Left for Dead by My Own
Harman sighed as he walked through the hallway, heading towards his room. His shirt was half tucked in his dress pants and half hanging out; his sleeves were folded till his elbows while his feet were bare. He was coming from the kitchen after putting his plates away from the dinner he had eaten alone. He walked through the house with bare feet for a reason, he knew the others often glanced at him with expressions as if to say he was stupid, but they did not know that he did this because it reminded him of his childhood. The days when all siblings would run through the house playing hide and seek bare foot so no sound could be made as they went to hide.
It was obvious to him that they had forgotten those times, but he hadn't. How could he, when those were the memories he remembered his family with now, years later when he was a fully grown man? As he walked down the bare hallway, laughter fell on his ears and curiously, he turned to the sound and followed it to the Movie Room. The door was open, so he peaked in and saw the whole family sitting there watching a movie, even Bauji was there for once. He wondered why no one had come to get him, and then decided it was probably because he was eating. He ignored that gut feeling that laughed at his thought; he knew that even if he was eating, they could've asked him just the same. It wasn't as if he couldn't eat in here while watching the movie.
"Where's Harman?" Prem asked, looking around almost as if he was confused that his younger brother wasn't with them. Almost that is.
It was Preet who replied, "Ah who knows PB. Forget that, look, he's gonna jump in the pool" pointing at the screen, not realizing that his simple words had caused Harman's heart to clench painfully in his chest.
Prem laughed and turned his attention back to the screen, his arm wrapped around Heer who had Chahat in her lap.
Harman frowned to himself and turned to leave, wiping the single tear that had escaped his eye. Beating himself over getting so emotional over a single thing, he continued to walk towards his room. He entered the room and glanced around, it was a simple room, with a king sized bed, a desk on one corner of the room. The closet was filled with his clothes, a safe held some important documents. No one could tell that he was married, this room held no sign of two people living in it, because only he lived there. Maya had wanted her own room, saying that it was a must because of her work. But he knew the truth, she didn't want to be near him, their "love" [he scoffed at the word] had perished before blooming.
He sat on the bed, caressing the white linen sheets that covered the mattress unconsciously as thoughts raced in his mind. He could not help but feel unwanted. Was it because he couldn't show his emotions as freely as the rest? It wasn't his fault though. He had grown up being told that he was to take over the family business alongside his brothers and he needs to be suited for it. And so, he stopped being a child, turning to books, the news, for information for when his time would come. It never did. His interest then went to being a lawyer, he decided he would show that he was capable of being something, and began to throw himself in studies unconditionally.
Or maybe it was because he could never match up to the intelligence of Prem. How could he, when his brother was older, had more experience with life, with people, and had taken over the business and raised it to the sky with little to none help. He could never match up to his brother, he knew that. Everyone showed that to him though his life, being compared to his brother stung, but he got over it, and decided he would make his family proud of him, for what he did.
He also couldn't be like his younger brother, Preet, who was filled with such bright ideas, mischief and could make anyone crack a smile at his jokes. Preet showed his own intelligence by getting in the business when they had thought of Prem as "dead". Harman could only lend a hand, but everyone saw that it was really Preet who managed the whole thing on his own. It wasn't Harman's fault, was it? That he couldn't do much about the business due to his own work and problems. He decided it was a lesson of life, and moved on.
His own wife treated him like crap, she was the one who worked, and he stayed home and did nothing. She laughed at his hopes that she would become like an Indian wife, and patted his cheek and left him standing there, her face stretched in a haughty smirk. She didn't want kids, he dreamt of always having a child of his own to pick him, to baby and to protect. He would often watch his siblings with their own kids, laughing and babying them. How he wished he had his own little bundle of joy to hold in his arms, to teach them to walk. His biggest hope was to hear someone call him "Papa" even just once, he could die happily then. But no, it wasn't possible. Maya didn't want to ruin her career when it was in its beginning stage, and of course, how could he even think she would risk losing her figure?
Another sigh left him as he opened the drawer and pulled out a picture. It was of the family before they had gone to India, Prem and Preet stood with their arms wrapped around Ma, Bauji standing next to Prem with his arm around Veera and he stood at the side, his arms closed and his face expressionless. No one had tugged him into a hug when the picture had been taken, he recalled bitterly.
He wanted to end the pain; he wanted to be noticed for once. Not as a second thought. His eyes glanced up at the desk; they were emotionless, and dead.
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Maya walked down the hallway, her heels clicking as she made a turn and stopped in front of Harman's room. She knocked and called out his name, when no answer came, she pushed the door open, her brows furrowed with anger as she got ready to yell at him. She stopped though as she took in the image of the room, it was the same as always when she came in. But this time, something new lay on the floor. Her husband's body.
Her eyes widened with fear, she walked quickly to him and kneeled down, hoping that he had fallen asleep on the floor for some reason. Checking his wrist, she turned pale at the absence of a beating pulse. A scream left her lips causing the other members of the family to look up worriedly and run towards her direction from their own rooms.
They found her with Harman's prone body in her lap, her hands shaking his shoulders as she cried out for him to wake up. Tears ran down her cheeks, ruining her makeup, but she didn't notice as she closed her eyes and placed her head on his chest, her lithe body shaking with painful sobs.
A piece of paper lay next to his body and the words that Prem read out loud rang through the room. The family listened with shocked ears and weeping eyes.
I am writing this letter as I glance at the knife that lies on the table next to my hand. It is calling out to me. Wanting me to take it and take it across my wrist, slicing the veins that take their place in my arm. For the ones who find my body, know this, it's not your fault. I was already dead long before this, today I'm just making it so that my body is also gone from this world. I won't be here to trouble you all anymore, so be happy for that. I loved you all...but not anymore.
No, I can't love the people I don't know any longer. The parents, who brought me in this world, don't acknowledge that their son is now an adult and lives right here with them. My siblings, they have one another so what do they need me for now.
My wife...I loved you Maya, I really did. But you could never see that. And our relationship wasn't one for you; it was just a nuisance you had to endure. You won't have to any longer. You are now free to focus fully on your career and find someone who is man enough for you. I shall pray that you find him soon.
- Harman Juneja
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Hey guys. Ah this shot was my try at writing Harman for the first time. I made him angsty. Because quite frankly i do think that its as if he's invincible, even to his own family. Hm, we always see the bond of Prem-Preet, but never once have we seen one or both of them with Harman. In my opinion this sucked. I lost it in the middle and ended up with this. *sighs* Oh well, thought i'd just post it anyway.
So Comments/Chappals/Like Button anyone? 😆
- Rinki
