New FF: Sau Dard Ch17 pg67 Apr 19 - Page 6

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jnawaz thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#51

Originally posted by: sourpuss

Heya Di! what up fellow updater!! 😃😃

This is the first ff I've read (beta-ing Radz's ones don't count!) and it's absolutely amazing! I loved the first part, I loved the second part, and I have a feeling I'm gonna love the rest of the story too! wow...first ff you have read...im honored to be your first choice...😳😳...i do hope you enjoy the rest of the story...wow...lost of pressure now...gotta make sure your first ff is a good one all the way through 😕😕
Your writing is absolutely amazing. Your descriptions of his emotions and your mastery of the language brings out so much pain that my heart aches for the poor guy! Not to mention your comedic scenes are just as powerful in their humour! thanks so much love...im glad you enjoyed my work...your kind words totally make it worth it 😳😳...glad you liked the drama and the comedy...hope you will like the romance...when...or should i say IF that comes 😈
Can't wait for the next part! 👍🏼👍🏼 next part up soon 😃
Love,
Bhav (:



Originally posted by: sweetshab

that was awesome jazz!!!

superb sweetie..
waiting to read further...
continue soon..


thanks...yaar...next part will be up soon 😃😃😃

Originally posted by: A...

Hi Jaz..i have'nt read yur this ff properly..but i know one thing that yu r one of the most talented writer of IF.keep writing and entertaining

people on the forum.
god bless yu always.


thanks for commenting...i do hope you get a chance to read it all the way through 😳😳

Originally posted by: -Rani-

Jaz Jaz Jaz(going Ravs way I guess)LOL..another FF?? 😛 nice very nice!!I liked the story..how BIJI is everything for Prem-Nihaal,and that little thing that happened during the function..all too good..liked how u've incorporated both past-present..now waiting to know what happened? 😃


well...i had this idea...i had to get it down before it was permanently lost in my mind somewhere...and i thought...why not post it as well 😳😳😳...next part will be up soon...hope to see you then...thanks for reading

JAZ

indiandoll89 thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#52
jnawaz thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#53
i just had to do this one by itself...its the longest one...and im so excited...im literally jumping up and down 😆😆😆

Originally posted by: IndianPari



Phew! I'm sorry! PLEASE don't kill me!!!! aare nahin re...if i kill you...i lose one of my best commenters....yeh toh main nahin kaar sakti 😳😳

Thank you for the PM and thank you for waiting on me to comment before posting part 3 - you know how I get behind on these things...anyway, I'm honored... no worries...i know what it feels like to fall behind and then have to go and comment on like 5 parts all at once...😕😕😕...*phew*...really takes it out of you 😆😆

And now, since I've spoiled you to no end (but only b/c u deserve it - you've spoiled me too, you know - with your brilliant FFs...yes, flattery - is it working? hehe), here's your LAAAAAMMBI comment on parts 1 and 2....
as i tell my best friend...you only spoil those you love...so i too...and honored 🤗

Intro:

Nihaal and Prem are brothers. I love it already. As much as I'm going to miss Preet...no - wait...Preet has never been around in your FFs...never mind - guess I won't miss him after all.
I love the idea of Biji being the mother figure in their lives. There's something about the idea of a motherly bond that doesn't stem from any kind of biological relationship that just pulls at my heartstrings every time. I think thats why I love Gayatri and Prem and the bond they share so much. yeah...i couldnt use Preet...although i would have if i could...i needed Prem to be the youngest one...and i just cant see preet as the older bro...so it was either Nihaal or Kiran...and Kiran is a chicks name...it would ruin the mood of the ff 😆😆😆...no offense of course 😉😉...yeah....i get that whole...motherly bond thing from KS...jai was big on his massi...it was touching...so i applied that little tidbit here 😃😃😃

As for the Maan sisters, why I do I get the feeling that Kulraj will be Heer's voice of reason? (maybe?) ...Anyway, I look forward to seeing these characters unfold as the story progresses. Can never tell with you - your characters always come out of left field somewhere...but thats what I love about 'em. 😆😆...i do tend to do some wacky things naa...😉😉...yaar...all i can say...is...you aint seen nothing yet! 😛

