions then and now are the same for these two -- heer running away, and prem running after her -- it feels like this time, it is heer who knows something that prem doesn't? no? *sigh* sorry. but these two just turn me inside out with the intensity of their feelings for each other -- and i feel helpless and silly as i stumble along in their flow.
* remembering old background score thing: btw, did anyone else think that the bg score they used in that last segment is something we used to hear a lot in the old prem-heer days when they first met? it felt like something i hadn't heard for a loooong time....
* remembering prem-voice thing: y'know what i remembered when he said ''ab mein thak gaya hoon heer. bas!''?
remember when he rescued her from the lake after the ajmer storm? and he put her on that wooden piece thingie? and he kept asking her to wake up? there was a place where he said ''i can fight the storm and everything, just talk to me heer. why are you not talking to me? now i've become tired, heer, please talk to me.''
the sheer sound of weariness in his voice when he said ''mein thak gaya hoon heer'' was exactly like he said it after the rescue. oh, how i love that voice. 😍
* heer thing: ooooh. ooh, ooh, ooh! totally, totally, totally loved how heer threw back his ''har mode pay, har waqt, har pal, har second'' at him! ag, dude -- that was a brilliant delivery. y'know? i actually compared and contrasted the way these two said it, and actually thought that in clarity and pacing, this time ag scored. 😲 seriously! 😆
* prem-voice thing: actually, this is probably an estee thing -- why, oh why do i love prem saying ''heer'' so much? in anger, in pain, in laughter, in love -- i love it when prem says ''heer''. it burns into my brain when he says it -- and oh, he says it all the time! and i love it every single time. and ...
*sigh* i hate prem. i do. *sighing as wearily as prem when he said ''ab mein thak gaya hoon, heer''... *
* heer thing: no matter how weary prem sounds standing in front her, loving her in every single moment that he is standing there facing her terrible anger, telling how it hurts him when she slaps him away the way she does, heer still has the infinite resource to ask him why he keeps coming back to her! but only so much energy to ask him -- sounding as empty of any real heat as every single thing she said in ''anger'' at him today.
and man, did she have to pay a hard price for having pushed him when he stood in front of her, asking her to not push him anymore.
y'know, seriously? i was taken aback when prem actually told heer that he keeps coming back for her. so that she won't have to spend the rest of her life wondering if that was him knocking at her door.
'cause i think that that is what heer has been doing all these hard six years from the time that she turned away from him at ambala station. 😔 that she has been wondering when she will turn and see him there. that she has been wondering when he will come back to her. 😔
and i wanted to get angry at prem that he said it now. 'cause i remembered that he was the one who relocated to can-atta. did he do that 'cause that way, heer back in india could be sure that it was not him knocking at the door? is that what they're gonna tell us? that prem kept waiting for heer to come back to him, sitting in can-atta from where he had apparently decided never to return to india ever, just so that heer could have the luxury of knowing that she could live her life without having to wonder about him??
but i didn't get angry at prem -- 'cause i don't think he would've said it unless he was pushed to the madly stretched emotional state that heer put him into just then. poor prem.
and yet, in that moment when i felt sad for prem, i felt an infinite sadness for heer. 'cause when prem quietly said sorry (man, that was such brilliant prem-voice delivery!) and turned away telling her that he is wrecked by his promises and his memories, there is such a look of pain and ... love, yes, yes, yes, love on heer's face, that it totally wrenched at the heart that i no longer have with me.
if i had to pick one thing was the most soul-wrenching in today's episode, it was that look. that heer look at ''her'' prem, knowing that she was the one who had hurt him this much, had beat down his defences, had wearied him down till his voice sounded the way it did at that moment -- deeply wounded and weary to the core of his soul. that look on heer's face was shattering. 😭
i sooo badly want heer to be happy in this show. she has always been so sad... 😭
* prem-heer thing: today, when prem yanked heer towards him, in blazing anger, to tell her something about him, to make sure she heard what he was saying, and stood fused together --
knee-to-knee, thigh-to-thigh, groin-to-groin, belly-to-belly, arm-to-back, shoulder-to-chest,
chin-to-chin, nose-to-nose, eye-to-eye
practically breathing fire into her mouth, his breath moving the hair around her face
'cause it brought back memories of the first time that prem had moulded heer to him in such a way. the day that dirtchachi threw heer out of jzoo and prem caught heer to him, never to let go.
and i marvelled, 'cause in that hold in that time of misery and pain, i had seen how the fates had really created prem-heer-as-one to be one forever. and in today's hold, i saw the same again! such a different situation, and yet? the result was the same. i got to see that prem-heer-are-one again. in yet another time of crisis and misery and pain, prem-heer still... er... mould the same way! 😆
and i think that is what the look on heer's face was about -- that once that day so long ago had happened, and prem-heer-are-one had been said, there is really nothing on this earth that can be done to break it. not even by heer!!!
and i started laughing then.
'cause i'd been fretting and fretting at the way this story had been going, y'know? wondering what they had been trying -- these kooky story tellers of the most wonderful prem-and-heer. what could they be trying next as strange twists to break prem-heer-are-one -- after a hateful relative, a storm 😆, a faked memory episode, death, a rat, an insecure mother and a lying doctor, an evil sister and sister-in-law, a cadaver-of-a-possessive-mother? what more could be brought on to break prem-heer-are-one?
never quite thought that they would use heer herself! and i laughed 'cause... of all people in space-time-continuum, heer should know better! 😆
prem-heer-are-one, heer. you can't do a thing about it. stop worrying about ... well, whatever you are worried about. nothing can touch you and prem -- unless it has your permission.
stop giving it your permission, heer. stop running from prem. stop fighting the evil on your own. it didn't work before -- why should it work now? go, reforge prem-heer-are-one and try the fight again, but together. please, heer, please. 😭
and prem? instead of lecturing her, ever tried
- not letting her go when she asks you to? 'cause she claims you are hurting her anyway -- better to hurt her while holding her! *slapping forehead at such a blatant departure from gandhian principles!*
- er... kiphphing her till the fire of anger dies out of her eyes, and melts into fire .. of another sort? eh? *winking up a storm at prem! 🤣*
that confrontation you two did as prem-and-heer blew me out of the water. er.. of course, you guys do it all the time. but i must tell you: i'm ordinarily not that easy to blow out of the water!
and after all that, you guys get me to w&w. kudos. and ... thank you from the bottom of my heart.
highlight of the episode: hmm. i could just say the whole part from when heer is at the bungalow alone, and till heer is left at the bungalow alone. spotlight on the highlights would be: the misery and tiredness in heer's face as she was standing against the doors in the beginning, the tiredness in prem's voice as he pleaded with heer ''bas heer, ab mein thak gaya hoon, bas.'', the strength in heer's voice when she threw back ''har mode, har raha, har pal, har waqt, har second'' back at prem, the way prem's arm moulded heer to him -- after, oh so very long! but like he had never left.. ☺️😍, and that last look of misery on heer's face for having hurt prem, as he left her standing there.
** flees on gi-it: an idea that teacher triv used to explain hip-hop prem. so suits gi-it, i think. 😆
** nakchadi: always wondered what it means. now i'm putting a meaning to it -- nakchadi stands for little fire-breathing dragon. 😆 so there. 😆
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