Part 1:

The song...you know I love the songs you use every time. This particular one, is, again, a fav of mine. Though, I was sad you started on SUCH a sad note...I know, what can I expect, with such a title, but really - couldn't you have eased us into it? Anyway, It did help prepare me for what I was about to read next....God Jaz, you really do know how to draw the audience in from the get-go, don't u? its one of my fav songs too...once i got that cd...it was all i listened to for weeks...my mom got fed up at one point...she is like what the h*ll is wrong with you...are you depressed, break up with bf...what!? im like mom chill...i just like the song 😆😆😆...as for drawing the audience...you know the phrase..."Hook, line and sinker" 😉😉😉

Isn't it sad that the people that seem to have everything you could ever dream of, wish for, or ever want, end up being the lonliest, unhappiest people out there? yup...thats why i keep telling my mom that money isnt everything...however, she refuses to see reason

How come you always depict Prem as sitting in a dark room downing booze, wallowing in self-pity? I mean - really - think about it...you have always depicted him as such...thats just sad, Jaz. I mean, I know things always get better, and they will, but, my heart just goes out to the guy... hey...he isnt ALWAYS wallowing in pitty...😉😉😉...its only sometimes...ok...ok...ok...most of the time...but hey...that whole serious, brooding, mysteriously-in-agony thing totally works for him...dont you think 😉😉😉....

I think Lalit Juneja's being a drunk is an nice touch...(am I allowed to say that?) But thats sad for the boys...its no fun and games when you grow up in a household with a parent whose life is dictated by an adiction to alcohol. I have always loved the element of true-to-life situations in your fics. of course you are allowed to say you like Lallu being a drunk...i put him under the bus...my little form of revenge for all the crap he has pulled on the show 😆😆😆...what can i say...i dont really believe in "forgive and forget" 😈...thanks yaar...life is full of drama...i see it all the time...so i bring some of what i see and hear into my writing 😳😳

It sux that I've already read part 2 as I go back to comment on part 1. So Premeer married 1 year after they met, commemorating the day they met? Thats sweet. And now he's alone on his 6th anniv...*tear*...I wanna know where his life took off to...are they divorced? Is she dead? (no...that can't be - if she's dead, how will u carry the story forward? unless...you tell the entire story in flashback from the moment they met, until now - with Prem wallowing in self-pity)....huh...guess I'll have to wait and watch.... my dear, darling payu...you are getting over excited here...trying to figure out what is happening...thus far, have u guessed any of my story lines correctly...ill be you have...but this one...ill try to keep you on your toes...lets see what i can manage 😛😛😛

Part 2:

Was A RIOT! I loved it. I don't think I've ever read anything so comical from you before, Jaz. It was quite a treat. i actually enjoy comedy...i do a lot of comedy for my ff on KS forum...made jai's brother into the male version of a dumb blond bimbo 😉😉...but thanks yaar

Love the way you wrote the last sentence of the 1st para..."He couldn't forget the first meeting...to breathe...his love...just like he couldn't forget the painful ache in his heart..." - Very well written...you really force the reader to live the emotion with him... i myself was pretty please with this line...i was shocked it came from me...😲😲...but i do like it 😳😳

Love that Prem drinks Caramel Fraps....I too drink almost on a daily basis...but OUCH - to have it come out of your nose - I can't imagine...hahaha hmm...you too payu...another starbucks person...haila...am i the only one in the world who hates it....not starbucks per say but coffee in general...eeks...🤢🤢...not my thing at all 😆😆😆...

I take it Prem hasn't been to many weddings, huh? Poor thing - thought he was going home for a good time at his brother's sangeet and instead he has to spend his time outside with the guys...or so he thinks. Prem is the typical business minded person...little to no social life...he is more into the business and advancing it...he never wants to end up poor again...of course he has his reasons...😭😭...i feel bad for the way i killed gayatri...o wells...too late now 😉😉...i love being a girl for the weddings....we have ALL the fun!! 🥳

Love how Prem got to be the bakra in the situation - just 'cause he was last to arrive, and the guys decided it to be that way and he had no say in the matter.

I'm already loving Nihaal and Prem's relationship. There seems to be a deep bond between the brothers, a level of respect - personally and professionally, and also a great friendship, all rolled into one. I love how you were able to depict that all with just this one scene...kudos to your writing skill.

Prem in a burkah is something I would pay to see. Seriously.

Loved Premeer banter back and forth about being jiju and not being jiju...really - have you ever written something so lighthearted and comical before? I can't remember....maybe in Ek Pal...but still, this was a very nice change from the norm from you...pleasant surprise. I loved it. in Ek Paal i had a few scenes with Nancy in there...cutting the tension and stuff...like the lipgloss scene between her and Meher at the wedding...most of my comedy is gone on the KS ff...😳😳

I couldn't help but laugh at the idea of Prem losing his balance and landing up on the floor - I could just imagine him looking up at Heer with a completely confused "what the heck?!?!" look on his face.

I also loved the whole conversation in his head as he tried to figure out how and why he seemed to be attracted to a man. The last line was the best - "...had he just been floored by a Manly Woman or a Girly Man?" ...really, couldn't help but ROFL...I must say, you pull off comedy pretty darn well, madam J...

that whole scene from burkha to falling for the manly girl...i had a BLAST writing it...i kept cracking up myself...😆😆...we do things like that to my cousin all the time...he is always last to come to everything...so we will be like...ok...you were last so its your turn to get the chai for all of use 😆😆...hes been going on with it for years...😆😆...maybe we should let him in on the secret...😉😉...eh...maybe not just yet...even his wife is in on it 😛😛😛...as for NP...i wanted them to be like PP...no matter whats going on or how serious one brother is...when they come together...they are family and thats all that matters...👏👏👏...family is really important to me...as are my friends...id do anything for them...i try to depict some of that that in my writing 😳😳

The idea of only a once in a while smile on that charming, handsome face is just sad, Jaz. I hope it will go back to being a regular thing soon? ...Though, I know you like to take your time and fully develop the story and the characters, and thats what I love so much about your fics, so I am prepared to sit and wait it out. thank you love...for being patient with me..but i promise...ill make it worth the wait...at least i hope so

I hate that Prem has lost his faith in God over all of this. That makes me think even more that Heer is dead or lying in coma somewhere...but she can't be...right? I can't wait to see how Prem regains his faith in God as he regains his life and his love. (that will happen, right? - I mean 'eventually everything will fall into place' means that Heer's not dead or dying, right?) you are right...EVENTUALLY..things will fall into place...they just have to...im a die hard Premeer fan all the way *woot woot* ...there is no other way to go 😉😉😉...just stay tuned 😛

Thoughts:

What can I say Jaz? You've done it again. I'm committed to this one, fully - just as I have been to the others in the past. aww...thanks hun 🤗

Do you want to hear more about your writing style or have I already complimented you enough on that? Really though, kudos to you- the 1st 2 parts were very well written. I literally was able to feel Prem's pain, and the way you've discribed his current plight (you know I'm a sucker for description and detail) is just beautiful. I love your narrative style - though you know that. im more interested on your thoughts on the update...what you felt, what you liked, what you didnt like...stuff like that...the feed back helps for future stories and updates 😳...you are always too kind when it comes to my writing...but i think that a personal bias 😉😉

And this time, you've really floored me with the comedy - it was hillarious. You mastered the scene completely - I could see it play out in my head perfectly. You really are unparalleled when it comes to this FF writing business. a few other comedy scenes are dancing around in my head...ill see what i can do with them 😃

And yes, if you must know, I am VERY frustrated with HS because Preet is too nice of a guy and I really don't want to see him getting hurt. Why'd you have to make him so nice? Really - just thinking about it makes me want to cry for him. And I could KILL Prem for blackmailing Heer with Preet's property/house plans for them like that...but I guess I should go talk about all of this in that thread, huh? I bet you'd like me to go leave comments there too, since I'm behind? yea...I know - I'll get around to it at some point. 🤣...im so dying to see your comment for HS...i can only imagine what you want to say about Prem...other than killing him 😆😆😆...as for Preet...he is true to character....and wait til you see what i have planned...before you know it...ill have to hide from you all...because you will be after me with a danda...because when you find out why Prem is the way he is...it will all make sense...then you wont know who to hate and who to love 😈...its all part of my evil plan...*muah ha ha ha ha* (my evil laugh...😛)

For now, you may post part 3.... part 3 up tomorrow...its 12am and im wiped...i have a presentation for my thesis, a debate, a paper and a test...ALL tomorrow...pray for me...i may just pass out due to the stress...😕😕😕

Thanks Again! no no...thank you!!! *muah* 🤗

Love,
~P
love you too!! ❤️ really enjoyed you comment...ive been missing them on HS...but now you are back...*yay*!!!




JAZ
-Payal- thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#54

Originally posted by: jnawaz

i just had to do this one by itself...its the longest one...and im so excited...im literally jumping up and down 😆😆😆 Sachi? WOW...all that exertion of energy for my comment? Have you lost your mind? 😆



JAZ

jnawaz thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#55
hey guys....here it is...the next installment of Sau Dard...hope you all do enjoy this one...im in a rush so no chapar chapar today 😃😃...but keep in mind that this is a filler part that i needed before i can post the next part....so pls...dont throw jootis at me when you hate this update 😕😕

Note: for those of you waiting for HS...that one will be updated this weekend...so watch out for it 😉


Chapter 3

Present-

Seven years ago Prem Jhuneja had met the love of his life, only he hadn't known it at the time. Nihaal's wedding had followed four days after the mehndi ceremony. For those four days there had been only one thing on Prem's mind, better yet, only one person on his mind. At first Prem had felt weird asking his older brother about the person but in the end he sucked up any reservations and asked Nihaal who that person was. Nihaal informed him that the person was actually Raaji's younger sister. Apparently the girls had put on a song and dance skit for entertainment in which Raaji's sister was the male lead; hence the mustache, beard and pot belly. Prem had to admit that this person looked rather cute, even dressed as a man.

Being Prem Jhuneja, he never had any problem getting girls – they always threw themselves at his feet. If he had wished he could have easily had fling after fling, without any consequences. However, he knew better than that because he was raised better than that. Both his mother and Biji had taught him that women were to be respected, honored and cherished. They were sensual and beautiful beings, not things you played with and tossed out when you were done. If Prem and been the playboy that he could have been, he would have disappointed the two women that meant everything to him; he would never do that. After seeing this mystery woman he somehow felt different – as if he knew that she was different from the rest. He just wanted to see her as she was, sans the manly get up. Prem's wish came true four days after the mehndi.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Past-

Prem was just a tad late to Nihaal's wedding; being Prem Jhuneja had its draw backs. He had been hounded at his office and outside his house with reporters who were interested in knowing when the youngest Jhuneja would be tying the knot since his brother was already on the way to becoming a happily married man. He had gotten to the ceremony just in time for the pheres. He was so busy trying not to miss the ceremony that he didn't pay any heed to anything around him. After the wedding ceremony was done, Prem didn't really know what to do. He decided to just go to the back of the reception hall and hang out with his friends and some of Nihaal's friends. While he was socializing he heard the song 'Meri Banno Ki Aayegi Baraat' (from the film Aaina) come on the speaker, but he didn't pay any attention to it. Prem was just enjoying himself when he over heard a bit of the conversation from the people adjacent to him.

"It's such a nice song to dance too. The song is prefect since it's actually is her sisters wedding," said an elderly lady.

That is when it clicked for Prem; the girl he was dying to see was performing to this song. He raced over to the stage only to reach it too late. The song was over and the girl was gone, lost in a swarm of others who were congratulating her. No matter how hard he tried he just couldn't get a glimpse of her. Finally, after repeated tries, Prem gave up and went back to the party.

Soon the party was in full swing, everyone was on the dance floor having a good time; everyone except for Prem. He just couldn't get over the fact that he had missed seeing this girl due to a delay of a few seconds. Suddenly Prem felt a hand on his left shoulder; he turned to see it was his brother. Nihaal had somehow managed to drag him onto the dance floor. Prem was fuming mad; he literally could have killed his brother right then and there. However, looking back he owed that one careless gesture from his brother, his life. On the dance floor Prem tried his best to dance to the rhythm but he knew he was a lousy dancer – two left feet and all - so turned to leave. In the process he had managed to knock smack into someone causing them to lose their balance and nearly fall. Prem quickly caught that person and helped them get stabilized.

Once both Prem and the stranger were at grips again he looked at her and a realization dawned on him, "My God is she beautiful."

He always had girls chasing after him, however, the girls that threw themselves at him were gorgeous, one more so then the previous one; all of them were super model types. However, none of them were 'beautiful'; they looked hot…smokin' hot, but not one of them was beautiful.

But this girl that was standing in front of him, this girl…she was a classic beauty who had rendered him speechless. She had long black hair, not dyed to change the natural look, like many people were doing now. She had a great body, not bone skinny but curvy in all the right places. She wasn't baring her skin for the world to see in a revealing outfit; instead she was dressed in a modest, yet modern, beautiful green ghagra-choli. She wasn't pasty with loads of makeup on or falling over in jewelry. Her face gave off an air of innocence and culture that he hadn't seen before. Her eyes, oh my God her eyes, you could easily get lost in those eyes. Those chocolaty eyes allowed you to peer right into her soul. Those eyes, they look so familiar, but from where?

"I'm so sorry, I didn't see you," she said.

Hearing her voice was like a special melody playing in his ears. Prem took a few second to respond, he hoped the girl didn't notice his idiocy.

"No, it's not your fault, I ran into you," Prem said.

"Well, thanks for saving me from falling," she said as she giggled.

"Oh yeah…no problem," he said in a slight stutter.

"Umm…do I have something on my face," the girl asked with a crocked eyebrow, "You keep staring at me."

"Oh, no…" Prem said as he tried to divert his eyes away from the girl, "No, it's just that you look really familiar. Have I seen you before?"

"Actually you have seen me before," the girl confessed as she blushed just slightly. "We had met about four days back, but we haven't been introduced officially yet."

"Four days?" Prem said with a confused look on his face, "Impossible, I would remember YOU." Prem realized what he said; he practically sounded like some stupid playboy bachelor – he then tried to fix it, key word 'tried'. He didn't was to seem like he was paying too much attention to her, he wanted to be casual yet special in some way. "I mean because…I never forget a face." He groaned inwardly, he had managed to keep it casual, but he had also managed to group her in with just about everyone else in the Indian population.

"Well," the girl began to say with a glint of mischief in her eyes, "…maybe it will help if you picture me in a fake mustache and full on beard."

"What? A fake what?" Prem asked, trying to wrap his head around what she had said. Then something clicked, "Are you the person that thought I was Nihaal Bhaia?"

"Guilty as charged," the girl said blushingly.

"That means you are…" Prem's eyes widened in shock, could it really be he thought.

"Hi, I'm Heer Maan, Raaji Maan's…oops…I mean Raaji Jhuneja's younger sister. You must be Prem Jhuneja, if I'm not mistaken," she said as she extended a hand to shake.

Prem reached out to her and as soon as their hands met he felt it again; something like an electric shock running trough his whole body and ending at his heart. He had found her and she was much more that he had ever expected. Prem was staring at her in such a daze that he didn't notice when someone had come and taken her away. When he finally came back to reality he was watching her walk away laughing with someone. That laugh – God it was good to hear that laugh in person again, and not just in his head.

Prem was furious with himself for letting her get away; not once but twice in one night. He had to find out more about her, he just had to know more about her. He new the perfect person who could tell him all he wanted to know, his new Bhabi; who better then her own sister. Prem knew that he couldn't just start asking questions like that to his new Bhabi. The way he saw it, he should let a few weeks pass, get to know his new Bhabi and then begin his inquisition on Heer – what a lovely name he thought. Prem had it all planned out; he would just have to wait a few weeks…one month tops. He could do that, after all he was steel clad Prem Jhuneja. However, he already had a feeling that the 'steel clad' persona had begun to melt.

-----------------------------------

Destiny had other plans for Prem Jhuneja. A few days after Nihaal and Raaji's wedding Prem had to leave for the States again. The deal that he had finalized before his return to India had run into some problems that only he or Nihaal could take care of. Nihaal was a newly wed and Prem would never even ask his brother to leave his new bride; the only solution left was for him to go…a decision he made with a heavy heart. Prem didn't want to go, he wanted to stay and find a way to get to Heer. However, he had no choice, he had to leave and he didn't know when he would be returning. His heart would have to be put on hold for now; he just prayed that while he was gone Heer didn't find someone else. He didn't even know if she was with someone at that time, it was completely possible. Just the thought of Heer with another man made him angry; the thought of some other man making her smile and touching her was enough to get his blood boiling. It didn't matter; Prem would give any Romeo in his way a run for Heer. He just prayed that since God had put Heer in his heart that God wouldn't take her away from his life; not so soon……

JAZ
rainydays. thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#56
It tooke me a while but I finally unreserved😃 I feel proud of myself
Aww poor Prem went all over the place looking for Heer. And he even missed the song. I bet he was pretty mad at himself. I bet he was mad at all those people that were surrounding her, not letting him catch a glimpse of her😆
Have you noticed things happen when you least expect them to? The same happened here. He probably didn't think he would bump into a girl who would happen to be beautiful and turn out to be the one he was running around looking for😆
Aww poor guy was waiting to get to knowhis bhabhi before asking to meet Heer but he has to go away?
Can't wait to read the next update to find out what happens next😊
Edited by -Ravjot- - 16 years ago
Anhdara13 thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#57

Jaz! That was such a fast update! And who would find that boring? Seriously, PremHeer's first official meeting, and Prem's already in love. *sigh* I'm so intrigued by what happened between them! I will come back and edit this, I promise!

*edited*
Filler chapter my foot! 😆 That was way too entertaining to be even considered as a filler. I know you are feeding us a bit of the backstory, and that last line is setting us up to Heer's impact in Prem's life. OMG, I just had a random thought over what could lead Prem to drinking like that, and what the anniversary meant in the first part!
So my theory is, he's talking about Heer and Nihaal's wedding! In the time he was away, something happened to Raaji, and Heer was married off to Nihaal! Hence his depression at never getting a chance with the girl who in his first meeting had him falling head over heels! 😕 I just hope I'm wrong. 😆
Anyways, about the part. Absolutely loved the way they met! No misunderstandings, just a straightforward meeting, which had Prem fida over her smile, her eyes, her laugh, her, basically. 😆 And Heer, we don't know what she thought of him, but this really explains what losing her would do to him. If in the first meeting he was this far gone, if he actually managed to tell her, and have her repocicrate his feelings, then lose her would really devastate him! So I'm wondering where we're going with this story. Like, seriously.
Waiting eagerly, update partner! 😆
Love,
Radz
Edited by Anhdara13 - 16 years ago
munam_13 thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#58
wow jaz gr8 story... i have just fallen in love with ur ff... so prem's all possessive abt heer..??? i love that...continue ur story soon... willl be waiting
flowers4u thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#59
hey great update luved it do continue soon waitingggggggggggggg
thank u sooooooooo much
tc
sugii thumbnail
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Posted: 16 years ago
#60

hi jaz.very niceeeeeeeeee and cute updt.wow! prem was crazy abt heer😳shoooo shweet . prem was leaving???nooooo😲.oh plz u can't do this.i guess heer is going with him right?😉.sigh kk i'll wait till nxt updt.plz updt soon.

-😊sugi

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